Last night I...
...watched bits and pieces of "When the Levees Broke." I'm not usually a Spike Lee fan (long rambling films with no point, with very few exceptions) but this is one hell of a documentary. He didn't over politicize the debacle and let State and Local incompetence be pointed out as well as the federal debacle.
The more I think about it (and I couldn't sleep at all last night for thinking about it), the more I think that it was important that he showed the bodies of people floating in the streets like litter. It hurt to see, especially since some of these were people I probably saw at the gas station, in line at the store or just driving down the road. Maybe just background but they were still a living breathing part of my daily life, back when I had some control over it. They had families, friends, people who loved them.
People need to see that. they need to see American bodies treated like refuse, people dying in the heat of August outside the Superdome while the Mayor, the Governor, the President did nothing. They need to see it so that they will know in their heart of hearts why it is so important that we rebuild the greater New Orleans area and why it's fucking essential that we have levees and wetlands to protect it from another awful, utterly preventable disaster like last August.
Preventable. Yeah, it was preventable. Decent levees and NONE of the death and destruction they replayed last night would have happened
.
Watching it brought back the feelings of impotence and despair I had when we were shuttling from Alabama to Tennessee to New Jersey and back again, only knowing what we saw on CNN, not sure about our house, our friends, Joe's job. thank goodness at least our friends made it.
A part of me still wishes I'd stayed, which is crazy. Our house was submerged. I would have drowned, Persephone's fetus with me. That doesn't change the fact that I feel like I betrayed my home somehow by not going down with the ship.
I'm betraying it (myself, my daughter) even more by not being back there. Being part of the rebuilding. Bringing more life back there for the area as well as for ourselves.
I'll always resent my mother for making it so that we had nowhere to go home to. I'll probably always resent Joe for keeping us here in a place we (Persephone and I) don't belong, don't want and don't like. The longer we're away, the bigger the wedge between us.
Anyway, we're going to watch the second half tonight, so that will be at least one more night without sleep but I guess it's worth it.
Today I...
...cleaned the house for yet another showing. I like these people and hope they become our new landlords.
...watched parts three and four of the Spike Lee thing. Cried a lot less than last night. Got more angry. Found myself saying "ahhh ha" when people were describing their emotional problems. Is it even possible that I'm going through the same thing considering I'm not living at home and wasn't there when the levees broke?
...listened to (the very nice) Doug Schimel leaving a message on our machine about doing the year anniversary for them. Neither of us wants to do it or be the one to let dear Doug down. I'm going to make Joe call him tomorrow, dammit.
Tomorrow's yet another showing. Luckily, Kerry didn't freak when I told her that nobody's looking at the apartment next Monday or Tuesday, 24 hours notice or not. I think I might buy us some liquor, send the baby to the grandparents and have Joe and me spend the two days on a bender.
The more I think about it (and I couldn't sleep at all last night for thinking about it), the more I think that it was important that he showed the bodies of people floating in the streets like litter. It hurt to see, especially since some of these were people I probably saw at the gas station, in line at the store or just driving down the road. Maybe just background but they were still a living breathing part of my daily life, back when I had some control over it. They had families, friends, people who loved them.
People need to see that. they need to see American bodies treated like refuse, people dying in the heat of August outside the Superdome while the Mayor, the Governor, the President did nothing. They need to see it so that they will know in their heart of hearts why it is so important that we rebuild the greater New Orleans area and why it's fucking essential that we have levees and wetlands to protect it from another awful, utterly preventable disaster like last August.
Preventable. Yeah, it was preventable. Decent levees and NONE of the death and destruction they replayed last night would have happened
.
Watching it brought back the feelings of impotence and despair I had when we were shuttling from Alabama to Tennessee to New Jersey and back again, only knowing what we saw on CNN, not sure about our house, our friends, Joe's job. thank goodness at least our friends made it.
A part of me still wishes I'd stayed, which is crazy. Our house was submerged. I would have drowned, Persephone's fetus with me. That doesn't change the fact that I feel like I betrayed my home somehow by not going down with the ship.
I'm betraying it (myself, my daughter) even more by not being back there. Being part of the rebuilding. Bringing more life back there for the area as well as for ourselves.
I'll always resent my mother for making it so that we had nowhere to go home to. I'll probably always resent Joe for keeping us here in a place we (Persephone and I) don't belong, don't want and don't like. The longer we're away, the bigger the wedge between us.
Anyway, we're going to watch the second half tonight, so that will be at least one more night without sleep but I guess it's worth it.
Today I...
...cleaned the house for yet another showing. I like these people and hope they become our new landlords.
...watched parts three and four of the Spike Lee thing. Cried a lot less than last night. Got more angry. Found myself saying "ahhh ha" when people were describing their emotional problems. Is it even possible that I'm going through the same thing considering I'm not living at home and wasn't there when the levees broke?
...listened to (the very nice) Doug Schimel leaving a message on our machine about doing the year anniversary for them. Neither of us wants to do it or be the one to let dear Doug down. I'm going to make Joe call him tomorrow, dammit.
Tomorrow's yet another showing. Luckily, Kerry didn't freak when I told her that nobody's looking at the apartment next Monday or Tuesday, 24 hours notice or not. I think I might buy us some liquor, send the baby to the grandparents and have Joe and me spend the two days on a bender.