(no subject)
I haven’t essayed on Lockon for a while, so I thought I would do this. I considered pasting a conversation I was having with Sumeragi here, but it might be easier to organize this by bullet points. And it’s more detailed, since that was IRC and this isn’t. I have more thouhgts about him than I probably put down, but this is a lot of stuff I've been thinking about lately.
This will be an intermingling of things from camp and canon that I’m interpreting.
- Lockon, as Neil, decided to take revenge at the age of fourteen. He knew he needed to do something, and revenge was the answer. He was helpless, and he knew he needed something. His “something” turned into him wanting to become a sniper. He decided upon a rather intimate way of killing someone while being detached, and I think this was partly because Lockon realized he was never meant to be a killer. But he could detach himself while being connected to the kill, while facing his own issues.
- At that same age of fourteen, Neil accepted that his brother had issues with him. He doesn’t understand them to the right capacity that he could, but Lyle had his reasons for distance and Neil only pressed it once-as they only spoke once after the age of fourteen. He sent him money and letters, but that was it. I think as he grew up, he realized there was something he was missing, but he couldn’t quite figure it out. He accepted it, because it was how things were. He worried a lot over his brother and never wanted him to have to fight.
- Neil barely finished school. He mostly just didn’t see himself having a future in that area, so he didn’t apply himself much. He started working as soon as he could, saving up money and using it to help his brother in school. I can’t imagine he supported him independently, so I figure there was some assistance from distant family members or funds or something to keep Lyle in school. His family had a nice gravestone, which might imply some amount of money in the family.
- By time he did finish school, he worked jobs, he lived an average life. I think he dated a few girls here and there, but nothing that was a relationship because he couldn’t quite get into it.
- This changed when he was nineteen. Neil was viewed as having an average life, and it was unusual. When Ian and Moreno came and recruited him, he was trying to find a way to figure out his revenge, but never quite figured it out. Terrorism was out of the question, for obvious reasons, and so was a life in the military (as he didn’t think that helped anything). Thusly, it made sense that he would just live a normal life until the answer appeared to him. And when it did, he happily agreed, knowing there was no way back. He wasn’t reluctant, knowing this is what he needed to do.
- Neil’s reasons for joining Celestial Being can be found in his final words of the show. “Are you satisfied with this world? … I’m not.” This, and the fact that he realizes they need to have the world turn their head, to understand, makes it apparent that he wasn’t just joining for the sake of killing some terrorists (this is the point I’m refuting that I’ve seen around). Neil isn’t that kind of person. He genuinely cared about seeing the world change, and while he had his own stake in it-allowing revenge to get him, allowing it to eat him up and make it so he couldn’t change-he did want things to change. It’s why he was a good leader and why he was interested in seeing Setsuna’s answer and encouraged him toward it.
- Through Celestial Being (and this is seen in episode nineteen), Lockon was able to hide his face from the world. He got the strength to change the world, to make his revenge, and he said only afterward that he would show his face to the world again. This is a sign of Lockon’s incapability to understand the world’s motivations. He doesn’t understand why they’re satisfied, so he takes up the role of the hypocrite in order to change the world. In camp, Lockon told himself that he would face the world, because he wasn’t while encouraging Setsuna and Tieria to understand it more-thus seeing himself as a hypocrite. He didn’t truly start doing this until recently, as Sumeragi and Tieria (and even Setsuna, probably, and some of his camp friends), are probably realizing.
- “Change, Setsuna. Change because I could not change.” I’ve seen it translated a few ways, but this seems to be the basic message behind Lockon’s existence. Lockon couldn’t change into someone who understood the world, he couldn’t change from someone living a life based on taking revenge, he couldn’t change in order to face the world and therefore died. He always knew he stood a risk of dying, and by dying, he couldn’t face the world that he was trying to change. Being able to face that that world is necessary in order to change, and he was willing to turn his back on it to change it. Which … isn’t what should happen. The reason why Lyle was able to take his place as the proper Lockon Stratos was that he was able to see evil and get rid of it (Ali), but he was able to understand more than that. He knew there was a future, but he was not solid in his resolution.
- As a person, Lockon approaches things very casually. Though he has all these built up issues, he’s genuinely a caring and loving individual, wanting to be there for people and so forth. He looks out for them, because he’s just the type of person to do that. He does have an older brother thing working for him, but it’s part of the “perfect Neil is perfect” thing. He’s always been that way. Warmer, caring, willing to do what he can. He jokes and teases people about how they are because he likes people. He finds them cute and enjoyable to be around, and he’s pretty good at reading them. This isn’t a one-hundred percent accuracy thing, but there you go. He wants to be there for people. He just doesn’t understand all the people in the world, and therefore was more in his element with Celestial Being, where a lot of people understood him and I think he could be more himself. Lockon does have a lot of things he mulls over and his past does eat him up, and he doesn’t look toward the future, but he likes the moment, to some degree.
