With A Little Help From My Friends
Title: With A Little Help From My Friends - 20
Author: dylan_dufresne
Pairing: BB/DM
Rating: PG-14, I think. Maybe sneaking up to a light R.
Summary: Dinner plans with overdue introductions, trying to do the right thing, and an unexpected turn of events.
Feedback: Would be greatly appreciated as it’s my drug of choice. Many thanks to my beta, frojane
Special Thanks: To loki_girl for the exquisite banner that she has created, and to tarnishedhalo for loaning me her inspirational manip for the centerpiece. I am so thankful and appreciative of you both, and your generosity.
Disclaimer: Not at all true in reality. This is my imagination at work.
A/N: Warning of angst for this chapter.
Previous Chapters: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19
Chapter 20
Crossing her long legs and adjusting the pad of paper in her lap as she leans back, Dr. Tyler watches Dom finish filling her in on the events of the last month, and plans for this coming weekend. The dark cloud that once surrounded the withdrawn and troubled young man is all but gone, revealing a warm, playful demeanor, and a bright, beautiful smile.
“I’m glad everything is going well, Dom,” Dr. Tyler says sincerely. “It’s always a pleasure to see you happy.”
“It feels good,” Dom replies, his cheeks pinking a little. “Life is pretty much perfect.”
“Any anxiety about next month?” the therapist inquires. “You haven’t mentioned your birthday in the last few sessions.”
“Well, the pressure is off, because Billy knows,” Dom theorizes. “I guess maybe that’s why I don’t feel the need to avoid it.”
“How often are you having the bad dreams?”
“Twice in the last couple of weeks,” Dom admits. “But they weren’t really bad. Fuzzy images, muffled sounds. I woke up long enough to realize where I was, and then I curled into Bills and went back to sleep. I felt perfectly safe there.”
“All right.”
“I’m already bugging Billy about getting a Christmas tree. And mistletoe.”
Dr. Tyler can’t help breaking out into a smile as she laughs. “Sounds like fun.”
“I sent away for his present almost a month ago,” Dom reveals. “I’m hoping it’ll get here in time.”
“I’m sure it will, and that Billy will be touched by your efforts.”
As though trying to make light of it, Dom shrugs. “I want it to be special for us.”
“Will you be traveling to Manchester?” Dr. Tyler asks, unobtrusively making a few notes as they talk.
“No,” Dom says, shaking his head. “But Billy did offer. A couple of times.”
“Why didn’t you say yes?”
“I love my Mum and Dad, I really do, but this is our first Christmas together, you know, as a couple,” Dom explains. “I guess I’m selfish. I want him all to myself.”
“That doesn’t sound selfish, Dom. Not in the least.”
“Oh. Good.”
Glancing at her watch, the therapist smiles. “And we’re out of time.”
“Wow,” Dom comments in surprise. “That was fast.”
“The easier sessions always are,” Dr. Tyler reveals. “See you next month?”
“Same time, same place,” Dom confirms with a quick nod.
“And Dom, if you need to talk before then, you have my number. Please don’t hesitate to call,” she adds. “Remember, asking for help is a sign of strength, not weakness.”
“So I’m learning,” Dom replies with a rueful smile. “And thanks.”
~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~
Tugging at the collar of his crisp shirt, Orlando shifts in his chair before glancing at his watch. He’s nervous, and with each passing moment, his anxiety grows, despite the soothing presence of Viggo beside him. The somewhat upscale restaurant they are seated in is more than half-full, the dinner rush well underway. Water glasses have been filled, a candle in the center of the table lit, menus placed on the crisp, white tablecloth, and now the couple waits for the arrival of their dinner companions.
“Breathe,” the older man murmurs quietly, placing his hand on Orlando’s bouncing knee and pressing down gently. “It’s going to be fine.”
“Easy for you to say,” Orlando retorts. “You know them. I don’t.”
“They’re going to love you,” Viggo adds. “Dom’s called twice to make sure we weren’t going to cancel. You know he’s wanted to meet you for months now.”
“Yeah, I know,” Orlando admits grudgingly. “That’s not the part that I’m worried about.”
“What then? Is it Bill?” Viggo prompts. “Is that what’s got you so worked up?”
“He is your ex,” Orlando points out. “It’s inevitable that some comparisons will be made.”
“You and Bill are nothing alike,” Viggo tells him. “Besides, he’s so in love with Dom he won’t be able to take his eyes off him for more than a few seconds.”
“Reminds me of someone else I know.”
At his boyfriend’s teasing words, Viggo smiles and laces their fingers together, squeezing gently.
“It’s just dinner, Or. We’ll talk, we’ll eat, and we’ll say good night.”
“As long as they deem me worthy,” Orlando mutters under his breath.
“Stop that,” Viggo instructs firmly. “I don’t need their approval. That’s not why they want to meet you. Besides, this is my life, not theirs.”
“I know.”
“And haven’t you figured out by now that I’m crazy about you and want to show you off?” Viggo adds huskily.
Looking over to meet Viggo’s nakedly heated gaze, color rises in Orlando’s cheeks.
“Yeah?” Orlando whispers softly, his breath catching at the intensity in the other man’s expression.
Viggo smiles tenderly and tips his head slightly to the left. “I love you.”
Joy washes through Orlando and his features light up as he breaks out into a wide smile. “Yeah?”
“You really didn’t know?”
“I hoped,” Orlando admits. “And, well, since we’ve been talking about moving in together, I figured that it was a possibility, but since you hadn’t said-”
“If I didn’t love you, Or, I wouldn’t be making long term plans with you,” Viggo explains warmly, leaning closer and pressing a kiss to the other man’s dark, silky curls. “I wouldn’t want us to be sharing the same space so I won’t have to make excuses to see you anymore.”
“What?” Surprised at the omission, Orlando arches an eyebrow. “You did that?”
“You didn’t notice that I couldn’t go twenty-four hours without seeing you?” Viggo asks with a restrained laugh. “That I was always glad when you stayed the night, even if all we did was sleep? Just so you were next to me, and I could look at you.”
“You forgot the part where you can’t keep your hands off me, and no matter what I’m wearing when we go to bed, I’m always naked by morning,” Orlando teases quietly, shifting closer so they’re snuggled up, his breath caressing Viggo’s scruffy cheek. “I love that about you, by the way.”
“I can’t help it,” Viggo admits. “I think you’re sexy and I love touching you.”
“Likewise.”
“Sorry we’re late,” Billy offers apologetically as he and Dom arrive at the table, having spotted the couple from where the hostess had greeted them. “We had wardrobe issues.” Billy pauses. “Well, one of us did.”
When Dom wrinkles his nose at Billy, the other two men chuckle, and then Billy good-naturedly grins as he tugs Dom closer to peck him on the cheek.
“We’re here now,” he adds.
“You’re lucky I love you so much,” Dom grumbles, focusing his attention on Viggo and the man almost sitting in his lap. “Who’s going to start the introductions?”
“I will,” Viggo replies, gesturing for Dom to sit across from him, next to the chair Billy is sinking down into. “This is Dr. Orlando Bloom,” he begins. “Orlando, this is Billy Boyd.”
“It’s very nice to meet you, Dr. Bloom,” Billy interjects. “This is Dominic Monaghan.”
“Call me Dom,” the younger man chimes in, smiling warmly. “I’m glad we could finally meet.”
“Me too,” Orlando tells him, the waves of nervousness beginning to dissipate. “And please, call me Orlando.”
“How’s the dog?” Dom asks.
Confused, Orlando frowns. “What?”
“You couldn’t come to my graduation because there was an accident,” Dom reminds him. “A dog was hurt-”
“Oh, right. Of course,” the other man says as the memories flood his mind. “The dog is slowly getting better. She’s got a very caring owner, and they are completely devoted to each other. I’m expecting her to make a full recovery.”
“Oh, good.”
“Shall we see what the menu has to offer?” Billy suggests. “I don’t know about you, but I’m ravenous.”
Nodding in agreement, the four men peruse their menus, and little is said until selections have been made and been dutifully recorded by their waiter. Once the menus have been cleared away, Billy reaches for Dom’s hand, lacing their fingers together. While there may have been a wee bit of irritation at Dom’s dallying, it seems to have melted away, thanks in no small part to the way Dom is gazing at Billy with charcoal lined eyes. Orlando watches them for a moment and decides that even a blind man could see the devotion between them.
“So, how are you enjoying uni?” he asks Dom. “Do you have any idea what you’re going to specialize in?”
“Yes, I’m enjoying it,” Dom reports with a smile, reluctantly tearing his eyes away from Billy. “It’s a lot of work, but I like the challenge. As for a major, I haven’t decided yet, but I have narrowed it down, a bit.”
“Oh?” Viggo interjects. “You’ve done some eliminating?”
“I don’t want to be a lawyer, and I don’t feel the calling to be a doctor, so that takes care of law and medicine. I like science, but I don’t want to spend the rest of my life in a laboratory, or be a teacher like my dad, so that’s out. Right now I think I want to work with people, so I’m exploring the possibilities with that.”
“It sounds like you’ve put a lot of thought into it,” Viggo comments. “And it’s only the beginning of November of your first year.”
Dom’s eyes lock with his, the two of them sharing in the knowledge that it was just over a year ago that they met, in the exam room at Viggo’s clinic. Only then does Viggo realize why Dom insisted that they meet for dinner, now, after months of trying to connect. The grateful look in Dom’s eyes speaks volumes, and he relaxes when Viggo smiles gently, nodding his understanding.
“Well, I’ve got some catching up to do,” Dom adds, ducking his head for a moment. “I’m the one of the oldest in most of my courses so far.”
“Dommie, you’re only twenty-two,” Billy soothes. “You’ve got plenty of time.”
“Almost twenty-three,” Dom corrects. “And I know that. I just want to catch up a bit.”
“Viggo tells me that you’ve known each other for a while,” Orlando says, changing the direction of their conversation. “How did you meet?”
“Local pub,” Billy replies, giving Dom a private wink. “I had just moved to the neighborhood and we met over a pint, but didn’t start seeing each other until almost six months later.”
