[Fic] soylent green is people
Title: soylent green is people
Characters: Guy Gardner, Kyle Rayner
Rating: PG
Word Count: ~1000
Prompt: 07;P39 cabin fever
Summary: Guy and Kyle discuss the significance of names.
AN: Happy birthday teal_deer!
Guy sighed contentedly and adjusted his sunglasses on the bridge of his nose. Beach umbrella over his head, cushy beach-chair under his ass and all the hot chicks and alcohol he could want. And he was drinking a hell of a lot of alcohol.
Yup, I could get used to this.
A moment later, though, motion to the side caught Guy’s eye and he sighed. One man’s peace is another man’s hellhole of boredom. And his partner looked unspeakably bored.
Kyle had woken up from his nap a little while ago and hadn’t stopped fidgeting since. He’d powered through god knows how many froofy little umbrella-decorated drinks, doodled a gallery’s worth of random lines in the sand and rolled onto one side, then to the other, then back again enough times that Guy was about to smack him one.
Which is why Guy knew the bored chatter was coming before Kyle even inhaled.
“Hey Guy?”
Still, that didn’t stop him from sighing as he turned to face Kyle.
“Whaddya want?”
Kyle looked away and doodled a little spiral in the sand before hesitantly asking, “So have you ever tried, uh, growing plants?”
Guy lowered his sunglasses down the bridge of his nose.
“What.”
Kyle seemed vaguely embarrassed, but he pressed on anyway.
“Well your name’s Gardner, right? So have you ever tried, y’know, gardening?”
“You ever tried making water fall from the sky?”
Guy waved a hand upward and Kyle rolled his eyes in response.
“Oh. Haha, very funny. Although actually, I did once when I was little.”
“Oh yeah?”
“Yeah. I had to do a report on the native tribes in some far-flung part of the world. They did rain dances.”
“Did it work?”
“Nope... But you didn’t answer my question, Guy.”
“Oh geez,” Guy moaned. He sat up properly, hoping that if he answered Kyle’s questions directly he’d leave him alone to finally get some peace. “I tried a couple times when I was younger, but the things never survived, okay?”
“Oh.”
Guy’s arms were folded over his chest.
“Yeah. I can make as many green thumbs as I want, but the two on my hands’re anything but.” He huffed and looked away. “You happy now?”
“Well you were young, right? That’s understandable?”
Awkwardly, Kyle ventured a consoling pat on Guy’s arm, but Guy just shook Kyle’s hand off, annoyed.
“When I say younger, I mean when I was in college, moron.”
“College?” Kyle had a particularly pained look on his face as he spoke. “Man, please please please tell me you didn’t water it with beer.”
“What’s wrong with beer?”
Guy shot a sidelong look at Kyle, who only grimaced more.
“Other than the fact that it’s full of alcohol and acid?”
“Hey, if I can take it, why can’t a ficus?”
“You had a ficus-?”
“It was a gift,” Guy growled defensively. “We made play-offs and our coach thought the word ficus sounded funny.”
“Right.”
Only one word, but Kyle could imbue it with mountains of disbelief.
“Plus, the clerk told him they were hardy.” Guy glared at Kyle. “Which is why beer should’ve been fine for it.”
“God, you seriously have two college degrees?”
“Yeah, actually, I do,” Guy snapped. “Just not organic chemistry or whatever.”
“I- sheesh, how do I-” Kyle tapped his chin, thinking hard. After a moment he snapped his fingers and grinned. “Okay. Got it.”
“Gonna share yer wisdom with us poor common folk, oh wise master?”
“Shut up, would you? Just think of it like this: beer’s made of plants right?”
“Sure.”
“And you’re feeding it to a plant.”
“That’s what I said.”
“Well would you particularly enjoy eating soylent green?”
“Soylent what?”
“People. It’s from a movie.”
“Huh.” After a moment, Guy nodded grudgingly. “... yeah, okay, that actually makes sense.”
“Plus, I mean, a ficus is a heck of a lot teenier than you are.” Kyle smirked. “You probably gave it alcohol poisoning and then some.”
