[FIC] CARLY AND WHEELJACK GO TO WHITE CASTLE
TITLE: CARLY AND WHEELJACK GO TO WHITE CASTLE
CHARACTERS: BAREFOOT PREGNANT LADY AND THAT CAROBOT INVENTOR WHO EXPLODES A LOT.
RATING: CAPSLOCK
WORD COUNT: OVER FIVE HUNDRED.
SUMMARY: CARLY. WHEELJACK. A BURGER RUN. OH DEAR GOD HERE WE GO HERE WE GO HERE WE GOOOOO.
AN: REVIVED AND REVISED FOR "WRITE EVERY DAY NO EXCEPTIONS MONTH" (MARCH 1 EQUIVALENT) FROM TOAST'S BOX OF HORRIBLE THINGS BECAUSE FOR SOME REASON, I NEVER POSTED THIS TO MY JOURNAL...
I THINK I KNOW WHY.
EVEN NOW I EXPECT THE CROWDS OF SCREAMING PEOPLE TO COME STORMING THROUGH MY DOOR TO TEAR ME TO PIECES.
CARLY WAS PISSED OFF.
THIS WAS PRETTY MUCH THE NORM WITH HER BECAUSE, REALLY, WOULDN'T YOU BE PISSED OFF IF YOU'D GONE AND GOTTEN KNOCKED UP BY A HELMET-WEARING IDIOT NAMED SPIKE AND REALLY, IS THERE ANY NAME GAYER THAN SPIKE?
HONESTLY, THE FIRST TIME SHE INTRODUCED HIM TO HER PARENTS, THEY THOUGHT SHE WAS DATING A BULL DYKE.
OKAY, SO HE'S FRIENDS WITH A CAR-ROBOT AND YEAH, THAT'S SORT OF COOL, BUT OF ALL THE CARS TO HAVE BEFRIENDED?
HE GOT IN TIGHT WITH THE STUPID YELLOW ONE.
BEING FRIENDS WITH THE STUPID YELLOW ROBOT REMOVES ALL THE COOLNESS POINTS ATTAINED BY HAVING A ROBOT FOR A FRIEND.
I MEAN, SERIOUSLY, WHAT CHICK GETS POINTS FOR DRIVING AROUND TOWN IN A VOLKSWAGON?
ANSWER: NONE.
THE POINTAGE IS NEGATIVE
A USED VIBRATOR IS, IN FACT, WORTH MORE COOL POINTS THAN A VOLKSWAGON, EVEN IF IT HAS NO BATTERIES.
THIS IS A TRUTH-FACT.
WE KNOW THIS BECAUSE WE USED SEVERAL HIGHLY INTENSIVE POLLING TECHNIQUES.
(THAT IS TO SAY, WE ASKED A COUPLE OF THE CRACK HEADS DOWN STAIRS WOOOOP)
"DAMNIT, I SHOULD'VE GONE FOR CHIP INSTEAD. HE'S SMART, HE'S FRIENDS WITH THE POLICE CAR AND HE CAN RIP PLASTIC WITH HIS BARE HANDS. SO WHAT IF HE'S A GIMP. AT LEAST HE'S NOT A RETARD!"
OH CARLY, YOUR OLD-FASHIONED NON-PC LANGUAGE WOULD HAVE GOTTEN YOU TORN TO PIECES IN THIS NEW MILLENIUM.
THEN AGAIN, CONSIDERING THAT THE WALL JUST DENTED INWARD IN FEAR OF HER FEMININE RAGE WHEN SHE PUNCHED IT...
MAYBE NO ONE WOULD HAVE COMMENTED.
BECAUSE NO ONE WANTS TO GET IN THE WAY OF A HORMONAL PREGNANT WOMAN.
NO ONE.
WELL, EXCEPT WHEELJACK.
WE LOVE THE POOR BASTARD, BUT HE'S JUST NOT VERY BRIGHT SOMETIMES.
