Getting to know you/me
Sometimes stuff I read on Facebook are actually interesting. Here's a link that I followed which includes some questions designed to fast-forward the getting-to-know-you process of any relationship. This process usually takes weeks but these questions could ideally be answered within one hour. Confession: it took me a few days going back and forth on this while working in the office.
1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?
The Avengers including Loki and Joss Whedon. In costume.
2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?
Not really. I'm happy just blending in.
3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?
Not exactly, but I run things through my head so that I don't forget any important things I need to ask or mention to whoever I'm calling. If it's a particularly difficult phone call, like with a client with a complaint, then I try to actually write down important points that I want to relay over the phone.
4. What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?
Waking up without the aid of an alarm at a decent hour in the morning. Making breakfast (eggs, bacon, French toast, coffee, orange juice) and enjoying it with my family under the shade of a huge tree in our backyard. No laundry to be done, no house chores except doing the dishes w used for breakfast. Walking or cycling to town with the family for a leisurely window-shopping expedition for them and some yarn shopping and knitting for me. Late lunch at an organic food market. More knitting. Coffee and tea and muffins in the late afternoon and maybe a siesta. Catching up on some reading, or maybe updating the blog. Kids not fighting, not arguing. Barbecue in the backyard for dinner and engaging conversation around the table until it's too dark out or too cold to stay out. Capped off by a bath and a relaxing tea before bedtime. Ahhh, bliss!
5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?
Last week. Locked in the car park area of the metro station waiting for my husband. I had my headphones on and a good song came on. Okay, full disclosure, it was Kelly Clarkson's Because of You. I was singing my lungs out!
6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old or the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?
I choose the last 60 years of my life. I would give anything to forget the first 20 or so years without hesitation.
7. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.
We love mostly the same kind of music. We like having lie-ins on the weekend. We like the same kind of movies.
8. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?
If I were to answer this question ten years ago, I would have given a cheesy reply about being alive or having beautiful children and something or other. However now I look back and can honestly say that I am grateful for having gone through all the difficulties that I have experienced. At the time, I felt like my world was ending and there was no way out but life moves on, with or without me and I decided to get dragged along, not having any rudders of my own. I'm glad I had a tough time because they make me appreciate the good times even more.
9. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?
More hugs and more affection from my parents. I would like to have been raised with honesty and respect and trust.
10. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?
The ability to live within my means. It's so much harder than you think.
11. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future, or anything else, what would you want to know?
Life is all about choices. The decisions we make are what hape us. So I would like to see how my life would have turned out had I taken a different path. If I falsely confessed to something my parents accused me of, would they have let me go back to school, or even out of the house for that matter? If I decided to continue studying at the state university even though I was miserable there, where woud I be now? If I decided on a more strict family planning, would I have only two children now? If I saved more money, would my children be in better universities now? If I had not let my eldest daughter go home to university, would she still be in school now instead of an unemployed, stay-at-home mom of two young children? If I decided my now-husband was not the man for me then, would I still be single now or would I have married someone else? If I finished college and got my degree like my mother wanted, where would I be now?
12. Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?
I want to quit my day job and start my own business but I can't because I do not have enough saved up to do so.
13. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?
Making it through every single trial, but barely.
14. What do you value most in a friendship?
Honesty. I think friends, real ones, do not lie to each other. Not even white lies.
15. What is your most treasured memory?
There are four of them. It's the moment when each of my children were born. I remember almost every detail of eahc of their births.
16. What is your most terrible memory?
It was Sept/Oct of my 13th year. Too complicated to mention here but some people tell me I hold fiercely on to the past and cannot let go, but I firmly believe that whatever I am now is because of what happened that time. I cannot go back and change things. I cannot defend myself then and I don't need to do it now. But whatever happened then will always be my unfinished business. Unless I find answers, I will not have closure.
17. What does friendship mean to you?
I don't really know because I have never been close to anyone enough to call them friends in the way that I think friends are. I know people, I socialize with them but we don't know absolutely everything about each other. I know enough about them and they know enough about me to be able to carry on a conversation and have something to catch up about whenever we meet, but I'm not sure I can call anyone my friend unless they know everything about me. And if they knew everything about me, they might not want to be my friend. So I think friendship is knowing a person and still wanting to have them as a friend.
18. What roles do love and affection play in your life?
It tells me I am important to someone. It tells me that I have people I can count on when I really need it. It tells me that even when the world outside is nasty and mean, that life has more important things to give me than the problems it usually presents to me.
19. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?
