More of at camp stuff
June 30th... MY B-DAY!!
Finally 18!!! SO HAPPY!!! I have a pretty good day... Started out bad, but it got better!! Chrissie and Aly couldn’t come out.. So I was kinda bummed! Aly was helping Krista, and Chrissie got stuck baby sitting her sisters... Mike didn’t end up coming out to camp either... Really there wasn’t much of a point for him to only come out for like 2 days.. Still, it would have been wicked awesome if he did!!
My sister and her boys came out for a few hours... They brought me a cake!! My first B-day cake in 10 years!! Normally I have a b-day Pizza!! We are such country people!! And I got a balloon! Another thing I haven’t gotten in years!! The boys had a blast out here... They ran a muck of everything!! Then we went to the beach for an hour! It was nice to see them for a while before they go back to Kentucky Sunday....
OMG work tonight was so fun!! I got another cake!! And another balloon!! Dave and Tammy got me a card, a lottery ticket (which I won a dollar! YAY!! I never win on those things!!), a candy bar, and a really cute little pen that has a clippy thing!! Jay had me go outback to put something away, and then yelled back that Diane needed me in the Party room.. And when I got back up front they had the candles all lit and sang ‘Happy Birthday’!! I was SO embarrassed!! But it was fun and really sweet of them all!!.... I got to open my 1st beer at work!! Diane was so tickled, she waited all night to be able to ask me to!! She is way to cute!!.. I felt to loved there tonight!!
So all and all... my b-day was good!! There was only 4 people whom I wanted to talk to today but I didn’t get the chance....3 of them I’ll see/talk to in a few days anyways... and the other I don’t talk to that much anyways....So it’s all good!!!
July 1st!
So far I’ve done crap today!! I awoke around 11!! Sleeping in for once felt good!! Father had left for a while and when he returned I had so much mail!! All Grad and B-day Cards!! And where there are cards there is MONEY!!! I got a total today of nearly 300!!!!
At 1 it started raining... well storming!! Loud thunder.. Bright lightning!! The works!! I of course sat right in the tent staring out the screen door!! For some time the whole world around me turned gray... the trees across the pond where shaking violently.... As the rain came down harder the trees across the way were blotted out.. Replaced by a screen of gray rain! It looked amazing! As the thunder boomed over head I winced back... wishing that I had a pair of warm arms to recoil into.... I love storms yet I am terrified of the loud thunder.. I will watch storms for hours if I have someone there to comfort me!!.... As the worst of the storm passes over, the dark gray sky gives way to the white and blue sky.... Thunder can still be heard and the lightning is visible as it strikes down someplace farther away.. It no longer lights up the whole sky, just small fragments... the storm is mainly over.. A few small spurts of rain pass quickly ... the sun is trying to reappear in the broken sky....the leaves of the near by plants glisten as the rain drops fall to the earth....
July 2nd & 3rd
Yesterday was all of the Grad parties!! Chrissie’s was the main one I was at! It was kinda cool... It was only me, her, and Aly... And a whole bunch of her family.... I got there at like 1ish... We picked up 20 bags of ice, and the cake!! The three of us drove around a bit before her party started... When we got back we had food!! Chicken, hot dogs, hamburgers, pasta salad, about 5 kinds of chips, deviled eggs! A whole shit load of stuff!!! Then we went swimming... that was fun! We played “volleyball” and floated around on the tubes... Then we were going to go to Krista’s party for a while... but as we pulled in Chrissie said that she didn’t feel go, so we went back to her place to get my car and me and Aly went..
Krista’s was cool... Dani, Bre and Ashley were also there... plus all of her family! We only stayed for about an hour and a half... then we headed over to Nikki E’s. We didn’t stay there long.. Just long enough to give her hugs and her card... We though Chrissie would want us back there since we were staying the night.... When we got back to Chrissie’s she was sleeping.. We all just hung out for a while, went to get some Arby’s and went to the park... Chrissie wanted to get back so we could start drinking... So we went back to her place... We only had one drink before Chrissie was all like “I don’t feel like getting drunk” So we did NOTHING... It sucked.... She started getting really paranoid and was acting like a brat.. So me and Aly left at like 10ish... I brought Aly back to Krista’s and I stayed there for a half hour.. Then I went to stay the night at Derek’s.. Man was THAT WEIRD....
Everything was ok until I started thinking about other people... He reminded me of a few things that someone I like a whole bunch had said and done.... So I got all upset... It’s complicated.. He told me he still loved me and that he missed me... And in a way I miss him to.. It’s more like I miss having a guy around that I can be myself with and who thinks the world of me... He figured out who I was missing and got wicked pissed.. I don’t blame him one bit.. Said he knew that I liked him, and told me that the only reason that he liked me was so he could lay me.. which totally crushed me.. Then Derek lied to me like 3 times right in a row.. And I HATE liars.. Totally DESPISE them.. He has gone back to everything he tried so hard to quit. He is the exact person I feared that he was for 3 years.. Everything he changed to better himself in the past 3 years went right out the window.. That disappoints me ever so much. He has given up on everything and has become, basically, an asshole. But none of that is any longer something that I can harp on him for.. Things started to clear up after a while.. By then I felt like crap.. My face was burning and my stomach felt as though it was being ripped out of me.. So I finally laid down to sleep but I could not get comfortable.. My pains plus the fact that I was in the same bed as Derek and I cannot be comfortable laying with him... I never have been able to... We had to get up early cause he was leaving..
