Gift for angelofprey Part 1
To: angelofprey
From: pippnfrodo
Title: A Memory of Youth (1/2)
Characters and/or Pairings: AU Ten/Rose
Rating: PG
Warnings: none, really.
Summary: A serendipitous meeting in their high school library leads Rose and John on the journey of a lifetime.
Notes: Just a quick thanks to jessicaqueen and this comm for letting me have the opportunity to take part in this gift exchange. As well as a thousand thanks to my beta Sha, who won't let me get away with anything and always insists on things making sense. Love you hon.
Word Count: 11,223
The first time she met John, Rose was wandering around the school library avoiding anyone she knew in case they found out she was skipping class.
It wasn’t like she was going to need French anyways; Rose knew that no matter how hard she worked she’d never make it to France. Yet her parents insisted that she keep studying the blasted language. Only the French spoke French, not anyone around here.
Rose quickly ducked around the corner from the history shelves, spotting her friend Keisha walking past the tables at the other end of the shelves talking to the cute Tommy Kenderson whom Keisha had had a crush on for years.
Once they were out of sight, Keisha still nattering on, Rose leaned back against the shelf behind her with a deep, relieved sigh. That was close; too close. She couldn’t get caught skipping again, not now. Last time, the principle told her there’d be severe consequences. Not that he’d exactly said what those were, or that Keisha would tell on her.
But Rose didn’t think she could take the chance.
Once her heart stopped feeling like it was going to tear its way out of her chest, Rose turned and looked up and down the aisle around her.
It was empty, full of the normal things for a library. Empty, except for a small brown haired boy sitting cross-legged on the floor halfway down the row of shelves.
He was bent over the heavy book in his lap, eyes glued to the page except every once in a while when he had to turn it.
Rose watched him for a few seconds, intrigued by this ordinary looking boy. Barely a minute later, as he read, the boy bit his lip and then ran a hand hurriedly through his hair. It was almost as if he was annoyed by what he was reading.
For some reason the sight amused Rose, and she had to fight back a laugh.
A soft noise still escaped her, and Rose quickly covered her mouth with her hand. But the boy didn’t seem to have heard.
Curiosity overwhelming her wish for no one to notice her, Rose took a step forward. “Whatcha reading?” she asked kindly.
The boy started frightfully, and loudly slammed the book closed in his lap. He flinched at the noise and looked wildly around, dark deer-in-the-headlights wide eyes finally settling on her.
Surprised by his reaction, Rose smiled warmly, trying to put him at ease. “Hi,” she greeted quietly.
He blinked at her, seeming to calm somewhat. “Hello,” the boy replied uncertainly, eyes flicking sideways.
Rose walked forward to sit down on the floor next to him. “I’m Rose,” she said, offering her hand.
The boy’s eyes quickly returned to her, but then glanced down at her hand. “John,” he replied, meeting her eyes again. A second later he took her hand and briefly shook it before letting go.
“Nice to meet you,” Rose told him cheerfully. She carefully studied his face, noting the fair skin, high cheekbones, and thin face as he stared down at the book on his lap, one hand almost fondly fingering the binding.
“So,” Rose began, leaning over to look at the book, “what are you reading?”
His head popped up at her question, and he turned towards her. Then, the discomfort suddenly faded into a goofy smile that transformed his expression into something lighter.
“It’s about astronomy,” John told her excitedly, opening the book again, “All about the solar system, our stars, the Milky Way, everything!” He flipped through a few pages, showing them to her. “Everything you could ever want to know.”
Rose couldn’t help but smile at him, amused by how quickly his earlier discomfort had vanished with the idea of sharing his book with her. But, despite his excitement, Rose couldn’t ignore her doubts.
“Is it really all that fascinating?” she asked skeptically, nose wrinkling.
A moment later, Rose was trying not to laugh at the disbelieving look he was giving her, as if she’d drooled on her shirt.
“Course it is!” John huffed, offended.
Rose tried again. “But, all of that’s so far away. We’ll never see any of it, least not in our lifetime probably. So, isn’t it a bit… idealistic… to think about stuff like that?”
The annoyance and excitement in his eyes dimmed a little, and John fixed her with a stern look that surprised her with its intensity.
“Sometimes the world needs a little idealism,” he told her seriously, brown eyes darker than before.
Rose cast around in her mind for a reply, but before she could, John blinked and the seriousness was gone.
“Here,” he offered, moving closer to her. “Let me show you,” John said, and began going through the book page by page with her.
By the end of the book, Rose started to understand his fascination with astronomy and the unknown.
~~~~~~~
After their first meeting, in the space of a week John and Rose became the best of friends.
It turned out that he was a much better student than Rose was, bored by the classes just like her yet still fascinated with the subjects themselves. John shyly offered to help her study, and Rose quickly took him up on it. In no time at all then, with his help, her grades improved and she found it much easier to understand things, especially with John’s explanations.
