That no talent ass clown.
Today, I had lunch with three kids. Normally, I think kids are dumb. They are. You can't wax politics with them, you can't subject them to high-end sarcasm, and they have the social graces of, well, a kid. But today, I had lunch with Kevin and his two brothers. Here's some background:
I was left looking for a place to eat lunch by myself after my first class, and as I approached the two usual destinations of starving college students (Carl's Jr. and Jack-in-the-Box), they were both filled to the brim with said starving educatees (pseudo-neologism alert!). Therefore, I had to tap my critical thinking and problem solving skills and determined that McDonald's, because of its perceived farness (which is just about a block away), would have been less desirable for my fellow students to journey to, given the heat, and hence less crowded.
Ultimately I was right, and upon entering said fast food restaurant I proceeded to scout for myself a suitable hospice for my buttocks. The only seat was a smaller table connected to a larger table, the latter of which was occupied by a mother and her three kids. As I readied the smaller table for my imminent arrival, one of the kids looked up at me from his side of the (larger) table and said, "Hey, I'm sitting there!"
Which he was clearly not.
Being the true gentleman that I am, I almost immediately inquired, "Oh? Well, is it ok if I sit here?"
One of astute eyes could see the still-developing neural network of this child work its biological processes as it handled this new bit of information. After a short while, he replied, "Ok!", an allowance to which I finally sat down. Throughout the course of my meal I learned a few things:
* Kevin, the gentleman-in-training (not unlike the ones in Great Expectations) before me, was 5½ years old.
* His youngest brother, Seth, is 4 (signified by putting up three fingers).
* And as is the tradition to give one of your children a weird quasi-Biblical name, his older brother Yosiah was at least 7¾ years old, by his own reckoning.
* Kevin loves cheeseburgers and likes to have his own box of fries.
* You should probably never have three kids, especially all boys, so close together. Their mother revealed to me that it was "hard work" after asking me if I really wanted "to eat lunch with three kids".
* One should go to the bathroom, wash your hands, and flush the toilet before eating lunch.
* Kevin now has a brand new pair of Heely's.
I still think kids can be dumb, but today they were a nice change of pace from grownups and their superficial ways.
Speaking of grownups, did I tell you that I was being taught about early European civilizations by House? Well, he isn't, really; he doesn't have gruffy facial hair, his face is less elongated, doesn't walk around with a cane, isn't antisocial, doesn't speak overt sarcasm, and isn't addicted to Vicodine (at least not to my knowledge), but he gives me the feel that I'm being taught about Greek civilization by an approximate facsimile of the Sherlock-Holmesian TV doctor. That's the gospel truthiness.
According to Prof. House, to him there are three major sins in this world: molesting young children, hurting defenseless animals, and using communication devices in his class; listed from least to most offensive. So just to let all of you know now that if you attempt to text me for your daily dose of my witty quips and observations Tuesdays and Thursdays between 10:25am and 12pm, you won't get any of it. It's not going to happen. Period.
I was left looking for a place to eat lunch by myself after my first class, and as I approached the two usual destinations of starving college students (Carl's Jr. and Jack-in-the-Box), they were both filled to the brim with said starving educatees (pseudo-neologism alert!). Therefore, I had to tap my critical thinking and problem solving skills and determined that McDonald's, because of its perceived farness (which is just about a block away), would have been less desirable for my fellow students to journey to, given the heat, and hence less crowded.
Ultimately I was right, and upon entering said fast food restaurant I proceeded to scout for myself a suitable hospice for my buttocks. The only seat was a smaller table connected to a larger table, the latter of which was occupied by a mother and her three kids. As I readied the smaller table for my imminent arrival, one of the kids looked up at me from his side of the (larger) table and said, "Hey, I'm sitting there!"
Which he was clearly not.
Being the true gentleman that I am, I almost immediately inquired, "Oh? Well, is it ok if I sit here?"
One of astute eyes could see the still-developing neural network of this child work its biological processes as it handled this new bit of information. After a short while, he replied, "Ok!", an allowance to which I finally sat down. Throughout the course of my meal I learned a few things:
* Kevin, the gentleman-in-training (not unlike the ones in Great Expectations) before me, was 5½ years old.
* His youngest brother, Seth, is 4 (signified by putting up three fingers).
* And as is the tradition to give one of your children a weird quasi-Biblical name, his older brother Yosiah was at least 7¾ years old, by his own reckoning.
* Kevin loves cheeseburgers and likes to have his own box of fries.
* You should probably never have three kids, especially all boys, so close together. Their mother revealed to me that it was "hard work" after asking me if I really wanted "to eat lunch with three kids".
* One should go to the bathroom, wash your hands, and flush the toilet before eating lunch.
* Kevin now has a brand new pair of Heely's.
I still think kids can be dumb, but today they were a nice change of pace from grownups and their superficial ways.
Speaking of grownups, did I tell you that I was being taught about early European civilizations by House? Well, he isn't, really; he doesn't have gruffy facial hair, his face is less elongated, doesn't walk around with a cane, isn't antisocial, doesn't speak overt sarcasm, and isn't addicted to Vicodine (at least not to my knowledge), but he gives me the feel that I'm being taught about Greek civilization by an approximate facsimile of the Sherlock-Holmesian TV doctor. That's the gospel truthiness.
According to Prof. House, to him there are three major sins in this world: molesting young children, hurting defenseless animals, and using communication devices in his class; listed from least to most offensive. So just to let all of you know now that if you attempt to text me for your daily dose of my witty quips and observations Tuesdays and Thursdays between 10:25am and 12pm, you won't get any of it. It's not going to happen. Period.