So I went to pick up Gram to bring her out to Fair Haven for the day.. We saw three deer (a doe and 2 fawns) cross the marsh.. They were so cute!! I ended up sleeping for around 4 hours before Dad woke me up... Still don’t feel to good.. Want to go back to sleep but then I won’t sleep at all tonight...
I went to the fireworks with Mitch and Wayne.. The fireworks sucked ever so bad.. I can’t wait until Harbor Fest.. They have the BEST fireworks. They are just spectacular!! I hope that this year we get to go out on the boat to watch them.
July 4th
This morning was wicked funny!! I went for a walk down the back side of the bluff. No cars are allowed to be back there.. Well 5 vehicles went past me! They were followed by a Parky, who called the cops down! I found that to be ever so hilarious!!
Justin came out with his father tonight.. He’s grown up a lot since last time I saw him.. He’s like 22 or so.. He’s asking his girlfriend to marry him.. That pained me ever so badly.. Realized how much I lost with Derek.. I couldn’t take it, so I left.. It also made me see how much I miss having a loving relationship.. I hate being alone.
Ya’ll don’t know how sad I’ve been when I’m alone.. I’ve gotten good over the years at concealing my emotions. I cry everyday over someone.. Either those who are gone, who have left, or who are unavailable for other reasons.. Mainly its been over one.. Even though I have told myself over and over that it is not worth it, and it’s never going to happen.. I still hope everyday to hear from you, knowing you won’t call.. And everyday I hope to see you, knowing that your not coming around.. I’ve fallen back into the things that got me sent to the hospital and psychotherapy.. I’ve tried to erase every thought of you to no avail.. And it’s not that I want to forget you, its just that I hate feeling like I have lost some of the greatest things in life....
My phone buzzed with a text message, and my heart leapt. It was just around the time you would call if you were going to! Unfortunately I was let down my some random person asking who I was on AIM...
July 5th
I woke up everyday with the hope that you would call.. And that made my day seem worth it.. Now that I know you won’t call there is no reason to do anything.. I hate myself for getting attached.. I should have known better than to like a person like you.. So that’s it, I’m though.. I’m sick of hurting and effecting others around me..
Finally 18!!! SO HAPPY!!! I have a pretty good day... Started out bad, but it got better!! Chrissie and Aly couldn’t come out.. So I was kinda bummed! Aly was helping Krista, and Chrissie got stuck baby sitting her sisters... Mike didn’t end up coming out to camp either... Really there wasn’t much of a point for him to only come out for like 2 days.. Still, it would have been wicked awesome if he did!!
My sister and her boys came out for a few hours... They brought me a cake!! My first B-day cake in 10 years!! Normally I have a b-day Pizza!! We are such country people!! And I got a balloon! Another thing I haven’t gotten in years!! The boys had a blast out here... They ran a muck of everything!! Then we went to the beach for an hour! It was nice to see them for a while before they go back to Kentucky Sunday....
OMG work tonight was so fun!! I got another cake!! And another balloon!! Dave and Tammy got me a card, a lottery ticket (which I won a dollar! YAY!! I never win on those things!!), a candy bar, and a really cute little pen that has a clippy thing!! Jay had me go outback to put something away, and then yelled back that Diane needed me in the Party room.. And when I got back up front they had the candles all lit and sang ‘Happy Birthday’!! I was SO embarrassed!! But it was fun and really sweet of them all!!.... I got to open my 1st beer at work!! Diane was so tickled, she waited all night to be able to ask me to!! She is way to cute!!.. I felt to loved there tonight!!
So all and all... my b-day was good!! There was only 4 people whom I wanted to talk to today but I didn’t get the chance....3 of them I’ll see/talk to in a few days anyways... and the other I don’t talk to that much anyways....So it’s all good!!!
July 1st!
So far I’ve done crap today!! I awoke around 11!! Sleeping in for once felt good!! Father had left for a while and when he returned I had so much mail!! All Grad and B-day Cards!! And where there are cards there is MONEY!!! I got a total today of nearly 300!!!!
At 1 it started raining... well storming!! Loud thunder.. Bright lightning!! The works!! I of course sat right in the tent staring out the screen door!! For some time the whole world around me turned gray... the trees across the pond where shaking violently.... As the rain came down harder the trees across the way were blotted out.. Replaced by a screen of gray rain! It looked amazing! As the thunder boomed over head I winced back... wishing that I had a pair of warm arms to recoil into.... I love storms yet I am terrified of the loud thunder.. I will watch storms for hours if I have someone there to comfort me!!.... As the worst of the storm passes over, the dark gray sky gives way to the white and blue sky.... Thunder can still be heard and the lightning is visible as it strikes down someplace farther away.. It no longer lights up the whole sky, just small fragments... the storm is mainly over.. A few small spurts of rain pass quickly ... the sun is trying to reappear in the broken sky....the leaves of the near by plants glisten as the rain drops fall to the earth....