ACTUALLY, TECHNICALLY HE'S ALWAYS BRIGHT BECAUSE OF THOSE TOTALLY CRACKED OUT HEAD-LIGHT THINGS, BUT WE'LL IGNORE THAT BECAUSE THE GUYS AT HASBRO WERE OBVIOUSLY SMOKING SOMETHING /EXTRA/ SPECIAL WHEN THEY CAME UP WITH WHEELJACK: THE ENGINEER WITH NO MOUTH, LIGHT-UP EARS, A RACE CAR ALT-MODE AND TOTALLY USELESS WINGS THAT AREN'T EVEN THE COOL DOORWING TYPE THINGS THAT THE DATSUNS HAVE.
WOW THAT WAS A LONG SENTENCE.
HUH.
SOOOO.
WHEELJACK.
RIGHT.
HE WAS COMING DOWN THE HALL, MINDING HIS OWN BUSINESS WHEN HE FOUND CARLY LEANING AGAINST THE WALL, SCREAMING AND WAILING.
LIKE ALL MEN EVERYWHERE, WHEN FACED WITH A SCREAMING PREGNANT WOMAN, HE SAID THE FIRST THING THAT CAME TO MIND.
"OH PRIMUS CARLY, ARE YOU IN LABOUR?!"
IMMEDIATELY, AN EVIL AURA SPRANG UP IN THE AREA.
LATER THE POOR MECH WOULD SWEAR THAT EVERYTHING WENT DARK.
"WHEELJACK. I'M FIVE MONTHS PREGNANT. WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I WOULD BE IN LABOUR THIS EARLY? DO I LOOK THAT FAT TO YOU? HUH? HUH?!?!"
IT'S AMAZING HOW A 5 FOOT GIRL WOULD EVEN THINK TO TRY TO TERRORIZE A (SOMETIMES) 50 FOOT ROBOT, BUT CARLY MANAGED ADMIRABLY.
WHEELJACK BROKE DOWN LIKE A TRUE GEEKY WUSS AND THREW HIMSELF ON THE GROUND, GROVELLING LIKE THE BEST OF THEM.
STARSCREAM COULD TAKE LESSONS FROM THE GUY, HONESTLY.
"AAAAUGH! SORRYSORRYSORRY, HOW CAN I FIX IT, PLEASE DON'T HURT ME!!! I'LL DO ANYTHING!"
HE WOULD SOON REGRET THOSE WORDS.
CARLY SUDDENLY CALMED AND, LIKE PREGNANT WOMEN ALL OVER THE WORLD, SHE HAD A VIOLENT MOODSWING.
BECAUSE PREGNANT WOMEN HAVE MOOD SWINGS ALL THE TIME.
THE TV TOLD ME SO.
IF HE HAD BEEN COWERING BEFORE, WHEELJACK PRETTY MUCH BROKE UNDER THE PRESSURE OF HUGE, LIMPID POOLS OF BLUE SADNESS.
"WELL, THERE IS ONE THING..."
~
"ARE YOU SURE THIS IS A GOOD IDEA CARLY?"
WHEELJACK WINCED AS CARLY'S HAND CLANGED INTO THE PLATING OF HIS SHIN.
EVEN BAREFOOT AND PREGNANT, THE LADY HAD A POWERFUL GLARE.
"SHADDUP AN' MAKE ME A SAMMICH, ROBOT."
WHEELJACK WHIMPERED IN AN APPROPRIATE MANNER AND MADE BIG EYES UP AT THE HEAVENS.
PERCEPTOR WAS GOING TO KILL HIM FOR USING THEIR RESOURCES TO CREATE A HAMBURGER-GRILLING VERSION OF THE EASY-BAKE OVEN.
BUT REALLY, WHAT ELSE COULD HE HAVE DONE?
CARLY WANTED TO STUFF HER MOUTH FULL OF DEAD COW AND WHITE STARCH AND WHEELJACK WASN'T GOING TO ARGUE.
(AND IN REALITY, PERCEPTOR DIDN'T DO ANYTHING BECAUSE, SERIOUSLY, HE'S A NICE MECH, BUT HE'S EVEN MORE OF A PUSSY THAN WHEELJACK AND CARLY HAD A BASEBALL BAT AND WAS EYEING HIS MICROSCOPE LENS WITH MURDER IN HER EYES.)
~
FOUR MONTHS LATER, DANIEL WAS BORN.
CARLY STILL BLAMES EVERYTHING WRONG WITH HIM ON THE HAMBURGERS.
