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Disclaimer: J.K.R owns Harry Potter, not me. That's why she's making the big bucks, and I'm deciding between paying for books and buying food.
Warning: This is a Slash Story. That means boy/boy lovin'.
Additional warning: Citrus! That rating's there for a reason, you know!
:Parseltongue:
So, my backspace key just went the way of the dodo. This might mean even more of a slowdown, judging by how it affected this chapter. Then again, maybe I should just learn to type things right the first time.
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Ginny woke up the next morning feeling like shit. She started to get up from where she had passed out on the couch, but realized right away what a horrible idea that was. Shifting, she heard a muttered ouch from by her feet. Sitting up- carefully- she looked over at her potion's professor, whom she had just kicked, and who appeared to be wearing make-up- courtesy of Sirius, of course, who held firm the philosophy of "he who passes out first shall have copious amounts of lipstick, nail polish and rouge applied." Where he had gotten the makeup Ginny had no idea, but she had a sneaking suspicion that the lady of the house would have to go shopping once she returned from her "vacation".
Climbing up, she carefully made her way to the loo. Looking down, she rolled her eyes. Sirius had passed out in the doorway, making it impossible to close the door. She shook her head, winced at the sudden wave of nausea that brought on, and stepped over him. A few not-so-gentle nudges persuaded the man to move out of the doorway and into the hall.
Stepping out of the w/c half an hour later, Ginny felt better. She still felt horrible, but she no longer wanted to curl up and die. Stepping over Sirius, she walked carefully to the kitchen. Remus had already made coffee and was in the middle of making what looked to be a rather hearty fry-up, although Ginny couldn't see how anyone could stand to eat anything if they felt like her. A sudden yell made her wince. "Looks like Snape's up." Remus rolled his eyes. "What happened last night? All I can remember is Sirius handing me drinks..." she trailed off as Severus entered the kitchen.
"Who's bright idea was this?" Ginny cringed.
"Keep it down, please? As for the make up, ask the git passed out in the hallway." Severus stormed off. A moment later, there was a yelp, and a series of unintelligible spells. Severus walked into the kitchen, a satisfied grin on his face. He was followed by Sirius, who's skin had been turned a violent shade of orange that clashed horribly with his violet hair. Ginny giggled as loudly as her pounding head would let her. Sirius, for his part, pretended that nothing was wrong.
"Morning, all. So, Ginny, how you doing." Ginny made an obscene gesture."That well, then? Well, have some bacon, you'll feel better in no time." He grabbed a plate, and started piling food on it. "It's the best thing for a hangover, really. Here, have some coffee, too. Not too much, though- you need liquid." Remus snorted.
"Listen to the man, Ginny. He knows what he's talking about- he's talking from experience, after all." The animagus swiped at the werewolf, and went to sit down.
"So, any sign of those two?" Remus shook his head.
"They're probably asleep still- Ginny, you feeling brave enough to check on them?" Ginny got up.
"Not really, but I'll do it anyways."
Ginny walked up to the bedroom and knocked. "Hey, you blokes still alive in there?" A muttered response- sounding suspiciously like "fuck off"- was heard. She shrugged, and went back to the kitchen.
------
Harry and Tom, not having drunk nearly as much as Ginny, were feeling much better when they woke up that morning. Harry woke up first, feeling Tom's arms around him, and sighing and snuggling closer. This motion was enough to rouse Tom, who tightened his grip on the teen.
"G'mornin' love" he murmured, trying not to yawn, "how you feelin'?"
Harry rolled over to face the older man. "Better." He moved in to kiss Tom, but Tom dodged it.
"Gimme a minute- my mouth tastes like something died in it." He reached over to the nightstand, and took a sip from the glass of water resting there. He then grabbed his wand and muttered "tersus oris" before rolling back to face the boy. "Much better." Harry rolled his eyes and gave Tom a quick kiss.
"What exactly was that charm, anyways?"
"Mouth cleaning charm. Not as pleasant as toothpaste, but it gets the job done. I'm surprised they don't bother to teach it at Hogwarts, actually. It's a damn sight more useful than transfiguring a hedgehog into a pincushion."