“Vig said you two met at the park,” Dom interjects, turning the conversation away from a potentially awkward revelation.
“Yes, I was walking one of my dogs,” Orlando explains. “He asked if he could take a picture.”
“One of?” Billy inquires. “How many dogs do you have?”
“At the moment, three, but one is just with me for a few weeks until his new home is ready,” Orlando explains. “His owner is a friend of mine and she’s having major renovations done to her house. The dog wasn’t handling all the strange people around very well, so I offered a place of refuge.”
“That’s very generous of you,” Dom muses aloud.
“We used to be roommates and I gave her the dog,” Orlando adds. “I’ve got a bit of a soft spot for him. The dog, I mean.”
“It sounds like you’re very devoted to animals,” Billy comments. “Being a veterinarian must come naturally to you.”
“It does,” Orlando replies, nodding in agreement. “All my life I’ve felt a connection to them, and I enjoy being a part of keeping them healthy so they can enjoy life to the fullest.”
“Sounds familiar,” Dom says under his breath, his eyes locked on Viggo.
Everyone at the table hears him, and a chorus of chuckles is heard as their waiter returns with their salad course. Hiding a smile, Orlando watches as Dom uses his fork to scoop up the baby tomatoes hiding in the green leaves, only to have Billy reach over and transfer them to his plate. There is no discussion between them, but it’s very clear this is normal behavior for them, only showcasing the tight bond they have forged.
A peace settles over Orlando as he looks at the couple before him, and he realizes that Viggo was right. This was not about judgment or worthiness, but a way for them all to meet, and hopefully become friends. By the time their entrees arrive, Dom and Orlando have put their heads together and started their own conversation, leaving Viggo and Billy to entertain themselves.
“You look good,” Billy says to Viggo quietly, glancing over at Dom and smiling when the younger man gestures enthusiastically with his fork as he speaks to Orlando. “And seemed rather cozy when we arrived.”
“He was nervous,” Viggo replies under his breath before taking a bite of his pasta. As he chews, he looks over at Orlando, making sure he is comfortable, and is pleased when he discovers the younger men appear to have connected immediately.
“Why do you think we were late?” Billy adds, coughing to hide a chuckle. “Dom must’ve changed his clothes ten times. The bedroom looks like a war zone.”
“Well, it seems to have worked,” Viggo comments. “Look at them.”
To anyone around them, it’s doubtful that they would be able to guess that Dom and Orlando just met, since they are already fast friends, even to the point of pulling out their mobiles and exchanging phone numbers to ensure that they don’t lose touch.
“You two look good together,” Billy tells Viggo. “And you look happier than I’ve seen you in a really long time.”
“Right back at you.”
“What are you two talking about?” Dom interjects teasingly. “It better not be about work or some nonsense like that.”
“I haven’t heard a word about work,” Viggo replies, turning his attention to the man across the table. “But I also haven’t heard anything about London, even though you promised details in your postcard.”
It’s as though the floodgates have opened, and the rest of the meal passes with the two couples exchanging stories about places they’ve traveled or would like to see, and plans to get together in the near future. By the time they say goodnight, all worries have faded and new bonds have been made. Any signs of nervousness are long gone, and it’s only the lateness of the hour that forces them to part.
It’s during the drive home that Dom brings up the subject of their dinner companions, his lithe body slouched comfortably in the passenger seat.
“They look good together,” he says quietly, rubbing the pad of his thumb against the back of Billy’s hand where it rests on his thigh. “Happy.”
“Aye, they do.”
“Did you hear Orli when he offered to show us around his clinic, and meet the dogs?” Dom asks, using the nickname that Orlando had invited him to use. “I told him it sounded like fun. He said he’d call next week and try to set something up.”
“That was nice of him,” Billy replies. “You two really seemed to hit it off.”
“Vig couldn't take his eyes off him," Dom adds with a chuckle.
“I’m familiar with that problem,” Billy teases. “You look very nice tonight. Did I tell you that before?”
“No, you were too busy threatening to kick my arse if I didn’t get a move on,” Dom retorts.
“I believe I said ‘sexy arse’ and in my defense, you’d already tried on most of your wardrobe at least twice by then,” Billy points out. “I didn’t want us to be late.”
“I know. I’m sorry,” Dom acquiesces, his mood somber. “Forgive me?”
Slowing to a stop at an intersection as the light turns red, Billy looks over at Dom, and his breath catches at the vulnerable expression in his lover’s eyes. Wordlessly, he leans over and captures Dom’s sweet mouth in a soft, nibbling kiss, drawing Dom’s pouty lower lip between his teeth for a gentle suck. Dom’s breathless sigh of pleasure caresses Billy’s lips, and they finally part when a car behind them honks its horn.
“Does that answer your question?” Billy asks once they are underway again.
“Move your hand three inches to the right, and you’ll have your answer,” Dom replies cheekily, shifting so his rising erection nudges the back of Billy’s hand.
“Dommie, this car is far too small to have sex in,” Billy protests, though there is a catch in his breath. “Our bed will be much more comfortable.”
“I didn’t say anything about sex,” Dom corrects huskily. “You did.”
Withdrawing his hand from Dom’s leg, Billy concentrates on the road, and the tight turn he needs to negotiate in order to pull around the corner and guide the car into the parking space behind the book shop. Dom doesn’t protest, even though he’s disappointed at the loss of contact. He knows that Billy would put their safety first, and not do anything to endanger either one of them.
Without incident, Billy pulls the car to a stop, and after shifting into park and cutting the engine, he glances over at Dom, who is busy unfastening his seat belt. Dom looks up to speak to Billy, but when Billy’s tongue slides between his lips, Dom forgets what he had planned to say. Surrendering to the heat of the kiss, Dom grows limp and pliant in Billy’s embrace, his breath ragged when Billy finally pulls back.
“Let’s go upstairs, Dommie,” Billy says huskily. “Before somebody catches us.”
The lusty, possessive look in Billy’s eyes causes Dom’s heart to skip a beat, and he knows that the romantic part of their evening has just begun.
~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~
The next several weeks pass in a blur, Dom and Billy slipping into a comfortable routine, combining their uni and book shop schedules. On more than a few occasions, Billy comes upstairs after closing the shop to find dinner warming in the oven and Dom in the spare room, glasses perched on the bridge of his nose, chin propped up on the heel of his hand as he studies, or hunched over his laptop as he peers at the screen and writes papers for his courses. Other times, Dom is discovered standing in the kitchen, absently stirring a pot of something on the cooker with one hand, and cradling a textbook to his slender body with other, his brow furrowed in concentration.
At first, Dom ducks his head and repeatedly apologizes for not giving Billy his full attention like he deserves, but his worries are quickly soothed away with Billy’s affectionate kisses pressed to his cheek or lips, and a brief, but thorough cuddling. On the days that Dom’s homework is heavier, Billy tries to lighten his burden wherever possible, including taking care of dinner, the dirty dishes, and entertaining himself afterwards. Some nights it’s a movie on television or a good book with a tumbler of scotch, other times Billy catches up on invoices, filing or spreadsheets on the computer downstairs in the office. It helps Dom to know that Billy is so supportive of his dedication to his studies, and that makes it easier for him to concentrate on his work. After all, the sooner Dom completes his studying for the day, the sooner he can be with Billy, engaging in a variety of activities.
Dom’s favorites are Saturday nights, because they can both sleep in the next morning, and that means slow, luxurious lovemaking in the weak sunlight, followed by a shared shower, with plenty of kissing, laughter and tickling. Anything resembling work is forbidden on Sundays, Dom insisting that a day off is good for him, especially when it means that he and Billy can spend quality time together, just the two of them. Although Billy offers to take Dom away for day trips, he prefers to stay closer to home, going to the movies and out to dinner together, or bringing home takeaway. On one particularly memorable Sunday, they fail to get dressed entirely, desire and passion overtaking them, bare skin pressed together as they make love, over and over again.
All is well until one Thursday evening, and Billy seems distracted, almost tense. When Dom asks, Billy insists that he’s fine, just a wee bit tired, and even though the subject is dropped at Billy’s request, Dom’s not entirely convinced. Over the next several days, Billy’s odd mood worsens, to the point that on one morning, Dom awakens before dawn to find Billy gone from their bed. A quick investigation results in Dom finding Billy working in his office, or so he claims when Dom asks. What Billy doesn’t know is that Dom had gnawed on his lower lip and watched him for over a minute, staring blankly at his computer monitor, eerily still, and a pensive look darkening his normally cheerful face. Again, Billy brushes off Dom’s questions, and it’s with a heavy heart that Dom trudges up the stairs to go back to bed. Now unable to sleep, Dom shifts restlessly beneath the green coverlet, the sheets cold, the mattress too big and lonely for just one person.
Staring at the paperwork cluttering up his desk, since his concentration of late has resulted in him letting it build up much more than usual, Billy’s thoughts wander, once Dom has disappeared upstairs. This is the third sleep-deprived night in a row that has roused Billy from their bed while the moon is high in the dark sky. Dom’s birthday is less than a week away, and with each passing hour, Billy’s anxiety grows, as he struggles to come up with a plan to navigate the difficult day. Last year at this time, Billy had done every single thing wrong, inadvertently unleashing painful memories instead of creating joy, resulting in the younger man curling up on the couch and crying himself to sleep. Emotions ran high and vulnerabilities were exposed, Dom’s gentle heart raw and wounded, and it had taken him days to recover. What does Dom need? Is it something that he can provide, or is something beyond his reach? Billy would rather cut off his own arm than make the same mistake twice.
While Billy understands that Dom’s therapy sessions with Dr. Tyler are private, and he would never demand to know what is discussed during those hours, at the same time, he can’t help but feel like he’s wandering aimlessly, lost in the dark. The painful confessions Dom has made to him in the last year have been heartbreaking, and Billy is desperately trying to find the right balance. Is there a way to get through the day without causing further pain to his Dommie? Is it better to pretend the day doesn’t exist, mention it, but not dwell on it, or should there be another attempt at celebrating it? Billy would give all that he has for a direction, and a way to be sure.
