Crazy or weak game?
Almost at the inception of 16th birthday, I became obsessed with sex. Wanting to know who among my friends was having it. Wanting to know the details about their encounters. To a much lesser extent, wanting to have it myself. I wanted to have sex because I felt left out. It seemed like "everybody was doing it." And being inexperienced made me feel like an oddball freak. Also, curiousity was killing me. I'd heard so many horror stories about how the first time(s) was/were painful. I couldn't understand why girls were having sex if all they could talk about was how painful it was. So my teen years were plagued with this intense curiosity coupled with fear of sex. Above all else, I knew I wasn't ready.
This made dating exceptionally hard. Yes, I knew I wasn't ready, but I didn't want to seem like a weirdo for not doing it. Let alone the fears I had of "losing" a bf because I wouldn't have sex. This meant all my little pseudo-relationships in my teen years involved many strategic methods taken to avoid having actual sex.
I lied to Q and told her I'd "lost my virginity" to my first boyfriend, Risque. Risque might find that funny if he ever found out because I took painful efforts to avoid being alone with him in high school.
At some point in the summer I met this older guy (I think he was 19 or 20) in my neighborhood. He was constantly asking me to come over and I consistently had some sorry excuse to not go to his house at the last minute. He misinterpreted my anxiety about having sex as my cheating on him.
I mean, he really must've let the horniness get to him 'cause he just wylded the fuck out. He called me yelling about how I must be cheating because I wasn't giving him any. He became convinced that a dude was at my house at that moment and said "tell that nigga to bust a nut for me!" Mad.Ness! I guess he expected me to call back and explain myself to him and how I was not having sex with anyone else. lol Dude did me a favor! He gave me the out. So when I didn't call back, he called back declaring his love for me. To which I replied by telling him he didn't even know my last name. I'm sure we were only dating for a few weeks. So.. yeah...
Then I thought he was "crazy." Now I realize he just had really really bad game. The whole "accuse them of lying/cheating to make them defend themselves" ploy was missed on me entirely 'cause I just thought he was unstable. I thought he thought he did love me. Now I realize he just had a shitty bag of tricks. Random declarations of love and accusations of cheating aren't exactly aphrodisiacs for me. Strange times, I know.
Yesterday I was walking past the spot where he stood behind me with his arms around me declaring how he intended to get me pregnant (hmmm....then again, he really could've been "crazy") and all of those thoughts came flooding back. I wondered if he was now in his 30's still chasing after 16 year old girls, trynna game them into having sex using hysterical rants and drama. I wouldn't be too surprised.
This made dating exceptionally hard. Yes, I knew I wasn't ready, but I didn't want to seem like a weirdo for not doing it. Let alone the fears I had of "losing" a bf because I wouldn't have sex. This meant all my little pseudo-relationships in my teen years involved many strategic methods taken to avoid having actual sex.
I lied to Q and told her I'd "lost my virginity" to my first boyfriend, Risque. Risque might find that funny if he ever found out because I took painful efforts to avoid being alone with him in high school.
At some point in the summer I met this older guy (I think he was 19 or 20) in my neighborhood. He was constantly asking me to come over and I consistently had some sorry excuse to not go to his house at the last minute. He misinterpreted my anxiety about having sex as my cheating on him.
I mean, he really must've let the horniness get to him 'cause he just wylded the fuck out. He called me yelling about how I must be cheating because I wasn't giving him any. He became convinced that a dude was at my house at that moment and said "tell that nigga to bust a nut for me!" Mad.Ness! I guess he expected me to call back and explain myself to him and how I was not having sex with anyone else. lol Dude did me a favor! He gave me the out. So when I didn't call back, he called back declaring his love for me. To which I replied by telling him he didn't even know my last name. I'm sure we were only dating for a few weeks. So.. yeah...
Then I thought he was "crazy." Now I realize he just had really really bad game. The whole "accuse them of lying/cheating to make them defend themselves" ploy was missed on me entirely 'cause I just thought he was unstable. I thought he thought he did love me. Now I realize he just had a shitty bag of tricks. Random declarations of love and accusations of cheating aren't exactly aphrodisiacs for me. Strange times, I know.
Yesterday I was walking past the spot where he stood behind me with his arms around me declaring how he intended to get me pregnant (hmmm....then again, he really could've been "crazy") and all of those thoughts came flooding back. I wondered if he was now in his 30's still chasing after 16 year old girls, trynna game them into having sex using hysterical rants and drama. I wouldn't be too surprised.