pondering.....

[dyingonpaper]

I had this whole long thought out post prepared, but I forgot it. That's been happening a lot to me lately. Give me a moment of silence to myself and everything just kinda builds up. Put me in a social setting and I lose it all. I'm beginning to get more then a little annoyed at this. Why is my memory getting worse? Why is my speech getting worse (slurring, stuttering etc) and what's with these God forsaken headaches?! I know I should be worried, but I can't seem to bring myself to worry enough to be proactive about it. Though that's kind of a lie isn't it? I'm actually in the process of trying to get my health insurance reinstated through my job. The problem is if they don't take my exception then I have to wait until the end of the year to get reinstated again. I'm not sure if I can wait that long. What if this is important? What if this life threatening. I know I know you think I should just suck it up and go to the hospital now. But that begets the issue of money. If it ends up being nothing, hospital trips ain't cheap. Much less CAT scans.
In other news: I've begun writing again. This makes me happier then I've been in a long time. I guess I owe that to Travis. I don't get to see him as much as I would like to but every second makes things that much brighter. Everytime I look into his eyes and see them light up I can think a little clearer. I wouldn't trade that for anything in the world right now. Thank whatever being brought that man into my life.