- All that said, Lockon does have a “rely on me” complex. Being there for people in that way and being nature at it sort of comes with the territory. He likes the idea of people relying on him, and it’s something he can’t help. He wants to be there for people, even if his life hasn’t always presented that opportunity to him for other people. He’s a pretty selfless person when it comes to this sort of thing, even if he doesn’t understand people enough in order to do that.
- However, in camp, he has lied a lot because of this. He hasn’t wanted to hurt the others, so he held it in for a long time that he couldn’t see a life for himself outside of camp. He’s grateful for camp because it gives him many, many opportunities to meet people, to face the world, and to find out how his friends have changed while he firmly believes he hasn’t (I’ll get to this in a moment). While Lockon genuinely didn’t really lie before (secrecy in CB issues aside). Recently, he’s come clean about this and feels incredibly guilty. I’ll get to guit in a moment, too! So, he’s giving himself more to the others than ever before, realizing his own mistakes. He doesn’t regret dying for that reason, but he realizes it was a mistake to do it that way. But at least the others can live on. So while he shouldn’t have done this, Lockon isn’t a cold person who would turn these people he cares about away. But-and especially-with Tieria, he makes sure Tieria understands that he will only have him in camp, and he needs a different reason for living outside of it. The whole thing with Tieria is just-guilt city.
- Guilt! Guilt because he can’t protect Lyle, guilt because he couldn’t change the world, guilt because of his own mistakes, and guilt because he has to look Tieria, Sumeragi, Allelujah, and Setsuna in the face every day and try and hope they understand that he’s gone. Guilt because he and his brother never quite understood each other, and their relationship isn’t getting anywhere. It’s all a bunch of guilt. As a result, he feels like he needs to give in, thus bringing out some of his more dominant issues in his personality. As seen with Lyle, he’s willing to keep giving even if nothing is working out (money and eventually his car). He’s doing the same with Tieria in camp, and he always tries to come up with peace offerings to make a conversation go smoothly with Lyle (which, he doesn’t realize isn’t really helping)
- Now, Lockon and changing in camp. In order to change, Lockon had to accept that he wasn’t going to change. Interesting, I know, but his words evolved in meaning in the course of the show, and I think if he were alive, it would be the same thing. The words themselves first appeared when Setsuna was viewing his past. They appear again and again, and are eventually the driving motivation for Setsuna to release rainbow colored sparkles to make it so that everyone can change, giving him the strength and ability to control what he can to change for everyone else. Lockon himself wanted to have people rely on him, but he was doing it while turning his back on the world. Lockon openly admitted due to the personality reversal event that his life kind of sucked! And he had to face up to it! This led to him telling Setsuna to change, but as he’s an active element, it means he has to look at all the ways he hasn’t changed. It’s led to him accepting and realizing his mistakes, seeing his mistakes as mistakes, and so forth. In the long run, Lockon has started to change. No, he will never want to live again, because if he lived again, he would make the same mistakes, but he is able to do and make good on what he told Sumeragi and Setsuna he would do back in August. He’s facing the world. He’s facing his part in the world, and while he feels incredibly guilty and wants to make up for it, at least he’s making up for it.
- Now, Neil and Lyle, on a final note. I think Lyle and I view them pretty linearly. They had a basic childhood. Neil was protective and good with people and everyone praised him for his instincts, while Lyle didn’t really have this. And Lyle probably viewed it in a negative light after a while, thus wanting to get out from underneath the shadow of his brother. They probably even praised Neil with how he dealt with his parents’ death, even if it wasn’t a healthy way. “You’re strong” and things like that. The two of them do not understand each other, and I run on the theory that Neil seemed like he was forcing his feelings on Lyle (hence his advice to Allelujah in episode 18-Lyle’s, that is). This isn’t confirmed, but it seems to make sense. Their understanding only comes at the end, when Lyle says he can’t judge his brother anymore, and he understands his drive and need to kill Ali, even if he was kind of an idiot about how he went about it (screwing up changing the world for a personal vendetta, which he did, but that, again, wasn’t his only reason for being in Celestial Being).
- Lyle fighting bugs Neil a lot, but he’s trying to be understanding! He’s gone out of his way to seem understanding, but he hates it. Lyle wants to fight means that there could be some bad things. He has some issues with Lyle dying, for obvious reasons, because his reason for fighting first and foremost was his brother. To change the world for him-and then everyone else. But Lyle first! Lyle fighting is something that confuses him. Lyle was okay with a normal life, right? That’s what Neil believed. So in camp, he tries to understand, but goes about it the wrong way. At least he’s trying, even if it’s something that angers him quite a bit.