Harry nodded, yawning. He grabbed his own wand. "Tersus oris, right?" He cast it on himself, frowning at the odd sensation. Tucking his wand back under his pillow, he moved back over to Tom, kissing him much more thoroughly this time. Tom responded by rolling on top of the teen and nipping at his lower lip. He had just started tracing kisses along the young man's jaw, when he heard a scream from downstairs. Tom rolled his eyes. "Severus." Harry snickered. Tom kissed him softly on the lips, before moving down to suck and bite at Harry's neck. At the same time, he reached down to grab the hem of Harry's shirt, yanking it up. Harry arced so that Tom could remove the shirt, shivering slightly. Once he had removed his boyfriend's shirt, Tom began nipping at the juncture between Harry's neck and shoulder, bringing a bruise to the surface and earning a groan from the boy beneath him.
He made his way across Harry's collarbone and down to Harry's chest, where he started on the delicate flesh of the teen's nipples. Laving at the pebbled flesh, he coaxed a moan out of the boy. He had just started on the other nipple when there was a knock on the door. "Oh, fuck off!" Harry groaned. The fates seemed to be smiling on them that morning, as, wonder of wonders, they heard footsteps walking away from the door. Harry smiled, and Tom nipped. :Oh, Fuck!: Harry hissed. Tom smiled, and started trailing his hand down Harry's chest, following it with his tongue. He stopped when he reached the waist of Harry's jeans, and looked up. :Oh, god, more!: Tom felt a twinge in his cock at Harry's cry. Quickly undoing the button and fly of the trousers, he practically tore them off of the body beneath him. Harry hissed as Tom accidentally brushed against the front of his boxers. "Please, Tom, I need you."
Tom grinned wolfishly and pulled down Harry's pants, exposing his rock-hard member. He proceeded to tease the young Gryffindor, nipping at his thighs, smirking as Harry groaned in frustration. :Tom, please: the young man begged, and Tom complied, taking Harry in his mouth. It was all Harry could do not to buck his hips. Tom skillfully maneuvered his tongue, eliciting a string of moans and broken curses.
:Tom, please, I want...: Harry bit his lip. He wasn't sure how to ask this. :Tom...:
:Tell me what you want, Harry. I need you to say it: Tom looked up, tongue still in motion. Harry moaned.
:I want you inside of me, Tom. Please, I want you- : Tom silenced Harry with a gesture. Stopping what he was doing, Tom reached for the night stand, and opened the drawer. He pulled out the box Harry had given him for Christmas, and, removing the lid, revealed a collection of scented oils. Pulling out the first vial, he turned to Harry.
"Are you sure about this, love?"
"Tom, just hurry up and fuck me already!" snorting, Tom poured a small amount of oil onto his fingers and quickly prepared Harry while he undid his own trousers. Harry gasped as Tom's fingers grazed the sensitive spot inside of him.
"Good?" Tom smiled, pressing the spot again, causing Harry to keen.
:Need you now, Tom!: Tom pulled out his fingers, and Harry whimpered at the loss. The feeling didn't last long, however, soon he felt something much larger pressed against him. Tom lifted Harry's legs to rest on his shoulders, and slowly slipped inside the younger man, who let out a loud groan at the sensation. His breath hitched as Tom once again grazed that sensitive patch.
Once he was in, Tom paused to let Harry adjust to his size. After what felt like an eternity, Harry nodded, and started thrusting slowly. As he thrust, he shifted, looking for the right position. Finally Harry let out a cry and fisted his hands in the sheet. :Oh fuck, harder!: Harry keened, as Tom sped up. "God, Tom" :feels so good: "Gonna come!" Harry arched his back and let out an inarticulate cry as he came. The sounds the younger man made were music to Tom, who thrust a few more times before coming himself, collapsing on top of Harry. He looked up at his young lover, who was still dazed.
"I love you, you know?" Harry smiled and nodded, unable to form words. Tom shifted to grab his wand, and, a quick scourgify later, he curled up, Harry in his arms, and drifted off to sleep.
------
Meanwhile...
Rita Skeeter was just sitting down to a late breakfast when she heard the unmistakable sound of a beak tapping on her window. Opening it, she stepped back as a large eagle owl hopped through, a package tied to its foot. Untying the package, she absentmindedly fed the owl a piece of bacon as she read the note.
"Ms. Skeeter-
I have recently come across some interesting information regarding the Dark Lord and Dumbledore. I am passing it on to you in the hopes that you can provide the public with the full story. All I ask is that you do not distort the results of this study whatsoever, and that you add a request for anyone else who may have been involved to contact you- you will understand why once you read the material. I will contact you again after the story is published.
