God is a God of Love
It took getting real with God to really let the healing process begin. He knows what we need before we even ask but that's just it, some things he wants us to Ask for. Lately I have been struggling with feeling like I continually fail God and I get so discouraged because I want walk righteous before the Lord. For a while I was able to pretend that my relationship with him was fine and I would do better next time and prove to him I can be a "good" christian. Eventually however when I look up to pray at night all I saw before me was I brick ceiling, I couldn't even muster a prayer. I was instead saddened by a picture in my mind of an angry God looking down on my life in disappointment. Why would he forgive me when I made the same mistakes over and over. All I could say was God show me what's wrong tell me why I feel this way. I know my heart isn't right. The next day God answered me. While reading a book for my church class God revealed to me that I had let the enemy deceive his character just like Satan deceived Eve about his character in the garden. He used two unexpected people that day to show me that I had forsaken his Grace for my life and hadn't been trusting him. I was walking in my own strength and became a prisoner of legalism. I was now worshiping a God that was quick to get angry and slow to forgive . I had not built my relationship on God's love and the Lord told me to go back to my first love. The love I knew was true when I first got saved.