What the hell happened?
I was just reading some of my older livejournal entries from waaaay back in March of last year... My life has changed so much since then.
I was so much more care free. I enjoyed life as much as could be expected. I wasn't under any pressure, and I really did enjoy living. I didn't have any of these legal issues with my car. I genuinely enjoyed living my life.
I had somewhat of a social life. I had (what I thought at the time was) an endless supply of friends both here and afar. I always had something to do during the weekends with my buddies. I enjoyed it all.
I traveled north and made some great friendships with lots of very pretty girls in Olympia, Washington. I looked forward to seeing them every weekend for a while there as time allowed. I bonded with my friends in Washington in a way that I hadn't bonded with anyone before or since. I loved the time I spent in Olympia with my friends.
Looking at pictures of my trip to Seattle with my Olympian friends, I'm reminded of how much I really enjoyed my life at the time:
I remember meeting Erin, Laura, Kristin and even Lauren for the first time. Each time was unique and memerable.
What more could a guy ask for? Lots of friends, lots of pretty girls, and not a worry in the world.
Now I look at what my life has become, and I wonder if those times ever really happened. Was there really a time when I was so happy? It's been so long since I experienced such highs. So very long.
I look at my life now, and I'm reminded how lonely I am now compared to where I was a year ago. All my friends that were here have now all gone off to College out of state, or have joined the military. I can't even remember the last time someone called me on the phone, even just to chat for a few minutes. I haven't seen my Olympian friends in months (and it hasn't been because I haven't wanted to... it's because I can't...)
My life is a mess now, and I don't know why it's become what it has.
Which leads me to the big question: What the hell happened?
I use to be a laid back, care free, smooth talkin' dude. I'm anything but that now.
I just want to be able to enjoy living again, but I don't know how to go about doing so.
I just hate being so lonely. I hate dreading each day when I wake up, fearing that today will be like yesterday. I hate living like this, but what can I do?
I was so much more care free. I enjoyed life as much as could be expected. I wasn't under any pressure, and I really did enjoy living. I didn't have any of these legal issues with my car. I genuinely enjoyed living my life.
I had somewhat of a social life. I had (what I thought at the time was) an endless supply of friends both here and afar. I always had something to do during the weekends with my buddies. I enjoyed it all.
I traveled north and made some great friendships with lots of very pretty girls in Olympia, Washington. I looked forward to seeing them every weekend for a while there as time allowed. I bonded with my friends in Washington in a way that I hadn't bonded with anyone before or since. I loved the time I spent in Olympia with my friends.
Looking at pictures of my trip to Seattle with my Olympian friends, I'm reminded of how much I really enjoyed my life at the time:
I remember meeting Erin, Laura, Kristin and even Lauren for the first time. Each time was unique and memerable.
What more could a guy ask for? Lots of friends, lots of pretty girls, and not a worry in the world.
Now I look at what my life has become, and I wonder if those times ever really happened. Was there really a time when I was so happy? It's been so long since I experienced such highs. So very long.
I look at my life now, and I'm reminded how lonely I am now compared to where I was a year ago. All my friends that were here have now all gone off to College out of state, or have joined the military. I can't even remember the last time someone called me on the phone, even just to chat for a few minutes. I haven't seen my Olympian friends in months (and it hasn't been because I haven't wanted to... it's because I can't...)
My life is a mess now, and I don't know why it's become what it has.
Which leads me to the big question: What the hell happened?
I use to be a laid back, care free, smooth talkin' dude. I'm anything but that now.
I just want to be able to enjoy living again, but I don't know how to go about doing so.
I just hate being so lonely. I hate dreading each day when I wake up, fearing that today will be like yesterday. I hate living like this, but what can I do?