Regards,
A concerned citizen"
She nodded toward the owl, who hopped to the windowsill and flew off. Humming, she opened the package, retrieving a file. Setting to read the file, her eyes began to gleam. Oh, yes, she could work with this.
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Four days later, it was time to head back to Hogwarts. Sirius, who had declined to take on the title of the head of the Black family again, had finally agreed to take back the key to the Black family vault, and had rented himself a cozy cottage on the outskirts of Hogsmeade. He had had a long conversation with Professor McGonagall upon his return to the land of the living, and one of the results of that conversation was the reinstating of Harry's Hogsmeade visits.
Slipping through the barrier onto Platform 9 3/4, Harry grinned. It looked like it was going to be a great day. Sirius, who was in his animagus form- no sense in causing a panic, and, while the Ministry knew he was back, they had managed to avoid any publicity- yipped, causing Harry to look up. Draco frowned, looked at Snuffles, up to Harry's face, and then back to the dog, who was sitting there trying to look innocent. Harry nodded at him, and inclined his head toward the train.
Ginny, meanwhile, had already run off to find Blaise. Harry spotted her, talking calmly to the older boy and trying not to blush. Shaking his head, he climbed onto the train and into the first empty compartment, Sirius close on his heels. He was shortly joined by Draco. "Is that...?"
Sirius responded by transforming, at which Draco gaped. "Weren't you dead?"
Sirius turned to Harry, who grinned. "He got better. So, how'd it go with Pansy?"
Draco rolled his eyes. "Please, can we not talk about her? I just ate." Harry's chuckle was cut short as the door opened and Neville climbed into the compartment. He nodded to the other occupants, and sat down.
"Hullo, Sirius. I didn't know you were back- how've you been?"
"Dead, mostly. It's really boring, being dead. First it's all wavy, then everything goes black, and then you're stuck with a bunch of people, most of whom are bored senseless. And there's not much to do other than watch the living. I spent four hours one day watching Professor Lupin marking essays. Four whole hours! And they were the most entertaining hours that week! I mean, if death's an eternity of that that, I'm never planning on dying again."
Harry was just about to comment on that when the door opened again. This time it was Ginny, with Blaise behind her.
"Room for two more?"
"Hmm, I don't know... I think we might just exclude you, Ginny, dearest." Harry grinned at the girl, who made an obscene gesture. "Now, that wasn't nice! Maybe you should go sit by yourself-" Sirius grabbed his godson and put him in a headlock.
Ginny pushed her way in, treading firmly on Harry's foot. Blaise followed, shooting furtive glances at the strange man wrestling with Harry. "Ok, Blaise, this is Sirius. Don't worry, he's harmless. Mostly, anyways. Sirius, this is Blaise. Before you try anything, remember that Fred and George still have those pictures-"
"Wait, what pictures?" Sirius looked up, eyebrow raised.
"Oh, yeah, you never saw those, did you? Well, anyways, play nice." She sat back, leaning against her boyfriend. "So, Draco, how'd the thing with Pansy go?" Draco scowled.
"Oh, great. She fell in love with the guy. Unfortunately, he has this sister..." He glared at Harry, who was laughing. "It's not funny! She's got all the personality of a blast-ended skrewt!" Harry started howling. "So glad you can find humor in my misery, Harry."
"I'm sorry, but it's just- the look on your face! You look like you just swallowed a slug, or something." Draco threw a piece of parchment at the Gryffindor.
"Prat. So, anyways, You been watching the Prophet?" Harry shook his head.
"Nah, I won't pay for a subscription to a paper that likes to drag my name through the mud." He eyed Draco meaningfully.
"Yeah, yeah, I know, I was a tosser, et cetera, et cetera. I've just noticed that everyone's favorite reporter has been oddly silent lately."
Harry smirked. "Probably doing a bit of research? Anyways, I'm sure we'll all know when her next big expos comes out, won't we? We'll just follow the sound of the howlers to the head table."
Blaise looked confused. "Why do I get the feeling I don't have the whole story here?" Harry just shook his head.
"Trust me, hon. You'll see soon enough. She's not going to sit on something as big as this for too long."