Just two days ago, Billy had visited an upscale bakery and stared longingly at a highly polished display case, trying to decide on whether or not he should order a specially made treat for Dom, with chocolate and strawberries, like they had while on holiday in London. After nearly half an hour of deliberation, Billy finally stepped up to the counter, and then he was overwhelmed by the fear of Dom engaging in sex as a way of showing Billy his gratitude. He’s all too familiar with Dom’s need to please, and the idea of Dom sleeping with him, when it’s the last thing he wants, made Billy’s chest ache, and his belly twist into a tight knot.
Mumbling an apology, Billy had left the shop, hot tears stinging at his sad eyes, and as the rising sun starts to overtake the night, those familiar tears return, causing Billy to fight hard to swallow the ragged sob in his throat. Exhaustion finally overwhelms Billy a short while later, and during the short nap he takes before surrendering to another day that will bring them even closer to Dom’s birthday, Billy is plagued by nightmares of Dom in tremendous pain, unable to be comforted by his lover.
No matter what Dom does in an attempt to engage Billy, the older man’s participation seems lackluster at best, and once again, the frequency of their lovemaking has decreased significantly. Irrationally concerned that perhaps his body is suddenly less appealing, Dom eyes himself critically in the mirror one night after a full hour of yoga, while Billy is in the kitchen making a cup of tea. Long fingers splay across his flat stomach and then linger over a thin, white scar by his hip that stubbornly refuses to fade, and when bedtime rolls around, Dom is so self-conscious about it that for the first time in months, he wears pajamas to bed, covering himself from neck to ankles. It doesn’t help that Billy fails to notice when he slips between the sheets beside Dom, and settles onto his pillow, failing to close the inches between them to press their bodies together. The space separating them seems as wide as the ocean, and Dom’s never felt more unwanted, staying quiet until Billy’s whistling fills the air, and then Dom wipes away his salty tears with a corner of the bed sheet.
Monday night is better, for what reason Dom has no idea, but when Billy curls into his body and begins kissing the nape of his neck, Dom is far too relieved to care. Eagerly, Dom opens himself up, inviting Billy into his embrace, and their lovemaking that night is quiet and slow, Billy falling asleep with his small hands still sliding over Dom’s bare skin in gentle caresses. For the first time in days, Dom sleeps peacefully, his lithe body bare, cheek pressed against Billy’s furry chest, the steady heartbeat soothing away his worries. Perhaps it’s just a mood that needed to work itself out in its own time, and now, things will finally get back to normal.
Dom is late getting home on Tuesday evening, after spending several hours at the library researching a paper, and he is surprised when Billy waves off his apology for the delay in having dinner together. Later that night while in the shower, washing away the stress of the day, it dawns on Dom that perhaps the reason for Billy’s distance is that he’s planned something special for his birthday tomorrow, and is trying desperately not to give it away. Last year, Billy had surprised Dom, showering him with a variety of treats, the most valuable being the gift of his time, when they spent the whole day together, just the two of them. They weren’t lovers last year, so it’s not like Billy can easily hide things in his bedroom like he did before. This could all be Billy attempting to surprise Dom, and distance is the only way to ensure that he doesn’t spill the beans.
For the first time in years, Dom is not dreading the day, and is instead approaching it with a sense of what can only be described as cautious optimism. The idea that what is normally a celebratory day could be just that this year, and that he will be able to spend at least part of it with Billy, makes Dom smile as he towels off and then climbs into bed naked. Although it’s not as warm in the bedroom as he’d like, the winter chill seeping through the curtained windows, Dom doesn’t want anything to interfere with what he hopes will be a ‘Good morning’ birthday shag.
Dom is surprised when Billy barely brushes a feathery kiss across his lips as they say goodnight, but he pushes his disappointment aside, and instead focuses on what Billy likely has in store for him in the morning. Falling asleep spooned up together, Billy’s breath warm against the back of his neck, Dom is fast asleep in no time, oblivious to when Billy carefully withdraws his arm from around his slender waist and rolls away. While Billy stares into the darkness and worries, fear twisting his belly and making it churn painfully, Dom is blissfully unaware, dreaming peacefully of making love, and sharing long, sensuous kisses with he man he loves.
For Billy, it’s a very long night.
~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~
The bedroom is just barely starting to get light when Dom rolls over, hand sliding across the mattress, seeking Billy’s warmth. He’s still dozing, on the edge of sleep, aroused and hungry for his lover’s touch, but instead of finding Billy’s strong body, Dom’s met with cool, empty sheets. Dom’s eyes flutter open in confusion and then disappointment, and he pushes himself up into a sitting position before looking around the deserted room.
Of all the scenarios Dom had imagined, this one certainly isn’t at the top of the list. Not even close.
Just moments ago, all Dom wanted was to curl into Billy’s arms, to be held and made love to, and now that warmth is gone. Suddenly Dom feels uncomfortable with the fact that he’s starkers, and resists the urge to pull the sheet off the bed and wrap it around himself to cover up his bared flesh. A chill washes over Dom, causing him to shiver, and his belly clenches, a ragged breath pushing past his lips. A moment later, Dom kicks back the coverlet and hurries into the loo, shutting the door behind him before twisting on the taps as he steps into the shower.
Closing his eyes while the heated water beats against his skin, Dom turns his slender back to the spray, using all of his strength to shove down the waves of painful memories threatening to overwhelm him. This isn’t what he wanted for today. Not again. This year was supposed to be different. Swallowing hard, Dom swipes at the droplets of water clinging to his face, and he nods firmly. This year will be different. He’s not the same broken, lost soul he was a year ago. So many things have changed. For all he knows, Billy’s in the kitchen making a special breakfast, and he’s ruining it by not remaining in bed.
Decision made, Dom spins on his heel and shuts off the torrent of water before plastering on what he hopes is a relaxed smile on his face as he quickly towels off, moving back into the bedroom and dressing in record time. When he opens the door, Dom can smell fresh coffee, and a moment later the electric kettle comes to a boil, and he hears the familiar click as it automatically shuts off. Making an attempt to appear casual as he walks down the hall towards where he presumes Billy to be, Dom exhales, and then enters the kitchen.
“Morning,” he says quietly after crossing over to where Billy is standing at the cooker, slowly stirring a pot of porridge.
Surprised at the sound, just inches from his ear, Billy flinches and almost drops the wooden spoon in his hand.
“Dom, you surprised me,” he gasps. “I didn’t hear the alarm clock.”
“Woke up before it went off,” Dom replies, waiting for Billy to turn around and kiss him good morning. “You’re up early.”
“Aye. I’ve got some book work to catch up on for the shop, so I thought I’d do it before I opened up, when things are quiet.”
“Oh.”
Several awkward moments pass in silence while Dom stares at the back of Billy’s neck, his mind screaming for Billy to turn around, but it’s all in vain. Despite Dom’s yearning, Billy continues watching the porridge, seemingly oblivious to his lover’s needs. Finally, Dom steps back and shifts his focus to the kitchen table.
“Want me to set the table?” he asks, swallowing the heavy lump of disappointment lodged in his throat.
“Aye, thanks.”
Blinking rapidly to keep his eyes clear, Dom wordlessly places bowls, spoons and mugs on the small table by the wall, automatically adding milk and honey to Billy’s mug before moving over to the counter for the hot water. Thoughts of previous mornings that included cuddling, kissing and lovemaking flood Dom’s mind, and the memories of happier times only add to his misery. Clearly, Billy has no desire to touch, or even offer a kiss, for he’s barely acknowledged Dom this morning. One might even think that Billy would prefer to be alone.
Numbly, Dom pours the steeped tea into Billy’s mug and coffee into his own before sliding into his chair and staring at the empty bowl on the place mat in front of him. A few minutes later, Billy turns off the heat beneath the pot, and then walks over to the table, ladling out the sticky cereal into their bowls in equal portions. When Billy moves over to the sink to fill the pot with water to soak while they eat, Dom longingly gazes at him, the confusion and hurt making his stomach queasy.
By the time Billy returns to the table, Dom has looked away, poking disinterestedly at his breakfast, not hungry in the least. During the night he’d dreamed of pancakes, served in bed, and shared between warm, sticky kisses. Porridge is a poor substitute. It doesn’t help that Billy is already digging into his bowl, and fails to notice that Dom isn’t eating. The odd silence is unnerving, and the urge to scream at the top of his lungs is building in Dom, threatening to explode, when sound from the bedroom offers an escape. Beeping, loud and insistent. The forgotten alarm clock that neither of them needed this morning.
“I’ll get it,” Dom says quickly, rising and leaving the room before Billy can protest.
After silencing the irritating noise, Dom stares at the unmade bed, cursing whatever is responsible for destroying his hopes of starting the day making love, and when salty tears flood his eyes, a decision is made. On the way back to the kitchen, Dom makes a quick stop in the spare room for his jacket and backpack before continuing on to where Billy is still sitting, not having moved an inch. When Dom drops his backpack on his chair instead of sitting down, Billy looks up in surprise.
Dom knows that he can’t look into Billy’s eyes, since his emotions are so close to the surface, so he quickly scoops up his bowl and mug. Closing his eyes for a moment, Dom drinks down more than half the hot coffee in a single, stinging gulp.
“I want to stop by the library before class,” he says casually, careful to keep his back to Billy as he pours the remains of his coffee down the drain and scoops the uneaten porridge in the bin under the sink. “I better get going.”
“What about lunch?” Billy offers belatedly, his tone weak as he watches Dom zip up his warm, winter coat. “There’s some-”
“I’ll buy it today,” Dom interrupts flatly. “See you later.”
“All right.”
For the briefest moment, Dom hesitates to see if Billy is going to stand up and hug him before he leaves, and then he strides away at a brisk pace.
“Bye,” he tosses over his shoulder as he passes through the doorway of the kitchen.
“Have a good-”
The door to their flat closes sharply, cutting off Billy’s farewell.
“-day,” he finishes lamely.
Chin dropping down to rest on the heel of his hand, Billy stares blankly at his now half-empty bowl of porridge. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to realize that Dom’s not in a good mood this morning. He couldn’t escape fast enough, wanting to throw himself into the day and find some distraction. What stings the most is that for the first time since they became a couple, they didn’t part with a hug and a soft kiss, or exchange ‘I love you’ s.
