Some of this. Some of that. Mostly that.
So whats been going on lately....
School has started and I'm enjoying it so far. But lets take note of the fact that I am actually enjoying school. My favorite class this semester is definitely precal. I just for some reason am in love with math. I get frustrated and despise math at times but at the end of the day I keep going back. Math completes me...hahaha j/k! But I do like math. My other classes are going good too. I think this year I'm a little older and a little wiser and know that if I wanna transfer to UCLA next year I gotta light a fire under my ass and get the 60 minimum hours in order to transfer. Yes, I plan on transferring to California still. I delayed from going last year simply for this one reason. And honestly I didn't realize this was why until I kinda took some steps back and focused on other things so I could come back to the topic and have some kind of epiphany. Any ways, I see now that the reason I put off going was not fear persay. Senior year I was getting a lot of negative feedback on me going and Ms. Laporte even told me she felt like I wasn't ready. So if you know me, I fought to make everyone see I was ready. But I think I got caught up in persuading everyone that I never thought to myself why am so adiment about this? And it wasn't until everything was coming full circle it was set in motion for me to move. Then I began to think, am I going for me? Or am I simply going to prove all of these people wrong? At that moment I decided to put it off until I could clearly answer that question. So I went back to college station and didn't give California another thought, I needed to focus on the present now the future. Then this summer California popped back in my head and I decided to examine what my reasons were on going. Then it became clear to me, I always wanted to go to California long before people opposed the idea. And my desire to move out there is as stong as it was when I first visited the state when I was 12 as it is now. I definitely think I subconsciously stalled because I wasn't ready 2 years ago. I needed this time to grow up some and to get a sense of just what I am able to do. Having gotten to do all of this I know I'm ready for this move. And I am now working to achieving this goal. And I'm halfway there! Woot. But also I know I need to apply to more than school out there, thats a given.
But enough about all of that onto other things and maybe even thoughts!
I have spent the greater part of the past two years or so trying to figure out when exactly I didn't enjoy my friendship with David and began to feel trapped and despise him. You see, for the longest time I thought it all came crashing down because Amanda betrayed me and tempers flared and the rest is history. Then I began to think that maybe there was a trigger from my side of things that subconsciously had me wanting to get away. I finally figured it out a few days ago. It was actually when I called my cousin Candice on her birthday. Of all of my relatives she is the one I'm closest to. I think because we're a lot alike. We're both the loud mouths of the family. Anyways I remembered this one time David said some rather negative things about her after meeting her for the first time. You can talk about me, sometimes my friends, but never my family. And the other thing that set me off was I hate his dad with a deep rooted passion but I kept that to myself until he asked why I was so quiet around his dad. Even then I was discreet about it. It came down to me finally seeing he had no respect for me and thus I lost respect for him. This chapter can and has finally closed in my life.
This year I have found myself wanting to take it slow and not let it be one big blur and headache. Yes, I am referring to one big hangover. I just don't have the same enthusiasm to party as I did last year. Maybe I am getting older and thus maturing. I guess this will be a good time to see just who remains close to me once the partying is cut out and get serious about my goals. I have also found that a friend of mine has been more than a good friend but one hell of an influence. Megan has gotten me to see as I once did when it comes to messed up people. I think I became too soft toward those who are on the outside and forgot that sometimes there is a reason they're in that situation. At any rate I have began to cut the bad influences on me and have noticed a more focused Dylan. I like it. It makes things easier when it comes to school.
And the last thing I feel like I need to touch upon. I always seem to be very lenient when it comes to Michelle. She always finds a way to let me down and no matter what for some reason beyond my understanding I let her back in. To only let me down once again. It's like she has this sense when it comes to me and it goes off when I'm beginning to get things together and have a clear head. Then she calls and has some horrific story to tell or she slyly mentions David. I think she needs to go as well. I'm never going to be able to fully put that part of the past behind me if I constantly have someone reminding me of it. Oh by the way, she's friends with him so as you can probably see that I have my suspicions as to why she brings him up to me when she knows I strongly dislike him. Yep I just decided, she has to go. If she wants to live in the past then that's where I'll leave her.
So this has been one of my most therapeutic posts in a long time. I feel good getting all of this stuff that has been on my mind out there. If only I could do the same with my Precal homework.