John was almost always patient with her, letting her take as long as she needed. He somehow instinctively knew how to explain things so she understood, something Rose was grateful for. But, to her continuing annoyance and slight amusement, John still gave her that disbelieving look of drooling on her shirt when she failed to understand something that, for him, was all too obvious. Rose tried her best, but what was natural for him was sometimes difficult for her to grasp, something John enjoyed reminding her.
When they weren’t busy studying, or preoccupied with school, Rose and John enjoyed exploring the small town they lived in.
They quickly found out that John lived just down the street from her in the small two-story blue paneled house with the beautiful garden and immaculate lawn her mum was always gushing over. Rose loved teasing John about it since he was always complaining about having to mow and weed the stupid thing. She kept telling him that even astronauts had to do the chores sometimes, just like ordinary people. John’s response was usually glaring or sticking his tongue out at her, but that just made it even more fun to tease him.
Once school let out, Rose passing her tests mostly thanks to John, the two of them spent every second they could together during the summer.
John took her to the observatory as often as she let him, riding their bikes through the downtown area. Theirs was a small enough city that their parents didn’t worry too much, but they still had to dodge cars and pedestrians. Each time, John enjoyed taking her around the building, showing her every part of each exhibit, always with a bright light in his eyes. By the time they’d sat through the show several times, Rose could almost recite it word by word along with the announcer, and John. Even on their first visit here together, John had recited the entire show under his breath. It made her wonder just how many times John had come here on his own before they’d met, and also how often he’d read that book in the school library.
But Rose never asked him, because she loved how his excitement always shone through the most when he was talking about space, and his ambition to become an astronaut. It worried her how pale he was though, as if his skin didn’t often see the sun.
In an attempt to change this, every day they weren’t at the observatory or the sun was shining, Rose would show up at his door around lunch time and take him somewhere they could enjoy the outdoors. Even when she took him to the beach, John refused to swim, protesting that he didn’t like swimming outdoors, or swimming at all really. So instead, Rose enjoyed the warm water while John went up and down the beach collecting things. He always found interesting things, objects people left behind, shells and rocks, and also a few creepy crawlies John insisted on showing her up close.
Once the apples in Mr. Thomas’s backyard became ripe, Rose dragged John over there. Then, as he watched in what seemed to be mild shock, Rose scrambled over the fence and hurried over to the closest apple tree. She then picked two of the ripest apples before jumping down and running back over to John. He gaped at her beaming face, and then stared down at the apples in her hand.
Rose grinned, holding them out to him. “Have one.”
John looked doubtful, but took one anyways. A second after he bit into it, a happy smile broke out across his face.
The next time, they sneaked in together.
By the end of the summer, Rose and John had never enjoyed themselves quite so much. At the same time, their parents were glad their children had found someone to spend time with.
Once school came around again, their summer cut all too short, they were stuck inside for most of the day, unable to continue their exploring. But the two of them shared a lot of classes, so it was all right. Sometimes when the weather was nice, John and Rose snuck out of school during lunch time and ate on the grounds. There was a beautiful old oak tree they often sat under, watching the multi-colored leaves flutter above them.
It surprised Rose how still John could be when he wanted. How he could sit somewhere for hours on end, doing nothing but stare up at the sky or read a book. Sometimes John was so still Rose thought he was asleep. She was always the one who had to coax him out of the house, or to shake him out of his stupor. He seemed content to just do nothing, while Rose always enjoyed keeping active and being busy. Unlike John, Rose wasn’t sure what she wanted to do with her life, but she did know there was still so much she wanted to see. Rose teased him that if he couldn’t make being an astronaut, he could always become a philosopher with how much he liked to think and stare off into the distance. His response was to always make a face and declare that he would never, ever, do such a thing.
The rest of the summer was even more fun than their first together, and they both made sure to enjoy themselves to the fullest.
Rose managed to rope John into a lot of mischievous acts, ones he probably wouldn’t have taken part in before, mostly by appealing to his sense of adventure. He became her partner in crime, and they quickly became infamous within their neighborhood. Everyone knew them well, and suffered the pair’s acts with long-suffered patience and affection.
This continued for the rest of that summer, and the next school year after it.
It was only the summer before they began their second year of high school when everything fell apart completely.
~~~~
Rose went over to John’s house early one morning on a Saturday, only to find the entire household in an uproar.
There were some suitcases gathered at the foot of the staircase, and when she stepped inside most of the furniture was covered with white sheets. On the other side of the front hallway, piles of clothing crowned the dining table.
Now worried, Rose walked the rest of the way inside. “John? John, you here?” she called, pacing back and forth in front of the door.
A few seconds later, John’s voice replied from above, “Rose? That you?”
She stopped and looked up to see John leaning over the railing on the floor above her. “John!” Rose said happily, and began running up the staircase to him.
He met her halfway down the stairs, the two of them nearly running into each other. They shared a quick hug and then pulled back again.
“John, John what’s going on?” Rose asked frantically, looking up at him since he was on the step above her. “There’re bags downstairs, and everything’s covered up.” She reached out and gripped his arms. “What’s wrong?”