THEY SHOULD HAVE JUST GONE TO WHITE CASTLE.
CHARACTERS: BAREFOOT PREGNANT LADY AND THAT CAROBOT INVENTOR WHO EXPLODES A LOT.
RATING: CAPSLOCK
WORD COUNT: OVER FIVE HUNDRED.
SUMMARY: CARLY. WHEELJACK. A BURGER RUN. OH DEAR GOD HERE WE GO HERE WE GO HERE WE GOOOOO.
AN: REVIVED AND REVISED FOR "WRITE EVERY DAY NO EXCEPTIONS MONTH" (MARCH 1 EQUIVALENT) FROM TOAST'S BOX OF HORRIBLE THINGS BECAUSE FOR SOME REASON, I NEVER POSTED THIS TO MY JOURNAL...
I THINK I KNOW WHY.
EVEN NOW I EXPECT THE CROWDS OF SCREAMING PEOPLE TO COME STORMING THROUGH MY DOOR TO TEAR ME TO PIECES.
CARLY WAS PISSED OFF.
THIS WAS PRETTY MUCH THE NORM WITH HER BECAUSE, REALLY, WOULDN'T YOU BE PISSED OFF IF YOU'D GONE AND GOTTEN KNOCKED UP BY A HELMET-WEARING IDIOT NAMED SPIKE AND REALLY, IS THERE ANY NAME GAYER THAN SPIKE?
HONESTLY, THE FIRST TIME SHE INTRODUCED HIM TO HER PARENTS, THEY THOUGHT SHE WAS DATING A BULL DYKE.
OKAY, SO HE'S FRIENDS WITH A CAR-ROBOT AND YEAH, THAT'S SORT OF COOL, BUT OF ALL THE CARS TO HAVE BEFRIENDED?
HE GOT IN TIGHT WITH THE STUPID YELLOW ONE.
BEING FRIENDS WITH THE STUPID YELLOW ROBOT REMOVES ALL THE COOLNESS POINTS ATTAINED BY HAVING A ROBOT FOR A FRIEND.
I MEAN, SERIOUSLY, WHAT CHICK GETS POINTS FOR DRIVING AROUND TOWN IN A VOLKSWAGON?
ANSWER: NONE.
THE POINTAGE IS NEGATIVE
A USED VIBRATOR IS, IN FACT, WORTH MORE COOL POINTS THAN A VOLKSWAGON, EVEN IF IT HAS NO BATTERIES.
THIS IS A TRUTH-FACT.
WE KNOW THIS BECAUSE WE USED SEVERAL HIGHLY INTENSIVE POLLING TECHNIQUES.
(THAT IS TO SAY, WE ASKED A COUPLE OF THE CRACK HEADS DOWN STAIRS WOOOOP)
"DAMNIT, I SHOULD'VE GONE FOR CHIP INSTEAD. HE'S SMART, HE'S FRIENDS WITH THE POLICE CAR AND HE CAN RIP PLASTIC WITH HIS BARE HANDS. SO WHAT IF HE'S A GIMP. AT LEAST HE'S NOT A RETARD!"
OH CARLY, YOUR OLD-FASHIONED NON-PC LANGUAGE WOULD HAVE GOTTEN YOU TORN TO PIECES IN THIS NEW MILLENIUM.
THEN AGAIN, CONSIDERING THAT THE WALL JUST DENTED INWARD IN FEAR OF HER FEMININE RAGE WHEN SHE PUNCHED IT...
MAYBE NO ONE WOULD HAVE COMMENTED.
BECAUSE NO ONE WANTS TO GET IN THE WAY OF A HORMONAL PREGNANT WOMAN.
NO ONE.
WELL, EXCEPT WHEELJACK.
WE LOVE THE POOR BASTARD, BUT HE'S JUST NOT VERY BRIGHT SOMETIMES.
ACTUALLY, TECHNICALLY HE'S ALWAYS BRIGHT BECAUSE OF THOSE TOTALLY CRACKED OUT HEAD-LIGHT THINGS, BUT WE'LL IGNORE THAT BECAUSE THE GUYS AT HASBRO WERE OBVIOUSLY SMOKING SOMETHING /EXTRA/ SPECIAL WHEN THEY CAME UP WITH WHEELJACK: THE ENGINEER WITH NO MOUTH, LIGHT-UP EARS, A RACE CAR ALT-MODE AND TOTALLY USELESS WINGS THAT AREN'T EVEN THE COOL DOORWING TYPE THINGS THAT THE DATSUNS HAVE.
