(no subject)
THIS IS AN ESSAY. ABOUT LOCKON. AND FEELINGS. It'll make everything sound so much more dramatic than it really needs to, but that's okay, because that's fun. Anyway, here we go.
personal feelings
Okay, so as a disclaimer to anyone who's a Lockon/Tieria fan ... this might sound a little weird. Or make no sense.
I was never a Lockon/Tieria fan. It has nothing to do with the dynamics of the pairing, because I do rather enjoy unrequited love after death sorts of deals. I'm a huge Remus/James (from Harry Potter) fangirl, so Lockon/Tieria is technically up my alley. The problem with the pairing has always been fan's insistence on Lockon's woobie love for Tieria, when much of his treatment for Tieria is similar to how he's gone out of his way to treat Setsuna earlier in the series (when Lockon's feelings toward Setsuna are generally he's a brat/he's a good kid in the end.
So now that I'm approaching Lockon/Tieria with my CHARACTER, I find myself in a position of, well, crap. I don't know what I'm doing! Lockon's feelings toward his comrades are weird. He cares about them a tremendous amount and feels as if they all have a united goal and mean a lot to one another, that even with codenames, to some degree, they are who they are: people who are members of Celestial Being. This makes them an awkward happy family, but one he can leave for the sake of killing That Man. I personally feel that at no point in the show does Lockon really show any intense interest toward any of the other Meisters, beyond the happy, older brother, who later turns out to be more focused on his vendetta. He's a good guy, but he's imperfect, and a lot of my playing him with the cast in camp is him fixing that. Mending who he was, and creating stronger relationships with those around him. Which is actually what leads me to this.
REGARDLESS of my feelings toward a pairing, ambivalent or otherwise, I go with the flow. The flow has led me to this, so if none of this makes sense, I apologize. I've been going with what feels right for Lockon since I started playing him, and since I intro'd him the day after I got him, he's been in camp for pretty much six months now. That's led to a lot of development, even if his comment count (unfortunately) doesn't show it. Anyway, yes, pairing babble.
sexuality
One of the biggest things I get caught up on is this. Lockon's sexuality. A lot of people just make him bisexual for the sake of convenience when they write Lockon fic, but I don't think that's how he is. Canon, both statements about who he likes and moments in canon, have revealed he's heterosexual bordering on asexual, so driven by his past and need to dwell on what happened to his mother, father, and sister that he seems not to really care about sexuality. But Lockon is fully aware of the fact that he is an attractive man, so instead of sharing the fact that he's emoing it up in his sports car, he makes it seem as if he's on a date or at a party with a bunch of women when Lichty calls him with a status report. I think this says a lot about Lockon, even if many people miss this scene! (It's actually one of my favorite, because it's hilariously stupid and defines his personality pretty well.)
The way I play Lockon and interpret him is default heterosexuality. He was never the type of guy who went through a crisis regarding who it is that he'd want to have sex with. He just went, hey, I find women attractive, yay women-that was probably the full extent of his thinking on the matter. Lockon isn't a virgin, and despite his emo moments, I do think he's had a couple one-night stands during his time with Celestial Being. He's a normal guy, with desires, deep down, and I can't see him as completely being able to bypass those desires. They aren't ever-present when he wants to CHANGE THE WORLD, but hey, from time to time, that Belgium woman in the bar isn't so bad. It's a part of my personal head canon that this never happens in Ireland, however. If his brother, by some hilarious luck, ends up meeting the same woman, it could lead to an awkward string of circumstances. So-that's not happened.
Now, approaching a ship that doesn't follow the above guidelines leads to me thinking more. Anyone in #gundam knows that my biggest problem with Lockon/Tieria is the fact that he views Tieria as a guy. When it comes down to it, his canonical circumstances make him recognize Tieria as a male. It has nothing to do with the fact that Tieria, quite bluntly, looks female more often than not. I was asked several times what Lockon would think of Tieria in that dress. I answered that Tieria would be Tieria. It wouldn't make a difference internally, though I do think Lockon would have something (stupid) to say about it. But the overall feel from that is ... Tieria is Tieria. Setsuna is Setsuna. Alle is Alle. Sumeragi is Sumeragi. Getting to know them better, past superficial "oh that guy, lol" moments lead me to believe that he just sees them as who they are. People who share similar ideas, and just like with his matter of coming into his sexuality, Lockon doesn't put much more than surface thought into what gender they happen to have.
... As a sidetracking thing, Lockon enjoys people who are socially awkward. He tends to be able to handle dealing with Setsuna and Tieria more than Allelujah in the show. Feldt, too, is living proof of this. His interactions with Sumeragi, Alle, and the others are pretty superficial in comparison to those meaningful moments. He's attracted to that type of person, which would explain his interaction with Haruka in camp!