“So you’re saying that I don’t automatically kill every plant in sight. I just give ‘em hangovers?”
Kyle shook his head and curled his knees up to his chest. “Deadly hangovers. And, well, you used to.” He grinned and looked over at Guy through his bangs. “But, yeah, you probably wouldn’t if you stopped feeding them beer.”
Grinning, Guy stretched out on his side again and drawled, “We used to water ‘em with tequila too. Man, the victory parties we had back then were fuckin’ legendary.”
“Yeah, uh, no tequila either.”
“I’ll save that for the chicks.”
“You do that.”
“Speakin’ of chicks, though... that one’s definitely checkin’ you out.”
Kyle’s head whipped around in the direction Guy was pointing.
“What, the one back in the-“
“Don’t look, you idiot.” Guy rolled his eyes and flicked condensation off his drink at Kyle, smirking. “She’s eyein’ your ass.”
“I... don’t know how I feel about that.”
“Flattered?”
After peeking behind himself quickly, Kyle paled and hunched in on himself.
“Oh god, she has tentacles.”
“And what lovely tentacles they are.” Guy leered and wiggled his eyebrows. “Man could drown in those tentacles.”
Kyle made a strangled noise as Guy spread his hands and grinned.
“Hey, them’s the breaks. You come to an alien planet, you’re gonna get ogled by alien chicks.”
“God. You know what? I’ll let you have tentacle girl.”
“Oh yeah?”
Guy just grinned as he watched Kyle stumble up and out of his chair.
“Yeah. I’m going back to the room. To, uh, shower.” Kyle fumbled for his towel, eyes never leaving the slowly approaching alien. “Right.”
“You do that.”
Guy watched Kyle hoof it back to the hotel where they were staying, then rolled onto his back and tipped his sunglasses back over his eyes.
Sun, sand and surf and not an ADD, fidgety partner in earshot. This is the life.
He glanced over at the alien chick. She was still approaching with a definite glint in her eye.
Then again, maybe he’d go join Kyle. There was room in the shower for two.
Characters: Guy Gardner, Kyle Rayner
Rating: PG
Word Count: ~1000
Prompt: 07;P39 cabin fever
Summary: Guy and Kyle discuss the significance of names.
AN: Happy birthday teal_deer!
Guy sighed contentedly and adjusted his sunglasses on the bridge of his nose. Beach umbrella over his head, cushy beach-chair under his ass and all the hot chicks and alcohol he could want. And he was drinking a hell of a lot of alcohol.
Yup, I could get used to this.
A moment later, though, motion to the side caught Guy’s eye and he sighed. One man’s peace is another man’s hellhole of boredom. And his partner looked unspeakably bored.
Kyle had woken up from his nap a little while ago and hadn’t stopped fidgeting since. He’d powered through god knows how many froofy little umbrella-decorated drinks, doodled a gallery’s worth of random lines in the sand and rolled onto one side, then to the other, then back again enough times that Guy was about to smack him one.
Which is why Guy knew the bored chatter was coming before Kyle even inhaled.
“Hey Guy?”
Still, that didn’t stop him from sighing as he turned to face Kyle.
“Whaddya want?”
Kyle looked away and doodled a little spiral in the sand before hesitantly asking, “So have you ever tried, uh, growing plants?”
Guy lowered his sunglasses down the bridge of his nose.
“What.”
Kyle seemed vaguely embarrassed, but he pressed on anyway.
“Well your name’s Gardner, right? So have you ever tried, y’know, gardening?”
“You ever tried making water fall from the sky?”
Guy waved a hand upward and Kyle rolled his eyes in response.
“Oh. Haha, very funny. Although actually, I did once when I was little.”
“Oh yeah?”
“Yeah. I had to do a report on the native tribes in some far-flung part of the world. They did rain dances.”
“Did it work?”
“Nope... But you didn’t answer my question, Guy.”
“Oh geez,” Guy moaned. He sat up properly, hoping that if he answered Kyle’s questions directly he’d leave him alone to finally get some peace. “I tried a couple times when I was younger, but the things never survived, okay?”