This will be an intermingling of things from camp and canon that I’m interpreting.
- Lockon, as Neil, decided to take revenge at the age of fourteen. He knew he needed to do something, and revenge was the answer. He was helpless, and he knew he needed something. His “something” turned into him wanting to become a sniper. He decided upon a rather intimate way of killing someone while being detached, and I think this was partly because Lockon realized he was never meant to be a killer. But he could detach himself while being connected to the kill, while facing his own issues.
- At that same age of fourteen, Neil accepted that his brother had issues with him. He doesn’t understand them to the right capacity that he could, but Lyle had his reasons for distance and Neil only pressed it once-as they only spoke once after the age of fourteen. He sent him money and letters, but that was it. I think as he grew up, he realized there was something he was missing, but he couldn’t quite figure it out. He accepted it, because it was how things were. He worried a lot over his brother and never wanted him to have to fight.
- Neil barely finished school. He mostly just didn’t see himself having a future in that area, so he didn’t apply himself much. He started working as soon as he could, saving up money and using it to help his brother in school. I can’t imagine he supported him independently, so I figure there was some assistance from distant family members or funds or something to keep Lyle in school. His family had a nice gravestone, which might imply some amount of money in the family.
- By time he did finish school, he worked jobs, he lived an average life. I think he dated a few girls here and there, but nothing that was a relationship because he couldn’t quite get into it.
- This changed when he was nineteen. Neil was viewed as having an average life, and it was unusual. When Ian and Moreno came and recruited him, he was trying to find a way to figure out his revenge, but never quite figured it out. Terrorism was out of the question, for obvious reasons, and so was a life in the military (as he didn’t think that helped anything). Thusly, it made sense that he would just live a normal life until the answer appeared to him. And when it did, he happily agreed, knowing there was no way back. He wasn’t reluctant, knowing this is what he needed to do.
- Neil’s reasons for joining Celestial Being can be found in his final words of the show. “Are you satisfied with this world? … I’m not.” This, and the fact that he realizes they need to have the world turn their head, to understand, makes it apparent that he wasn’t just joining for the sake of killing some terrorists (this is the point I’m refuting that I’ve seen around). Neil isn’t that kind of person. He genuinely cared about seeing the world change, and while he had his own stake in it-allowing revenge to get him, allowing it to eat him up and make it so he couldn’t change-he did want things to change. It’s why he was a good leader and why he was interested in seeing Setsuna’s answer and encouraged him toward it.
- Through Celestial Being (and this is seen in episode nineteen), Lockon was able to hide his face from the world. He got the strength to change the world, to make his revenge, and he said only afterward that he would show his face to the world again. This is a sign of Lockon’s incapability to understand the world’s motivations. He doesn’t understand why they’re satisfied, so he takes up the role of the hypocrite in order to change the world. In camp, Lockon told himself that he would face the world, because he wasn’t while encouraging Setsuna and Tieria to understand it more-thus seeing himself as a hypocrite. He didn’t truly start doing this until recently, as Sumeragi and Tieria (and even Setsuna, probably, and some of his camp friends), are probably realizing.
- “Change, Setsuna. Change because I could not change.” I’ve seen it translated a few ways, but this seems to be the basic message behind Lockon’s existence. Lockon couldn’t change into someone who understood the world, he couldn’t change from someone living a life based on taking revenge, he couldn’t change in order to face the world and therefore died. He always knew he stood a risk of dying, and by dying, he couldn’t face the world that he was trying to change. Being able to face that that world is necessary in order to change, and he was willing to turn his back on it to change it. Which … isn’t what should happen. The reason why Lyle was able to take his place as the proper Lockon Stratos was that he was able to see evil and get rid of it (Ali), but he was able to understand more than that. He knew there was a future, but he was not solid in his resolution.
- As a person, Lockon approaches things very casually. Though he has all these built up issues, he’s genuinely a caring and loving individual, wanting to be there for people and so forth. He looks out for them, because he’s just the type of person to do that. He does have an older brother thing working for him, but it’s part of the “perfect Neil is perfect” thing. He’s always been that way. Warmer, caring, willing to do what he can. He jokes and teases people about how they are because he likes people. He finds them cute and enjoyable to be around, and he’s pretty good at reading them. This isn’t a one-hundred percent accuracy thing, but there you go. He wants to be there for people. He just doesn’t understand all the people in the world, and therefore was more in his element with Celestial Being, where a lot of people understood him and I think he could be more himself. Lockon does have a lot of things he mulls over and his past does eat him up, and he doesn’t look toward the future, but he likes the moment, to some degree.