Although part of Billy wants to run after Dom, and try to fix it, he can’t make himself move, and instead pokes at his porridge with the spoon until it’s a cold, gelatinous lump. Finally he gives up, washes the dishes and sets them on the drying rack before heading downstairs to the shop. There’s always paperwork to catch up on, and distraction is sounding rather appealing at the moment. Anything that will take away the image of Dom’s sad eyes from Billy’s troubled mind.
~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~
During a break between classes, Dom decides to take a walk around the library, in the hopes that it will help quiet his jumbled thoughts. The smell of books has become a soothing one, mostly because it reminds him of cuddling close with Billy after he’s worked in the shop all day, but today the aroma has the opposite effect. All it does is remind Dom of what he and Billy used to have, and inexplicably lost in the last week.
Dom’s barely heard a word in his classes this morning, and instead has had multiple theories for Billy’s strange behavior racing through his mind, each more heartbreaking than the one before. While the rational side of Dom’s brain is mostly certain that Billy hasn’t lost interest in him for good, the emotional side wonders if perhaps Billy’s decided that Dom’s issues are just too much. The pain associated with today’s date must’ve occurred to Billy, and frankly, Dom wouldn’t blame him for having trouble dealing with it. How can he expect Billy to handle the rape when it’s taken him years to start to face it? After all, Dom hadn’t been able to say the word, out loud, until that day with Billy, when they became a couple. Even then, it had been out of despair, with the firm belief that it would end things between them.
The longer the day drags on, the worse he feels, and by the time Dom is released from his last class, his emotions are stretched as tight as piano wires. The fear that the distance will only grow between him and Billy until the relationship ends makes Dom’s belly twist, and the thought that he’ll once again be coldly discarded destroys any joy he had hoped to have today. Part of Dom desperately wants to dig his mobile out and call his Mum, because he knows she’ll do anything to make him feel better, help cheer him up or give advice. Dom actually starts to dial the number, but pauses when he realizes that talking to his Mum would require him to reveal painful secrets that he wants to spare her, so instead he closes the small phone and tucks it back into his pocket.
Last night, Dom had planned to race home after class and spend the afternoon with Billy, stealing kisses and snuggling with his lover, but given what’s happened, Dom instead chooses to find a quiet corner on the second floor of the library, and stares out the window as the gray, winter sky fades to black.
~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~
More than eight, very long and tense hours after Dom left for school, Billy is obsessively watching the clock sweep towards half five, and his brow furrows with concern. It’s not like Dom to not call when he’s going to be late. Billy’s habit of worrying about Dom is well established, whether it be a quick trip to the convenience store for toothpaste, or a traffic delay on the way home from uni. The urge to call Dom’s mobile is strong, but Billy resists the temptation, as it’s possible that Dom needed to be alone, to have some private time to deal with today’s difficulties. With a heavy heart, Billy continues watching the clock until six, and then closes the shop, ensuring that the back door is unbolted so that Dom can get inside, when he finally does come home.
As with breakfast and lunch, food holds no appeal to Billy, but he pulls items out of the fridge anyway, browning some chicken in a pan on the cooker while rice and vegetables warm in the microwave. Although Billy questions how wise it is to drink on an empty stomach, as well as heartache, he pours himself a few fingers of scotch, and sips from the tumbler as he listens for the sound of his lover’s arrival.
The table is set and the chicken starting to congeal in the frying pan when the door to the flat opens and closes, and Billy hears movement in the hall. Immediately, Billy walks over to investigate and is surprised when he spots Dom heading in the opposite direction, towards the spare room instead of the kitchen.
“Dinner’s ready,” Billy says, cringing when Dom visibly flinches at the sound of his voice.
A sharp intake of breath is heard, and then Dom replies, “I’ll be right there. Just need to put my stuff down.”
True to his word, Dom arrives and takes a seat at the table less than two minutes later, his eyes flat, completely devoid of emotion. Billy pulls the plate of chicken out of the microwave where he’s warmed it, and in silence they scoop items onto their plates, the tension heavy and oppressive. Dom shifts uncomfortably in his chair and pokes at his dinner before finally bringing a piece of chicken to his mouth. When he bites down, it’s rubbery and overdone, and very unappealing.
Dropping his fork on the edge of his plate, Dom grimaces and swallows the food down, and then pushes his chair back, moving his body away from the table.
“I’m not really hungry,” he says aloud, not really directing his words at Billy. “I’ve got work to do, so-”
Dom is out of his seat and almost to the doorway when Billy speaks.
“You really should eat something, Dom,” he says gently. “You’ll probably concentrate better.”
Unexpectedly, the heavy pit of doubt that’s been growing in Dom’s belly all day is shoved to the side, and a surge of heat burns through him like wildfire. Spinning on his heel and focusing his blistering gaze on Billy’s face, Dom’s hurt and confusion is unleashed in a crushing wave.
“Don’t you fucking dare pretend that you care,” Dom spits out hatefully, eyes closed to narrow slits. “I know that you don’t. Not anymore.”
Shocked, Billy’s jaw falls open as his eyes widen. “What?”
“You’ve been dropping clues the size of bloody anvil’s for a week now,” Dom adds, almost seething, the fury making his body visibly shake. “Did you think I was so fucking stupid that I wouldn’t notice?”
“What do you-, I mean-, I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Billy replies hesitantly. “What clues?”
“Pulling away from me, not talking to me,” Dom spouts, ticking off the infractions on his long fingers. “Not wanting to be anywhere near me. Not having sex with me. You couldn’t have made yourself any clearer if you’d painted a bloody picture on the wall.”
“Dommie-”
“Don’t you dare call me that!” Dom interrupts, eyes blazing. “That belongs to the Billy who loved me.”
“But I do lov-”
“Don’t.”
The one word is spoken almost as a threat, and Billy can only stare at the young man before him, stunned at the changes in his demeanor, and how that’s affected him physically. The wariness and wildness that Dom once had, that layer, just beneath the surface that showed he trusted no one, has returned, brutally tearing away the softness that was so lovingly created. The warmth and sweetness of his beloved Dommie isn’t there, leaving open wounds and fear behind. He’s tense, lean body poised as though he’s ready to attack, and Billy finds it increasingly unnerving.
“Dom, what-”
“You said that you loved me,” Dom spits out. “That you wanted to spend every single day of your life with me.”
“Aye, I said that,” Billy agrees, nodding.
“You lied.”
The words cut like a blade, stealing Billy’s voice, and causes him to wince, and then gasp for breath.
“How can you say that?” he manages to choke out, confusion swirling in his mind. “After everything we’ve been through? I-”
Billy doesn’t realize that he’s been clutching at his tumbler of scotch until Dom strides across the room and wrenches it from his grasp. A second later, Dom hurls the glass across the room with all of his might, and it shatters when hits the wall. The remains of the alcohol it contained drips down to the floor, pooling around the glittering shards of glass.
“You can’t even be sober when talking to me,” Dom accuses. “How much have you had, Billy? I can tell by your eyes. That wasn’t your first drink of the night.”
“Aye, I’ve had some scotch, to relax me,” Billy admits, shame clouding his vision. “But not because I needed it to see you. I’m not drunk.”
“You promised,” Dom continues, anger and pain battling in his expressive eyes, to the point that it causes Billy’s stomach to twist, seeing his lover in such distress. “I told you everything and it was the same. For months, you touched me the same.”
“Dom, I know today must be very-”
“Shut it,” Dom interrupts coldly. “For a week you’ve been cutting me out of your life. Our life together. If you’d changed your mind, because you couldn’t deal with it, why didn’t you just tell me?”
“Dom, I never meant to-” Pausing, Billy shifts and swallows, trying to find the right words. “I just thought that you’d want some space. Some privacy.”
“Why?” Dom asks, the disbelief clear. “Did I ask to leave me alone? It’s just more excuses on your part. Let’s have some truth for a change, shall we? You’ve realized something that has changed things. Now you can’t stand to touch me. Why? Is it really that awful to be near me? Will I never be free of what happened that night?”
“Dom-”
“You made me believe it was possible,” Dom cries out, hot tears clinging to his long eyelashes. “Why did you do that, and then turn around and push me away?”
“I didn’t do that,” Billy insists. “I did the wrong thing last year, and I made it so much worse, so I thought this year I’d get it right.”
“By not touching me?” Dom practically sneers. “Face it, Billy. You can’t stand the thought of touching me. The rape victim. After all, I stayed with him for so long, maybe you think I asked for it. Maybe you think I really wanted him to force himself, to hold me down, bruise me and make me bleed. While we’re at it, maybe you think I deserve what happened to me that night, when I got whipped-”
“I don’t know what you want me to do!” Billy yells as he leaps to his feet, unable to bear listening to the hateful words spew out of Dom’s mouth, causing himself further torment about the horribly painful events in his life.
Billy is relieved when the outburst is enough to shock Dom into silence, even if it’s just temporary.
“Everything I do is the wrong thing,” Billy explains as he takes a cautious step towards Dom. “Last year I tried to make your birthday special, because you deserve to be celebrated, and the result of that was you crying yourself to sleep on the couch as I tried to comfort you. I didn’t know how to help you. It took you days to recover, and I would rather die than make you sad like that ever again.”
When Dom doesn’t say a word, Billy takes the opportunity to take another step forward and continue. “I swore that I would do it better this year, let you deal with the day as you wanted, with no expectations or pressure from me. I gave you space, and tried to be supportive of whatever you wanted to do. I figured you wouldn’t want to be touched, so I made sure you didn’t feel obligated to-”
So caught up in trying to explain his actions to Dom, Billy is unprepared when his lover shoves him against the wall, so hard that it knocks the breath from his lungs. Eyes wide with shock, Billy can only stare as Dom crushes their bodies together and fastens his lips to Billy’s in a hot, bruising kiss that threatens to bring him to his knees. It’s a kiss of passion, need and desperation, and Billy is powerless to do anything but hold on as he’s overwhelmed completely.