Good night!
School has started and I'm enjoying it so far. But lets take note of the fact that I am actually enjoying school. My favorite class this semester is definitely precal. I just for some reason am in love with math. I get frustrated and despise math at times but at the end of the day I keep going back. Math completes me...hahaha j/k! But I do like math. My other classes are going good too. I think this year I'm a little older and a little wiser and know that if I wanna transfer to UCLA next year I gotta light a fire under my ass and get the 60 minimum hours in order to transfer. Yes, I plan on transferring to California still. I delayed from going last year simply for this one reason. And honestly I didn't realize this was why until I kinda took some steps back and focused on other things so I could come back to the topic and have some kind of epiphany. Any ways, I see now that the reason I put off going was not fear persay. Senior year I was getting a lot of negative feedback on me going and Ms. Laporte even told me she felt like I wasn't ready. So if you know me, I fought to make everyone see I was ready. But I think I got caught up in persuading everyone that I never thought to myself why am so adiment about this? And it wasn't until everything was coming full circle it was set in motion for me to move. Then I began to think, am I going for me? Or am I simply going to prove all of these people wrong? At that moment I decided to put it off until I could clearly answer that question. So I went back to college station and didn't give California another thought, I needed to focus on the present now the future. Then this summer California popped back in my head and I decided to examine what my reasons were on going. Then it became clear to me, I always wanted to go to California long before people opposed the idea. And my desire to move out there is as stong as it was when I first visited the state when I was 12 as it is now. I definitely think I subconsciously stalled because I wasn't ready 2 years ago. I needed this time to grow up some and to get a sense of just what I am able to do. Having gotten to do all of this I know I'm ready for this move. And I am now working to achieving this goal. And I'm halfway there! Woot. But also I know I need to apply to more than school out there, thats a given.
But enough about all of that onto other things and maybe even thoughts!
I have spent the greater part of the past two years or so trying to figure out when exactly I didn't enjoy my friendship with David and began to feel trapped and despise him. You see, for the longest time I thought it all came crashing down because Amanda betrayed me and tempers flared and the rest is history. Then I began to think that maybe there was a trigger from my side of things that subconsciously had me wanting to get away. I finally figured it out a few days ago. It was actually when I called my cousin Candice on her birthday. Of all of my relatives she is the one I'm closest to. I think because we're a lot alike. We're both the loud mouths of the family. Anyways I remembered this one time David said some rather negative things about her after meeting her for the first time. You can talk about me, sometimes my friends, but never my family. And the other thing that set me off was I hate his dad with a deep rooted passion but I kept that to myself until he asked why I was so quiet around his dad. Even then I was discreet about it. It came down to me finally seeing he had no respect for me and thus I lost respect for him. This chapter can and has finally closed in my life.
This year I have found myself wanting to take it slow and not let it be one big blur and headache. Yes, I am referring to one big hangover. I just don't have the same enthusiasm to party as I did last year. Maybe I am getting older and thus maturing. I guess this will be a good time to see just who remains close to me once the partying is cut out and get serious about my goals. I have also found that a friend of mine has been more than a good friend but one hell of an influence. Megan has gotten me to see as I once did when it comes to messed up people. I think I became too soft toward those who are on the outside and forgot that sometimes there is a reason they're in that situation. At any rate I have began to cut the bad influences on me and have noticed a more focused Dylan. I like it. It makes things easier when it comes to school.
And the last thing I feel like I need to touch upon. I always seem to be very lenient when it comes to Michelle. She always finds a way to let me down and no matter what for some reason beyond my understanding I let her back in. To only let me down once again. It's like she has this sense when it comes to me and it goes off when I'm beginning to get things together and have a clear head. Then she calls and has some horrific story to tell or she slyly mentions David. I think she needs to go as well. I'm never going to be able to fully put that part of the past behind me if I constantly have someone reminding me of it. Oh by the way, she's friends with him so as you can probably see that I have my suspicions as to why she brings him up to me when she knows I strongly dislike him. Yep I just decided, she has to go. If she wants to live in the past then that's where I'll leave her.
So this has been one of my most therapeutic posts in a long time. I feel good getting all of this stuff that has been on my mind out there. If only I could do the same with my Precal homework.
Good night!