(no subject)
I sat down today along the hills of Salt Creek Beach. After basking in the sun, drinking a caramel frappucino and downing a few cancer sticks, I wrote in my journal and watched the ocean.
About a week ago, I had a discussion with Andy, one of my dearest friends in the world, about the significance of a wave. We realized that all waves wait from the other end of the ocean. The problem is, what about the waves that 'suck'? Can you imagine spending your entire pre-existence looking forward to existing just before you die, and failing? Today, looking out at the many lazy surfers, sailboats, pitiless and pitiful waves, I realized that I will never look the same at another wave again.
I took the bus from college to the beach, back to home. Thankfully, there wasn't a smelly, homeless old lady with an imaginary cell phone 'receiving' 'calls' sporadically now and then on the bus this time. In fact, it was rather enjoyable; in the sense that I've been taking the same route since the day I moved down here a year ago, resisting the redundance and stagnance to the best of my ability. Yes. Enjoyable.
I talked to Elyse today for the first time in awhile. God, I miss her so much. I wish there were more people like Elyse in the world; creative, scandalous, savvy, wise, beautiful, fun, knowledgeable about everything. God, how I miss her.
And Adam. I haven't seen Adam in weeks. I've talked to him at least once a day everyday, but it's not the same. I hate being away from him; it makes me feel like a part of me ran away and hid from me. I can't explain it, I don't want to continue on saying 'blah blah blah, we're in love, I love him and I know he loves me, blah blah blah'. But I do love him, and miss him very much.
I think that, if he exists, God is a lazy fool who forces us to live out the dreams he created for us in his reality, rather than our own. We don't live in reality, because we will never live in our reality. We live in the reality of this 'God'. I've been customized to adjust to the environment that he created. I think he needs some lessons in creativity and open-mindedness.
Many more pointless comments to come... Peace.