Neville got up. "I've had my share of cloak and dagger for one day. I'll see you all at dinner, then?" He nodded and left the compartment, most likely in search for Luna. Sirius yawned.
"I think I'm going to see what Moony's up to. I'll drop by in a bit. Harry, you keep an eye on these two-" He eyed Ginny and Blaise, "-I'm sure Molly's not quite ready for grandsprogs quite yet." Ginny pretended to be scandalized, while Blaise just looked at his shoes. Harry laughed.
"Yeah, yeah, you big git. No one wants you here anyways." Sirius pouted as he just about fell into the corridor, turning into his dog form part way. Harry leaned over and shut the door. "Don't worry about him, Blaise. He's just taking the piss." Blaise looked sheepish.
"Yeah? Well, it's not every day that a dead guy eyes you up. Forgive me for being nervous." Harry grinned.
"Yeah, sure. Hey, who's up for exploding snap?"
-----
They were just setting up for a second game when the door to the compartment opened again, and Dean peeked his head in.
"Can we come in? The happy couple are at it again." Harry nodded, and Dean and Seamus piled in.
"Thanks. Ron's being worse than usual today. I mean, what crawled up his arse and died?"
Harry shook his head. "He's been like this since Christmas- One of his brothers brought his boyfriend home for the holidays."
Seamus and Dean both snorted. "Oh, Merlin, that's just beautiful. Which one?" Ginny shook her head.
"I'd tell you, but someone told me that it was better if I minded my own business." Seamus rolled his eyes and turned to Harry.
"So, Harry... wait a tick, what's that on your neck?" Seamus' face broke into a wide grin. "It looks like you had a fine Christmas! Well, come on, spill!" Harry turned red and tried to adjust the collar of his shirt to hide the offending mark. Ginny looked at him, eyebrow raised. Draco smirked.
"You didn't... You did!" She looked at the yellowing bruise, critically. "New Year's?" Harry looked down. "So, is that why no one saw you until dinner?"
Seamus was getting frustrated at the exchange. "So, who is it?"
Harry looked up. "Um, well, I've kind of been seeing someone."
Dean snorted. "Well, obviously, Harry. You don't look like the type to just hop into bed with just anyone. So, who?"
Ginny rolled her eyes. "See, Harry? All of this was so much easier when I'd just blurt things out, wasn't it?" Harry groaned and hid his face in his hands.
"Fine, you win. Bitch." Ginny laughed.
"Harry's been dating that clerk from Honeydukes since... September, was it? Yeah, well, Harry managed to get together with him- he was staying nearby- and we headed over there for New Years." Ginny grinned. "So, how's it feel to be a man?" Harry made a series of obscene gestures, the gist of which seemed to be "go fist yourself".
Seamus was stunned. "Holy hell, Harry, you've been going out with this bloke for since September?"
Unfortunately for everyone, just then, the door to the compartment opened again. Even worse, the person who had opened the compartment was none other than Ron, who, by the look on his face, had heard everything. "Holy hell, not you too! I swear, I'm surrounded by poofs!" Harry stood up.
"Ron, grow up. You're being a prat. I mean, boo-fucking-hoo, I like blokes- no one else seems to give a fuck, other than you and Hermione."
"Look, Harry, I don't know what you're on about, but it's gross! I mean, the arse is for things to go out, not in! And besides, Dumbledore said-"
"I don't give a flying fuck what Dumbledore said. I want to know why you've turned into such a self-righteous plonker!" Ron was turning a bright shade of red.
"You think I've changed? You're the one spending time with bloody Slytherins!" Harry rolled his eyes.
"Ron, in case you haven't noticed, most of our year is on good terms with those same "bloody Slytherins." You two are the only ones with a problem. Do us a favor and grow the fuck up, alright?" Harry pushed Ron back into the corridor and shut the compartment door. Ron looked like he was about to open the door and keep yelling, but then he stopped, took a deep breath, and stormed off. There was a long pause.
Ginny finally broke the silence. "Well, Harry, how long do you figure until this ends up in the Prophet?" Harry shook his head.
"I don't think Rita will touch it- I have too much dirt on her right now, and I'm sure I can find something bigger for her to follow. Maybe I should owl her to make sure, though? Make my offer before someone else does?" He leaned back. "I'm more worried about how long it will take until this spreads to the rest of Hogwarts- I guess this blows the betting pool out of the water, anyways." He sighed, and then stood up, forcing a smile. "Well, I'm going to go get changed. Maybe I'll find Snuffles, or something. I'll see you all later." Without waiting for a response, Harry stalked out of the compartment.