“Oh,” John said weakly, glancing away from her. “Um, well…”
Rose shook him lightly. “John, this isn’t the time for you to go all tongue-tied on me. What’s, wrong?”
“It’s my dad,” John blurted, meeting her eyes again. “We just got the news last night. He’s being transferred, effective immediately.”
Rose’s eyes had grown wider and wider as he spoke. But once he finished, she asked quietly, “Where, where are you going?”
“To America. The East coast,” John explained, looking as sad as she felt.
Rose couldn’t help but wince. “That’s so far away.”
John nodded. “I know. But, we have to go.” He pulled her hands away from his arms to take them in his own. “I’m so sorry, Rose.”
She leaned forward into him. “I am too.” Rose quietly sighed. “Promise you’ll write? And call? Every day?”
John laughed, but it was pained. “I’ll try, Rose. I promise.”
“You’d better,” Rose warned him, but they both knew she didn’t mean it.
“John! John!” His mother’s voice called from the landing above them. “Come and finish your packing! We don’t have time for your dawdling!”
They both laughed and pulled apart again.
“I’d better go,” John said, glancing back up the staircase. “Our flight leaves later this afternoon. We have little enough time as it is.”
Rose sighed. “All right,” she agreed, fighting back tears.
He hugged her one last time before letting her go. “I promise I’ll stay in touch, Rose,” John reassured her with a soft smile. “You’re not getting rid of me that easily.”
Rose laughed, just like he’d probably wanted her to, and wiped her eyes. “’Course not,” she replied, “I wouldn’t dream of it.”
John gave her one last wild grin, and then rushed back up the stairs. “I’ll see you again, Rose! I promise.”
“You’d better!” Rose called up to him.
After he vanished from her sight, Rose stood on the stairs for a few more minutes. Then she turned and walked back down, and out of the house.
~~~~
For a year and a half, through the fall of her third year of high school, Rose heard from John at least once a week, usually by phone or email.
For the most part it was just like having John with her. Being able to talk with him, and to hear his voice, was as good as seeing John every day. It didn’t seem like their friendship was being hurt by the distance between them, they had just as much fun together. They could only talk once a week, which meant they took as much advantage of the one call as they could. Everything built up to that one call, but it was worth it.
No matter how long the two of them talked, and even after a year’s worth of phone calls, the one thing Rose could never get used to was how lonely she felt after hanging up. Right afterwards Rose would always go to her calendars and start marking the days until the next call.
A year and a half went by, and the two of them survived somehow with just talking to each other. It was just barely enough.
But then, all of a sudden in the middle of November, the phone calls and emails stopped.
Rose tried to reach John, contact him somehow, but the phone was now disconnected and all the emails bounced back. No matter what she tried, she couldn’t get a hold of him. It was like he’d vanished off the face of the Earth.
She kept trying for a few weeks, but finally Rose admitted to herself that there was nothing she could do. She’d probably have to wait the rest of her life to find out what’d happened to him. That was if she did ever find out.
~~~~~
Rose walked down the sidewalk, hands stuffed in her pockets and her body braced against the cold.
It was March, and it was still bloody freezing out. It just wasn’t natural. She’d probably freeze before even reaching home.
Rose was pulled away from her thoughts by the sound of breaks screeching against the ice slick pavement of the street.
She lifted her head from the warmth of the collar of her jacket to see a delivery van pull up in front of John’s old house. Even though it’d been over a year, the house had stayed deserted and left alone. No one had moved in, and there hadn’t even been a for sale sign in the yard.
It was like no one wanted to touch it at all.
But now all of a sudden there was a van by John’s house for the first time in almost two years. Maybe something had happened.
Rose rushed across the street, glad for the lack of traffic at the moment, and stopped at the back of the van. “Hello?” She called, looking around in an attempt to find the driver.
A few seconds later, Rose nearly jumped out of her skin when the back door of the van made a loud rattling noise as it moved upward.
“What can I do for you, darling?” A middle aged man asked friendly, smiling at her.
Rose smiled back at him. “You’re delivering something, yeah?” She asked, and then looked around, “It wouldn’t be this house by chance, would it?”
The man looked skeptically at her for a long moment, as if sizing her up. Finally he said, “Yeah, it is. Apparently someone about your age called us up and said they needed groceries delivered.” He shrugged carelessly. “And here I am.”
Rose felt her heart skip a beat. Her age? “I know this is kind of odd, but can I come with you?” she asked hopefully. “I won’t get in your way, promise.” When she noticed his suspicious expression, Rose quickly added, “I used to know the family who lived there, but it’s been a while since I saw them. I just want to know if it’s them, honest.”
He looked carefully at Rose again, before his face broke out in a grin. “Oh, all right sweetheart.” The man turned back inside the van. “It’d be nice to have a young thing like you carry things for me.”
Rose wondered a little at that, but took the bags he handed down to her.
