(no subject)
Do we have to grow up? I don't really want to. I think I would be eternally happy if I could stay a little child in the 90's forever and ever.
Unfortunately, I know that we have to grow up. We cease to be naive. We get hurt. We live, we love, we lose. We strive, we work, we persevere.
But sometimes, I just want to stop and be a little kid again. It feels as though life will never again be free. And I think that is what makes me saddest of all. Senior year is filled with so many responsibilities and obligations. Then it's off to college, where I get to deal with living on my own, supporting myself completely, and trying to get through school without flunking out. Which is why I'm glad I'm studying musical theatre, because otherwise, I would not have the motivation to get through it all. But then what? I graduate, move to New York, and try desperately to land jobs for the rest of my life?
The kid in me craves stability and security. A home, a family, something certain and unchanging. But the adult in me doesn't care and wants to give everything for the path it looks as though I'm choosing. Because I love this, I do. I love it so much.
But I think the little kid in me is winning today. I wanna go back to carefree summers and learn to waterski all over again. I wanna get sunburned and be amazed by the way my skin peels. I wanna wear goofy lifejackets and sit in the front of the boat and be excited about hitting big waves. I wanna be enthralled by the privilege of getting ice cream at the boat dock. I want to drive back into random coves I've yet to visit and explore. I want to be in awe of the coves where tree trunks still protrude from the depths of the lake, eerily jutting up here and there. But at the back of the cove is the pretty waterfall, which makes the creepy journey worth it. I want to blare radio music on the ancient black stereo that no longer works. I want to cook out and inhale the charcoal smoke and cough it back out, laughing as it burns my lungs. I want, I want, I want. I need to stop wanting.
I've got too much to do.
Unfortunately, I know that we have to grow up. We cease to be naive. We get hurt. We live, we love, we lose. We strive, we work, we persevere.
But sometimes, I just want to stop and be a little kid again. It feels as though life will never again be free. And I think that is what makes me saddest of all. Senior year is filled with so many responsibilities and obligations. Then it's off to college, where I get to deal with living on my own, supporting myself completely, and trying to get through school without flunking out. Which is why I'm glad I'm studying musical theatre, because otherwise, I would not have the motivation to get through it all. But then what? I graduate, move to New York, and try desperately to land jobs for the rest of my life?
The kid in me craves stability and security. A home, a family, something certain and unchanging. But the adult in me doesn't care and wants to give everything for the path it looks as though I'm choosing. Because I love this, I do. I love it so much.
But I think the little kid in me is winning today. I wanna go back to carefree summers and learn to waterski all over again. I wanna get sunburned and be amazed by the way my skin peels. I wanna wear goofy lifejackets and sit in the front of the boat and be excited about hitting big waves. I wanna be enthralled by the privilege of getting ice cream at the boat dock. I want to drive back into random coves I've yet to visit and explore. I want to be in awe of the coves where tree trunks still protrude from the depths of the lake, eerily jutting up here and there. But at the back of the cove is the pretty waterfall, which makes the creepy journey worth it. I want to blare radio music on the ancient black stereo that no longer works. I want to cook out and inhale the charcoal smoke and cough it back out, laughing as it burns my lungs. I want, I want, I want. I need to stop wanting.
I've got too much to do.