To: YOU
The person behind who I wrote this to I will keep secret for... myself.
YOU are the love of my life. YOU are a root to my pain and insecurity. YOU are valuable and important to "our" history. As many words as there are to explain my emotions 2wards YOU, there never seems to be the exact ones to express everything. Throughout this letter, keep in mind that I chose every single word with ease and precision!
I'm constantly asking myself "why?" Why do I care what YOU think? Why am I constantly drawn to YOU? Why do I allow myself to be hurt by YOU time & again? Why do YOU constantly hurt me? Why do I stare into your eyes knowing that it will only stress me out?
YOU are the answer to many questions revolving around me, and obviously the question to my heart. I tell myself YOU are wrong for me, but that's my brain talking. My heart on the other hand says YOU are my beginning, my present, and my end.
I set myself strong when I know I'm going to see YOU. I tell myself that I've grown... stronger, & don't need YOU. But the exact moment I feel your presence in the room, my guard is shot down. I'm always aware of your positioning and what you're saying. I check out every inch of your body in order to realize what has changed & what has not. I listen carefully to "our" dialogue to connect w/ "our" mindless banter. I strive to make it mean more that it does.
I want to blame YOU for all the disappointment in my life, but I want to thank YOU for helping me grow a thick/er-skin. I want to thank YOU for showing me how love feels, but I want to punish YOU for giving me an ideal for comparison of every man that enters my zone. Again... YOU are the love of my life! And my worst enemy!
Why did I write this? Mostly to say the things I am feeling, and can't say perfectly. This is my silent scream that continues to echo in my mind everytime you promise me another empty promise. This is my eyes crying when no tear are shed, and this is my hopes and aspirations fighting not to believe YOU. YOU confuse me everytime those beautiful blue eyes stare wanderously into mine. Confuse me in the sense that my brain and heart are in a constant battle w/ each other-- while my eyes continue to stare into the very eyes that are the window to your soul.
I barely cry anymore, it doesn't solve anything. I especially do not cry over a guy, since you've helped me realize they are all boys! A nother blame and thank-you that I attribute to YOU. God, even when I say YOU, my heart flutters, cuz' I know who it's demonstrated against.
Damn it... Why can't I just hate you?
~*~Pet Peeve of the Day~*~ Family relations!