Mm...earl grey tea.
Well I'm moved in. I went over to Sabrina's place yesterday to see her and Justin, and her friends Jessica and Andrew. We had a right good time, and it cheered me up a lot. Kaile moved in this morning, and that was fun too. Ahhh the chaos..brings me back to first year *tear* It's warm in here, and it's also lovely and sunny, which does not reflect my mood. I'm very apprehensive of next year, what it will bring, and what will happen. I'm very nervous about being a performance major. I'm very nervous about all my musical commitments, but I'm always nervous, so it's ok. I've realized I have horrible separation anxiety. When my dad left us at the airport I was so upset, I didn't want to see him leave, even though I was with my mother. My dad is like me though. He was pretty much crying as well. I don't know why I'm so attached to my parents, but they're such a pillar of support I can't seem to get on without them. I'm worried about being on my own, and caring for myself, which I forget to do sometimes.
I need to stop pissing people off. I need to stop saying stupid shit that the insecure me (that I hate) keeps saying without warning. I don't want to be fucking insecure anymore about anything. I've had enough of having that fucking nagging feeling in my stomach making me feel sick all the time. I want to enjoy life, and just not care about everything so much all the time, but is what my caring side is make me who I am? I don't know. Maybe I should take a page out of Sabrina's book and just see everything as wonderful and pink and happy, as opposed to potentially upsetting. I'm going to see someone on Monday about this, and I want to just erase this anxiety. erase it completely.
I miss a few people more than others. I miss my Dad, I'm going to miss my Mum, and her wicked awesome tea of goodness....I miss Bones, he was SO mad when I left...he wouldn't even look at me because he knew. He just sniffed. I miss Alicia like..yeah. It doesn't even warrant an explanation. She's always been able to make me laugh or just comfort me whenever I'm down, and I miss that part of her. I feel like a dick sometimes because I take her friendship for granted, and It's fucking retarded. Why can't I be content with that, because her friendship is the best friendship I've ever had, and will be for pretty much ever. Nothing really comes close to the level to how similar we are, what makes us laugh, and how we can say the same thing at exactly the same time. She's the one person that sees through all the fucking bullshit I spew out, and all the fucking bullshit people have to put up with. I hope I see her soon.
We received news from Barbara again. She can't read or write now, and her eyesight is failing. My mother and I both cried yesterday when we read the email that Peter sent. I don't know how he's coping, to be honest. The "sentence" has been shortened from 3 months to 5 weeks now. I need someone here right now. I need my best friend. I need a hug. I know it sounds fucking emo, which she and I totally wouldn't approve of, but it's true.
that is all,
DynamoRyan
I need to stop pissing people off. I need to stop saying stupid shit that the insecure me (that I hate) keeps saying without warning. I don't want to be fucking insecure anymore about anything. I've had enough of having that fucking nagging feeling in my stomach making me feel sick all the time. I want to enjoy life, and just not care about everything so much all the time, but is what my caring side is make me who I am? I don't know. Maybe I should take a page out of Sabrina's book and just see everything as wonderful and pink and happy, as opposed to potentially upsetting. I'm going to see someone on Monday about this, and I want to just erase this anxiety. erase it completely.
I miss a few people more than others. I miss my Dad, I'm going to miss my Mum, and her wicked awesome tea of goodness....I miss Bones, he was SO mad when I left...he wouldn't even look at me because he knew. He just sniffed. I miss Alicia like..yeah. It doesn't even warrant an explanation. She's always been able to make me laugh or just comfort me whenever I'm down, and I miss that part of her. I feel like a dick sometimes because I take her friendship for granted, and It's fucking retarded. Why can't I be content with that, because her friendship is the best friendship I've ever had, and will be for pretty much ever. Nothing really comes close to the level to how similar we are, what makes us laugh, and how we can say the same thing at exactly the same time. She's the one person that sees through all the fucking bullshit I spew out, and all the fucking bullshit people have to put up with. I hope I see her soon.
We received news from Barbara again. She can't read or write now, and her eyesight is failing. My mother and I both cried yesterday when we read the email that Peter sent. I don't know how he's coping, to be honest. The "sentence" has been shortened from 3 months to 5 weeks now. I need someone here right now. I need my best friend. I need a hug. I know it sounds fucking emo, which she and I totally wouldn't approve of, but it's true.
that is all,
DynamoRyan