The man jumped down from the van, and pulled the metal door back down again. “Well, let’s be off then,” he suggested, taking a bag from her.
Rose followed him down the sidewalk and then up to the front door. Her heart was beating rapidly in her chest, but she still forced herself to hang back.
The man shifted the bag, and then lifted his hand to press the doorbell.
A chiming noise came from inside the house, but they didn’t hear any more noises. No matter how long the two of them waited, no one came to the door.
Finally the man clenched his hand and pounded on the wood of the door. “This is Frank, from Shop ‘n Save Groceries! Open up!”
They heard a creaking noise from inside, followed by the sound of footsteps coming nearer.
Then, as the door opened in front of them little by little, Rose felt the ground drop out from under her.
“Thanks for bringing them all the way over here,” John thanked Frank softly. He slipped his hand into the pocket of his faded worn jeans and pulled out a small wallet. “Here’s your money, you can just leave the bags here and I’ll take them in,” John told him, handing over a few pounds.
Frank grinned gratefully. “Thanks mate. I’m a bit off my schedule as it is.” He set the bag he was holding down right outside the door. “If you’d just sign here,” he said, pulling out a clipboard and handing it over to John. John took it and the pen then promptly signed the paper and handed it back. “Have a good day then,” Frank said and waved to John before hurrying away down the sidewalk.
John turned and bent down to pick up the bag. But then he seemed to realize there was someone still standing there, holding yet another bag. John straightened again, holding the bag in his arms.
“Hello?” John asked cautiously, eyes narrowed warily. “Who’s there?”
Rose hesitated for just a moment, and then lowered the bag so he could see her face.
“John,” she whispered softly, her voice breaking.
His eyes widened in surprise as he exclaimed quietly, “Rose!” But then the surprise vanished, and right in front of her his expression went blank. “Good to see you again,” John greeted, as if it’d been only a few days since they’d seen each other.
John then reached out like he was going to take the bag from her. But Rose held it away from him and shook her head. “No, you’re not going to get rid of me that easily,” she scolded him. “Let me in.”
For a second John’s eyes flashed, and then shuttered again. He looked at her for a long moment before stepping to the side of the doorway, leaving room for her.
Rose glanced at him as she walked over the threshold, still holding the bag. She’d never seen him like this before in the time they’d known each other. His eyes, usually so bright, were now dark and bottomless; his skin pale enough that the freckles she never really noticed stood out sharply; dark square glasses perched on his nose, and his brown locks long enough that they just barely touched his neck.
As she passed John, Rose had the urge to draw him into her arms and hug him. John looked lonelier than she’d ever seen him, and also tired, so tired.
In the moment when Rose nearly gave in to her urge, John turned and closed the door behind them. To her surprise, he even slammed the lock, although she wasn’t sure if that was to keep her in, or others out.
“Well, come in if you’re going to,” John told her blandly. Without waiting for an answer, he turned and walked not towards the kitchen like she expected, but to the left into what had once been the living room.
Rose cautiously followed him, but then stopped dead in the doorway.
The living room looked nothing like the last time she’d seen it. The room was completely bare except for a cot in front of the fireplace with a roaring fire, and a small fridge plugged into the wall.
“Do you live here?” Rose asked surprised, looking around the room. “On your own?”
From where he was kneeling in front of the fridge, putting the groceries away, John glanced briefly over his shoulder at her. “Yes,” he said shortly.
Rose flinched a little, and then walked the rest of the way into the room. She went over to John and paused, then set the bag down next to him.
Rose watched him as he filled the fridge, knowing she was boring a hole in his back. She had a million questions for him, ones that demanded to be asked now, but Rose couldn’t bring herself to ask any of them. He was so different, and that made Rose scared of the answers.
Finally Rose just asked, trying to sound as casual as she could, “How long have you been back?”
John shrugged as he folded the bags. “Not long. A few weeks maybe.”
Rose bit her lip. “And you didn’t think I might want to know you were suddenly back after almost two years?”
He rose to his feet, kicking the door of the fridge closed with his foot. When John turned towards her, bags in his hand, he stared at her for a long moment. She swore she saw something flicker in his eyes, as if he was warring with himself somehow. But then, it was gone again, just like before. “I suppose not.”
Rose bristled, and crossed her arms to stop herself from hurting him. Even after all they’d done together, it was like he’d forgotten her.
John tore his eyes away and walked over to the fireplace. He knelt down and began poking at it with a fireplace stick.
Silence reined between the two of them then, awkward silence that was new to their relationship.
Finally Rose couldn’t take the silence anymore, and the question slipped past her lips, “What happened to you, John?”
Although her voice had been soft, John seemed to have heard her as he stiffened suddenly. He stayed that way for a few moments, and then appeared to force himself to relax again.
Just when Rose was sure he wasn’t going to say anything, she heard him say softly, as if to himself, “Everything, everything happened.”
She could barely hear him over the crackling of the flames, but Rose heard enough. Forgetting her anger and caution, she took a step towards him. “What do you mean?” Rose asked sharply. “John, what do you mean ‘everything’?”