~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~
Chapter 21
Author: dylan_dufresne
Pairing: BB/DM
Rating: PG-14, I think. Maybe sneaking up to a light R.
Summary: Dinner plans with overdue introductions, trying to do the right thing, and an unexpected turn of events.
Feedback: Would be greatly appreciated as it’s my drug of choice. Many thanks to my beta, frojane
Special Thanks: To loki_girl for the exquisite banner that she has created, and to tarnishedhalo for loaning me her inspirational manip for the centerpiece. I am so thankful and appreciative of you both, and your generosity.
Disclaimer: Not at all true in reality. This is my imagination at work.
A/N: Warning of angst for this chapter.
Previous Chapters: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19
Chapter 20
Crossing her long legs and adjusting the pad of paper in her lap as she leans back, Dr. Tyler watches Dom finish filling her in on the events of the last month, and plans for this coming weekend. The dark cloud that once surrounded the withdrawn and troubled young man is all but gone, revealing a warm, playful demeanor, and a bright, beautiful smile.
“I’m glad everything is going well, Dom,” Dr. Tyler says sincerely. “It’s always a pleasure to see you happy.”
“It feels good,” Dom replies, his cheeks pinking a little. “Life is pretty much perfect.”
“Any anxiety about next month?” the therapist inquires. “You haven’t mentioned your birthday in the last few sessions.”
“Well, the pressure is off, because Billy knows,” Dom theorizes. “I guess maybe that’s why I don’t feel the need to avoid it.”
“How often are you having the bad dreams?”
“Twice in the last couple of weeks,” Dom admits. “But they weren’t really bad. Fuzzy images, muffled sounds. I woke up long enough to realize where I was, and then I curled into Bills and went back to sleep. I felt perfectly safe there.”
“All right.”
“I’m already bugging Billy about getting a Christmas tree. And mistletoe.”
Dr. Tyler can’t help breaking out into a smile as she laughs. “Sounds like fun.”
“I sent away for his present almost a month ago,” Dom reveals. “I’m hoping it’ll get here in time.”
“I’m sure it will, and that Billy will be touched by your efforts.”
As though trying to make light of it, Dom shrugs. “I want it to be special for us.”
“Will you be traveling to Manchester?” Dr. Tyler asks, unobtrusively making a few notes as they talk.
“No,” Dom says, shaking his head. “But Billy did offer. A couple of times.”
“Why didn’t you say yes?”
“I love my Mum and Dad, I really do, but this is our first Christmas together, you know, as a couple,” Dom explains. “I guess I’m selfish. I want him all to myself.”
“That doesn’t sound selfish, Dom. Not in the least.”
“Oh. Good.”
Glancing at her watch, the therapist smiles. “And we’re out of time.”
“Wow,” Dom comments in surprise. “That was fast.”
“The easier sessions always are,” Dr. Tyler reveals. “See you next month?”
“Same time, same place,” Dom confirms with a quick nod.
“And Dom, if you need to talk before then, you have my number. Please don’t hesitate to call,” she adds. “Remember, asking for help is a sign of strength, not weakness.”
“So I’m learning,” Dom replies with a rueful smile. “And thanks.”
~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~
Tugging at the collar of his crisp shirt, Orlando shifts in his chair before glancing at his watch. He’s nervous, and with each passing moment, his anxiety grows, despite the soothing presence of Viggo beside him. The somewhat upscale restaurant they are seated in is more than half-full, the dinner rush well underway. Water glasses have been filled, a candle in the center of the table lit, menus placed on the crisp, white tablecloth, and now the couple waits for the arrival of their dinner companions.
“Breathe,” the older man murmurs quietly, placing his hand on Orlando’s bouncing knee and pressing down gently. “It’s going to be fine.”
“Easy for you to say,” Orlando retorts. “You know them. I don’t.”
“They’re going to love you,” Viggo adds. “Dom’s called twice to make sure we weren’t going to cancel. You know he’s wanted to meet you for months now.”
“Yeah, I know,” Orlando admits grudgingly. “That’s not the part that I’m worried about.”
“What then? Is it Bill?” Viggo prompts. “Is that what’s got you so worked up?”
“He is your ex,” Orlando points out. “It’s inevitable that some comparisons will be made.”
“You and Bill are nothing alike,” Viggo tells him. “Besides, he’s so in love with Dom he won’t be able to take his eyes off him for more than a few seconds.”
“Reminds me of someone else I know.”
At his boyfriend’s teasing words, Viggo smiles and laces their fingers together, squeezing gently.
“It’s just dinner, Or. We’ll talk, we’ll eat, and we’ll say good night.”
“As long as they deem me worthy,” Orlando mutters under his breath.
“Stop that,” Viggo instructs firmly. “I don’t need their approval. That’s not why they want to meet you. Besides, this is my life, not theirs.”
“I know.”
“And haven’t you figured out by now that I’m crazy about you and want to show you off?” Viggo adds huskily.
Looking over to meet Viggo’s nakedly heated gaze, color rises in Orlando’s cheeks.
“Yeah?” Orlando whispers softly, his breath catching at the intensity in the other man’s expression.
Viggo smiles tenderly and tips his head slightly to the left. “I love you.”
Joy washes through Orlando and his features light up as he breaks out into a wide smile. “Yeah?”
“You really didn’t know?”
“I hoped,” Orlando admits. “And, well, since we’ve been talking about moving in together, I figured that it was a possibility, but since you hadn’t said-”
“If I didn’t love you, Or, I wouldn’t be making long term plans with you,” Viggo explains warmly, leaning closer and pressing a kiss to the other man’s dark, silky curls. “I wouldn’t want us to be sharing the same space so I won’t have to make excuses to see you anymore.”
“What?” Surprised at the omission, Orlando arches an eyebrow. “You did that?”
“You didn’t notice that I couldn’t go twenty-four hours without seeing you?” Viggo asks with a restrained laugh. “That I was always glad when you stayed the night, even if all we did was sleep? Just so you were next to me, and I could look at you.”
“You forgot the part where you can’t keep your hands off me, and no matter what I’m wearing when we go to bed, I’m always naked by morning,” Orlando teases quietly, shifting closer so they’re snuggled up, his breath caressing Viggo’s scruffy cheek. “I love that about you, by the way.”
“I can’t help it,” Viggo admits. “I think you’re sexy and I love touching you.”
“Likewise.”
“Sorry we’re late,” Billy offers apologetically as he and Dom arrive at the table, having spotted the couple from where the hostess had greeted them. “We had wardrobe issues.” Billy pauses. “Well, one of us did.”
When Dom wrinkles his nose at Billy, the other two men chuckle, and then Billy good-naturedly grins as he tugs Dom closer to peck him on the cheek.
“We’re here now,” he adds.
“You’re lucky I love you so much,” Dom grumbles, focusing his attention on Viggo and the man almost sitting in his lap. “Who’s going to start the introductions?”
“I will,” Viggo replies, gesturing for Dom to sit across from him, next to the chair Billy is sinking down into. “This is Dr. Orlando Bloom,” he begins. “Orlando, this is Billy Boyd.”
“It’s very nice to meet you, Dr. Bloom,” Billy interjects. “This is Dominic Monaghan.”
“Call me Dom,” the younger man chimes in, smiling warmly. “I’m glad we could finally meet.”
“Me too,” Orlando tells him, the waves of nervousness beginning to dissipate. “And please, call me Orlando.”
“How’s the dog?” Dom asks.
Confused, Orlando frowns. “What?”
“You couldn’t come to my graduation because there was an accident,” Dom reminds him. “A dog was hurt-”
“Oh, right. Of course,” the other man says as the memories flood his mind. “The dog is slowly getting better. She’s got a very caring owner, and they are completely devoted to each other. I’m expecting her to make a full recovery.”
“Oh, good.”
“Shall we see what the menu has to offer?” Billy suggests. “I don’t know about you, but I’m ravenous.”
Nodding in agreement, the four men peruse their menus, and little is said until selections have been made and been dutifully recorded by their waiter. Once the menus have been cleared away, Billy reaches for Dom’s hand, lacing their fingers together. While there may have been a wee bit of irritation at Dom’s dallying, it seems to have melted away, thanks in no small part to the way Dom is gazing at Billy with charcoal lined eyes. Orlando watches them for a moment and decides that even a blind man could see the devotion between them.
“So, how are you enjoying uni?” he asks Dom. “Do you have any idea what you’re going to specialize in?”
“Yes, I’m enjoying it,” Dom reports with a smile, reluctantly tearing his eyes away from Billy. “It’s a lot of work, but I like the challenge. As for a major, I haven’t decided yet, but I have narrowed it down, a bit.”
“Oh?” Viggo interjects. “You’ve done some eliminating?”
“I don’t want to be a lawyer, and I don’t feel the calling to be a doctor, so that takes care of law and medicine. I like science, but I don’t want to spend the rest of my life in a laboratory, or be a teacher like my dad, so that’s out. Right now I think I want to work with people, so I’m exploring the possibilities with that.”
“It sounds like you’ve put a lot of thought into it,” Viggo comments. “And it’s only the beginning of November of your first year.”
Dom’s eyes lock with his, the two of them sharing in the knowledge that it was just over a year ago that they met, in the exam room at Viggo’s clinic. Only then does Viggo realize why Dom insisted that they meet for dinner, now, after months of trying to connect. The grateful look in Dom’s eyes speaks volumes, and he relaxes when Viggo smiles gently, nodding his understanding.
“Well, I’ve got some catching up to do,” Dom adds, ducking his head for a moment. “I’m the one of the oldest in most of my courses so far.”
“Dommie, you’re only twenty-two,” Billy soothes. “You’ve got plenty of time.”
“Almost twenty-three,” Dom corrects. “And I know that. I just want to catch up a bit.”
“Viggo tells me that you’ve known each other for a while,” Orlando says, changing the direction of their conversation. “How did you meet?”
“Local pub,” Billy replies, giving Dom a private wink. “I had just moved to the neighborhood and we met over a pint, but didn’t start seeing each other until almost six months later.”
