And the Oscar for Worse Use of a Mythological Monster goes to...!
The Sci-Fi Channel. Just when I thought they couldn't sink any lower.
There's this gy-normous, naked cyclops running around, see? As tall as two men, and with the strength of six. Completely uncivilized, living in the wild outside ancient Rome, grunting and roaring, eating animals and people whenever it gets hungry. (Nothing wrong with this scenario. I love a good monster story.) Roman legion captures said cyclops by herding it into a huge netted pit. (So far, so good.) But then do they drag the monster out by the net, then tie it down on a wagon bed still inside the net, to keep this ferocious beast subdued? Nooooo. I'm supposed to believe this thing--that just stomped, ripped apart, and thoroughly savaged a horde of Roman soldiers--would calmly STAND THERE above ground with a few ropes around its upper arms and let them tie a blindfold around its eye. WHUH?
The dialogue--not to mention the delivery of that dialogue--is not to be believed.
"Cyclops! Stop right there!" (It doesn't speak your language, or any language, dude.)
"Cyclops! Surrender or die!" (Eh, it doesn't speak your language...?)
"Cyclops--no." Smug commander wags one finger in front of the monster's eye. "You are never... getting out of here... again." (It doesn't understand you! Gah!)
Let's see... a slave uprising, a la Spartacus. Nothing to do with the cyclops. Evil emperor hates his conscientious commander and manages the man's downfall. Nothing to do with the cyclops. Former head of a Roman household ends up fighting for his life as a gladiator. Nothing to do with the cyclops. Slavegirl turned warrior woman turned gladiator moll. What does that have to do with the cyclops? Evil right hand man plots coup against evil emperor. Geez, the name of the movie is Cyclops.
Oh, wait a minute... Conscientious commander is befriending the monster and explaining the situation down in the dungeon they share. "Cyclops, no! You no free. ME free. Cyclops NO free. Never... free. No matter how many men you kill. No. Never." :/ Someone watched one too many of the "how to domesticate a chimp" scenes from Conquest of the Planet of the Apes.
Eric Roberts (Emperor Tiberius) most likely sued somebody after he saw the first screening. And the real Emperor Tiberius is probably still spinning in his mausoleum.
There's this gy-normous, naked cyclops running around, see? As tall as two men, and with the strength of six. Completely uncivilized, living in the wild outside ancient Rome, grunting and roaring, eating animals and people whenever it gets hungry. (Nothing wrong with this scenario. I love a good monster story.) Roman legion captures said cyclops by herding it into a huge netted pit. (So far, so good.) But then do they drag the monster out by the net, then tie it down on a wagon bed still inside the net, to keep this ferocious beast subdued? Nooooo. I'm supposed to believe this thing--that just stomped, ripped apart, and thoroughly savaged a horde of Roman soldiers--would calmly STAND THERE above ground with a few ropes around its upper arms and let them tie a blindfold around its eye. WHUH?
The dialogue--not to mention the delivery of that dialogue--is not to be believed.
"Cyclops! Stop right there!" (It doesn't speak your language, or any language, dude.)
"Cyclops! Surrender or die!" (Eh, it doesn't speak your language...?)
"Cyclops--no." Smug commander wags one finger in front of the monster's eye. "You are never... getting out of here... again." (It doesn't understand you! Gah!)
Let's see... a slave uprising, a la Spartacus. Nothing to do with the cyclops. Evil emperor hates his conscientious commander and manages the man's downfall. Nothing to do with the cyclops. Former head of a Roman household ends up fighting for his life as a gladiator. Nothing to do with the cyclops. Slavegirl turned warrior woman turned gladiator moll. What does that have to do with the cyclops? Evil right hand man plots coup against evil emperor. Geez, the name of the movie is Cyclops.
Oh, wait a minute... Conscientious commander is befriending the monster and explaining the situation down in the dungeon they share. "Cyclops, no! You no free. ME free. Cyclops NO free. Never... free. No matter how many men you kill. No. Never." :/ Someone watched one too many of the "how to domesticate a chimp" scenes from Conquest of the Planet of the Apes.
Eric Roberts (Emperor Tiberius) most likely sued somebody after he saw the first screening. And the real Emperor Tiberius is probably still spinning in his mausoleum.