Like he used to do when he didn’t want to answer something, John continued fussing with the fire, pretending to ignore her.
Rose made an annoyed noise and marched towards him. “John, come on please!” She protested, placing a hand on his shoulder and used that to turn him to face her. “You can tell me.”
“It’s fine, Rose,” John told her in what Rose guessed was supposed to be reassuring. “Don’t worry about it.”
She glared at him. “I’ll worry if I want to John, and right now I do.” Rose let her hand fall to her side. “I haven’t seen you laugh or smile once since I saw you at the door. I missed you so much, and I’ve dreamed of seeing you again. But you’re so different.” She reached out and held her hand out to him. “I just want to see you smile,” Rose whispered brokenly.
John ignored her hand, rising to his feet instead. “People change,” he said with a shrug, rising to his feet.
Rose adamantly shook her head. “No, no they don’t.” She watched as he brushed off his jeans. “Not this much anyway, not in such a short time.” Part of Rose wondered if she was in denial about this, maybe just a little.
John faltered slightly at her words, his hands pausing for a moment. But then he just finished and brushed his hands together.
So he was giving her the silent treatment then, fine.
“I know you haven’t changed that much,” Rose whispered. “You’re still John.” Her gaze flickered away with a sigh, “Somewhere in there.”
“I think you should leave.”
Rose’s eyes snapped back to John to find him looking darkly at her. “What?”
“You should leave,” John repeated sharply, glaring.
Rose stared, taken aback by his coldness. In their time together she’d never heard anything like it from him, even when he was upset with her. “But, John-”
“Now,” John snapped. Before Rose could react, he’d taken hold of her shoulders and was firmly steering her back towards the door.
Rose called his name, trying to get him to stop or at least say something, but he didn’t pause or speak at all. Rose felt like the world was crumbling again. When she saw him at the door, Rose had hoped they could start their friendship where they’d left off those two years ago. But now she realized that ever since he’d first spoken to her, that hope had been doomed. No matter what she did, John was still pushing her away.
Right before he pushed her out of the now open door, Rose tried one last time to appeal to him.
“John, please. Let me help!” Rose pleaded. “Just talk to me!”
He gave her another long look, not giving away anything. For a second Rose thought he was going to give in, but then John appeared to come to a decision.
“No,” he said shortly. John then gave her just enough of a push out the door that he could close it on her and then lock it before Rose could react.
Rose stood shocked as the door slammed right in her face. A second later she heard the lock slam into place.
“John!” she shouted, knocking loudly on the door.
But no matter how long or how hard she knocked, John still didn’t respond and the door never opened again.
Finally, after a while, Rose gave up and turned away. She walked back down the sidewalk and back home, mind racing.
~~~~~~~~
Rose left John alone for a week then, as much as it hurt her to do so. So many times she wanted to storm over to his house, drag John out, and then shake some sense into him. But Rose always stopped herself just in time since she doubted forcing him would do much good.
A week later she’d had enough. Rose couldn’t wait anymore. She just hoped that the cold temper John seemed to have grown was settled again by now. No matter how much Rose cared about him, she couldn’t stand to see John looking at her that way again, or to hear John order her out of the house with such coldness in his voice. She was sure her heart would break if she had to go through all that again.
This time Rose was prepared. She’d drag him kicking and screaming out of his house if she had to. Something had happened to him in the time they’d been apart. But instead of dealing with it, John seemed to have just stopped feeling, or doing anything.
She cared more than enough about John to help him change that.
So early the next day, Rose went over to John’s house.
As Rose expected, John must have thought she’d given up since he opened the door to her after only a few knocks.
When John saw it was her, his eyes widened momentarily but then shuttered again.
“John, wait-!” Rose protested when he tried to shut the door on her. “Please!”
“Not now, Rose,” John scolded insistently. He then started to turn back inside, ignoring her.
“John!” Rose cried sharply. Then, just before the door closed again, she reached out and grabbed his wrist. “You’re not getting away that easily,” Rose warned, pulling him out of the house and towards her.
He came easily enough, stumbling a little before seeming to regain his balance. John looked bewildered at suddenly being outside, but then shrugged off her hand and straightened.
“Did you have to do that?” John complained, lifting his head just enough to glare at her through his fringe.
Rose met his glare full-on, even though she felt sadness well in her chest at the vulnerability in that look, and his appearance. If he’d looked horrible the last time she’d seen him, he wasn’t much better now. John looked completely unkempt, and there were dark circles under his eyes. “If it means this is the only way I can get you to listen to me, then yes,” Rose snapped at him. “I did.”
John’s response was to sigh angrily and sharply turn his head away.
Rose made a decision then, grabbing his wrist again. She pulled him off the stoop, and back along the sidewalk. “Now, we’re going to go get a bite to eat. You’re way too skinny.” Rose glanced back at John to see him following her. His expression made it look like he was alternating between being angry with her and something that looked suspiciously like pouting. “You make me want to take you home and mother you,” Rose added at his disbelieving look, “and if you won’t let me, then I’m sure my mum’d be glad to.”
