(no subject)
I've spent a good deal of my vacation in Myrtle Beach poking around on a Yahoo! group for British Traditional Wicca Seekers. Amber and Jet was a recommendation made to me while I was still a moderator for Wiccantogether. I joined and then never participated or even read the archives of the group.
It occurred to me that reading scholarly works on Wiccan and neo-Wiccan witchcraft is all well and good. It will give me a great academic understanding of how the religion came to be as it is now and what influenced it's system and cogency, but it won't really inform me about BTW itself.
What is before me now is putting myself out there with humility and asking a question of the list. I don't really know what to ask though. What I (think I) know is disjointed and incomplete. That is, a question I have about some material may be answered later in that same material, if only I had read all of it.
I read a wonderful piece about what Proper Personhood means in terms of being a Seeker. I found myself rather distressed at how poorly I stacked up in many of the categories. I recall a discussion had online about what Perfect Love and Perfect Trust meant. One interpretation was that Perfect Trust and Perfect Love means that you trust someone to be who they are and you love them for it.
I am quick to anger and I can be impatient. These are my flaws - I can exhibit patience for things that interest me, or things that I want, but in general I can't be bothered. I could say that if given the chance, I would be the most perfect student of the Craft, but somehow I don't think that's the point. I'm not perfect, not in any way - but knowing that, I still hope that my flaws are not so insurmountable as to disqualify me from being a Proper Person.
After I spent a few hours looking over the archives, reading threads and downloading e-books, I went to bed and had a dream about Gardnerian Wicca. I don't remember the context, or the point, but the dream was there. I feel pulled in many different directions, and BTW is one of them.
Part of growth is facing fear, knowing that things may not turn out how I want them to. If I put myself out there as a Seeker, and am blessed enough to find a teacher, I am afraid that I will discover that BTW isn't for me. As with all things, I wouldn't be the first Seeker in the history of the Craft to discover such a thing, but the idea is frightening. What if I'm too obnoxious, or immature, or not humble enough. How do I ask my disjointed questions with the appropriate humility?
How do I explain to someone that just because the Out of Africa theory exists doesn't mean that everyone is African?
I'm afraid that I will offend where I mean to educate, that I will upset where I mean to inquire. I am afraid that I will be unable to reconcile my natural academic interest in BTW with my desire for a true and meaningful spirituality - that I will be unable to experience the Craft and instead will make it sterile with analysis and theory. I am afraid that the idea that my thoughts could sterilize the Craft is hubris and arrogance.
I've spent a lot of the vacation on the beach as well. Listening to the waves and standing just beyond where the wave can get me. I found a nice chunk of coral, an intact shell, a pretty piece of black shell, and two pieces of stone - one matte black and one a steel blue with red flecks. Tomorrow, we're waking up early so that I can go beach combing. I can't wait to see what finds me on the beach, but in the back of my mind there are so many questions floating around. I should say that the very reading about BTW, neo-Wicca and neo-Paganism has lifted me out of an emotional funk. Reading Amber and Jet has allowed a clarity of my mind that I haven't felt in a long time.
It occurred to me that reading scholarly works on Wiccan and neo-Wiccan witchcraft is all well and good. It will give me a great academic understanding of how the religion came to be as it is now and what influenced it's system and cogency, but it won't really inform me about BTW itself.
What is before me now is putting myself out there with humility and asking a question of the list. I don't really know what to ask though. What I (think I) know is disjointed and incomplete. That is, a question I have about some material may be answered later in that same material, if only I had read all of it.
I read a wonderful piece about what Proper Personhood means in terms of being a Seeker. I found myself rather distressed at how poorly I stacked up in many of the categories. I recall a discussion had online about what Perfect Love and Perfect Trust meant. One interpretation was that Perfect Trust and Perfect Love means that you trust someone to be who they are and you love them for it.
I am quick to anger and I can be impatient. These are my flaws - I can exhibit patience for things that interest me, or things that I want, but in general I can't be bothered. I could say that if given the chance, I would be the most perfect student of the Craft, but somehow I don't think that's the point. I'm not perfect, not in any way - but knowing that, I still hope that my flaws are not so insurmountable as to disqualify me from being a Proper Person.
After I spent a few hours looking over the archives, reading threads and downloading e-books, I went to bed and had a dream about Gardnerian Wicca. I don't remember the context, or the point, but the dream was there. I feel pulled in many different directions, and BTW is one of them.
Part of growth is facing fear, knowing that things may not turn out how I want them to. If I put myself out there as a Seeker, and am blessed enough to find a teacher, I am afraid that I will discover that BTW isn't for me. As with all things, I wouldn't be the first Seeker in the history of the Craft to discover such a thing, but the idea is frightening. What if I'm too obnoxious, or immature, or not humble enough. How do I ask my disjointed questions with the appropriate humility?
How do I explain to someone that just because the Out of Africa theory exists doesn't mean that everyone is African?
I'm afraid that I will offend where I mean to educate, that I will upset where I mean to inquire. I am afraid that I will be unable to reconcile my natural academic interest in BTW with my desire for a true and meaningful spirituality - that I will be unable to experience the Craft and instead will make it sterile with analysis and theory. I am afraid that the idea that my thoughts could sterilize the Craft is hubris and arrogance.
I've spent a lot of the vacation on the beach as well. Listening to the waves and standing just beyond where the wave can get me. I found a nice chunk of coral, an intact shell, a pretty piece of black shell, and two pieces of stone - one matte black and one a steel blue with red flecks. Tomorrow, we're waking up early so that I can go beach combing. I can't wait to see what finds me on the beach, but in the back of my mind there are so many questions floating around. I should say that the very reading about BTW, neo-Wicca and neo-Paganism has lifted me out of an emotional funk. Reading Amber and Jet has allowed a clarity of my mind that I haven't felt in a long time.