Making friends with negroes
What I learned about racism from The Real World is that calling people niggers is good. Great even! If you call someone a nigger, they will inevitably become your best friend.
For those who have the sense (that I obviously don't have) to not watch this madness, lemme give you the Cliff's Notes version, a.k.a. the steps to making yourself a Negro Friend (with all the benefits, including but not limited to being able to invoke their name to confirm you're not a racist and asking them questions about "The BLAKK EXPURIENCE).
Whole gang goes to the club.
Black guy #1 has some sort of run-in with a club worker.
White Guy (we'll call him Racist Asshat from now on) leaves early to call his boyfriend.
Rest of the gang comes home. Black Guy #1 is TIGHT because he believes Racist Asshat left him during the race-related run-in mentioned above.
BG1 tells the other roommates and Bigger [read: scary] Black Guy goes off.
Argument between Bigger Black Guy and Racist Asshat goes something like this...
Bigger Black Guy: We need to talk.
Racist Asshat *drunk as a skunk*:Yarrrlllllliiieee hehehe
BBG: RESPECT ME FOR I AM BIG AND BLACK AND INTIMIDATING.
RA: Whhhherrrrlllllduuuurrrlll hahaha
BBG: RESPECT MY AUTHORITAY!! FEAR ME!! though I'm clearly not gonna do SHIT 'cause if I were, there'd be a lot less talking
RA: You don't scare me!
BBG: WHAT? I WILL KILL YOU! I AM BIG AND MASSIVE AND SCARY! IF IT WEREN'T FOR THIS TINY WHITE GIRL WHO WEIGHS A GOOD BUCK OH FIVE HOLDING ME BACK, I WOULD KILL YOU WITH MY BARE HANDS!!
RA: Wait... NOW *I'M* GETTING BUCK! WHAT YOU WANT?!?!?
BBG: Chill out man. The white girl has soothed my savage beast. There is peace in the valley.
RA WTF? I AM HARDCORE DUDE. I'LL KILL YOU!! ROOOAAAARRRR!
BBG: Could you chill though?
RA: Help me! I'm scared! This big, black guy is gonna kill me in my sleep [<--that line is paraphrased NOT exaggerated. Seriously]
RA to someone on the phone: I gotta leave the house 'cause this nigger is gonna kill me!!! [And that line is a DIRECT quote]
RA leaves that night. Everyone is unwound. He comes back the next day for one of The Real World's infamous "house meetings."
Bullshit ensues.
RA looks really sad and puppy doggish. Declares that he's gonna leave because he's embarrassed and worried the black dudes will hold it over him the duration of his time there because he feels he has a drinking problem [I blame Mel Gibson for this bullshit].
Everyone says "no please stay, Racist Asshat. We love you!!! We can work it out eventhough you didn't even acknowledge your racism. Let's sing Kumbaya!!"
Racist Asshat agrees to stay after having a couple "heart to hearts" with the black dudes. Hugs are exchanged. Love, peace and tranquility reign in the land
YAY!
I LOVE how dude calls old dude a nigger and that is not grounds for leaving the house. He has a CHOICE about leaving the house.
I swear the only thing missing from this ep was him justifying saying it by giving out his tally of black friends or claming he was raped by a black man (Henceforth to be known as The Robyn Defense).
Granted "snarking" The Real World is not fair since that show beyond ridic, but still. The pattern KILLS me.
For those who have the sense (that I obviously don't have) to not watch this madness, lemme give you the Cliff's Notes version, a.k.a. the steps to making yourself a Negro Friend (with all the benefits, including but not limited to being able to invoke their name to confirm you're not a racist and asking them questions about "The BLAKK EXPURIENCE).
Whole gang goes to the club.
Black guy #1 has some sort of run-in with a club worker.
White Guy (we'll call him Racist Asshat from now on) leaves early to call his boyfriend.
Rest of the gang comes home. Black Guy #1 is TIGHT because he believes Racist Asshat left him during the race-related run-in mentioned above.
BG1 tells the other roommates and Bigger [read: scary] Black Guy goes off.
Argument between Bigger Black Guy and Racist Asshat goes something like this...
Bigger Black Guy: We need to talk.
Racist Asshat *drunk as a skunk*:Yarrrlllllliiieee hehehe
BBG: RESPECT ME FOR I AM BIG AND BLACK AND INTIMIDATING.
RA: Whhhherrrrlllllduuuurrrlll hahaha
BBG: RESPECT MY AUTHORITAY!! FEAR ME!! though I'm clearly not gonna do SHIT 'cause if I were, there'd be a lot less talking
RA: You don't scare me!
BBG: WHAT? I WILL KILL YOU! I AM BIG AND MASSIVE AND SCARY! IF IT WEREN'T FOR THIS TINY WHITE GIRL WHO WEIGHS A GOOD BUCK OH FIVE HOLDING ME BACK, I WOULD KILL YOU WITH MY BARE HANDS!!
RA: Wait... NOW *I'M* GETTING BUCK! WHAT YOU WANT?!?!?
BBG: Chill out man. The white girl has soothed my savage beast. There is peace in the valley.
RA WTF? I AM HARDCORE DUDE. I'LL KILL YOU!! ROOOAAAARRRR!
BBG: Could you chill though?
RA: Help me! I'm scared! This big, black guy is gonna kill me in my sleep [<--that line is paraphrased NOT exaggerated. Seriously]
RA to someone on the phone: I gotta leave the house 'cause this nigger is gonna kill me!!! [And that line is a DIRECT quote]
RA leaves that night. Everyone is unwound. He comes back the next day for one of The Real World's infamous "house meetings."
Bullshit ensues.
RA looks really sad and puppy doggish. Declares that he's gonna leave because he's embarrassed and worried the black dudes will hold it over him the duration of his time there because he feels he has a drinking problem [I blame Mel Gibson for this bullshit].
Everyone says "no please stay, Racist Asshat. We love you!!! We can work it out eventhough you didn't even acknowledge your racism. Let's sing Kumbaya!!"
Racist Asshat agrees to stay after having a couple "heart to hearts" with the black dudes. Hugs are exchanged. Love, peace and tranquility reign in the land
YAY!
I LOVE how dude calls old dude a nigger and that is not grounds for leaving the house. He has a CHOICE about leaving the house.
I swear the only thing missing from this ep was him justifying saying it by giving out his tally of black friends or claming he was raped by a black man (Henceforth to be known as The Robyn Defense).
Granted "snarking" The Real World is not fair since that show beyond ridic, but still. The pattern KILLS me.