She just barely heard John’s reply a few seconds later of, “No thanks,” sounding horrified.
Rose smiled. “Good. Let’s go then,” she said, and began leading him down the street.
A Memory of Youth (2/2)
From: pippnfrodo
Title: A Memory of Youth (1/2)
Characters and/or Pairings: AU Ten/Rose
Rating: PG
Warnings: none, really.
Summary: A serendipitous meeting in their high school library leads Rose and John on the journey of a lifetime.
Notes: Just a quick thanks to jessicaqueen and this comm for letting me have the opportunity to take part in this gift exchange. As well as a thousand thanks to my beta Sha, who won't let me get away with anything and always insists on things making sense. Love you hon.
Word Count: 11,223
The first time she met John, Rose was wandering around the school library avoiding anyone she knew in case they found out she was skipping class.
It wasn’t like she was going to need French anyways; Rose knew that no matter how hard she worked she’d never make it to France. Yet her parents insisted that she keep studying the blasted language. Only the French spoke French, not anyone around here.
Rose quickly ducked around the corner from the history shelves, spotting her friend Keisha walking past the tables at the other end of the shelves talking to the cute Tommy Kenderson whom Keisha had had a crush on for years.
Once they were out of sight, Keisha still nattering on, Rose leaned back against the shelf behind her with a deep, relieved sigh. That was close; too close. She couldn’t get caught skipping again, not now. Last time, the principle told her there’d be severe consequences. Not that he’d exactly said what those were, or that Keisha would tell on her.
But Rose didn’t think she could take the chance.
Once her heart stopped feeling like it was going to tear its way out of her chest, Rose turned and looked up and down the aisle around her.
It was empty, full of the normal things for a library. Empty, except for a small brown haired boy sitting cross-legged on the floor halfway down the row of shelves.
He was bent over the heavy book in his lap, eyes glued to the page except every once in a while when he had to turn it.
Rose watched him for a few seconds, intrigued by this ordinary looking boy. Barely a minute later, as he read, the boy bit his lip and then ran a hand hurriedly through his hair. It was almost as if he was annoyed by what he was reading.
For some reason the sight amused Rose, and she had to fight back a laugh.
A soft noise still escaped her, and Rose quickly covered her mouth with her hand. But the boy didn’t seem to have heard.
Curiosity overwhelming her wish for no one to notice her, Rose took a step forward. “Whatcha reading?” she asked kindly.
The boy started frightfully, and loudly slammed the book closed in his lap. He flinched at the noise and looked wildly around, dark deer-in-the-headlights wide eyes finally settling on her.
Surprised by his reaction, Rose smiled warmly, trying to put him at ease. “Hi,” she greeted quietly.
He blinked at her, seeming to calm somewhat. “Hello,” the boy replied uncertainly, eyes flicking sideways.
Rose walked forward to sit down on the floor next to him. “I’m Rose,” she said, offering her hand.
The boy’s eyes quickly returned to her, but then glanced down at her hand. “John,” he replied, meeting her eyes again. A second later he took her hand and briefly shook it before letting go.
“Nice to meet you,” Rose told him cheerfully. She carefully studied his face, noting the fair skin, high cheekbones, and thin face as he stared down at the book on his lap, one hand almost fondly fingering the binding.
“So,” Rose began, leaning over to look at the book, “what are you reading?”
His head popped up at her question, and he turned towards her. Then, the discomfort suddenly faded into a goofy smile that transformed his expression into something lighter.
“It’s about astronomy,” John told her excitedly, opening the book again, “All about the solar system, our stars, the Milky Way, everything!” He flipped through a few pages, showing them to her. “Everything you could ever want to know.”
Rose couldn’t help but smile at him, amused by how quickly his earlier discomfort had vanished with the idea of sharing his book with her. But, despite his excitement, Rose couldn’t ignore her doubts.
“Is it really all that fascinating?” she asked skeptically, nose wrinkling.
A moment later, Rose was trying not to laugh at the disbelieving look he was giving her, as if she’d drooled on her shirt.
“Course it is!” John huffed, offended.
Rose tried again. “But, all of that’s so far away. We’ll never see any of it, least not in our lifetime probably. So, isn’t it a bit… idealistic… to think about stuff like that?”
The annoyance and excitement in his eyes dimmed a little, and John fixed her with a stern look that surprised her with its intensity.
“Sometimes the world needs a little idealism,” he told her seriously, brown eyes darker than before.
Rose cast around in her mind for a reply, but before she could, John blinked and the seriousness was gone.
“Here,” he offered, moving closer to her. “Let me show you,” John said, and began going through the book page by page with her.
By the end of the book, Rose started to understand his fascination with astronomy and the unknown.
~~~~~~~
After their first meeting, in the space of a week John and Rose became the best of friends.
