(no subject)
Time has gone by extremely fast. Sometimes it's hard to keep up. I haven't uttered the words 'I love you' to a male in four years. In those four years so much has happened- so much has changed. I've changed. It's weird to look back on things and be able to remember them so clearly, yet other times hardly remember them at all. I suppose drugs, and time have that affect. I don't remember at all what I was doing last april, but I know it was completely differint than what I'm doing now. My mind just floats to the wizard of oz "People come and go so quickly around here" I don't even feel like I miss saying 'I love you'. I'm not even sure I want to. I do know that I'd like some company in this life I'm leading, but I'm not completely sure it's worth the effort. I think I'll always have an attachment issue, and theres that pesky suicide complex. I guess those two things go hand in hand.
I feel so old.
I hate the bullshit drama of people that are supposed to be more like me. People I should feel I relate to. I don't think I'll ever get the backstabbing melodrama of a "scene". I'm not into the things I'm into to appear cool, or differint. I like the them for ME.
Forming a friendship with your friends sister after they've killed themself is VERY odd. I mean, you have a connection because you share something very strong, the lose of someone you both cherished.. but at the same time you don't want to dwell and simply have a friendship based on that lose... yet conversation always leads back to him. It's hard. You want it, but you don't. The first time I ever spoke to Bobby's sister was the day she told me he was dead. I always go back to him. I go back to him for comfort. I go back to him for pain. I go back to him just to feel emotion.
I think I feel too much.
I feel so old.
I hate the bullshit drama of people that are supposed to be more like me. People I should feel I relate to. I don't think I'll ever get the backstabbing melodrama of a "scene". I'm not into the things I'm into to appear cool, or differint. I like the them for ME.
Forming a friendship with your friends sister after they've killed themself is VERY odd. I mean, you have a connection because you share something very strong, the lose of someone you both cherished.. but at the same time you don't want to dwell and simply have a friendship based on that lose... yet conversation always leads back to him. It's hard. You want it, but you don't. The first time I ever spoke to Bobby's sister was the day she told me he was dead. I always go back to him. I go back to him for comfort. I go back to him for pain. I go back to him just to feel emotion.
I think I feel too much.