"I'm living the single, single, single, single..."
"...LIFE!"
Too often I see women hopping from one relationship to the next. Or compromising their needs, wants and integrity by staying in unhealthy relationships way past the expiration date. (Not that guys don't do this too, but I see females do this much more often than males). It sorta frustrates me to see people doing everything in their power to avoid being alone. Aside from the fact that if you don't want to be with yourself why would you think anyone else would want to be with you, I think people tend to see more value in being coupled as opposed to being with themselves. Yes, companionship is lovely and there are tons of positives to it, but I don't think people see the cons of it and the JOYS of being single.
~Your time is YOUR time. You don't have to be concerned about siphoning off your time so that someone else feels attended to and appreciated.
~You don't have to deal with someone else's emotional baggage and issues. Is it not hard enough to deal with your own? AND your family's? AND your close friends'? AND your boss' (or even co-workers')?? (FYI: You do NOT have to hang out with your boss outside of work to be dealing with their emotional issues. They can manifest themselves in how the boss delegates and manages. Believe me, they can)
~The "getting to know you" stage can be annoying. Don't get me wrong. I love the initial stages of a relationship. And discovering a new person is wonderful. But it can be sprinkled with moments of insecurity and/or confusion. "Does he like me as much as I like him?" "Am I calling too much?" "WHY is he wearing that shirt? Is he trying to impress me? Does he think I care about that shit?" "I HOPE he doesn't think we're fuckin tonight! =/"
~Obviously if you're in an unhealthy relationship, be it because it's lop-sided or because of physical abuse, emotional abuse (and a person doesn't have to scream at you, insult you or even be TRYING to be abusive for it to be emotional abuse), dishonesty, incompatibility, settling, etc it's better to NOT be in it than to be in it and unhappy, unsatisfied and constantly questioning key aspects of the relationship.
~Less gifts to give One less birthday gift to give and less gifts to give around whatever gift-giving holiday(s) you celebrate.
~And most importantly! Singletime is the perfect time to get in touch with yourself. If you've just left a relationship it's a great time to examine the relationship and see if something can be learned from it: Why did it end? What would I have changed? Did external forces have a part in the relationship? I think most people don't even know what they want. This is the best time to try and figure that out. A good question to ask is Why was I in that relationship? What was I getting from it explicitly and implicitly? What qualities about him did I like? What qualities about him contributed to the ending of the relationship? What is non-negotiable for me in regards to character and actions in a relationship?
I remember some years ago, I was in this horrible unhealthy relationship, my bf at the time asked me what I saw in him. I gave a list of like 3 things and even those three things were surface and didn't speak to anything that would keep us together. "We know each other well." Yeah... That tends to happen when you're together for over a year. "You're... cute?" And that was a stretch. He became cute to me after I fell for him. "You make me laugh" Ok, but so does the Peanut Butter Jelli song. And I'm not having sex with that. It wasn't until after I grew tired of him and we broke up that I really answered the question. It changed my entire view of relationships.
Just taking time to learn about yourself is important. In the midst of work obligations, family obligations, friend obligations it's easy to lose ourselves. Add to that a romantic relationship and those obligations and it leaves little to no time to self-reflect.
I really wish more people could see how wonderful singlehood is. It helps you to not settle for less. When you see yourself and all you contribute to your life, you won't settle for anything less than someone trying to help you contribute more. Ladies and gentlemen, please be sure the people you allow to enter your lives are making it more fulfilling and not draining it.
Too often I see women hopping from one relationship to the next. Or compromising their needs, wants and integrity by staying in unhealthy relationships way past the expiration date. (Not that guys don't do this too, but I see females do this much more often than males). It sorta frustrates me to see people doing everything in their power to avoid being alone. Aside from the fact that if you don't want to be with yourself why would you think anyone else would want to be with you, I think people tend to see more value in being coupled as opposed to being with themselves. Yes, companionship is lovely and there are tons of positives to it, but I don't think people see the cons of it and the JOYS of being single.
~Your time is YOUR time. You don't have to be concerned about siphoning off your time so that someone else feels attended to and appreciated.
~You don't have to deal with someone else's emotional baggage and issues. Is it not hard enough to deal with your own? AND your family's? AND your close friends'? AND your boss' (or even co-workers')?? (FYI: You do NOT have to hang out with your boss outside of work to be dealing with their emotional issues. They can manifest themselves in how the boss delegates and manages. Believe me, they can)
~The "getting to know you" stage can be annoying. Don't get me wrong. I love the initial stages of a relationship. And discovering a new person is wonderful. But it can be sprinkled with moments of insecurity and/or confusion. "Does he like me as much as I like him?" "Am I calling too much?" "WHY is he wearing that shirt? Is he trying to impress me? Does he think I care about that shit?" "I HOPE he doesn't think we're fuckin tonight! =/"
~Obviously if you're in an unhealthy relationship, be it because it's lop-sided or because of physical abuse, emotional abuse (and a person doesn't have to scream at you, insult you or even be TRYING to be abusive for it to be emotional abuse), dishonesty, incompatibility, settling, etc it's better to NOT be in it than to be in it and unhappy, unsatisfied and constantly questioning key aspects of the relationship.
~Less gifts to give One less birthday gift to give and less gifts to give around whatever gift-giving holiday(s) you celebrate.
~And most importantly! Singletime is the perfect time to get in touch with yourself. If you've just left a relationship it's a great time to examine the relationship and see if something can be learned from it: Why did it end? What would I have changed? Did external forces have a part in the relationship? I think most people don't even know what they want. This is the best time to try and figure that out. A good question to ask is Why was I in that relationship? What was I getting from it explicitly and implicitly? What qualities about him did I like? What qualities about him contributed to the ending of the relationship? What is non-negotiable for me in regards to character and actions in a relationship?
I remember some years ago, I was in this horrible unhealthy relationship, my bf at the time asked me what I saw in him. I gave a list of like 3 things and even those three things were surface and didn't speak to anything that would keep us together. "We know each other well." Yeah... That tends to happen when you're together for over a year. "You're... cute?" And that was a stretch. He became cute to me after I fell for him. "You make me laugh" Ok, but so does the Peanut Butter Jelli song. And I'm not having sex with that. It wasn't until after I grew tired of him and we broke up that I really answered the question. It changed my entire view of relationships.
Just taking time to learn about yourself is important. In the midst of work obligations, family obligations, friend obligations it's easy to lose ourselves. Add to that a romantic relationship and those obligations and it leaves little to no time to self-reflect.
I really wish more people could see how wonderful singlehood is. It helps you to not settle for less. When you see yourself and all you contribute to your life, you won't settle for anything less than someone trying to help you contribute more. Ladies and gentlemen, please be sure the people you allow to enter your lives are making it more fulfilling and not draining it.