The Real about Rape
So among the many obnoxious hastags created in Twitterland, the most recent one to make my ass itch is #songsyoudontwanttohearinjail. Har har har. Men get raped in prison. Har har. These songs makes me think of that. Har. I dunno if I'm more offended by the ignorance or the wackness. I mean, even if we don't care about prisoners and/or don't care about rape victims, can we at least agree that the prison rape joke is ridiculously played?? It's about as funny as "white people do this, black people do that" jokes.
It's all so "pause" and "no homo"-esque and makes me want to throw things at people. It reminds me that men's focus on rape tends to be in one or two areas:
1. Fear of a hypothetical other man raping them when/if they hypothetically go to prison/jail.
2. Fear of a hypothetical woman filing hypothetical false rape charges.
It's all mystical and phantom and based on them watching too much Oz and SVU. Meanwhile real people are dealing with real ramifications of real sexual assaults daily. And I'm sure few, if any, men see the irony in them being fixated on shit that likely will never happen to them while ignoring all of the real shit that *is* happening right in front of their noses. I swear you can set your watch to this madness. As soon as someone describes a woman's assault some man will come along derailing the conversation to indulge his fears in fantasyland.
"Here's a story of a woman that was raped."
"Well, what about prison rape! Men get raped, too!"
"Here's a story about a woman that was raped and killed."
"But what about the fact that I could potentially one day maybe possibly be accused of rape by someone?"
"There was a woman that was assaulted..."
"But what about me and my hypothetical assault!"
"The other day a woman..."
"MEN!!"
Unfortunately the Aishah Shahidah Simmons interview seems to have been taken down from Black Agenda Report. Luckily Ro copied and pasted the main part I wanted to copy and paste any way:
TN: You were talking about the prison industrial complex and we know the statistics around Black people and specifically Black men in prison. And when I was at your event at Temple University a few years back, I saw where somebody said, “Okay, but are we going to deal with Black men being raped in prison?”’ And I’m sure that conversation has come up more than once, correct?
AS: Yeah.
TN: So what are your responses to that critique because it’s a pretty prominent critique, right?
AS: It is a prominent critique. I think we do have to deal with prison and rape, I really do think we have to deal with that. But the question is if I’m talking about the rape of Black women, can we talk about the rape of Black women? There’s always this way in which we can never talk about the rape of Black women. Black women’s issues can’t ever be central. We always have to look elsewhere. Black men are in jail, Black men are being raped. All of that is true, but what about Black women?
I mean, it's so basic, but so real. And sure there are women that file fake charges. Just like there are people that file fake charges of ANY type. But this myth about the rampant amount of women filing fake rape charges really needs to go some fucking where. Especially when we consider that rape is so underreported and underconvicted. It really makes you wonder what men are really afraid of. Especially if you are not assaulting anyone! Punk ass bastards.
In the spirit of progression, here's a list of things men can do for rape prevention (in lieu of worrying about their own sorry asses). And here's a few items from that list:
-Be aware of language. Words are very powerful, especially when spoken by people with power over others. We live in a society in which words are often used to put women down, where calling a girl or woman a "bitch," "freak," "whore," "baby," or "dog" is common.
-Speak up. You will probably never see a rape in progress, but you will see and hear attitudes and behaviors that degrade women and promote rape. When your best friend tells a joke about rape, say you don't find it funny. When you read an article that blames a rape survivor for being assaulted, write a letter to the editor. When laws are proposed that limit women's rights, let politicians know that you won't support them. Do anything but remain silent.
-Talk with women... about how the risk of being raped affects their daily lives; about how they want to be supported if it has happened to them; about what they think men can do to prevent sexual violence. If you're willing to listen, you can learn a lot from women about the impact of rape and how to stop it.
-Don't ever have sex with anyone against their will! [Duh]
I would add:
- Don't derail conversations about women's assault. When people are speaking about women being raped either continue the conversation in that vein or stay the fuck out of it. Certainly don't paint yourself as a hypothetical victim while women are discussing being ACTUAL victims.
Just don't be an idiot. Try.
It's all so "pause" and "no homo"-esque and makes me want to throw things at people. It reminds me that men's focus on rape tends to be in one or two areas:
1. Fear of a hypothetical other man raping them when/if they hypothetically go to prison/jail.
2. Fear of a hypothetical woman filing hypothetical false rape charges.
It's all mystical and phantom and based on them watching too much Oz and SVU. Meanwhile real people are dealing with real ramifications of real sexual assaults daily. And I'm sure few, if any, men see the irony in them being fixated on shit that likely will never happen to them while ignoring all of the real shit that *is* happening right in front of their noses. I swear you can set your watch to this madness. As soon as someone describes a woman's assault some man will come along derailing the conversation to indulge his fears in fantasyland.
"Here's a story of a woman that was raped."
"Well, what about prison rape! Men get raped, too!"
"Here's a story about a woman that was raped and killed."
"But what about the fact that I could potentially one day maybe possibly be accused of rape by someone?"
"There was a woman that was assaulted..."
"But what about me and my hypothetical assault!"
"The other day a woman..."
"MEN!!"
Unfortunately the Aishah Shahidah Simmons interview seems to have been taken down from Black Agenda Report. Luckily Ro copied and pasted the main part I wanted to copy and paste any way:
TN: You were talking about the prison industrial complex and we know the statistics around Black people and specifically Black men in prison. And when I was at your event at Temple University a few years back, I saw where somebody said, “Okay, but are we going to deal with Black men being raped in prison?”’ And I’m sure that conversation has come up more than once, correct?
AS: Yeah.
TN: So what are your responses to that critique because it’s a pretty prominent critique, right?
AS: It is a prominent critique. I think we do have to deal with prison and rape, I really do think we have to deal with that. But the question is if I’m talking about the rape of Black women, can we talk about the rape of Black women? There’s always this way in which we can never talk about the rape of Black women. Black women’s issues can’t ever be central. We always have to look elsewhere. Black men are in jail, Black men are being raped. All of that is true, but what about Black women?
I mean, it's so basic, but so real. And sure there are women that file fake charges. Just like there are people that file fake charges of ANY type. But this myth about the rampant amount of women filing fake rape charges really needs to go some fucking where. Especially when we consider that rape is so underreported and underconvicted. It really makes you wonder what men are really afraid of. Especially if you are not assaulting anyone! Punk ass bastards.
In the spirit of progression, here's a list of things men can do for rape prevention (in lieu of worrying about their own sorry asses). And here's a few items from that list:
-Be aware of language. Words are very powerful, especially when spoken by people with power over others. We live in a society in which words are often used to put women down, where calling a girl or woman a "bitch," "freak," "whore," "baby," or "dog" is common.
-Speak up. You will probably never see a rape in progress, but you will see and hear attitudes and behaviors that degrade women and promote rape. When your best friend tells a joke about rape, say you don't find it funny. When you read an article that blames a rape survivor for being assaulted, write a letter to the editor. When laws are proposed that limit women's rights, let politicians know that you won't support them. Do anything but remain silent.
-Talk with women... about how the risk of being raped affects their daily lives; about how they want to be supported if it has happened to them; about what they think men can do to prevent sexual violence. If you're willing to listen, you can learn a lot from women about the impact of rape and how to stop it.
-Don't ever have sex with anyone against their will! [Duh]
I would add:
- Don't derail conversations about women's assault. When people are speaking about women being raped either continue the conversation in that vein or stay the fuck out of it. Certainly don't paint yourself as a hypothetical victim while women are discussing being ACTUAL victims.
Just don't be an idiot. Try.