“Vig said you two met at the park,” Dom interjects, turning the conversation away from a potentially awkward revelation.
“Yes, I was walking one of my dogs,” Orlando explains. “He asked if he could take a picture.”
“One of?” Billy inquires. “How many dogs do you have?”
“At the moment, three, but one is just with me for a few weeks until his new home is ready,” Orlando explains. “His owner is a friend of mine and she’s having major renovations done to her house. The dog wasn’t handling all the strange people around very well, so I offered a place of refuge.”
“That’s very generous of you,” Dom muses aloud.
“We used to be roommates and I gave her the dog,” Orlando adds. “I’ve got a bit of a soft spot for him. The dog, I mean.”
“It sounds like you’re very devoted to animals,” Billy comments. “Being a veterinarian must come naturally to you.”
“It does,” Orlando replies, nodding in agreement. “All my life I’ve felt a connection to them, and I enjoy being a part of keeping them healthy so they can enjoy life to the fullest.”
“Sounds familiar,” Dom says under his breath, his eyes locked on Viggo.
Everyone at the table hears him, and a chorus of chuckles is heard as their waiter returns with their salad course. Hiding a smile, Orlando watches as Dom uses his fork to scoop up the baby tomatoes hiding in the green leaves, only to have Billy reach over and transfer them to his plate. There is no discussion between them, but it’s very clear this is normal behavior for them, only showcasing the tight bond they have forged.
A peace settles over Orlando as he looks at the couple before him, and he realizes that Viggo was right. This was not about judgment or worthiness, but a way for them all to meet, and hopefully become friends. By the time their entrees arrive, Dom and Orlando have put their heads together and started their own conversation, leaving Viggo and Billy to entertain themselves.
“You look good,” Billy says to Viggo quietly, glancing over at Dom and smiling when the younger man gestures enthusiastically with his fork as he speaks to Orlando. “And seemed rather cozy when we arrived.”
“He was nervous,” Viggo replies under his breath before taking a bite of his pasta. As he chews, he looks over at Orlando, making sure he is comfortable, and is pleased when he discovers the younger men appear to have connected immediately.
“Why do you think we were late?” Billy adds, coughing to hide a chuckle. “Dom must’ve changed his clothes ten times. The bedroom looks like a war zone.”
“Well, it seems to have worked,” Viggo comments. “Look at them.”
To anyone around them, it’s doubtful that they would be able to guess that Dom and Orlando just met, since they are already fast friends, even to the point of pulling out their mobiles and exchanging phone numbers to ensure that they don’t lose touch.
“You two look good together,” Billy tells Viggo. “And you look happier than I’ve seen you in a really long time.”
“Right back at you.”
“What are you two talking about?” Dom interjects teasingly. “It better not be about work or some nonsense like that.”
“I haven’t heard a word about work,” Viggo replies, turning his attention to the man across the table. “But I also haven’t heard anything about London, even though you promised details in your postcard.”
It’s as though the floodgates have opened, and the rest of the meal passes with the two couples exchanging stories about places they’ve traveled or would like to see, and plans to get together in the near future. By the time they say goodnight, all worries have faded and new bonds have been made. Any signs of nervousness are long gone, and it’s only the lateness of the hour that forces them to part.
It’s during the drive home that Dom brings up the subject of their dinner companions, his lithe body slouched comfortably in the passenger seat.
“They look good together,” he says quietly, rubbing the pad of his thumb against the back of Billy’s hand where it rests on his thigh. “Happy.”
“Aye, they do.”
“Did you hear Orli when he offered to show us around his clinic, and meet the dogs?” Dom asks, using the nickname that Orlando had invited him to use. “I told him it sounded like fun. He said he’d call next week and try to set something up.”
“That was nice of him,” Billy replies. “You two really seemed to hit it off.”
“Vig couldn't take his eyes off him," Dom adds with a chuckle.
“I’m familiar with that problem,” Billy teases. “You look very nice tonight. Did I tell you that before?”
“No, you were too busy threatening to kick my arse if I didn’t get a move on,” Dom retorts.
“I believe I said ‘sexy arse’ and in my defense, you’d already tried on most of your wardrobe at least twice by then,” Billy points out. “I didn’t want us to be late.”
“I know. I’m sorry,” Dom acquiesces, his mood somber. “Forgive me?”
Slowing to a stop at an intersection as the light turns red, Billy looks over at Dom, and his breath catches at the vulnerable expression in his lover’s eyes. Wordlessly, he leans over and captures Dom’s sweet mouth in a soft, nibbling kiss, drawing Dom’s pouty lower lip between his teeth for a gentle suck. Dom’s breathless sigh of pleasure caresses Billy’s lips, and they finally part when a car behind them honks its horn.
“Does that answer your question?” Billy asks once they are underway again.
“Move your hand three inches to the right, and you’ll have your answer,” Dom replies cheekily, shifting so his rising erection nudges the back of Billy’s hand.
“Dommie, this car is far too small to have sex in,” Billy protests, though there is a catch in his breath. “Our bed will be much more comfortable.”
“I didn’t say anything about sex,” Dom corrects huskily. “You did.”
Withdrawing his hand from Dom’s leg, Billy concentrates on the road, and the tight turn he needs to negotiate in order to pull around the corner and guide the car into the parking space behind the book shop. Dom doesn’t protest, even though he’s disappointed at the loss of contact. He knows that Billy would put their safety first, and not do anything to endanger either one of them.
Without incident, Billy pulls the car to a stop, and after shifting into park and cutting the engine, he glances over at Dom, who is busy unfastening his seat belt. Dom looks up to speak to Billy, but when Billy’s tongue slides between his lips, Dom forgets what he had planned to say. Surrendering to the heat of the kiss, Dom grows limp and pliant in Billy’s embrace, his breath ragged when Billy finally pulls back.
“Let’s go upstairs, Dommie,” Billy says huskily. “Before somebody catches us.”
The lusty, possessive look in Billy’s eyes causes Dom’s heart to skip a beat, and he knows that the romantic part of their evening has just begun.
~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~
The next several weeks pass in a blur, Dom and Billy slipping into a comfortable routine, combining their uni and book shop schedules. On more than a few occasions, Billy comes upstairs after closing the shop to find dinner warming in the oven and Dom in the spare room, glasses perched on the bridge of his nose, chin propped up on the heel of his hand as he studies, or hunched over his laptop as he peers at the screen and writes papers for his courses. Other times, Dom is discovered standing in the kitchen, absently stirring a pot of something on the cooker with one hand, and cradling a textbook to his slender body with other, his brow furrowed in concentration.
At first, Dom ducks his head and repeatedly apologizes for not giving Billy his full attention like he deserves, but his worries are quickly soothed away with Billy’s affectionate kisses pressed to his cheek or lips, and a brief, but thorough cuddling. On the days that Dom’s homework is heavier, Billy tries to lighten his burden wherever possible, including taking care of dinner, the dirty dishes, and entertaining himself afterwards. Some nights it’s a movie on television or a good book with a tumbler of scotch, other times Billy catches up on invoices, filing or spreadsheets on the computer downstairs in the office. It helps Dom to know that Billy is so supportive of his dedication to his studies, and that makes it easier for him to concentrate on his work. After all, the sooner Dom completes his studying for the day, the sooner he can be with Billy, engaging in a variety of activities.
Dom’s favorites are Saturday nights, because they can both sleep in the next morning, and that means slow, luxurious lovemaking in the weak sunlight, followed by a shared shower, with plenty of kissing, laughter and tickling. Anything resembling work is forbidden on Sundays, Dom insisting that a day off is good for him, especially when it means that he and Billy can spend quality time together, just the two of them. Although Billy offers to take Dom away for day trips, he prefers to stay closer to home, going to the movies and out to dinner together, or bringing home takeaway. On one particularly memorable Sunday, they fail to get dressed entirely, desire and passion overtaking them, bare skin pressed together as they make love, over and over again.
All is well until one Thursday evening, and Billy seems distracted, almost tense. When Dom asks, Billy insists that he’s fine, just a wee bit tired, and even though the subject is dropped at Billy’s request, Dom’s not entirely convinced. Over the next several days, Billy’s odd mood worsens, to the point that on one morning, Dom awakens before dawn to find Billy gone from their bed. A quick investigation results in Dom finding Billy working in his office, or so he claims when Dom asks. What Billy doesn’t know is that Dom had gnawed on his lower lip and watched him for over a minute, staring blankly at his computer monitor, eerily still, and a pensive look darkening his normally cheerful face. Again, Billy brushes off Dom’s questions, and it’s with a heavy heart that Dom trudges up the stairs to go back to bed. Now unable to sleep, Dom shifts restlessly beneath the green coverlet, the sheets cold, the mattress too big and lonely for just one person.
Staring at the paperwork cluttering up his desk, since his concentration of late has resulted in him letting it build up much more than usual, Billy’s thoughts wander, once Dom has disappeared upstairs. This is the third sleep-deprived night in a row that has roused Billy from their bed while the moon is high in the dark sky. Dom’s birthday is less than a week away, and with each passing hour, Billy’s anxiety grows, as he struggles to come up with a plan to navigate the difficult day. Last year at this time, Billy had done every single thing wrong, inadvertently unleashing painful memories instead of creating joy, resulting in the younger man curling up on the couch and crying himself to sleep. Emotions ran high and vulnerabilities were exposed, Dom’s gentle heart raw and wounded, and it had taken him days to recover. What does Dom need? Is it something that he can provide, or is something beyond his reach? Billy would rather cut off his own arm than make the same mistake twice.
While Billy understands that Dom’s therapy sessions with Dr. Tyler are private, and he would never demand to know what is discussed during those hours, at the same time, he can’t help but feel like he’s wandering aimlessly, lost in the dark. The painful confessions Dom has made to him in the last year have been heartbreaking, and Billy is desperately trying to find the right balance. Is there a way to get through the day without causing further pain to his Dommie? Is it better to pretend the day doesn’t exist, mention it, but not dwell on it, or should there be another attempt at celebrating it? Billy would give all that he has for a direction, and a way to be sure.