“Oh.”
Guy’s arms were folded over his chest.
“Yeah. I can make as many green thumbs as I want, but the two on my hands’re anything but.” He huffed and looked away. “You happy now?”
“Well you were young, right? That’s understandable?”
Awkwardly, Kyle ventured a consoling pat on Guy’s arm, but Guy just shook Kyle’s hand off, annoyed.
“When I say younger, I mean when I was in college, moron.”
“College?” Kyle had a particularly pained look on his face as he spoke. “Man, please please please tell me you didn’t water it with beer.”
“What’s wrong with beer?”
Guy shot a sidelong look at Kyle, who only grimaced more.
“Other than the fact that it’s full of alcohol and acid?”
“Hey, if I can take it, why can’t a ficus?”
“You had a ficus-?”
“It was a gift,” Guy growled defensively. “We made play-offs and our coach thought the word ficus sounded funny.”
“Right.”
Only one word, but Kyle could imbue it with mountains of disbelief.
“Plus, the clerk told him they were hardy.” Guy glared at Kyle. “Which is why beer should’ve been fine for it.”
“God, you seriously have two college degrees?”
“Yeah, actually, I do,” Guy snapped. “Just not organic chemistry or whatever.”
“I- sheesh, how do I-” Kyle tapped his chin, thinking hard. After a moment he snapped his fingers and grinned. “Okay. Got it.”
“Gonna share yer wisdom with us poor common folk, oh wise master?”
“Shut up, would you? Just think of it like this: beer’s made of plants right?”
“Sure.”
“And you’re feeding it to a plant.”
“That’s what I said.”
“Well would you particularly enjoy eating soylent green?”
“Soylent what?”
“People. It’s from a movie.”
“Huh.” After a moment, Guy nodded grudgingly. “... yeah, okay, that actually makes sense.”
“Plus, I mean, a ficus is a heck of a lot teenier than you are.” Kyle smirked. “You probably gave it alcohol poisoning and then some.”
“So you’re saying that I don’t automatically kill every plant in sight. I just give ‘em hangovers?”
Kyle shook his head and curled his knees up to his chest. “Deadly hangovers. And, well, you used to.” He grinned and looked over at Guy through his bangs. “But, yeah, you probably wouldn’t if you stopped feeding them beer.”
Grinning, Guy stretched out on his side again and drawled, “We used to water ‘em with tequila too. Man, the victory parties we had back then were fuckin’ legendary.”
“Yeah, uh, no tequila either.”
“I’ll save that for the chicks.”
“You do that.”
“Speakin’ of chicks, though... that one’s definitely checkin’ you out.”
Kyle’s head whipped around in the direction Guy was pointing.
“What, the one back in the-“
“Don’t look, you idiot.” Guy rolled his eyes and flicked condensation off his drink at Kyle, smirking. “She’s eyein’ your ass.”
“I... don’t know how I feel about that.”
“Flattered?”
After peeking behind himself quickly, Kyle paled and hunched in on himself.
“Oh god, she has tentacles.”
“And what lovely tentacles they are.” Guy leered and wiggled his eyebrows. “Man could drown in those tentacles.”
Kyle made a strangled noise as Guy spread his hands and grinned.
“Hey, them’s the breaks. You come to an alien planet, you’re gonna get ogled by alien chicks.”
“God. You know what? I’ll let you have tentacle girl.”
“Oh yeah?”
Guy just grinned as he watched Kyle stumble up and out of his chair.
“Yeah. I’m going back to the room. To, uh, shower.” Kyle fumbled for his towel, eyes never leaving the slowly approaching alien. “Right.”
“You do that.”
Guy watched Kyle hoof it back to the hotel where they were staying, then rolled onto his back and tipped his sunglasses back over his eyes.
Sun, sand and surf and not an ADD, fidgety partner in earshot. This is the life.
He glanced over at the alien chick. She was still approaching with a definite glint in her eye.
Then again, maybe he’d go join Kyle. There was room in the shower for two.