OMG DENNIS MOORE <3
this was posted on a message board I frequent:
I go to this costume party at my friends' last night. Lotsa people, all that, drunk and stoned and what have you. Anyway, the little sister of an old friend turns out to be there, and I gather from her body language that she's interested in me, for whatever stupid, drunken reason. She herself even hinted at this, subtley, when she said, "I've wanted to fuck you forever." I laugh a line like that off a lot of times, so I reminded her that she'd been drinking. She thought that was cute, though, and somehow I ended up kissing her a few times. She hangs around me for a while longer, then wanders off. I smoke a bowl, take a couple shots, and get in line for the bathroom. Right off the kitchen, this toilet is hard to miss, and the crowded party provided plenty of people waiting to go. My turn came, I went, and as I open the door to leave, I see her standing there, next. She walks in, making sure that I don't walk out, and closes the door behind her. This is where it gets kinda fuzzy.
I'm thinking it'll be one of those routine things, where I make small talk and she relieves herself, but no. I think I said something like, "Well, OK," when she walked in, and next thing I know. I'm turning around to see her bending over the counter, pants and panties at her ankles. "Come on," she says, "fuck me already."
I'm kinda caught off guard here, so I just mumble, "Uh, ha... uh, ha..." for a minute or so. She barks, "Hurry up and fuck me!" I touch her ass and whatever, putting my beer on the counter. The room stinks of her vagina. "Put it in and fuck me!" she demands. Problem is, I'm not getting any blood flow down there.
It wasn't just my ED, either. There were a bunch of people waiting right outside the door, I was drunk, and she kinda surprised me. "What's wrong?" she asked, "Fuck me!" Yeah, nothing's comin' up. She tries to suck me to life, but before she can, I get a brilliant idea. Lemme back up a couple steps and tell you what I dressed as, because it'll be important here.
I spent a couple hours before the party crafting an erect penis out of aluminium foil and Super Sculpey. I attached this to a belt, which I then put on my pants. Using a guitar strap, duct tape, a large piece of cardboard, a Sharpie, and a pocket knife, I made a 'wall' with a hole in it, for the penis. Next to the penis I wrote things like 'PUTCHER LIPS HERE BITCH,' and 'THESE COCKS IS FOOD, BABY.' So, a man at a Glory Hole. The clay had burned in the oven, and after painting it, the boils looked a lot like herpes, or some other disgusting thing. I'd taken this penis off earlier, and was carrying it in my pocket. As you've probably guessed, I decided to break it out.
I kept her distracted with my other hand while I looped the thing on. Tightening it up, I sqaured behind her. She moaned, "Fucking finally, Jesus" as I pushed it inside, looking down over the cumbersome cardboard. It was hard to hold her hips even with the Goddamn thing in the way. I managed to make it work, though. Suddenly I remembered that I'd left my camera at the friend who let me bake the penis in her oven's house, and stomped my foot. It would have been a priceless photo, especially on account of the mirror. Anyway, I look down and realize that the paint is starting to smear/rub off. Fuckin' acrylics. I woulda been worried if the situation hadn't been so hilarious.
Then comes a loud knock at the door, commotion, and I can hear people start to gossip about what might be taking so long. She hears it too, and freaks out. She turns around to look at the door, to make sure nobody is coming in. In the process, though, she breaks off my fake dick. Fuckin' snapped it, just like that.. Then, when she's satisfied that nobody has intruded on us, the thing falls out of her. We both look down at it, me making a face and kicking it to the side like it was a sock or something. She looks up at me, then back down at the piece of penis before giving me this awful look, calling me an asshole, pushing me against the wall, and storming out. The next person in line enters as I'm picking my dick up off the floor. He looks confused. "She fell off," I say, and stick her in my breast pocket. I walk out laughing, and never see her again.
Just thought you might like to know.
I go to this costume party at my friends' last night. Lotsa people, all that, drunk and stoned and what have you. Anyway, the little sister of an old friend turns out to be there, and I gather from her body language that she's interested in me, for whatever stupid, drunken reason. She herself even hinted at this, subtley, when she said, "I've wanted to fuck you forever." I laugh a line like that off a lot of times, so I reminded her that she'd been drinking. She thought that was cute, though, and somehow I ended up kissing her a few times. She hangs around me for a while longer, then wanders off. I smoke a bowl, take a couple shots, and get in line for the bathroom. Right off the kitchen, this toilet is hard to miss, and the crowded party provided plenty of people waiting to go. My turn came, I went, and as I open the door to leave, I see her standing there, next. She walks in, making sure that I don't walk out, and closes the door behind her. This is where it gets kinda fuzzy.
I'm thinking it'll be one of those routine things, where I make small talk and she relieves herself, but no. I think I said something like, "Well, OK," when she walked in, and next thing I know. I'm turning around to see her bending over the counter, pants and panties at her ankles. "Come on," she says, "fuck me already."
I'm kinda caught off guard here, so I just mumble, "Uh, ha... uh, ha..." for a minute or so. She barks, "Hurry up and fuck me!" I touch her ass and whatever, putting my beer on the counter. The room stinks of her vagina. "Put it in and fuck me!" she demands. Problem is, I'm not getting any blood flow down there.
It wasn't just my ED, either. There were a bunch of people waiting right outside the door, I was drunk, and she kinda surprised me. "What's wrong?" she asked, "Fuck me!" Yeah, nothing's comin' up. She tries to suck me to life, but before she can, I get a brilliant idea. Lemme back up a couple steps and tell you what I dressed as, because it'll be important here.
I spent a couple hours before the party crafting an erect penis out of aluminium foil and Super Sculpey. I attached this to a belt, which I then put on my pants. Using a guitar strap, duct tape, a large piece of cardboard, a Sharpie, and a pocket knife, I made a 'wall' with a hole in it, for the penis. Next to the penis I wrote things like 'PUTCHER LIPS HERE BITCH,' and 'THESE COCKS IS FOOD, BABY.' So, a man at a Glory Hole. The clay had burned in the oven, and after painting it, the boils looked a lot like herpes, or some other disgusting thing. I'd taken this penis off earlier, and was carrying it in my pocket. As you've probably guessed, I decided to break it out.
I kept her distracted with my other hand while I looped the thing on. Tightening it up, I sqaured behind her. She moaned, "Fucking finally, Jesus" as I pushed it inside, looking down over the cumbersome cardboard. It was hard to hold her hips even with the Goddamn thing in the way. I managed to make it work, though. Suddenly I remembered that I'd left my camera at the friend who let me bake the penis in her oven's house, and stomped my foot. It would have been a priceless photo, especially on account of the mirror. Anyway, I look down and realize that the paint is starting to smear/rub off. Fuckin' acrylics. I woulda been worried if the situation hadn't been so hilarious.
Then comes a loud knock at the door, commotion, and I can hear people start to gossip about what might be taking so long. She hears it too, and freaks out. She turns around to look at the door, to make sure nobody is coming in. In the process, though, she breaks off my fake dick. Fuckin' snapped it, just like that.. Then, when she's satisfied that nobody has intruded on us, the thing falls out of her. We both look down at it, me making a face and kicking it to the side like it was a sock or something. She looks up at me, then back down at the piece of penis before giving me this awful look, calling me an asshole, pushing me against the wall, and storming out. The next person in line enters as I'm picking my dick up off the floor. He looks confused. "She fell off," I say, and stick her in my breast pocket. I walk out laughing, and never see her again.
Just thought you might like to know.