WOW THAT WAS A LONG SENTENCE.
HUH.
SOOOO.
WHEELJACK.
RIGHT.
HE WAS COMING DOWN THE HALL, MINDING HIS OWN BUSINESS WHEN HE FOUND CARLY LEANING AGAINST THE WALL, SCREAMING AND WAILING.
LIKE ALL MEN EVERYWHERE, WHEN FACED WITH A SCREAMING PREGNANT WOMAN, HE SAID THE FIRST THING THAT CAME TO MIND.
"OH PRIMUS CARLY, ARE YOU IN LABOUR?!"
IMMEDIATELY, AN EVIL AURA SPRANG UP IN THE AREA.
LATER THE POOR MECH WOULD SWEAR THAT EVERYTHING WENT DARK.
"WHEELJACK. I'M FIVE MONTHS PREGNANT. WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I WOULD BE IN LABOUR THIS EARLY? DO I LOOK THAT FAT TO YOU? HUH? HUH?!?!"
IT'S AMAZING HOW A 5 FOOT GIRL WOULD EVEN THINK TO TRY TO TERRORIZE A (SOMETIMES) 50 FOOT ROBOT, BUT CARLY MANAGED ADMIRABLY.
WHEELJACK BROKE DOWN LIKE A TRUE GEEKY WUSS AND THREW HIMSELF ON THE GROUND, GROVELLING LIKE THE BEST OF THEM.
STARSCREAM COULD TAKE LESSONS FROM THE GUY, HONESTLY.
"AAAAUGH! SORRYSORRYSORRY, HOW CAN I FIX IT, PLEASE DON'T HURT ME!!! I'LL DO ANYTHING!"
HE WOULD SOON REGRET THOSE WORDS.
CARLY SUDDENLY CALMED AND, LIKE PREGNANT WOMEN ALL OVER THE WORLD, SHE HAD A VIOLENT MOODSWING.
BECAUSE PREGNANT WOMEN HAVE MOOD SWINGS ALL THE TIME.
THE TV TOLD ME SO.
IF HE HAD BEEN COWERING BEFORE, WHEELJACK PRETTY MUCH BROKE UNDER THE PRESSURE OF HUGE, LIMPID POOLS OF BLUE SADNESS.
"WELL, THERE IS ONE THING..."
~
"ARE YOU SURE THIS IS A GOOD IDEA CARLY?"
WHEELJACK WINCED AS CARLY'S HAND CLANGED INTO THE PLATING OF HIS SHIN.
EVEN BAREFOOT AND PREGNANT, THE LADY HAD A POWERFUL GLARE.
"SHADDUP AN' MAKE ME A SAMMICH, ROBOT."
WHEELJACK WHIMPERED IN AN APPROPRIATE MANNER AND MADE BIG EYES UP AT THE HEAVENS.
PERCEPTOR WAS GOING TO KILL HIM FOR USING THEIR RESOURCES TO CREATE A HAMBURGER-GRILLING VERSION OF THE EASY-BAKE OVEN.
BUT REALLY, WHAT ELSE COULD HE HAVE DONE?
CARLY WANTED TO STUFF HER MOUTH FULL OF DEAD COW AND WHITE STARCH AND WHEELJACK WASN'T GOING TO ARGUE.
(AND IN REALITY, PERCEPTOR DIDN'T DO ANYTHING BECAUSE, SERIOUSLY, HE'S A NICE MECH, BUT HE'S EVEN MORE OF A PUSSY THAN WHEELJACK AND CARLY HAD A BASEBALL BAT AND WAS EYEING HIS MICROSCOPE LENS WITH MURDER IN HER EYES.)
~
FOUR MONTHS LATER, DANIEL WAS BORN.
CARLY STILL BLAMES EVERYTHING WRONG WITH HIM ON THE HAMBURGERS.
THEY SHOULD HAVE JUST GONE TO WHITE CASTLE.