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Harry was sitting in front of the fire in the otherwise empty Gryffindor common room. Amazingly, no one mentioned anything to him at dinner, although he noticed that one of the Hufflepuff seventh years had been looking at him in a rather frightening fashion. In fact, everything had gone smoothly until he had returned to the common room, where he had been confronted by a very angry Hermione.
"How could you?" Harry looked at her, confused.
"How could I what?"
"You know! Ron told me all about what he heard! What's wrong with you?"
"There's nothing wrong with me. Seriously, what's your problem?"
"Harry, I hate to break it to you, but being gay is just wrong!"
"Why?"
"It- it- it just is! It's a sin!" Harry laughed.
"Who are you and what have you done with Hermione? Seriously, you used to be so logical and rational- what happened to you?"
"Nothing's happened to me! Look, Harry, the bible says-"
"Isn't that the same bible that says "Suffer not a witch to live."? Or am I just imaging your hypocrisy?"
"But that's different! Being magical isn't a choice!"
"Neither is who you're attracted to, Hermione. Look, let me know when you stop making excuses. Until then, I'll be spending time with the people who really care about me."
"But, Harry-"
"No, Hermione. No buts. You're using religion as an excuse to hate people. That's just bullshit, and I doubt I'm the only person here who'd appreciate it if you'd knock it the fuck off."
"Damn straight!" one of the fifth-year boys called out. Hermione glared at Harry, before turning and storming off to the dorms.
Now Harry was sitting alone, staring at the fire. He still couldn't believe his friends had turned on him, using such weak excuses at that! There was something more going on here, but he just couldn't put his finger on it. With a sigh, Harry got up and went to bed. Maybe it would make more sense in the morning.
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The next day, as Harry was heading down for breakfast, Professor McGonagall stopped him.
"Mister Potter, the headmaster would like to speak with you for a minute. The password is "chocoballs". I believe that Mister Black will be there as well." Pursing her lips, the head of Gryffindor house spun on her heel, and started toward the Great Hall. Harry sighed, said a quick goodbye to Ginny, who was walking with him, and went.
Arriving at the Headmaster's office, he was surprised to find the gargoyle had already moved aside. He climbed up the stairs, and stepped into the office. Sirius was indeed already there, petting Fawkes. Dumbledore was nowhere to be seen. Harry wandered around, looking at the many objects on the shelves. He stopped when he came across the sorting hat. He smiled, and, giving a quick glance to Sirius, popped it on his head.
"Well, Mister Potter. It's been a while since we chatted, hasn't it? To what do I owe this pleasure?"
"Actually, I'm not sure. I guess I'm just wondering how you've been." The hat snorted.
"Yes, I'm sure you were. So, it seems you've found out some of the Old Coot's dirty little secrets." Harry's eyes went wide. "No, I'm not going to tell him. As a matter of fact, I'd rather help you. Albus has been plotting, he has, and most of it concerns you and Tom. Here, it will be easier to just show you." Suddenly, Harry felt his mind being flooded with images. "You can sort through them later- I think he's coming. Now, smile, and pretend you haven't been plotting his downfall for the last few months." Harry chuckled at that, and took off the hat. Sirius gave him a questioning look.
"Later." Harry promised. Before Sirius could ask anything, Albus stepped into the office.
"Well, my boys, it looks as though you had an interesting vacation. Sirius, how have you been?"
"Dead. It's not as exciting as it sounds." Albus smiled.
"So I hear. I take it you are aware that Pettigrew has been captured?" Sirius nodded. "Ah, yes, I'm sure you would, at that. Now, I'm curious, how did this come about?"
Harry shrugged. "I found a book in the library at Grimmauld Place. Re- erm, Professor Lupin managed to convince Professor Snape to help, and Mr. Weasley talked to one of the Unspeakables, who got us in."
"I see. And this book? What happened to it?"
"Well, I had a copy made and sent it to the Department of Mysteries- Croaker asked me to- and the original is sitting back at the house. Why, sir? Do you want a copy, too?" Albus shook his head.
"No, Harry, I don't think that will be necessary. I was just curious. So, Sirius, how do you like this freedom of yours?" Sirius shrugged.