Just two days ago, Billy had visited an upscale bakery and stared longingly at a highly polished display case, trying to decide on whether or not he should order a specially made treat for Dom, with chocolate and strawberries, like they had while on holiday in London. After nearly half an hour of deliberation, Billy finally stepped up to the counter, and then he was overwhelmed by the fear of Dom engaging in sex as a way of showing Billy his gratitude. He’s all too familiar with Dom’s need to please, and the idea of Dom sleeping with him, when it’s the last thing he wants, made Billy’s chest ache, and his belly twist into a tight knot.
Mumbling an apology, Billy had left the shop, hot tears stinging at his sad eyes, and as the rising sun starts to overtake the night, those familiar tears return, causing Billy to fight hard to swallow the ragged sob in his throat. Exhaustion finally overwhelms Billy a short while later, and during the short nap he takes before surrendering to another day that will bring them even closer to Dom’s birthday, Billy is plagued by nightmares of Dom in tremendous pain, unable to be comforted by his lover.
No matter what Dom does in an attempt to engage Billy, the older man’s participation seems lackluster at best, and once again, the frequency of their lovemaking has decreased significantly. Irrationally concerned that perhaps his body is suddenly less appealing, Dom eyes himself critically in the mirror one night after a full hour of yoga, while Billy is in the kitchen making a cup of tea. Long fingers splay across his flat stomach and then linger over a thin, white scar by his hip that stubbornly refuses to fade, and when bedtime rolls around, Dom is so self-conscious about it that for the first time in months, he wears pajamas to bed, covering himself from neck to ankles. It doesn’t help that Billy fails to notice when he slips between the sheets beside Dom, and settles onto his pillow, failing to close the inches between them to press their bodies together. The space separating them seems as wide as the ocean, and Dom’s never felt more unwanted, staying quiet until Billy’s whistling fills the air, and then Dom wipes away his salty tears with a corner of the bed sheet.
Monday night is better, for what reason Dom has no idea, but when Billy curls into his body and begins kissing the nape of his neck, Dom is far too relieved to care. Eagerly, Dom opens himself up, inviting Billy into his embrace, and their lovemaking that night is quiet and slow, Billy falling asleep with his small hands still sliding over Dom’s bare skin in gentle caresses. For the first time in days, Dom sleeps peacefully, his lithe body bare, cheek pressed against Billy’s furry chest, the steady heartbeat soothing away his worries. Perhaps it’s just a mood that needed to work itself out in its own time, and now, things will finally get back to normal.
Dom is late getting home on Tuesday evening, after spending several hours at the library researching a paper, and he is surprised when Billy waves off his apology for the delay in having dinner together. Later that night while in the shower, washing away the stress of the day, it dawns on Dom that perhaps the reason for Billy’s distance is that he’s planned something special for his birthday tomorrow, and is trying desperately not to give it away. Last year, Billy had surprised Dom, showering him with a variety of treats, the most valuable being the gift of his time, when they spent the whole day together, just the two of them. They weren’t lovers last year, so it’s not like Billy can easily hide things in his bedroom like he did before. This could all be Billy attempting to surprise Dom, and distance is the only way to ensure that he doesn’t spill the beans.
For the first time in years, Dom is not dreading the day, and is instead approaching it with a sense of what can only be described as cautious optimism. The idea that what is normally a celebratory day could be just that this year, and that he will be able to spend at least part of it with Billy, makes Dom smile as he towels off and then climbs into bed naked. Although it’s not as warm in the bedroom as he’d like, the winter chill seeping through the curtained windows, Dom doesn’t want anything to interfere with what he hopes will be a ‘Good morning’ birthday shag.
Dom is surprised when Billy barely brushes a feathery kiss across his lips as they say goodnight, but he pushes his disappointment aside, and instead focuses on what Billy likely has in store for him in the morning. Falling asleep spooned up together, Billy’s breath warm against the back of his neck, Dom is fast asleep in no time, oblivious to when Billy carefully withdraws his arm from around his slender waist and rolls away. While Billy stares into the darkness and worries, fear twisting his belly and making it churn painfully, Dom is blissfully unaware, dreaming peacefully of making love, and sharing long, sensuous kisses with he man he loves.
For Billy, it’s a very long night.
~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~
The bedroom is just barely starting to get light when Dom rolls over, hand sliding across the mattress, seeking Billy’s warmth. He’s still dozing, on the edge of sleep, aroused and hungry for his lover’s touch, but instead of finding Billy’s strong body, Dom’s met with cool, empty sheets. Dom’s eyes flutter open in confusion and then disappointment, and he pushes himself up into a sitting position before looking around the deserted room.
Of all the scenarios Dom had imagined, this one certainly isn’t at the top of the list. Not even close.
Just moments ago, all Dom wanted was to curl into Billy’s arms, to be held and made love to, and now that warmth is gone. Suddenly Dom feels uncomfortable with the fact that he’s starkers, and resists the urge to pull the sheet off the bed and wrap it around himself to cover up his bared flesh. A chill washes over Dom, causing him to shiver, and his belly clenches, a ragged breath pushing past his lips. A moment later, Dom kicks back the coverlet and hurries into the loo, shutting the door behind him before twisting on the taps as he steps into the shower.
Closing his eyes while the heated water beats against his skin, Dom turns his slender back to the spray, using all of his strength to shove down the waves of painful memories threatening to overwhelm him. This isn’t what he wanted for today. Not again. This year was supposed to be different. Swallowing hard, Dom swipes at the droplets of water clinging to his face, and he nods firmly. This year will be different. He’s not the same broken, lost soul he was a year ago. So many things have changed. For all he knows, Billy’s in the kitchen making a special breakfast, and he’s ruining it by not remaining in bed.
Decision made, Dom spins on his heel and shuts off the torrent of water before plastering on what he hopes is a relaxed smile on his face as he quickly towels off, moving back into the bedroom and dressing in record time. When he opens the door, Dom can smell fresh coffee, and a moment later the electric kettle comes to a boil, and he hears the familiar click as it automatically shuts off. Making an attempt to appear casual as he walks down the hall towards where he presumes Billy to be, Dom exhales, and then enters the kitchen.
“Morning,” he says quietly after crossing over to where Billy is standing at the cooker, slowly stirring a pot of porridge.
Surprised at the sound, just inches from his ear, Billy flinches and almost drops the wooden spoon in his hand.
“Dom, you surprised me,” he gasps. “I didn’t hear the alarm clock.”
“Woke up before it went off,” Dom replies, waiting for Billy to turn around and kiss him good morning. “You’re up early.”
“Aye. I’ve got some book work to catch up on for the shop, so I thought I’d do it before I opened up, when things are quiet.”
“Oh.”
Several awkward moments pass in silence while Dom stares at the back of Billy’s neck, his mind screaming for Billy to turn around, but it’s all in vain. Despite Dom’s yearning, Billy continues watching the porridge, seemingly oblivious to his lover’s needs. Finally, Dom steps back and shifts his focus to the kitchen table.
“Want me to set the table?” he asks, swallowing the heavy lump of disappointment lodged in his throat.
“Aye, thanks.”
Blinking rapidly to keep his eyes clear, Dom wordlessly places bowls, spoons and mugs on the small table by the wall, automatically adding milk and honey to Billy’s mug before moving over to the counter for the hot water. Thoughts of previous mornings that included cuddling, kissing and lovemaking flood Dom’s mind, and the memories of happier times only add to his misery. Clearly, Billy has no desire to touch, or even offer a kiss, for he’s barely acknowledged Dom this morning. One might even think that Billy would prefer to be alone.
Numbly, Dom pours the steeped tea into Billy’s mug and coffee into his own before sliding into his chair and staring at the empty bowl on the place mat in front of him. A few minutes later, Billy turns off the heat beneath the pot, and then walks over to the table, ladling out the sticky cereal into their bowls in equal portions. When Billy moves over to the sink to fill the pot with water to soak while they eat, Dom longingly gazes at him, the confusion and hurt making his stomach queasy.
By the time Billy returns to the table, Dom has looked away, poking disinterestedly at his breakfast, not hungry in the least. During the night he’d dreamed of pancakes, served in bed, and shared between warm, sticky kisses. Porridge is a poor substitute. It doesn’t help that Billy is already digging into his bowl, and fails to notice that Dom isn’t eating. The odd silence is unnerving, and the urge to scream at the top of his lungs is building in Dom, threatening to explode, when sound from the bedroom offers an escape. Beeping, loud and insistent. The forgotten alarm clock that neither of them needed this morning.
“I’ll get it,” Dom says quickly, rising and leaving the room before Billy can protest.
After silencing the irritating noise, Dom stares at the unmade bed, cursing whatever is responsible for destroying his hopes of starting the day making love, and when salty tears flood his eyes, a decision is made. On the way back to the kitchen, Dom makes a quick stop in the spare room for his jacket and backpack before continuing on to where Billy is still sitting, not having moved an inch. When Dom drops his backpack on his chair instead of sitting down, Billy looks up in surprise.
Dom knows that he can’t look into Billy’s eyes, since his emotions are so close to the surface, so he quickly scoops up his bowl and mug. Closing his eyes for a moment, Dom drinks down more than half the hot coffee in a single, stinging gulp.
“I want to stop by the library before class,” he says casually, careful to keep his back to Billy as he pours the remains of his coffee down the drain and scoops the uneaten porridge in the bin under the sink. “I better get going.”
“What about lunch?” Billy offers belatedly, his tone weak as he watches Dom zip up his warm, winter coat. “There’s some-”
“I’ll buy it today,” Dom interrupts flatly. “See you later.”
“All right.”
For the briefest moment, Dom hesitates to see if Billy is going to stand up and hug him before he leaves, and then he strides away at a brisk pace.
“Bye,” he tosses over his shoulder as he passes through the doorway of the kitchen.
“Have a good-”
The door to their flat closes sharply, cutting off Billy’s farewell.
“-day,” he finishes lamely.
Chin dropping down to rest on the heel of his hand, Billy stares blankly at his now half-empty bowl of porridge. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to realize that Dom’s not in a good mood this morning. He couldn’t escape fast enough, wanting to throw himself into the day and find some distraction. What stings the most is that for the first time since they became a couple, they didn’t part with a hug and a soft kiss, or exchange ‘I love you’ s.