It turned out that he was a much better student than Rose was, bored by the classes just like her yet still fascinated with the subjects themselves. John shyly offered to help her study, and Rose quickly took him up on it. In no time at all then, with his help, her grades improved and she found it much easier to understand things, especially with John’s explanations.
John was almost always patient with her, letting her take as long as she needed. He somehow instinctively knew how to explain things so she understood, something Rose was grateful for. But, to her continuing annoyance and slight amusement, John still gave her that disbelieving look of drooling on her shirt when she failed to understand something that, for him, was all too obvious. Rose tried her best, but what was natural for him was sometimes difficult for her to grasp, something John enjoyed reminding her.
When they weren’t busy studying, or preoccupied with school, Rose and John enjoyed exploring the small town they lived in.
They quickly found out that John lived just down the street from her in the small two-story blue paneled house with the beautiful garden and immaculate lawn her mum was always gushing over. Rose loved teasing John about it since he was always complaining about having to mow and weed the stupid thing. She kept telling him that even astronauts had to do the chores sometimes, just like ordinary people. John’s response was usually glaring or sticking his tongue out at her, but that just made it even more fun to tease him.
Once school let out, Rose passing her tests mostly thanks to John, the two of them spent every second they could together during the summer.
John took her to the observatory as often as she let him, riding their bikes through the downtown area. Theirs was a small enough city that their parents didn’t worry too much, but they still had to dodge cars and pedestrians. Each time, John enjoyed taking her around the building, showing her every part of each exhibit, always with a bright light in his eyes. By the time they’d sat through the show several times, Rose could almost recite it word by word along with the announcer, and John. Even on their first visit here together, John had recited the entire show under his breath. It made her wonder just how many times John had come here on his own before they’d met, and also how often he’d read that book in the school library.
But Rose never asked him, because she loved how his excitement always shone through the most when he was talking about space, and his ambition to become an astronaut. It worried her how pale he was though, as if his skin didn’t often see the sun.
In an attempt to change this, every day they weren’t at the observatory or the sun was shining, Rose would show up at his door around lunch time and take him somewhere they could enjoy the outdoors. Even when she took him to the beach, John refused to swim, protesting that he didn’t like swimming outdoors, or swimming at all really. So instead, Rose enjoyed the warm water while John went up and down the beach collecting things. He always found interesting things, objects people left behind, shells and rocks, and also a few creepy crawlies John insisted on showing her up close.
Once the apples in Mr. Thomas’s backyard became ripe, Rose dragged John over there. Then, as he watched in what seemed to be mild shock, Rose scrambled over the fence and hurried over to the closest apple tree. She then picked two of the ripest apples before jumping down and running back over to John. He gaped at her beaming face, and then stared down at the apples in her hand.
Rose grinned, holding them out to him. “Have one.”
John looked doubtful, but took one anyways. A second after he bit into it, a happy smile broke out across his face.
The next time, they sneaked in together.
By the end of the summer, Rose and John had never enjoyed themselves quite so much. At the same time, their parents were glad their children had found someone to spend time with.
Once school came around again, their summer cut all too short, they were stuck inside for most of the day, unable to continue their exploring. But the two of them shared a lot of classes, so it was all right. Sometimes when the weather was nice, John and Rose snuck out of school during lunch time and ate on the grounds. There was a beautiful old oak tree they often sat under, watching the multi-colored leaves flutter above them.
It surprised Rose how still John could be when he wanted. How he could sit somewhere for hours on end, doing nothing but stare up at the sky or read a book. Sometimes John was so still Rose thought he was asleep. She was always the one who had to coax him out of the house, or to shake him out of his stupor. He seemed content to just do nothing, while Rose always enjoyed keeping active and being busy. Unlike John, Rose wasn’t sure what she wanted to do with her life, but she did know there was still so much she wanted to see. Rose teased him that if he couldn’t make being an astronaut, he could always become a philosopher with how much he liked to think and stare off into the distance. His response was to always make a face and declare that he would never, ever, do such a thing.
The rest of the summer was even more fun than their first together, and they both made sure to enjoy themselves to the fullest.
Rose managed to rope John into a lot of mischievous acts, ones he probably wouldn’t have taken part in before, mostly by appealing to his sense of adventure. He became her partner in crime, and they quickly became infamous within their neighborhood. Everyone knew them well, and suffered the pair’s acts with long-suffered patience and affection.
This continued for the rest of that summer, and the next school year after it.
It was only the summer before they began their second year of high school when everything fell apart completely.
~~~~
Rose went over to John’s house early one morning on a Saturday, only to find the entire household in an uproar.
There were some suitcases gathered at the foot of the staircase, and when she stepped inside most of the furniture was covered with white sheets. On the other side of the front hallway, piles of clothing crowned the dining table.
Now worried, Rose walked the rest of the way inside. “John? John, you here?” she called, pacing back and forth in front of the door.
A few seconds later, John’s voice replied from above, “Rose? That you?”