But back to where I was going, by time someone reaches a "so and so is so and so," I think they're someone who really surpasses the whole gender equation in his mind. It's not that he isn't thinking about it, to some degree, it's that he's looking at it from a different angle and going, "Huh, okay." I'll go into the details of this more for a moment. I don't think he's consciously attracted to Tieria beyond the fact that Tieria is cute. But it's in the same way Setsuna is cute, so it's really a lulzy sort of way of looking at them. His attraction to Sumeragi and Elle is a little less lulzy, but probably because he can look at them without being caught up on his simplistic way of dealing with things. So as it comes to Tieria, and any level of attraction, it's less of a sexual thing and more-well, this thing I'm getting caught up on. But it's there! Tieria is important to him, and there's some level of his consciousness that wants to explore whatever this is, because Lockon is curious.
lockon and tieria in camp
Now!
There are two things I should note.
1. Lockon knows Tieria has it bad for him.
2. Lockon is really, really curious about this.
On one hand, Lockon feels bad because Tieria still has a world to change and encouraging the dependency isn't a good thing. But at the same time, if the circumstances with Lyle reveal anything, there's a part of Lockon that likes being depended on. It's probably why he's attracted to the sorts of people who would naturally come to depend on him (even if Setsuna, obviously, isn't the type of person to be open about that sort of thing). The fact that Tieria is obviously replacing VEDA with him is something that is a little jarring, but he understands and wants Tieria to be attached to human things. He wants Tieria to understand that in this place, he can still be who he is-a man who will fight against who he hates, a man who is pretty badass, and a man who can take care of himself. He admires Tieria's sincerity in dealing with him, but he also wants Tieria to be able to stand on his own.
Originally, Lockon simply thought it was dependency/replacement, until the mistletoe sequence of events where Lockon finally got it, and it was like a light bulb turning on and breaking because he's stupid. And took that long to get it. He reads people well but sometimes his degree to which he reads people isn't always entirely correct. He was close, but missed it by a hair, you know? So since then, he's been trying to do things for Tieria, and he knows that Tieria's thing for him, regardless of the replacement and dependency, is real. That's a human emotion, and the last thing Lockon wants to do is crush him. He does want to see what this is, but it's a very cautious sort of curiosity.
That said, I hesitate to say he feels anything in return. There's something about him that's attracted to Tieria's need for him, and the interaction he shares for him, and he's obviously willing to dedicate a fair amount of time to making Tieria happy, but none of it adds up quite yet for him. It's possible that it will change, but Lockon is more conscious of this than he is most things, which actually halts things a little from going "naturally," as they could. But I'm not sure if they could, which is probably why I'm writing this stupid essay. Is it possible that things will change? Yes, as those sorts of things tend to lend themselves to changing, but as of right now, he's still toeing the line of uncertainty.
I'm mostly winging it, because this is something that feels right, but also I don't have a lot of canon on either way to go with, so it's strongly based in my interpretation of this character. I hope this wasn't too stupid to anyone. ;.;
personal feelings
Okay, so as a disclaimer to anyone who's a Lockon/Tieria fan ... this might sound a little weird. Or make no sense.
I was never a Lockon/Tieria fan. It has nothing to do with the dynamics of the pairing, because I do rather enjoy unrequited love after death sorts of deals. I'm a huge Remus/James (from Harry Potter) fangirl, so Lockon/Tieria is technically up my alley. The problem with the pairing has always been fan's insistence on Lockon's woobie love for Tieria, when much of his treatment for Tieria is similar to how he's gone out of his way to treat Setsuna earlier in the series (when Lockon's feelings toward Setsuna are generally he's a brat/he's a good kid in the end.
So now that I'm approaching Lockon/Tieria with my CHARACTER, I find myself in a position of, well, crap. I don't know what I'm doing! Lockon's feelings toward his comrades are weird. He cares about them a tremendous amount and feels as if they all have a united goal and mean a lot to one another, that even with codenames, to some degree, they are who they are: people who are members of Celestial Being. This makes them an awkward happy family, but one he can leave for the sake of killing That Man. I personally feel that at no point in the show does Lockon really show any intense interest toward any of the other Meisters, beyond the happy, older brother, who later turns out to be more focused on his vendetta. He's a good guy, but he's imperfect, and a lot of my playing him with the cast in camp is him fixing that. Mending who he was, and creating stronger relationships with those around him. Which is actually what leads me to this.
REGARDLESS of my feelings toward a pairing, ambivalent or otherwise, I go with the flow. The flow has led me to this, so if none of this makes sense, I apologize. I've been going with what feels right for Lockon since I started playing him, and since I intro'd him the day after I got him, he's been in camp for pretty much six months now. That's led to a lot of development, even if his comment count (unfortunately) doesn't show it. Anyway, yes, pairing babble.
sexuality
One of the biggest things I get caught up on is this. Lockon's sexuality. A lot of people just make him bisexual for the sake of convenience when they write Lockon fic, but I don't think that's how he is. Canon, both statements about who he likes and moments in canon, have revealed he's heterosexual bordering on asexual, so driven by his past and need to dwell on what happened to his mother, father, and sister that he seems not to really care about sexuality. But Lockon is fully aware of the fact that he is an attractive man, so instead of sharing the fact that he's emoing it up in his sports car, he makes it seem as if he's on a date or at a party with a bunch of women when Lichty calls him with a status report. I think this says a lot about Lockon, even if many people miss this scene! (It's actually one of my favorite, because it's hilariously stupid and defines his personality pretty well.)