"I haven't gotten much of a chance to experience it yet. I was planning on dropping by the The Three Broomsticks later, maybe see if Madam Rosmerta is still as cute as she was last time I saw her." Albus nodded.
"Alright, Sirius. I expect you have a busy day ahead of you, and I would hate to keep you. I needed to talk to Harry about a few other things, anyways." Sirius nodded and walked out. "Harry, how have you been these past few days?"
Harry shrugged. "Fine, I guess." Albus nodded.
"And how have things been between you and Mister Weasley and Miss Granger?"
"They've been better." Harry admitted, suspicious. "We haven't been speaking much."
"I see. Harry, don't you think it's about time you took them back? I'm sure they've been missing you."
"Actually, sir, I'm not so sure they have. The only time they've talked to me lately is to insult me. Or to insult someone else. Either way, I'd rather not spend any more time with them than necessary." Albus sighed.
"Harry, Miss Granger came to me last night. She's worried about you- your behaviour, your new associations, your *ahem* predilections-" Harry saw red.
"-are none of her business. She's already come and told me off. Really, I have more to worry about than whether or not I meet Hermione and Ron's approval. Now, if that's everything, I have to go to class." Harry got up, and stormed out of the office, ignoring the Headmaster's response. Bloody Hell, doesn't that just figure? Harry shook his head as he walked towards Defense. And wasn't one of Ron's excuses something about the Old Coot? It fucking figures. He hasn't fucked up my life enough, he has to get other people to help him.
------
Harry was the first person to arrive at the classroom, which was still locked up. He sighed and slumped against the wall, glowering, and began dreaming up increasingly violent ways to get revenge on the headmaster. He had just gotten up to number 12 (which involved Buckbeak and a ferret-sized Dumbledore), when Remus arrived, Daily Prophet under his arm.
"Hey, I noticed you weren't at Breakfast." Harry glared at him.
"No, I was busy getting lectured by Dumbledore- apparently, Hermione came to him with concerns about my behaviour, friends, and "predilections". I wasn't very hungry after that." The werewolf laughed, opening the door.
"I don't doubt it. Maybe this will make you feel better." He handed Harry the newspaper, which Harry frowned at.
Dumbledore- Heroic or Horrific?
We all know Albus Dumbledore as an icon to the light- the defeater of Grindelwald, the headmaster of Hogwarts, and all in all, a good- if slightly insane- man. However, this reporter recently came across some information which casts serious doubt on the character of Dumbledore, as well as the origins of You-Know-Who...
The article went on for three pages, outlining the experiments in detail, and including the photograph of Westhover and Zephyrwilde, with Tom's face censored to protect his privacy. All in all, Harry was pleased.
"So, any howlers arrive yet?" Remus shook his head. "Not that I saw. Then again, Dumbledore wasn't at breakfast either. And best of all, she- along with everyone else in the country- is going to be too busy with the follow-ups to care about who the Boy-Who-Lived may or may not be seeing." Harry sighed in relief. He had been worried about that, despite what he had said to Ginny and Draco.
By now, students were starting to file into the room, most of them gossiping about the article. Only Ron and Hermione were silent, although neither of them would meet the eyes of any of the other students. Draco and Blaise walked up to Harry, Crabbe and Goyle in tow. "Took her long enough, don't you think?" Harry snorted.
"Oh, come on. It was a pretty thick file, you know. I didn't even find the last of it until the week before Christmas! Most of it was dry as dust, too- made Binns seem interesting. You got off light, Draco, all you had to do was write the note and mail it." Blaise's eyes went wide.
"This is what you were talking about on the train?" Harry nodded. "Wicked..." Draco snorted.
"You have no idea. Now, come on, we'll talk about this later." He nodded at Harry, who went to sit down beside Neville.
------
When Harry arrived in the common room that night, the article was still the main topic of discussion. Ron and Hermione had taken to defending Dumbledore, stating that the documents mentioned must have been made up. The discovery of copies of those documents by a third year Ravenclaw quickly assured that no one would take their side, however. Harry could have laughed. Everything was going perfectly! Now, it was time for Dumbles to make his move.
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Alright! Next Chapter: The aftermath! More Rita! Restlessness! And Dys may just smash zir laptop if it doesn't stop trying to eat zir stories!