A year in one entry.
A whole year in one entry
instructions: take first sentence/paragraph from your post on the first day of each month in 2005)
January: I can't seem to get over this pain inflicted by you.
February: So it's 4:32, and my appointment for part one of my test was supposed to begin 2 minutes ago.
March: Where has this lead us? And where will we go from here..
It's amazing how I watched time transform these people I once knew.
People I thought would never change, are becoming so different day by day.
And in a moment, I stepped back, and watched my self change over time.
Saw things happening to me I swore I would never let happen.
I did things I swore I'd never do.
Though regret of this new life is not an issue, I still miss the old times.
And as I saw you blossom in to this whole new you, I realized that I still knew every thing.
So much has changed, but so much has stayed the same.
What's held us together?
April: I'm trying so fucking hard.
What the hell else am I supposed to do, to fucking be "perfect."
Jesus, I'm as perfect as I can be, but apparently that's not fucking good enough for him.
I make one mistake, one fucking mistake, and he makes me feel like I'm incompetent.
He makes me feel like I can't succeed in any thing I do...
He makes me feel stupid.
He makes me feel dumb.
He makes me feel useless.
He makes me feel numb.
He makes me feel hollow.
He makes me feel empty.
He makes me feel equivalent to nothing..
What am I supposed to do?
Is this worth it?
I don't think so..
May: And you saw the hatred seep from her eyes,
as she watched disdain drip from your lips..
you had never screamed so loud
than in that moment you spoke of nothing
[the silence causing her to go deaf]
and we held our breath
as she walked away
and you stayed..
and with out speaking a word
you watched her leave you behind
June: And he writes:
"bites lip...graps ur shoulder...closes eyes and cant open them again...soft and gentle...hard and ruff...bites lip..opens eyes into a blur of happiness...not being able to see straight...takes ur hand for guidance..."
I ♥ him so much.
Last night = amazing.
July:
♥
August:
A silent Happy Birthday.
And the epitaph will follow
Though they know it's full of lies
For the words they write are hollow
And no one really cries
The thoughts they have are empty
And weeds grow on my grave
And no one could have kept me
From dying on this day
September:
if I told you I love you,
what would you say?
running through my mind
constantly
these thoughts
I can't bring myself to speak
because I can't let you hear it
I can't add every thing that I'm dying to say
to your list of worries in life
but I close my eyes at night
hoping and thinking you'll come tap on my window
waking me up from my dreams about you
so we can create another memory
like so many that are locked away in my heart
forever
so many memories that are fading with the hands of time
but so many that I will never f o r g e t
you were all that I wanted
all that I'll possibly ever want
and in this moment in time
all I can think of is your voice
and the beautiful things you used to whisper in my ear
the feeling of your warm breath on my cheek
laying together
me holding you close
you holding me close
the feeling indescribable
as if unreal, or made-up
and at that point in my life
I was happy
genuinly, truly, happy
a feeling I can't recall before you
ever
you gave that to me
I thank you for the knowledge
the experience
the trust
the memories
the feelings
the bliss
the shame
the pain
&& the heart ache
still I think back to that summer day in June
our last real kiss
a kiss with such passion and enthralling feelings behind it
your eyes so intensified and captivating
I can still feel your lips on mine if I try
still breathing you in
needing you like oxygen
those moments burned in my memory
of you && I
and some times
when I was with you
I'd close my eyes
take a deep breath
and no one would be around us any more
I was lost in a world you showed me
a world we discovered together
and the lust
remember wanting to feel you inside me
feel our souls joined as one
connected in a way so deep
so meaningful
and so completely && utterly gone
forever?
s h o w - m e - h o p e
If you gave me some thing to wait for
I'd wait forever for you
but forever seems like such a long time
to wait for nothing
so break my heart
or tell me you never will
but don't leave it empty any more
[[[xforeverxxyoursx]]
October:
And isn’t it so fucking ironic;;
how I broke you loose?
took you//shook you//broke you
hooked you back on love
and now you’re at her fucking feet
And isn’t it so fucking ironic;;
how you banged her where you laid me down
put my head to rest on your chest
still heaving so fucking heavy
cause I showed you a world
between heaven && hell
that you love to revisit with her
Yeah, and all those fucking memories
that are like meaningless ghosts to me now
fucking haunt me you in your sleep
And isn’t it so fucking ironic;;
that the ashes of you && I
are buried upon the place we fucked
[[three am and you couldn’t resist]]
fucking blood seeping from my heart
on to the remnants of you && I
all those fucking nights
you && I entwined in each other
grinding//sweating//panting//fucking
Your first, && my fucking last.
[[beautiful whispers && pitiful sorrow]]
And the fucking knife you left in my back--
yeah, it looks like you forgot some thing
when you fucking walked away, didn’t you?
And isn't it so fucking ironic;;
that you think I still love you
need you//want you//crave you
Yeah but I fucking loathe you.
November:
caught up and can’t catch her breath
eternally lying her self to death
for reality and truth is too painful to grasp
blind to a world that has .k.i.l.l.e.d. her in every way
for the whispers and secrets mean nothing everything
she’s twisted and tied in unimaginable ways
counting down ‘til the end of her days
his silent sorrow seeps through her soul
his pitiful actions dull her mind
your .s.e.c.r.e.t.
your .l.i.e.
my .d.e.a.t.h.
your .r.e.a.l.i.t.y.
suffocating, gasping, grasping for escape
blind to a world of betrayal and hate
.b.r.e.a.k.i.n.g. away from your tasteless mind
a replica of the elapsed hopes && dreams
duplicated as distain drips from your deceitful lips
reflecting the .p.a.s.t.
numb to the .p.r.e.s.e.n.t.
dead to the .f.u.t.u.r.e.
