Jokes from the Father Jokes from the father
When four of Santa's elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not
produce the toys as fast as the regular ones, Santa was beginning to
feel the pressure of being behind schedule.
Then Mrs. Claus told Santa that her Mom was coming to visit. This
stressed Santa even more.
When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were
about to give birth and two had jumped the fence and were out, heaven
knows where. More stress.
Then when he began to load the sleigh one of the boards cracked, and the
toy bag fell to the ground and scattered the toys.
So, frustrated, Santa went into the house for a cup of apple cider and a
shot of rum. When he went to the cupboard he discovered that the elves
had hidden the liquor, and there was nothing to drink. In his
frustration he accidentally dropped the cider pot, and it broke into
hundreds of little pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the
broom and found that mice had eaten the straw end of the broom.
Just then the doorbell rang, and irritable Santa trudged to the door.
He opened the door and there was a little angel with a great big
Christmas tree. The angel said very cheerfully, "Merry Christmas, Santa.
Isn't it a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you
like me to stick it?"
And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas
Tree
A blonde finds herself in serious trouble. Her
business has gone bust and she's in dire financial
straits. She's so desperate that she decides to ask
God for help.
She begins to pray..."God, please help me. I've lost
my business and if I don't get some money, I'm going
to lose my house as well. Please let me win the
lotto."
Lotto night comes, and somebody else wins it.
She again prays... "God, please let me win the lotto!
I've lost my business, my house and I'm going to lose
my car as well."
Lotto night comes and she still has no luck.
Once again, she prays.
"My God, why have You forsaken me? I've lost my
business, my house, and my car. My children are starving.
I don't often ask You for help, and I have always been a good
servant to You.
PLEASE let me win the lotto just this one time so I
can get my life back in order."
Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the
heavens open.
The blonde is overwhelmed by the Voice of God
Himself...
"Sweetheart, work with Me on this... Buy a ticket"
yeah i could have Lj cut these, but you know what. My entries are so important that they should be pushing all your other friends page entries into the dirt. Does anyone know how i can slow the LJ servers down to a crawl to make all of you suffer?
produce the toys as fast as the regular ones, Santa was beginning to
feel the pressure of being behind schedule.
Then Mrs. Claus told Santa that her Mom was coming to visit. This
stressed Santa even more.
When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were
about to give birth and two had jumped the fence and were out, heaven
knows where. More stress.
Then when he began to load the sleigh one of the boards cracked, and the
toy bag fell to the ground and scattered the toys.
So, frustrated, Santa went into the house for a cup of apple cider and a
shot of rum. When he went to the cupboard he discovered that the elves
had hidden the liquor, and there was nothing to drink. In his
frustration he accidentally dropped the cider pot, and it broke into
hundreds of little pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the
broom and found that mice had eaten the straw end of the broom.
Just then the doorbell rang, and irritable Santa trudged to the door.
He opened the door and there was a little angel with a great big
Christmas tree. The angel said very cheerfully, "Merry Christmas, Santa.
Isn't it a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you
like me to stick it?"
And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas
Tree
A blonde finds herself in serious trouble. Her
business has gone bust and she's in dire financial
straits. She's so desperate that she decides to ask
God for help.
She begins to pray..."God, please help me. I've lost
my business and if I don't get some money, I'm going
to lose my house as well. Please let me win the
lotto."
Lotto night comes, and somebody else wins it.
She again prays... "God, please let me win the lotto!
I've lost my business, my house and I'm going to lose
my car as well."
Lotto night comes and she still has no luck.
Once again, she prays.
"My God, why have You forsaken me? I've lost my
business, my house, and my car. My children are starving.
I don't often ask You for help, and I have always been a good
servant to You.
PLEASE let me win the lotto just this one time so I
can get my life back in order."
Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the
heavens open.
The blonde is overwhelmed by the Voice of God
Himself...
"Sweetheart, work with Me on this... Buy a ticket"
yeah i could have Lj cut these, but you know what. My entries are so important that they should be pushing all your other friends page entries into the dirt. Does anyone know how i can slow the LJ servers down to a crawl to make all of you suffer?