(no subject)
i'm scared
i can't fucking believe what i've done to myself over a year.. the opportunites that i've lost as a teen.. what the fuck happened to the aspirations i had.. why don't i care anymore.. i've completely lost control over my life and it seems like for the past year i was too blind to realize what i was doing.. it's not my mom's fault.. she gave me everything she could.. and i'm scared that i won't change even if it's not too late.. i'm living in apathy and i know this isn't me but it is.. i'm so ashamed that my beautiful mother raised me and this is what i've become.. i'm ashamed that my friends have to see me fuck up.. i'm ashamed that i'm in love and i'm sooo not worthy of hers.. it all just makes me want to leave
and what can you tell me.. you can tell me i deserve this
i can't fucking believe what i've done to myself over a year.. the opportunites that i've lost as a teen.. what the fuck happened to the aspirations i had.. why don't i care anymore.. i've completely lost control over my life and it seems like for the past year i was too blind to realize what i was doing.. it's not my mom's fault.. she gave me everything she could.. and i'm scared that i won't change even if it's not too late.. i'm living in apathy and i know this isn't me but it is.. i'm so ashamed that my beautiful mother raised me and this is what i've become.. i'm ashamed that my friends have to see me fuck up.. i'm ashamed that i'm in love and i'm sooo not worthy of hers.. it all just makes me want to leave
and what can you tell me.. you can tell me i deserve this