At crossroads
I was rereading my last entry. Man, I sounded terrible. Monstrous. That's why I hate to rant about my work on my LJ. But nowadays I do not know where else I can go to let go my pent up feelings of rage and frustrations. My BF is in a non-medical line - most of the time he listen but I know he does not get it. But at least he listen.I try rant it out to my colleagues but they are as stressed out as I am-- I ended up feeling after I 'mengadu' to them - they felt more angry or more depressed instead. No point complaining about it to my siblings or parents. My best friend have their own life to worry about.
I always have this love hate relationship with my line of work. I love the challenges - the fact that medicine continues to interest and fascinate me thus makes me want to be a better person - mentally and emotionally. But I hate the fact that it is so damn tiring and it is taking a huge toll to my social & physical wellbeing.
People may think that I am too hard on my interns. Maybe I am. My MOs previously was hard on me too but that made me more determined to prove them wrong. I can't see that happening with my interns. They don't seem to regret whenever we point out their mistakes in hopes that they learn from it. In fact they continue to make the same mistakes. Not all of them were bad - just a few of them bad apples. But these bad apples were the one that kept giving me a persistent headache.
Maybe I am too tired. Feeling that life is going no where. No matter - I'll get my long awaited break. For that good news has arrived - I'll be leaving soon for greener pastures I hope with bigger challenges in store - Masters programme hopefully soon ahoy. New environment. New boss - hopefully new boss were as nice as mine now. I am thankful of getting this privilege - yup correct spelling this time. Although I felt bad as I felt that I am making use of a privilege that is accorded to me because of my race and not really due to my merits (not that I have none). Hopefully - I could prove others wrong and show them that I deserve this chance they gave me.
The people around me knows what it is all about - am not disclosing here just yet but all I can say is that I am finally going to work closer to my hometown and finally be close to my significant other.
Do you know through out our 7 years of courtship - we hardly in the same country or state at any point of time. When
I first knew him - he's studying in Australia and me in med school in KL. Then, I went to Kuantan for my internship and he came back and work in KL. Finally now - both of us would be together and start planning for our future together aka marriage... dum dum dum.
Very scared right now. This is a huge step for me. Hopefully it is a right step in a right direction.
I always have this love hate relationship with my line of work. I love the challenges - the fact that medicine continues to interest and fascinate me thus makes me want to be a better person - mentally and emotionally. But I hate the fact that it is so damn tiring and it is taking a huge toll to my social & physical wellbeing.
People may think that I am too hard on my interns. Maybe I am. My MOs previously was hard on me too but that made me more determined to prove them wrong. I can't see that happening with my interns. They don't seem to regret whenever we point out their mistakes in hopes that they learn from it. In fact they continue to make the same mistakes. Not all of them were bad - just a few of them bad apples. But these bad apples were the one that kept giving me a persistent headache.
Maybe I am too tired. Feeling that life is going no where. No matter - I'll get my long awaited break. For that good news has arrived - I'll be leaving soon for greener pastures I hope with bigger challenges in store - Masters programme hopefully soon ahoy. New environment. New boss - hopefully new boss were as nice as mine now. I am thankful of getting this privilege - yup correct spelling this time. Although I felt bad as I felt that I am making use of a privilege that is accorded to me because of my race and not really due to my merits (not that I have none). Hopefully - I could prove others wrong and show them that I deserve this chance they gave me.
The people around me knows what it is all about - am not disclosing here just yet but all I can say is that I am finally going to work closer to my hometown and finally be close to my significant other.
Do you know through out our 7 years of courtship - we hardly in the same country or state at any point of time. When
I first knew him - he's studying in Australia and me in med school in KL. Then, I went to Kuantan for my internship and he came back and work in KL. Finally now - both of us would be together and start planning for our future together aka marriage... dum dum dum.
Very scared right now. This is a huge step for me. Hopefully it is a right step in a right direction.