- All that said, Lockon does have a “rely on me” complex. Being there for people in that way and being nature at it sort of comes with the territory. He likes the idea of people relying on him, and it’s something he can’t help. He wants to be there for people, even if his life hasn’t always presented that opportunity to him for other people. He’s a pretty selfless person when it comes to this sort of thing, even if he doesn’t understand people enough in order to do that.
- However, in camp, he has lied a lot because of this. He hasn’t wanted to hurt the others, so he held it in for a long time that he couldn’t see a life for himself outside of camp. He’s grateful for camp because it gives him many, many opportunities to meet people, to face the world, and to find out how his friends have changed while he firmly believes he hasn’t (I’ll get to this in a moment). While Lockon genuinely didn’t really lie before (secrecy in CB issues aside). Recently, he’s come clean about this and feels incredibly guilty. I’ll get to guit in a moment, too! So, he’s giving himself more to the others than ever before, realizing his own mistakes. He doesn’t regret dying for that reason, but he realizes it was a mistake to do it that way. But at least the others can live on. So while he shouldn’t have done this, Lockon isn’t a cold person who would turn these people he cares about away. But-and especially-with Tieria, he makes sure Tieria understands that he will only have him in camp, and he needs a different reason for living outside of it. The whole thing with Tieria is just-guilt city.
- Guilt! Guilt because he can’t protect Lyle, guilt because he couldn’t change the world, guilt because of his own mistakes, and guilt because he has to look Tieria, Sumeragi, Allelujah, and Setsuna in the face every day and try and hope they understand that he’s gone. Guilt because he and his brother never quite understood each other, and their relationship isn’t getting anywhere. It’s all a bunch of guilt. As a result, he feels like he needs to give in, thus bringing out some of his more dominant issues in his personality. As seen with Lyle, he’s willing to keep giving even if nothing is working out (money and eventually his car). He’s doing the same with Tieria in camp, and he always tries to come up with peace offerings to make a conversation go smoothly with Lyle (which, he doesn’t realize isn’t really helping)
- Now, Lockon and changing in camp. In order to change, Lockon had to accept that he wasn’t going to change. Interesting, I know, but his words evolved in meaning in the course of the show, and I think if he were alive, it would be the same thing. The words themselves first appeared when Setsuna was viewing his past. They appear again and again, and are eventually the driving motivation for Setsuna to release rainbow colored sparkles to make it so that everyone can change, giving him the strength and ability to control what he can to change for everyone else. Lockon himself wanted to have people rely on him, but he was doing it while turning his back on the world. Lockon openly admitted due to the personality reversal event that his life kind of sucked! And he had to face up to it! This led to him telling Setsuna to change, but as he’s an active element, it means he has to look at all the ways he hasn’t changed. It’s led to him accepting and realizing his mistakes, seeing his mistakes as mistakes, and so forth. In the long run, Lockon has started to change. No, he will never want to live again, because if he lived again, he would make the same mistakes, but he is able to do and make good on what he told Sumeragi and Setsuna he would do back in August. He’s facing the world. He’s facing his part in the world, and while he feels incredibly guilty and wants to make up for it, at least he’s making up for it.
- Now, Neil and Lyle, on a final note. I think Lyle and I view them pretty linearly. They had a basic childhood. Neil was protective and good with people and everyone praised him for his instincts, while Lyle didn’t really have this. And Lyle probably viewed it in a negative light after a while, thus wanting to get out from underneath the shadow of his brother. They probably even praised Neil with how he dealt with his parents’ death, even if it wasn’t a healthy way. “You’re strong” and things like that. The two of them do not understand each other, and I run on the theory that Neil seemed like he was forcing his feelings on Lyle (hence his advice to Allelujah in episode 18-Lyle’s, that is). This isn’t confirmed, but it seems to make sense. Their understanding only comes at the end, when Lyle says he can’t judge his brother anymore, and he understands his drive and need to kill Ali, even if he was kind of an idiot about how he went about it (screwing up changing the world for a personal vendetta, which he did, but that, again, wasn’t his only reason for being in Celestial Being).
- Lyle fighting bugs Neil a lot, but he’s trying to be understanding! He’s gone out of his way to seem understanding, but he hates it. Lyle wants to fight means that there could be some bad things. He has some issues with Lyle dying, for obvious reasons, because his reason for fighting first and foremost was his brother. To change the world for him-and then everyone else. But Lyle first! Lyle fighting is something that confuses him. Lyle was okay with a normal life, right? That’s what Neil believed. So in camp, he tries to understand, but goes about it the wrong way. At least he’s trying, even if it’s something that angers him quite a bit.