My original family has no warmth whatsoever, or none that I ever felt. It was a utilitarian family, there to serve a purpose and not much more. Closeness is relative. I was not close to anyone. No one knew what went on inside my head or how I felt at any time, and no one bothered to ask me so I didn't tell anyone. My childhood was standard. We had enough; we were not priviledged. Up until I was 12, all our clothes were made by my mother. I had no concept of RTW clothing. See also my answer to question 9.
20. Complete this sentence:”I wish I had someone with whom I could share…”
...every little thing about me. Even my husband does not know or does not get the things I think about or feel strongly about. But we get on okay. I wish I had that someone who could listen to what I have to say without passing judgement. Sounds like what I need is a therapist!
21. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.
He has to know that I am inherently a good person shaped into the distorted version of a human being that I am now because of the things I have gone through and been forced to go through. And sometimes all I really need is a hug and someone to sit beside me and let me internalize everything.
22. Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met.
I like how strong and reliable and stable you make yourself to be, even though deep inside you is a young man who still needs constant guidance. I like how you give this image of a man's man when in fact you rely heavily on the women in your life. Nothing wrong with that.
23. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.
When I was 9 years old, I went with my sister to meet our youngest aunt as she got off work from the factory near our house. It was a big factory so there were a lot of employees coming out of the gates. I stood on top of a raised part of the pavement in my flip flops, flowery blue t-shirt and a hand-me-down pleated skirt from some cousin or another. And to my utter shock and embarrassment, the skirt's hook fastener popped open and the skirt promptly pooled around my ankles revealing my white ruffled panties. All I heard was the fading sound of laughter from everyone behind me as I clutched the skirt's waistband, pulled it up and held it tight against me as I ran all the way back to our house. That was when I learned the meaning of the word "mortified".
24. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?
A couple of weeks ago, in the car with my husband. Out of sheer exhaustion and frustration from arguing with the kids on email. It was also brought on my the desperation and helplessness I felt being so far away from them and unable to hug them and tell them everything will be okay.
25. Tell your partner something that you like about them already.
I like your unfailing faith in us.
26. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?
Nothing.
27. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?
My yarn stash, which I will make sure from now on is all in one place so I can easily pick the entire lot out in one go if ever there was a fire. Its current size may require a few trips to get them all, but I assume the adrenaline pumping through my body while this fiery inferno is happening would help me lift and carry all 792 skeins of yarn.
1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?
The Avengers including Loki and Joss Whedon. In costume.
2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?
Not really. I'm happy just blending in.
3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?
Not exactly, but I run things through my head so that I don't forget any important things I need to ask or mention to whoever I'm calling. If it's a particularly difficult phone call, like with a client with a complaint, then I try to actually write down important points that I want to relay over the phone.
4. What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?
Waking up without the aid of an alarm at a decent hour in the morning. Making breakfast (eggs, bacon, French toast, coffee, orange juice) and enjoying it with my family under the shade of a huge tree in our backyard. No laundry to be done, no house chores except doing the dishes w used for breakfast. Walking or cycling to town with the family for a leisurely window-shopping expedition for them and some yarn shopping and knitting for me. Late lunch at an organic food market. More knitting. Coffee and tea and muffins in the late afternoon and maybe a siesta. Catching up on some reading, or maybe updating the blog. Kids not fighting, not arguing. Barbecue in the backyard for dinner and engaging conversation around the table until it's too dark out or too cold to stay out. Capped off by a bath and a relaxing tea before bedtime. Ahhh, bliss!
5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?
Last week. Locked in the car park area of the metro station waiting for my husband. I had my headphones on and a good song came on. Okay, full disclosure, it was Kelly Clarkson's Because of You. I was singing my lungs out!
6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old or the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?
I choose the last 60 years of my life. I would give anything to forget the first 20 or so years without hesitation.
7. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.
We love mostly the same kind of music. We like having lie-ins on the weekend. We like the same kind of movies.
8. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?
If I were to answer this question ten years ago, I would have given a cheesy reply about being alive or having beautiful children and something or other. However now I look back and can honestly say that I am grateful for having gone through all the difficulties that I have experienced. At the time, I felt like my world was ending and there was no way out but life moves on, with or without me and I decided to get dragged along, not having any rudders of my own. I'm glad I had a tough time because they make me appreciate the good times even more.
9. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?
More hugs and more affection from my parents. I would like to have been raised with honesty and respect and trust.
10. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?
The ability to live within my means. It's so much harder than you think.
11. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future, or anything else, what would you want to know?
Life is all about choices. The decisions we make are what hape us. So I would like to see how my life would have turned out had I taken a different path. If I falsely confessed to something my parents accused me of, would they have let me go back to school, or even out of the house for that matter? If I decided to continue studying at the state university even though I was miserable there, where woud I be now? If I decided on a more strict family planning, would I have only two children now? If I saved more money, would my children be in better universities now? If I had not let my eldest daughter go home to university, would she still be in school now instead of an unemployed, stay-at-home mom of two young children? If I decided my now-husband was not the man for me then, would I still be single now or would I have married someone else? If I finished college and got my degree like my mother wanted, where would I be now?
12. Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?
I want to quit my day job and start my own business but I can't because I do not have enough saved up to do so.
13. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?
Making it through every single trial, but barely.
14. What do you value most in a friendship?
Honesty. I think friends, real ones, do not lie to each other. Not even white lies.
15. What is your most treasured memory?
There are four of them. It's the moment when each of my children were born. I remember almost every detail of eahc of their births.
16. What is your most terrible memory?
It was Sept/Oct of my 13th year. Too complicated to mention here but some people tell me I hold fiercely on to the past and cannot let go, but I firmly believe that whatever I am now is because of what happened that time. I cannot go back and change things. I cannot defend myself then and I don't need to do it now. But whatever happened then will always be my unfinished business. Unless I find answers, I will not have closure.
17. What does friendship mean to you?
I don't really know because I have never been close to anyone enough to call them friends in the way that I think friends are. I know people, I socialize with them but we don't know absolutely everything about each other. I know enough about them and they know enough about me to be able to carry on a conversation and have something to catch up about whenever we meet, but I'm not sure I can call anyone my friend unless they know everything about me. And if they knew everything about me, they might not want to be my friend. So I think friendship is knowing a person and still wanting to have them as a friend.
18. What roles do love and affection play in your life?
It tells me I am important to someone. It tells me that I have people I can count on when I really need it. It tells me that even when the world outside is nasty and mean, that life has more important things to give me than the problems it usually presents to me.
19. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?
My original family has no warmth whatsoever, or none that I ever felt. It was a utilitarian family, there to serve a purpose and not much more. Closeness is relative. I was not close to anyone. No one knew what went on inside my head or how I felt at any time, and no one bothered to ask me so I didn't tell anyone. My childhood was standard. We had enough; we were not priviledged. Up until I was 12, all our clothes were made by my mother. I had no concept of RTW clothing. See also my answer to question 9.
20. Complete this sentence:”I wish I had someone with whom I could share…”
...every little thing about me. Even my husband does not know or does not get the things I think about or feel strongly about. But we get on okay. I wish I had that someone who could listen to what I have to say without passing judgement. Sounds like what I need is a therapist!
21. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.
He has to know that I am inherently a good person shaped into the distorted version of a human being that I am now because of the things I have gone through and been forced to go through. And sometimes all I really need is a hug and someone to sit beside me and let me internalize everything.
22. Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met.
I like how strong and reliable and stable you make yourself to be, even though deep inside you is a young man who still needs constant guidance. I like how you give this image of a man's man when in fact you rely heavily on the women in your life. Nothing wrong with that.
23. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.
When I was 9 years old, I went with my sister to meet our youngest aunt as she got off work from the factory near our house. It was a big factory so there were a lot of employees coming out of the gates. I stood on top of a raised part of the pavement in my flip flops, flowery blue t-shirt and a hand-me-down pleated skirt from some cousin or another. And to my utter shock and embarrassment, the skirt's hook fastener popped open and the skirt promptly pooled around my ankles revealing my white ruffled panties. All I heard was the fading sound of laughter from everyone behind me as I clutched the skirt's waistband, pulled it up and held it tight against me as I ran all the way back to our house. That was when I learned the meaning of the word "mortified".
24. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?
A couple of weeks ago, in the car with my husband. Out of sheer exhaustion and frustration from arguing with the kids on email. It was also brought on my the desperation and helplessness I felt being so far away from them and unable to hug them and tell them everything will be okay.
25. Tell your partner something that you like about them already.
I like your unfailing faith in us.
26. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?
Nothing.
27. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?
My yarn stash, which I will make sure from now on is all in one place so I can easily pick the entire lot out in one go if ever there was a fire. Its current size may require a few trips to get them all, but I assume the adrenaline pumping through my body while this fiery inferno is happening would help me lift and carry all 792 skeins of yarn.