(no subject)
wow..
i can't explain the emotional turmoil i've been going through.. i know i've probably put you all through a lot.. and i don't know if this was the best decision.. but it was my decision for now.. i know i make some crazy fucked up decisions but if that is how i am then so be it.. to tell you the truth i've been terrified for the last 18 hours.. i am fine though.. i am missing you all so much already.. it's really weird to feel that you have no one or nothing.. to feel you have to depend on yourself.. care only for yourself.. i've already learned that i can't trust people.. well strangers
sarah i know you're worried for me.. i love you so much and i know i'm putting you through a lot.. i will be okay though and we will keep in touch.. i really cared about you more than anyone else in the family.. just don't do anything stupid like i did because you are on a successful path..
julia i'm so sorry.. i have a lot more to say to you but i want you to know that i do love you.. more than myself.. you alone is what kept me from leaving all along and it's so hard for me now because i want to be with you.. i am going to call you tonight so we can talk
i left my phone because i really didn't know if i could handle having everyone call and knowing people were worrying about me.. this is the most selfish thing i've done.. i have to take care of myself and i couldn't do that at home.. here, i have to.. im thinking of this as something that will make me responsible.. i took everything for granted at home and it was wrong, and it wasn't going to change.. people told me to just finish out the year and get your diploma.. i didn't want to just finish something out.. i to be controlling my life and working to do something that i want to do.. i didn't leave to escape, but more to search for myself.. i know i'm taking a hard path and i wasted 3 years of my life for nothing, but i didn't want to waste any more.. at home i felt so trapped and all the crap that was happening i had no control over.. i know i caused a lot of problems and i'm sorry..
to my friends.. i will see most of you in the near future.. you don't need to worry about me and i hope you all do well.. i miss you all dearly..
i'll try to get on a computer everyday... next week i may have this part time computer job which pays 11/hr!! anyway i'm not exactly a local resident here so i'm trying to work things out with that..
as far as where i am.. well some of you may have figured it out already.. but i don't really want to say anything yet because i want everything to sort of settle down and well i may not even stay in this location..
take care of yourselves
i can't explain the emotional turmoil i've been going through.. i know i've probably put you all through a lot.. and i don't know if this was the best decision.. but it was my decision for now.. i know i make some crazy fucked up decisions but if that is how i am then so be it.. to tell you the truth i've been terrified for the last 18 hours.. i am fine though.. i am missing you all so much already.. it's really weird to feel that you have no one or nothing.. to feel you have to depend on yourself.. care only for yourself.. i've already learned that i can't trust people.. well strangers
sarah i know you're worried for me.. i love you so much and i know i'm putting you through a lot.. i will be okay though and we will keep in touch.. i really cared about you more than anyone else in the family.. just don't do anything stupid like i did because you are on a successful path..
julia i'm so sorry.. i have a lot more to say to you but i want you to know that i do love you.. more than myself.. you alone is what kept me from leaving all along and it's so hard for me now because i want to be with you.. i am going to call you tonight so we can talk
i left my phone because i really didn't know if i could handle having everyone call and knowing people were worrying about me.. this is the most selfish thing i've done.. i have to take care of myself and i couldn't do that at home.. here, i have to.. im thinking of this as something that will make me responsible.. i took everything for granted at home and it was wrong, and it wasn't going to change.. people told me to just finish out the year and get your diploma.. i didn't want to just finish something out.. i to be controlling my life and working to do something that i want to do.. i didn't leave to escape, but more to search for myself.. i know i'm taking a hard path and i wasted 3 years of my life for nothing, but i didn't want to waste any more.. at home i felt so trapped and all the crap that was happening i had no control over.. i know i caused a lot of problems and i'm sorry..
to my friends.. i will see most of you in the near future.. you don't need to worry about me and i hope you all do well.. i miss you all dearly..
i'll try to get on a computer everyday... next week i may have this part time computer job which pays 11/hr!! anyway i'm not exactly a local resident here so i'm trying to work things out with that..
as far as where i am.. well some of you may have figured it out already.. but i don't really want to say anything yet because i want everything to sort of settle down and well i may not even stay in this location..
take care of yourselves