Although part of Billy wants to run after Dom, and try to fix it, he can’t make himself move, and instead pokes at his porridge with the spoon until it’s a cold, gelatinous lump. Finally he gives up, washes the dishes and sets them on the drying rack before heading downstairs to the shop. There’s always paperwork to catch up on, and distraction is sounding rather appealing at the moment. Anything that will take away the image of Dom’s sad eyes from Billy’s troubled mind.
~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~
During a break between classes, Dom decides to take a walk around the library, in the hopes that it will help quiet his jumbled thoughts. The smell of books has become a soothing one, mostly because it reminds him of cuddling close with Billy after he’s worked in the shop all day, but today the aroma has the opposite effect. All it does is remind Dom of what he and Billy used to have, and inexplicably lost in the last week.
Dom’s barely heard a word in his classes this morning, and instead has had multiple theories for Billy’s strange behavior racing through his mind, each more heartbreaking than the one before. While the rational side of Dom’s brain is mostly certain that Billy hasn’t lost interest in him for good, the emotional side wonders if perhaps Billy’s decided that Dom’s issues are just too much. The pain associated with today’s date must’ve occurred to Billy, and frankly, Dom wouldn’t blame him for having trouble dealing with it. How can he expect Billy to handle the rape when it’s taken him years to start to face it? After all, Dom hadn’t been able to say the word, out loud, until that day with Billy, when they became a couple. Even then, it had been out of despair, with the firm belief that it would end things between them.
The longer the day drags on, the worse he feels, and by the time Dom is released from his last class, his emotions are stretched as tight as piano wires. The fear that the distance will only grow between him and Billy until the relationship ends makes Dom’s belly twist, and the thought that he’ll once again be coldly discarded destroys any joy he had hoped to have today. Part of Dom desperately wants to dig his mobile out and call his Mum, because he knows she’ll do anything to make him feel better, help cheer him up or give advice. Dom actually starts to dial the number, but pauses when he realizes that talking to his Mum would require him to reveal painful secrets that he wants to spare her, so instead he closes the small phone and tucks it back into his pocket.
Last night, Dom had planned to race home after class and spend the afternoon with Billy, stealing kisses and snuggling with his lover, but given what’s happened, Dom instead chooses to find a quiet corner on the second floor of the library, and stares out the window as the gray, winter sky fades to black.
~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~
More than eight, very long and tense hours after Dom left for school, Billy is obsessively watching the clock sweep towards half five, and his brow furrows with concern. It’s not like Dom to not call when he’s going to be late. Billy’s habit of worrying about Dom is well established, whether it be a quick trip to the convenience store for toothpaste, or a traffic delay on the way home from uni. The urge to call Dom’s mobile is strong, but Billy resists the temptation, as it’s possible that Dom needed to be alone, to have some private time to deal with today’s difficulties. With a heavy heart, Billy continues watching the clock until six, and then closes the shop, ensuring that the back door is unbolted so that Dom can get inside, when he finally does come home.
As with breakfast and lunch, food holds no appeal to Billy, but he pulls items out of the fridge anyway, browning some chicken in a pan on the cooker while rice and vegetables warm in the microwave. Although Billy questions how wise it is to drink on an empty stomach, as well as heartache, he pours himself a few fingers of scotch, and sips from the tumbler as he listens for the sound of his lover’s arrival.
The table is set and the chicken starting to congeal in the frying pan when the door to the flat opens and closes, and Billy hears movement in the hall. Immediately, Billy walks over to investigate and is surprised when he spots Dom heading in the opposite direction, towards the spare room instead of the kitchen.
“Dinner’s ready,” Billy says, cringing when Dom visibly flinches at the sound of his voice.
A sharp intake of breath is heard, and then Dom replies, “I’ll be right there. Just need to put my stuff down.”
True to his word, Dom arrives and takes a seat at the table less than two minutes later, his eyes flat, completely devoid of emotion. Billy pulls the plate of chicken out of the microwave where he’s warmed it, and in silence they scoop items onto their plates, the tension heavy and oppressive. Dom shifts uncomfortably in his chair and pokes at his dinner before finally bringing a piece of chicken to his mouth. When he bites down, it’s rubbery and overdone, and very unappealing.
Dropping his fork on the edge of his plate, Dom grimaces and swallows the food down, and then pushes his chair back, moving his body away from the table.
“I’m not really hungry,” he says aloud, not really directing his words at Billy. “I’ve got work to do, so-”
Dom is out of his seat and almost to the doorway when Billy speaks.
“You really should eat something, Dom,” he says gently. “You’ll probably concentrate better.”
Unexpectedly, the heavy pit of doubt that’s been growing in Dom’s belly all day is shoved to the side, and a surge of heat burns through him like wildfire. Spinning on his heel and focusing his blistering gaze on Billy’s face, Dom’s hurt and confusion is unleashed in a crushing wave.
“Don’t you fucking dare pretend that you care,” Dom spits out hatefully, eyes closed to narrow slits. “I know that you don’t. Not anymore.”
Shocked, Billy’s jaw falls open as his eyes widen. “What?”
“You’ve been dropping clues the size of bloody anvil’s for a week now,” Dom adds, almost seething, the fury making his body visibly shake. “Did you think I was so fucking stupid that I wouldn’t notice?”
“What do you-, I mean-, I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Billy replies hesitantly. “What clues?”
“Pulling away from me, not talking to me,” Dom spouts, ticking off the infractions on his long fingers. “Not wanting to be anywhere near me. Not having sex with me. You couldn’t have made yourself any clearer if you’d painted a bloody picture on the wall.”
“Dommie-”
“Don’t you dare call me that!” Dom interrupts, eyes blazing. “That belongs to the Billy who loved me.”
“But I do lov-”
“Don’t.”
The one word is spoken almost as a threat, and Billy can only stare at the young man before him, stunned at the changes in his demeanor, and how that’s affected him physically. The wariness and wildness that Dom once had, that layer, just beneath the surface that showed he trusted no one, has returned, brutally tearing away the softness that was so lovingly created. The warmth and sweetness of his beloved Dommie isn’t there, leaving open wounds and fear behind. He’s tense, lean body poised as though he’s ready to attack, and Billy finds it increasingly unnerving.
“Dom, what-”
“You said that you loved me,” Dom spits out. “That you wanted to spend every single day of your life with me.”
“Aye, I said that,” Billy agrees, nodding.
“You lied.”
The words cut like a blade, stealing Billy’s voice, and causes him to wince, and then gasp for breath.
“How can you say that?” he manages to choke out, confusion swirling in his mind. “After everything we’ve been through? I-”
Billy doesn’t realize that he’s been clutching at his tumbler of scotch until Dom strides across the room and wrenches it from his grasp. A second later, Dom hurls the glass across the room with all of his might, and it shatters when hits the wall. The remains of the alcohol it contained drips down to the floor, pooling around the glittering shards of glass.
“You can’t even be sober when talking to me,” Dom accuses. “How much have you had, Billy? I can tell by your eyes. That wasn’t your first drink of the night.”
“Aye, I’ve had some scotch, to relax me,” Billy admits, shame clouding his vision. “But not because I needed it to see you. I’m not drunk.”
“You promised,” Dom continues, anger and pain battling in his expressive eyes, to the point that it causes Billy’s stomach to twist, seeing his lover in such distress. “I told you everything and it was the same. For months, you touched me the same.”
“Dom, I know today must be very-”
“Shut it,” Dom interrupts coldly. “For a week you’ve been cutting me out of your life. Our life together. If you’d changed your mind, because you couldn’t deal with it, why didn’t you just tell me?”
“Dom, I never meant to-” Pausing, Billy shifts and swallows, trying to find the right words. “I just thought that you’d want some space. Some privacy.”
“Why?” Dom asks, the disbelief clear. “Did I ask to leave me alone? It’s just more excuses on your part. Let’s have some truth for a change, shall we? You’ve realized something that has changed things. Now you can’t stand to touch me. Why? Is it really that awful to be near me? Will I never be free of what happened that night?”
“Dom-”
“You made me believe it was possible,” Dom cries out, hot tears clinging to his long eyelashes. “Why did you do that, and then turn around and push me away?”
“I didn’t do that,” Billy insists. “I did the wrong thing last year, and I made it so much worse, so I thought this year I’d get it right.”
“By not touching me?” Dom practically sneers. “Face it, Billy. You can’t stand the thought of touching me. The rape victim. After all, I stayed with him for so long, maybe you think I asked for it. Maybe you think I really wanted him to force himself, to hold me down, bruise me and make me bleed. While we’re at it, maybe you think I deserve what happened to me that night, when I got whipped-”
“I don’t know what you want me to do!” Billy yells as he leaps to his feet, unable to bear listening to the hateful words spew out of Dom’s mouth, causing himself further torment about the horribly painful events in his life.
Billy is relieved when the outburst is enough to shock Dom into silence, even if it’s just temporary.
“Everything I do is the wrong thing,” Billy explains as he takes a cautious step towards Dom. “Last year I tried to make your birthday special, because you deserve to be celebrated, and the result of that was you crying yourself to sleep on the couch as I tried to comfort you. I didn’t know how to help you. It took you days to recover, and I would rather die than make you sad like that ever again.”
When Dom doesn’t say a word, Billy takes the opportunity to take another step forward and continue. “I swore that I would do it better this year, let you deal with the day as you wanted, with no expectations or pressure from me. I gave you space, and tried to be supportive of whatever you wanted to do. I figured you wouldn’t want to be touched, so I made sure you didn’t feel obligated to-”
So caught up in trying to explain his actions to Dom, Billy is unprepared when his lover shoves him against the wall, so hard that it knocks the breath from his lungs. Eyes wide with shock, Billy can only stare as Dom crushes their bodies together and fastens his lips to Billy’s in a hot, bruising kiss that threatens to bring him to his knees. It’s a kiss of passion, need and desperation, and Billy is powerless to do anything but hold on as he’s overwhelmed completely.
~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~
Chapter 21