[i♥u]
December: Comment.♥.
instructions: take first sentence/paragraph from your post on the first day of each month in 2005)
January: I can't seem to get over this pain inflicted by you.
February: So it's 4:32, and my appointment for part one of my test was supposed to begin 2 minutes ago.
March: Where has this lead us? And where will we go from here..
It's amazing how I watched time transform these people I once knew.
People I thought would never change, are becoming so different day by day.
And in a moment, I stepped back, and watched my self change over time.
Saw things happening to me I swore I would never let happen.
I did things I swore I'd never do.
Though regret of this new life is not an issue, I still miss the old times.
And as I saw you blossom in to this whole new you, I realized that I still knew every thing.
So much has changed, but so much has stayed the same.
What's held us together?
April: I'm trying so fucking hard.
What the hell else am I supposed to do, to fucking be "perfect."
Jesus, I'm as perfect as I can be, but apparently that's not fucking good enough for him.
I make one mistake, one fucking mistake, and he makes me feel like I'm incompetent.
He makes me feel like I can't succeed in any thing I do...
He makes me feel stupid.
He makes me feel dumb.
He makes me feel useless.
He makes me feel numb.
He makes me feel hollow.
He makes me feel empty.
He makes me feel equivalent to nothing..
What am I supposed to do?
Is this worth it?
I don't think so..
May: And you saw the hatred seep from her eyes,
as she watched disdain drip from your lips..
you had never screamed so loud
than in that moment you spoke of nothing
[the silence causing her to go deaf]
and we held our breath
as she walked away
and you stayed..
and with out speaking a word
you watched her leave you behind
June: And he writes:
"bites lip...graps ur shoulder...closes eyes and cant open them again...soft and gentle...hard and ruff...bites lip..opens eyes into a blur of happiness...not being able to see straight...takes ur hand for guidance..."
I ♥ him so much.
Last night = amazing.
July:
♥
August:
A silent Happy Birthday.
And the epitaph will follow
Though they know it's full of lies
For the words they write are hollow
And no one really cries
The thoughts they have are empty
And weeds grow on my grave
And no one could have kept me
From dying on this day
September:
if I told you I love you,
what would you say?
running through my mind
constantly
these thoughts
I can't bring myself to speak
because I can't let you hear it
I can't add every thing that I'm dying to say
to your list of worries in life
but I close my eyes at night
hoping and thinking you'll come tap on my window
waking me up from my dreams about you
so we can create another memory
like so many that are locked away in my heart
forever
so many memories that are fading with the hands of time
but so many that I will never f o r g e t
you were all that I wanted
all that I'll possibly ever want
and in this moment in time
all I can think of is your voice
and the beautiful things you used to whisper in my ear
the feeling of your warm breath on my cheek
laying together
me holding you close
you holding me close
the feeling indescribable
as if unreal, or made-up
and at that point in my life
I was happy
genuinly, truly, happy
a feeling I can't recall before you
ever
you gave that to me
I thank you for the knowledge
the experience
the trust
the memories
the feelings
the bliss
the shame
the pain
&& the heart ache
still I think back to that summer day in June
our last real kiss
a kiss with such passion and enthralling feelings behind it
your eyes so intensified and captivating
I can still feel your lips on mine if I try
still breathing you in
needing you like oxygen
those moments burned in my memory
of you && I
and some times
when I was with you
I'd close my eyes
take a deep breath
and no one would be around us any more
I was lost in a world you showed me
a world we discovered together
and the lust
remember wanting to feel you inside me
feel our souls joined as one
connected in a way so deep
so meaningful
and so completely && utterly gone
forever?
s h o w - m e - h o p e
If you gave me some thing to wait for
I'd wait forever for you
but forever seems like such a long time
to wait for nothing
so break my heart
or tell me you never will
but don't leave it empty any more
[[[xforeverxxyoursx]]
October:
And isn’t it so fucking ironic;;
how I broke you loose?
took you//shook you//broke you
hooked you back on love
and now you’re at her fucking feet
And isn’t it so fucking ironic;;
how you banged her where you laid me down
put my head to rest on your chest
still heaving so fucking heavy
cause I showed you a world
between heaven && hell
that you love to revisit with her
Yeah, and all those fucking memories
that are like meaningless ghosts to me now
fucking haunt me you in your sleep
And isn’t it so fucking ironic;;
that the ashes of you && I
are buried upon the place we fucked
[[three am and you couldn’t resist]]
fucking blood seeping from my heart
on to the remnants of you && I
all those fucking nights
you && I entwined in each other
grinding//sweating//panting//fucking
Your first, && my fucking last.
[[beautiful whispers && pitiful sorrow]]
And the fucking knife you left in my back--
yeah, it looks like you forgot some thing
when you fucking walked away, didn’t you?
And isn't it so fucking ironic;;
that you think I still love you
need you//want you//crave you
Yeah but I fucking loathe you.
November:
caught up and can’t catch her breath
eternally lying her self to death
for reality and truth is too painful to grasp
blind to a world that has .k.i.l.l.e.d. her in every way
for the whispers and secrets mean nothing everything
she’s twisted and tied in unimaginable ways
counting down ‘til the end of her days
his silent sorrow seeps through her soul
his pitiful actions dull her mind
your .s.e.c.r.e.t.
your .l.i.e.
my .d.e.a.t.h.
your .r.e.a.l.i.t.y.
suffocating, gasping, grasping for escape
blind to a world of betrayal and hate
.b.r.e.a.k.i.n.g. away from your tasteless mind
a replica of the elapsed hopes && dreams
duplicated as distain drips from your deceitful lips
reflecting the .p.a.s.t.
numb to the .p.r.e.s.e.n.t.
dead to the .f.u.t.u.r.e.
[i♥u]
December: Comment.♥.