[Human!TF] Candy Hearts and Roses Day

[dytabytes]

Title: Organic Life (Issue 8)- Candy Hearts and Roses Day
Fandom: Transformers
Characters: Wheeljack/Ratchet, Elita/Optimus, Chromia/Ironhide, Bluestreak, Sunstreaker, Sideswipe, Firestar/Red Alert/Inferno, Skyfire/Starscream
Rating: R for implied sex
General Summary: It's my deranged human!TF AU where there are no wars, giant robots, or giant

Comments

[systemscrash]

Damn, Toast! This is so freaking precious. (And in some cases sexy, hahaha.)

God I can just imagine Wheeljack's adorable pancakes, and Mr. Grumpybutt's corresponding hug... and the very girly giggle.

Optimus isn't getting any more whipped than that, though Elita giving him roses is about the sweetest thing I've ever heard of.

Ironhide's accent getting more prevalent as he gets angry is a fantastic touch... CHROMIA YOU FOX YOU.

Sunny's a traitor. No lies. TRAITOR.

...Hey! Wrong hole! WRONG HOLE." JUST. YES. I laughed so hard.

Oh goodness. What have you gotten yourself into THIS time Starscream. YOU FOUL MOUTHED BOY, YOU. This one was a surprise, Haha.

STOP BEIN' COOL TOAST. >:/

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OBVIUSLY I SHOULD WRITE MORE OFTEN AT 3 IN THE MORNING. BECAUSE THAT'S WHEN ALL THE GOOD STUFF SEEMS TO HAVE BEEN WRITTEN. HOLY SHIT MY BRAIN'S GONNA DIE

[systemscrash]

TOAST YOU'RE ALWAYS COOL, STFU. 3 AM IS JUST A TIME OF DAY. IN, LIKE, CHINA IT WAS NOONTIME OR SOMETHING ANYWAY.

Wheeljack would be a bad housewife on the WHOLE. I mean, the cooking would be fantastic, BUT HE'D BLOW UP THE VACUUM ALL THE TIME. THat would be VERY BAD.

Elita wears the pants in that relationship. End of story. I bet Optimus gets teased endlessly about it too.

ALL I KNOW IS THAT I WOULD SPANK THAT TEACHER ANY DAY. She's a MILF to the extreme. And poor Ironhide, DEFEAT THOSE STEROTYPES. YOU CAN DO IT. ...I bet when his daughters get married he's on the verge of tears, and he gets a REALLY THINK accent going. AWWW. WHY CAN'T I STOP IT WITH THE FAMILY STUFF.

Firestar's a superhero for it anyway. NOTHING WOULD BE WORSE THAN THE WRONG HOLE AT A BAD TIME.

...NOW I WANT MORE OF THIS. FUCK TOAST.

STOP EMOING YOU CRAZY WHORE I'LL RAPE SOME HAPPY INTO YOU.

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... >> ... << ... He actually can't blow the vacuum up beacuse.. um... he turned it into Sludge the dinobot. So uh... yeeeeeeeeesssssssss...

Optimus gets teased, but he's in wuuuuuuv. He likes having a girl who stands up to him. Such a nice change of pace XD

WHEN IRONHIDE'S GIRLS GET MARRIED HE WILL BE COMPLETELY IMPOSSIBLE TO UNDERSTAND UNLESS YOU HAPPEN TO BE OPTIMUS, CHROMIA OR ONE OF THE OTHER O'HARAS. THAT'S JUST THE WAY THINGS ARE. And... you don't spank Chromia. CHROMIA SPANKS YOU. XDDD

;3 Firestar and Starscream... does this mean that pairing's Firescream? Damn. That's one hell of a name to live up to XDD

OH NOES. MY POOR VAG.

[systemscrash]

...THAT IS EVEN WORSE THAN BLOWING THE VACUUM UP. POOR RATCHET< I'M GOING TO HAVE TO SIDE WITH HIM ON THIS ONE. D8

Optimus has probably had 234092834098 girlfriends, BU TELITA IS UNIQUE AND SPECIAL and it's OBVIOUS that he needed someone like her, because Ironhide can't fill that hole forever. ...THAT SOUNDED GAY

FOR SOME REASON I FIND THAT IMAGE TO BE ALMOST DISGUSTINGLY ADORABLE. LIKE FOR SRS. HE'D BE A BIG BLUBBERING MESS, BUT STILL TRYING TO BE MANLY AND CHROMIA WOULD JUST ROLL HER EYES AND BE ALL 'LET IT OUT DEAR'. So so so cute. Poor Optimus would go into COMFORT MODE too and it would be asldksdlfksdjflk. AND OHBBY I'D LIKE THAT.

Well it would be red-hot fiery sex, and there WOULD be lots and LOTS of screaming. Though I think it would be on Starscream's part. Because goodness knows that Firestar brings her double-sided "TOYS" and spice it up.

AND SHUT UP, IT'S HAPPINESS AND YOU'LL ENJOY IT.

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Oh, Sludge still functions as a vacuum. It's actually pretty funny. He ... uh. He eats dust bunnies. And all the dirt gets sucked into the central canister of his body, which they have to empty out twice monthy XD;

... I WOULD START WRITING FOURSOME FIC, BUT THE IRONHIDE IN MY HEAD IS SO STRAIGHT THAT HE WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH OPTIMUS'S ... HOLE.

>D Spice indeed. Ow. Owowowowow. Brains are boiling out my ears naw.

[clankclankboom]

I want a sentiant vacuum. It would be unloved though.

Wow. You know what I want to see more than a foursome fic? Attempted but botched foursome with Elita and Chromia happily getting down to buisness and Prime and Ironhide standing awkwardly to one side.
OH GOD I'M SORRY. I RAPED IN YOUR HAPPY WORLD.
"So what d'you say I'm meant to do now?"
"Err ... well, Elita was explaining the mechanics to me earlier... you stick your thingy up in my mouth while I grope your wife I'm so sorry that I got us into this."
"You don't touch my gal."
"Understood."
"Now why the hell would I wanna go and do that to your holes?"
"I don't know. This is not what I meant when I said we needed to spend more time together."
"Good. I was starting to think you'd gone funny on me."
"I'm sorry."
"You damned well ought to be."
"...Popcorn?"
"Popcorn."

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Aww, poor Sludge.

... *snicker* That would... I can completely see that happening. Elita and Chromia would make out, Optimus and Ironhide would kiss once. Awkwardly. To much applause from their female counterparts.

"'Lita, this really isn't doing anything for me."

"'Mia, do I have to?"

"*insert female make-out noises here*"

"... wow."

And then they'd sit there, gawp, and shift awkwardly in their seats because, ow, uncomfortably hard. And then the girls would sigh, part, and drag their boys to opposite sides of the bed for sexing.

Damnit, it's in my head now... <3