hmmmmmm
I'M SOOO CONFUSED!!!! ahhhhh I hate how I feel right now. Well, not really, but I don't like it atleast. I don't really know what's going on with me right now. Paul and I kind of seem like we're going out but we aren't. I slept at his dorm last night...nothing "bad" happened. I haven't had sex all summer....I kind of miss it, but not bad enough to actually go out and have sex with whoever. I need the feelings involved. So yah, I don't really like Paul. I do, but I don't. He's too skinny for me I think. It makes me feel uncomfortable or something. But other than that, he doesn't seem too focused. At this point, I need someone who is focused and someone who knows what he wants in life and is on the right track. I guess I just need the security. The thing with Mike is over...I think. I'm not really sure. He's still unhappy with his girlfriend right now, but she's come to visit him tonight so I'm sure he'll be alright for a while after. When he talks about the problems between them, not it's almost as if I'm reliving the problems Loryn and I had. So I can understand what's going on pretty well, and I don't really know what to say because shit, look how Loryn and I turned out. Mike is physically what I'm looking for in a guy. He's not skinny, and he's taller than me....and he's good looking overall lol. But I think that's pretty much over. It's not like I'm going to wait around for him or anything. I don't like him that much...or anyone else come to think about it. Anyway, there's this guy Martin who lives in the dorm across from mine. He's really cool and soo funny. I don't know what's up with that though. I hang out with him at least every day just because he's so close. I've stopped hanging out on East Campus now...not so much anyway. I'll go over there every once and while becasue Pat's over there and so is Paul. Most of the time they come over here though...so I don't know. So yah, Martin started being friendly tonight...put his arm around me while we were watching Cold Play in a concert he has on DVD. I don't know though. I think he may just be a friendly guy. I'm going over to his dorm tomorrow night to watch a movie. We've started this Sunday Night Movie tradition thing going on. It's fun. Oh and get this, the heat in the showers goes randomly on and off. Sometimes it's warm and sometimes it won't warm up at all! It sucks! So today it's been cold. I think it was warm about an hour ago so I'm going to go and get in the shower as soon as I'm finished writing in this. soooo I guess I don't really have much else to say. It's Saturday night and I'm at my dorm. That's a change because I'm usually not even here on a week night. I decided that I just need to chill out and not really hang out with anyone and just think. Maybe I'll do some homework....because Lord knows I need to. sooo off I go to feel clean....shower time woo hoo!!