things I do when I am drinking
[@Max] The feeling of his brother close to him is slightly overwhelming. Everything I do is for you. The words are there, right on the tip of his tongue, but Neil can't seem to get the words out. It's enough that they're this close, an awkward hug shared after years of separation.
[@Max] "What do you want now, Neil? More than this, right?" Lyle remarks, the same cold, cutting tone as always. Neil can't help but wonder if he has a spark of warmth left in him. (Surely, he does. Surely.) There's enough indicated in the weight of him this close, and the warm breath on his ear.
[@Max] "I never said that," Neil remarks, pulling back just enough. "Well, I have a feeling you'd say I didn't try hard enough."
[@Max] "Didn't say that, did I?" Lyle's avoidant. Always avoidant.
[@Max[ "What are you trying to say then?"
[Max] "I guess that's up to you to work out. I'm sure you'll try." Lyle's pulling away. Turning, the door--but Neil's grabbing his shoulder and tugging him closer, stepping closer, wrapping his arms around him.
[@Max] "This world ... I don't like it, but it's harder to know you live in it."
[@Max] "Isn't that my choice?" Lyle is stiff, unresponding.
[@Max] Neil pulls back as if he's been scorched by something, but there's no immediate recognition in his eyes. A slow smile, maybe--but that's it. What do you want? he thinks, knowing that a part of his search for answers, his own search for answers, comes to this place.
[@Max] "Stop staring at me."
[@Max] "I'm not, Lyle," Neil says, but he still brushes his fingers up over Lyle's cheek. The follow-through is almost too automatic, too desperate--because what he truly desires, lives for, fights for, is right here before him. He's surprised when Lyle kisses him back, hesitantly, but opening his mouth soon enough.
[@Max] He isn't certain this is it, but making a world about his brother, making it about protecting him and changing him ... it makes sense, as he leans into the kiss. Passing women, whose names he remembered purely out of habit--they would never measure up. They'd never be his purpose, his drive--his inspiration to get revenge.
[@Max] "--Don't think this is a little weird?" Lyle says, breaking the kiss.
[@Max] "Well, a little," Neil remarks, but he isn't pulling back, only inching in closer.
[@Max] Lyle gives in momentarily, pushing him back onto a bed. Neil doesn't mind, doesn't care--if this is what Lyle wants--needs--he'll give it to him. He couldn't see what he needed to give him in the first place, to change past his own intentions for the sake of Lyle's place in the world.
[@Max] "What do you want now, Neil? More than this, right?" Lyle remarks, the same cold, cutting tone as always. Neil can't help but wonder if he has a spark of warmth left in him. (Surely, he does. Surely.) There's enough indicated in the weight of him this close, and the warm breath on his ear.
[@Max] "I never said that," Neil remarks, pulling back just enough. "Well, I have a feeling you'd say I didn't try hard enough."
[@Max] "Didn't say that, did I?" Lyle's avoidant. Always avoidant.
[@Max[ "What are you trying to say then?"
[Max] "I guess that's up to you to work out. I'm sure you'll try." Lyle's pulling away. Turning, the door--but Neil's grabbing his shoulder and tugging him closer, stepping closer, wrapping his arms around him.
[@Max] "This world ... I don't like it, but it's harder to know you live in it."
[@Max] "Isn't that my choice?" Lyle is stiff, unresponding.
[@Max] Neil pulls back as if he's been scorched by something, but there's no immediate recognition in his eyes. A slow smile, maybe--but that's it. What do you want? he thinks, knowing that a part of his search for answers, his own search for answers, comes to this place.
[@Max] "Stop staring at me."
[@Max] "I'm not, Lyle," Neil says, but he still brushes his fingers up over Lyle's cheek. The follow-through is almost too automatic, too desperate--because what he truly desires, lives for, fights for, is right here before him. He's surprised when Lyle kisses him back, hesitantly, but opening his mouth soon enough.
[@Max] He isn't certain this is it, but making a world about his brother, making it about protecting him and changing him ... it makes sense, as he leans into the kiss. Passing women, whose names he remembered purely out of habit--they would never measure up. They'd never be his purpose, his drive--his inspiration to get revenge.
[@Max] "--Don't think this is a little weird?" Lyle says, breaking the kiss.
[@Max] "Well, a little," Neil remarks, but he isn't pulling back, only inching in closer.
[@Max] Lyle gives in momentarily, pushing him back onto a bed. Neil doesn't mind, doesn't care--if this is what Lyle wants--needs--he'll give it to him. He couldn't see what he needed to give him in the first place, to change past his own intentions for the sake of Lyle's place in the world.