crisis conversation with the voices in my head.
Well, I know I'm impatient, but this is not working, and I think I'm moving to Hilo. I wish it weren't true, but I just can't afford to live here. It's so damn expensive. I have to talk to my landlord. Problem is that my stress overload is once again translating into bizare badily problems. Last night my temp was 96. This morning it was 100.5. What gives? I keep getting migranes. At least I'm not pregnant. That is my solace, always. I don't think this child care thing is ever going to happen. The X-ray place refuses to send my doctor my x-ray results, so I can't prove to my boss that I don't have TB. I don't fucking have TB already! My god this is so stupid! Then I just found this awesome B&B over near Hilo that needs a caretaker in exchange for free living in a two bedroom house. Thats really what I was looking for while I was over there, but never found it (until I moved here) The place is at: www.waterfall.net It's pretty nice. I'm going to check it out on Monday (I can't seem to stay away from Puna, can I?) but they don't need the person to start till Dec. 1. Thats not too far away. I've got to talk to Marie, but I'm not sure what she'll say. I want to say that is place is way overpriced, and can't she give me a break on it? I'm working awfully hard for her. But I don't think she'll go for that. Anyway I've been putting off that conversation all day. John is on his way to take me away anyways, possibly to dinner, which would be nice. What the hell, a video game where you design your own piniata?????????? Why am I watching Nickolodean? I could think of way better stuff then that. I should have gone to school for that. What ever That is. Product design or something. Toys are easy: just think of a doll that does something scary. There's one that poops cherries, one that grows to frightening proportions, one that knows your birthday, one that comes with a vibrating arm, etc. etc. etc. Don't kids masterbait on their toys already? (I never did) but just make it easier for them. Ah, all this wasted potential, for my design genious! Anyway, I digress. All I want is for my head to stop hurting, and then I will be able to make a decision. Is it possible, that I will find a job in Hilo, now that I live in Kona? All I have to do is find something that starts after 12 in the afternoon, or during the weekends. How hard can that be? And yet, it is very hard, because I'm so white. Thats the bottom fucking line. I don't look like a local, so I'm at the bottom of the stack, always. I swear I will be less picky. Ag.