The way I play Lockon and interpret him is default heterosexuality. He was never the type of guy who went through a crisis regarding who it is that he'd want to have sex with. He just went, hey, I find women attractive, yay women-that was probably the full extent of his thinking on the matter. Lockon isn't a virgin, and despite his emo moments, I do think he's had a couple one-night stands during his time with Celestial Being. He's a normal guy, with desires, deep down, and I can't see him as completely being able to bypass those desires. They aren't ever-present when he wants to CHANGE THE WORLD, but hey, from time to time, that Belgium woman in the bar isn't so bad. It's a part of my personal head canon that this never happens in Ireland, however. If his brother, by some hilarious luck, ends up meeting the same woman, it could lead to an awkward string of circumstances. So-that's not happened.
Now, approaching a ship that doesn't follow the above guidelines leads to me thinking more. Anyone in #gundam knows that my biggest problem with Lockon/Tieria is the fact that he views Tieria as a guy. When it comes down to it, his canonical circumstances make him recognize Tieria as a male. It has nothing to do with the fact that Tieria, quite bluntly, looks female more often than not. I was asked several times what Lockon would think of Tieria in that dress. I answered that Tieria would be Tieria. It wouldn't make a difference internally, though I do think Lockon would have something (stupid) to say about it. But the overall feel from that is ... Tieria is Tieria. Setsuna is Setsuna. Alle is Alle. Sumeragi is Sumeragi. Getting to know them better, past superficial "oh that guy, lol" moments lead me to believe that he just sees them as who they are. People who share similar ideas, and just like with his matter of coming into his sexuality, Lockon doesn't put much more than surface thought into what gender they happen to have.
... As a sidetracking thing, Lockon enjoys people who are socially awkward. He tends to be able to handle dealing with Setsuna and Tieria more than Allelujah in the show. Feldt, too, is living proof of this. His interactions with Sumeragi, Alle, and the others are pretty superficial in comparison to those meaningful moments. He's attracted to that type of person, which would explain his interaction with Haruka in camp!
But back to where I was going, by time someone reaches a "so and so is so and so," I think they're someone who really surpasses the whole gender equation in his mind. It's not that he isn't thinking about it, to some degree, it's that he's looking at it from a different angle and going, "Huh, okay." I'll go into the details of this more for a moment. I don't think he's consciously attracted to Tieria beyond the fact that Tieria is cute. But it's in the same way Setsuna is cute, so it's really a lulzy sort of way of looking at them. His attraction to Sumeragi and Elle is a little less lulzy, but probably because he can look at them without being caught up on his simplistic way of dealing with things. So as it comes to Tieria, and any level of attraction, it's less of a sexual thing and more-well, this thing I'm getting caught up on. But it's there! Tieria is important to him, and there's some level of his consciousness that wants to explore whatever this is, because Lockon is curious.
lockon and tieria in camp
Now!
There are two things I should note.
1. Lockon knows Tieria has it bad for him.
2. Lockon is really, really curious about this.
On one hand, Lockon feels bad because Tieria still has a world to change and encouraging the dependency isn't a good thing. But at the same time, if the circumstances with Lyle reveal anything, there's a part of Lockon that likes being depended on. It's probably why he's attracted to the sorts of people who would naturally come to depend on him (even if Setsuna, obviously, isn't the type of person to be open about that sort of thing). The fact that Tieria is obviously replacing VEDA with him is something that is a little jarring, but he understands and wants Tieria to be attached to human things. He wants Tieria to understand that in this place, he can still be who he is-a man who will fight against who he hates, a man who is pretty badass, and a man who can take care of himself. He admires Tieria's sincerity in dealing with him, but he also wants Tieria to be able to stand on his own.
Originally, Lockon simply thought it was dependency/replacement, until the mistletoe sequence of events where Lockon finally got it, and it was like a light bulb turning on and breaking because he's stupid. And took that long to get it. He reads people well but sometimes his degree to which he reads people isn't always entirely correct. He was close, but missed it by a hair, you know? So since then, he's been trying to do things for Tieria, and he knows that Tieria's thing for him, regardless of the replacement and dependency, is real. That's a human emotion, and the last thing Lockon wants to do is crush him. He does want to see what this is, but it's a very cautious sort of curiosity.
That said, I hesitate to say he feels anything in return. There's something about him that's attracted to Tieria's need for him, and the interaction he shares for him, and he's obviously willing to dedicate a fair amount of time to making Tieria happy, but none of it adds up quite yet for him. It's possible that it will change, but Lockon is more conscious of this than he is most things, which actually halts things a little from going "naturally," as they could. But I'm not sure if they could, which is probably why I'm writing this stupid essay. Is it possible that things will change? Yes, as those sorts of things tend to lend themselves to changing, but as of right now, he's still toeing the line of uncertainty.
I'm mostly winging it, because this is something that feels right, but also I don't have a lot of canon on either way to go with, so it's strongly based in my interpretation of this character. I hope this wasn't too stupid to anyone. ;.;