(no subject)
you know, somewhere between that blissful land of "too young" and the world of "all grown up" i got the idea that things would be good. i didn't have the utopian idea that i'd be happy all the time (something is just wrong with the people who are). i did think that things would settle down and flow nicely.
for a time, my life was governed by the musings of just one boy. i learned a lot from that time and believed myself to have come out of that a much stronger woman. to an extent, i am. i made a promise to myself that i would never again be forced into that position and i have not been.
my marriage relationship is one where i understood long ago that i would give of myself freely to the one that was worthy. he is. he is a wonderful person.
i never imagined myself to be a "jet-setter". i never really thought through things like that. i've always wanted to travel. to buy things that i wasn't allowed to growing up. to actually experience more from an exotic place than just the pool and the free HBO.
i never thought about the other things...like moving. i never considered myself a home body. i jumped at the chance to get out of the 'lene, never to return again. but texas, i didn't want to leave texas. and i'm so ready to go back. vacation trips are just a tease.
i've never had trouble making friends. that's because all of my friends are so much like me that we just gravitated to each other. californians are not that easy. hell, out here, i'm the equivalent of a 40-something...the 20-somethings are still navigating through undergrad.
so this is what unhappiness feels like...along with a nice dose of "can't do anything about it".
and just when i get to the point to where i think i can look forward to planting roots....texas in 3 years, 4 at most, reality hits. what do you do with a spouse who is determined on becoming management, even if that goal will have us fluttering across the nation, maybe even the world. no home. no dream house ever. at least, not for long enough for it to feel like home. missing out on the lives of those that you care for.
what does it mean to be content? and how do you combine two ideas of content that seem to diverge at some important places...
for a time, my life was governed by the musings of just one boy. i learned a lot from that time and believed myself to have come out of that a much stronger woman. to an extent, i am. i made a promise to myself that i would never again be forced into that position and i have not been.
my marriage relationship is one where i understood long ago that i would give of myself freely to the one that was worthy. he is. he is a wonderful person.
i never imagined myself to be a "jet-setter". i never really thought through things like that. i've always wanted to travel. to buy things that i wasn't allowed to growing up. to actually experience more from an exotic place than just the pool and the free HBO.
i never thought about the other things...like moving. i never considered myself a home body. i jumped at the chance to get out of the 'lene, never to return again. but texas, i didn't want to leave texas. and i'm so ready to go back. vacation trips are just a tease.
i've never had trouble making friends. that's because all of my friends are so much like me that we just gravitated to each other. californians are not that easy. hell, out here, i'm the equivalent of a 40-something...the 20-somethings are still navigating through undergrad.
so this is what unhappiness feels like...along with a nice dose of "can't do anything about it".
and just when i get to the point to where i think i can look forward to planting roots....texas in 3 years, 4 at most, reality hits. what do you do with a spouse who is determined on becoming management, even if that goal will have us fluttering across the nation, maybe even the world. no home. no dream house ever. at least, not for long enough for it to feel like home. missing out on the lives of those that you care for.
what does it mean to be content? and how do you combine two ideas of content that seem to diverge at some important places...