"So Happy Christmas..."
Every single Christmas card I've received this year has lent me a spark of joy and warmth, so thank you anyone who can read this who has sent one.
Also, I opened the mailbox yesterday and there was an envelope package stuffed in there. I couldn't remember anything I had ordered recently, so it was a big mystery until I noticed that the return address was to Lapeer, MI. My favorite librarian lady lives there, but I wasn't expecting anything from her. To my sheer delight, I opened it up to find a pack of Polaroid film and a really beautiful note on a library-themed postcard that has a nice photo on it. It's the best mail surprise I have gotten in so very long, so a special thank you to hannunvaakuna, an incredibly lovely person I've known since my college days on #i.
I also had a nice thai dinner with 2bq this past week, one of those cozy types of meals I never get to really experience anymore. He had brought along a bottle of wine and my christmas gift a bit early, and I could have cried when I opened up the gift bag to find a Holga camera with film. I don't know how to explain it, other than when you feel as lost as I have for many many months now, it's an overwhelming feeling to realize someone out there still 'gets you.' So thank you so much, Jim.
I've set up a new journal. Details to come. It's the one I want to use for things like art and thought and films and observations and anything personal that i feel i can put out there in the world. I may even make it Paid to keep the ads away. A Fresh Start for a New Year and a New Decade, a place to go during this Clean-Up phase of my life. I may keep this one just for personal venting or private thinking, but it will be locked up. Anyone here already is welcome to stay here, but I know people like to slim down friends lists a lot, and my sad little rantings are often of no interest to others.
My paper is due on Tuesday, and I officially have zero pages of 40 (my own goal, it should be 60) in final draft form. I've got a pretty great opening though, and a firm skeleton and about 20 pages of pre-writing, so if I put my mind to it, I can maybe come up with something. It's difficult though, as I'm having an unhappy medical scare, and my heart is very confused and can never seem to find any peace. I have to have that overdue ultrasound on Tuesday, because things have gotten to an unacceptable and scary point. My doctor actually told me I couldn't go to work yesterday, and I have to miss a half day on Tuesday to get the test done, because it shouldn't be delayed any further.
I just want a hug. A long, firm hug, and a voice in my ear telling me that I'm ok just the way I am, no matter how things turn out.
Also, I opened the mailbox yesterday and there was an envelope package stuffed in there. I couldn't remember anything I had ordered recently, so it was a big mystery until I noticed that the return address was to Lapeer, MI. My favorite librarian lady lives there, but I wasn't expecting anything from her. To my sheer delight, I opened it up to find a pack of Polaroid film and a really beautiful note on a library-themed postcard that has a nice photo on it. It's the best mail surprise I have gotten in so very long, so a special thank you to hannunvaakuna, an incredibly lovely person I've known since my college days on #i.
I also had a nice thai dinner with 2bq this past week, one of those cozy types of meals I never get to really experience anymore. He had brought along a bottle of wine and my christmas gift a bit early, and I could have cried when I opened up the gift bag to find a Holga camera with film. I don't know how to explain it, other than when you feel as lost as I have for many many months now, it's an overwhelming feeling to realize someone out there still 'gets you.' So thank you so much, Jim.
I've set up a new journal. Details to come. It's the one I want to use for things like art and thought and films and observations and anything personal that i feel i can put out there in the world. I may even make it Paid to keep the ads away. A Fresh Start for a New Year and a New Decade, a place to go during this Clean-Up phase of my life. I may keep this one just for personal venting or private thinking, but it will be locked up. Anyone here already is welcome to stay here, but I know people like to slim down friends lists a lot, and my sad little rantings are often of no interest to others.
My paper is due on Tuesday, and I officially have zero pages of 40 (my own goal, it should be 60) in final draft form. I've got a pretty great opening though, and a firm skeleton and about 20 pages of pre-writing, so if I put my mind to it, I can maybe come up with something. It's difficult though, as I'm having an unhappy medical scare, and my heart is very confused and can never seem to find any peace. I have to have that overdue ultrasound on Tuesday, because things have gotten to an unacceptable and scary point. My doctor actually told me I couldn't go to work yesterday, and I have to miss a half day on Tuesday to get the test done, because it shouldn't be delayed any further.
I just want a hug. A long, firm hug, and a voice in my ear telling me that I'm ok just the way I am, no matter how things turn out.