July 2nd & 3rd
Yesterday was all of the Grad parties!! Chrissie’s was the main one I was at! It was kinda cool... It was only me, her, and Aly... And a whole bunch of her family.... I got there at like 1ish... We picked up 20 bags of ice, and the cake!! The three of us drove around a bit before her party started... When we got back we had food!! Chicken, hot dogs, hamburgers, pasta salad, about 5 kinds of chips, deviled eggs! A whole shit load of stuff!!! Then we went swimming... that was fun! We played “volleyball” and floated around on the tubes... Then we were going to go to Krista’s party for a while... but as we pulled in Chrissie said that she didn’t feel go, so we went back to her place to get my car and me and Aly went..
Krista’s was cool... Dani, Bre and Ashley were also there... plus all of her family! We only stayed for about an hour and a half... then we headed over to Nikki E’s. We didn’t stay there long.. Just long enough to give her hugs and her card... We though Chrissie would want us back there since we were staying the night.... When we got back to Chrissie’s she was sleeping.. We all just hung out for a while, went to get some Arby’s and went to the park... Chrissie wanted to get back so we could start drinking... So we went back to her place... We only had one drink before Chrissie was all like “I don’t feel like getting drunk” So we did NOTHING... It sucked.... She started getting really paranoid and was acting like a brat.. So me and Aly left at like 10ish... I brought Aly back to Krista’s and I stayed there for a half hour.. Then I went to stay the night at Derek’s.. Man was THAT WEIRD....
Everything was ok until I started thinking about other people... He reminded me of a few things that someone I like a whole bunch had said and done.... So I got all upset... It’s complicated.. He told me he still loved me and that he missed me... And in a way I miss him to.. It’s more like I miss having a guy around that I can be myself with and who thinks the world of me... He figured out who I was missing and got wicked pissed.. I don’t blame him one bit.. Said he knew that I liked him, and told me that the only reason that he liked me was so he could lay me.. which totally crushed me.. Then Derek lied to me like 3 times right in a row.. And I HATE liars.. Totally DESPISE them.. He has gone back to everything he tried so hard to quit. He is the exact person I feared that he was for 3 years.. Everything he changed to better himself in the past 3 years went right out the window.. That disappoints me ever so much. He has given up on everything and has become, basically, an asshole. But none of that is any longer something that I can harp on him for.. Things started to clear up after a while.. By then I felt like crap.. My face was burning and my stomach felt as though it was being ripped out of me.. So I finally laid down to sleep but I could not get comfortable.. My pains plus the fact that I was in the same bed as Derek and I cannot be comfortable laying with him... I never have been able to... We had to get up early cause he was leaving..
So I went to pick up Gram to bring her out to Fair Haven for the day.. We saw three deer (a doe and 2 fawns) cross the marsh.. They were so cute!! I ended up sleeping for around 4 hours before Dad woke me up... Still don’t feel to good.. Want to go back to sleep but then I won’t sleep at all tonight...
I went to the fireworks with Mitch and Wayne.. The fireworks sucked ever so bad.. I can’t wait until Harbor Fest.. They have the BEST fireworks. They are just spectacular!! I hope that this year we get to go out on the boat to watch them.
July 4th
This morning was wicked funny!! I went for a walk down the back side of the bluff. No cars are allowed to be back there.. Well 5 vehicles went past me! They were followed by a Parky, who called the cops down! I found that to be ever so hilarious!!
Justin came out with his father tonight.. He’s grown up a lot since last time I saw him.. He’s like 22 or so.. He’s asking his girlfriend to marry him.. That pained me ever so badly.. Realized how much I lost with Derek.. I couldn’t take it, so I left.. It also made me see how much I miss having a loving relationship.. I hate being alone.
Ya’ll don’t know how sad I’ve been when I’m alone.. I’ve gotten good over the years at concealing my emotions. I cry everyday over someone.. Either those who are gone, who have left, or who are unavailable for other reasons.. Mainly its been over one.. Even though I have told myself over and over that it is not worth it, and it’s never going to happen.. I still hope everyday to hear from you, knowing you won’t call.. And everyday I hope to see you, knowing that your not coming around.. I’ve fallen back into the things that got me sent to the hospital and psychotherapy.. I’ve tried to erase every thought of you to no avail.. And it’s not that I want to forget you, its just that I hate feeling like I have lost some of the greatest things in life....
My phone buzzed with a text message, and my heart leapt. It was just around the time you would call if you were going to! Unfortunately I was let down my some random person asking who I was on AIM...
July 5th
I woke up everyday with the hope that you would call.. And that made my day seem worth it.. Now that I know you won’t call there is no reason to do anything.. I hate myself for getting attached.. I should have known better than to like a person like you.. So that’s it, I’m though.. I’m sick of hurting and effecting others around me..