You've Seen The Difference And It's Getting Better All The Time
Moving forward, using all my breath. I can feel this on-rush of joy soaring over my skin, my face, my muscles, my beating heart, every living organism in my entire being. My throat is sore from sound, but I am enjoying it. My cheeks are red, and my flesh is flushed from excitement. I am laughing.
I haven't had as great an evening as I've had tonight in a long time. The day started off good, a little rough, but nice. It took a turn for the ugly, and I started getting frustrated and angry and the violent adrenaline was pulsating within my temples, but everything calmed down after I took a step to smooth out the edges and soften my attitude. I tried to be optimistic, or at least take things in stride and not dwell on the things bothering me. All in all, I had an enjoyable evening filled with conversation, much conversation, and smiles. The conversation was nice for a change, not forced, and flowing freely. I enjoyed it very much. I hope he knows that.
Dream of better lives, the kind which never hate. I was so angry, so so angry for a time that I felt disgusting inside. I felt rejected, and because I was angry at being rejected, I was rejecting myself and the angry feelings I had towards everybody. Nobody was really to blame. I still get really angry, and I'm not as mellow as I'd like to be, but I think I'm making progress. I'm letting other people do things, make their own decisions, and have allowed them space to come to me for help instead of me going to them beforehand and worrying myself and others. And it worked. People trusted me and they came to me and I helped them. I'm thinking "whatever" in certain cases. It's been nice not to worry.
Wrapped in a state of imaginary grace. I feel as if I am trying to present myself in a more relaxed state, and it's been nice. It's been, well, relaxing, and a beautiful change from being so tense and negative, focusing this time on the choices I make instead of the flaws of others' decisions. I still feel disappointed, and as a human I feel I am entitled to feel every kind of emotion at least once, but I'm more calm about what other people do.
I made a pilgrimage to save this human race, never comprehending the race had long gone by. Everything I have felt this world needed to focus on has gone with the wind, old-fashioned and out of place. I was trying to save the world from disappointment and pain, when I forgot to remember that pain exists for a reason. It exists to teach all human beings and other living forms that without pain, we couldn't appreciate the beauty in the recuperation or the painless state. It's been nice to not feel so much pain as a result of recognizing this ideal. How coincidental.
I am not expecting too much. I am merely going by day to day. So far, that plan has worked nicely. It has worked to my favor.
I'm talking to one of my exes. He said he wanted to just say "hi" and "goodnight." We asked how each other were. He's very quiet. But he's my friend. That's comforting. It's comforting to be able to move on without really changing drastically.
Tomorrow I will melt with you. Tonight I can only dream.
I haven't had as great an evening as I've had tonight in a long time. The day started off good, a little rough, but nice. It took a turn for the ugly, and I started getting frustrated and angry and the violent adrenaline was pulsating within my temples, but everything calmed down after I took a step to smooth out the edges and soften my attitude. I tried to be optimistic, or at least take things in stride and not dwell on the things bothering me. All in all, I had an enjoyable evening filled with conversation, much conversation, and smiles. The conversation was nice for a change, not forced, and flowing freely. I enjoyed it very much. I hope he knows that.
Dream of better lives, the kind which never hate. I was so angry, so so angry for a time that I felt disgusting inside. I felt rejected, and because I was angry at being rejected, I was rejecting myself and the angry feelings I had towards everybody. Nobody was really to blame. I still get really angry, and I'm not as mellow as I'd like to be, but I think I'm making progress. I'm letting other people do things, make their own decisions, and have allowed them space to come to me for help instead of me going to them beforehand and worrying myself and others. And it worked. People trusted me and they came to me and I helped them. I'm thinking "whatever" in certain cases. It's been nice not to worry.
Wrapped in a state of imaginary grace. I feel as if I am trying to present myself in a more relaxed state, and it's been nice. It's been, well, relaxing, and a beautiful change from being so tense and negative, focusing this time on the choices I make instead of the flaws of others' decisions. I still feel disappointed, and as a human I feel I am entitled to feel every kind of emotion at least once, but I'm more calm about what other people do.
I made a pilgrimage to save this human race, never comprehending the race had long gone by. Everything I have felt this world needed to focus on has gone with the wind, old-fashioned and out of place. I was trying to save the world from disappointment and pain, when I forgot to remember that pain exists for a reason. It exists to teach all human beings and other living forms that without pain, we couldn't appreciate the beauty in the recuperation or the painless state. It's been nice to not feel so much pain as a result of recognizing this ideal. How coincidental.
I am not expecting too much. I am merely going by day to day. So far, that plan has worked nicely. It has worked to my favor.
I'm talking to one of my exes. He said he wanted to just say "hi" and "goodnight." We asked how each other were. He's very quiet. But he's my friend. That's comforting. It's comforting to be able to move on without really changing drastically.
Tomorrow I will melt with you. Tonight I can only dream.