(no subject)
ugh.
so i have been going through a little bit of a tiny existential crisis of sorts lately.
i just feel this really huge disconnect i guess.
& life has been going pretty great lately, so i am not sure where this is coming from?
i had a bit of a breakthrough today when i was thinking things out with myself and god, but i still feel just, i dont know... tearful and alone.
i was kinda feeling sorry for myself, about how alone things are right now and how it would be nice to just have some understanding, to just have someone even want to try to understand. how all the people i have really cared about have left me and how that has made me distrustful.
and i am being a bit dramatic here, not in the fact that i am distrustful, but i do have a family who is wonderful and supportive in what i can only guess is the best way they know how, even though it is not often the way i need.
but anyway, i was lamenting and just getting out thoughts and it struck me ... grant that I may never seek, so much to be consoled as to console, to be understood as to understand, to be loved as to love ... it was kinda obvious and i had to laugh at myself, but fark. sometimes i dont want to be understanding, sometimes i dont want to be the one giving. because i do try, i really do, and i have had a lot of hurt in my life, i just wish sometimes someone would try with me.
so i have been going through a little bit of a tiny existential crisis of sorts lately.
i just feel this really huge disconnect i guess.
& life has been going pretty great lately, so i am not sure where this is coming from?
i had a bit of a breakthrough today when i was thinking things out with myself and god, but i still feel just, i dont know... tearful and alone.
i was kinda feeling sorry for myself, about how alone things are right now and how it would be nice to just have some understanding, to just have someone even want to try to understand. how all the people i have really cared about have left me and how that has made me distrustful.
and i am being a bit dramatic here, not in the fact that i am distrustful, but i do have a family who is wonderful and supportive in what i can only guess is the best way they know how, even though it is not often the way i need.
but anyway, i was lamenting and just getting out thoughts and it struck me ... grant that I may never seek, so much to be consoled as to console, to be understood as to understand, to be loved as to love ... it was kinda obvious and i had to laugh at myself, but fark. sometimes i dont want to be understanding, sometimes i dont want to be the one giving. because i do try, i really do, and i have had a lot of hurt in my life, i just wish sometimes someone would try with me.