She stopped and looked up to see John leaning over the railing on the floor above her. “John!” Rose said happily, and began running up the staircase to him.
He met her halfway down the stairs, the two of them nearly running into each other. They shared a quick hug and then pulled back again.
“John, John what’s going on?” Rose asked frantically, looking up at him since he was on the step above her. “There’re bags downstairs, and everything’s covered up.” She reached out and gripped his arms. “What’s wrong?”
“Oh,” John said weakly, glancing away from her. “Um, well…”
Rose shook him lightly. “John, this isn’t the time for you to go all tongue-tied on me. What’s, wrong?”
“It’s my dad,” John blurted, meeting her eyes again. “We just got the news last night. He’s being transferred, effective immediately.”
Rose’s eyes had grown wider and wider as he spoke. But once he finished, she asked quietly, “Where, where are you going?”
“To America. The East coast,” John explained, looking as sad as she felt.
Rose couldn’t help but wince. “That’s so far away.”
John nodded. “I know. But, we have to go.” He pulled her hands away from his arms to take them in his own. “I’m so sorry, Rose.”
She leaned forward into him. “I am too.” Rose quietly sighed. “Promise you’ll write? And call? Every day?”
John laughed, but it was pained. “I’ll try, Rose. I promise.”
“You’d better,” Rose warned him, but they both knew she didn’t mean it.
“John! John!” His mother’s voice called from the landing above them. “Come and finish your packing! We don’t have time for your dawdling!”
They both laughed and pulled apart again.
“I’d better go,” John said, glancing back up the staircase. “Our flight leaves later this afternoon. We have little enough time as it is.”
Rose sighed. “All right,” she agreed, fighting back tears.
He hugged her one last time before letting her go. “I promise I’ll stay in touch, Rose,” John reassured her with a soft smile. “You’re not getting rid of me that easily.”
Rose laughed, just like he’d probably wanted her to, and wiped her eyes. “’Course not,” she replied, “I wouldn’t dream of it.”
John gave her one last wild grin, and then rushed back up the stairs. “I’ll see you again, Rose! I promise.”
“You’d better!” Rose called up to him.
After he vanished from her sight, Rose stood on the stairs for a few more minutes. Then she turned and walked back down, and out of the house.
~~~~
For a year and a half, through the fall of her third year of high school, Rose heard from John at least once a week, usually by phone or email.
For the most part it was just like having John with her. Being able to talk with him, and to hear his voice, was as good as seeing John every day. It didn’t seem like their friendship was being hurt by the distance between them, they had just as much fun together. They could only talk once a week, which meant they took as much advantage of the one call as they could. Everything built up to that one call, but it was worth it.
No matter how long the two of them talked, and even after a year’s worth of phone calls, the one thing Rose could never get used to was how lonely she felt after hanging up. Right afterwards Rose would always go to her calendars and start marking the days until the next call.
A year and a half went by, and the two of them survived somehow with just talking to each other. It was just barely enough.
But then, all of a sudden in the middle of November, the phone calls and emails stopped.
Rose tried to reach John, contact him somehow, but the phone was now disconnected and all the emails bounced back. No matter what she tried, she couldn’t get a hold of him. It was like he’d vanished off the face of the Earth.
She kept trying for a few weeks, but finally Rose admitted to herself that there was nothing she could do. She’d probably have to wait the rest of her life to find out what’d happened to him. That was if she did ever find out.
~~~~~
Rose walked down the sidewalk, hands stuffed in her pockets and her body braced against the cold.
It was March, and it was still bloody freezing out. It just wasn’t natural. She’d probably freeze before even reaching home.
Rose was pulled away from her thoughts by the sound of breaks screeching against the ice slick pavement of the street.
She lifted her head from the warmth of the collar of her jacket to see a delivery van pull up in front of John’s old house. Even though it’d been over a year, the house had stayed deserted and left alone. No one had moved in, and there hadn’t even been a for sale sign in the yard.
It was like no one wanted to touch it at all.
But now all of a sudden there was a van by John’s house for the first time in almost two years. Maybe something had happened.
Rose rushed across the street, glad for the lack of traffic at the moment, and stopped at the back of the van. “Hello?” She called, looking around in an attempt to find the driver.
A few seconds later, Rose nearly jumped out of her skin when the back door of the van made a loud rattling noise as it moved upward.
“What can I do for you, darling?” A middle aged man asked friendly, smiling at her.
Rose smiled back at him. “You’re delivering something, yeah?” She asked, and then looked around, “It wouldn’t be this house by chance, would it?”
The man looked skeptically at her for a long moment, as if sizing her up. Finally he said, “Yeah, it is. Apparently someone about your age called us up and said they needed groceries delivered.” He shrugged carelessly. “And here I am.”
Rose felt her heart skip a beat. Her age? “I know this is kind of odd, but can I come with you?” she asked hopefully. “I won’t get in your way, promise.” When she noticed his suspicious expression, Rose quickly added, “I used to know the family who lived there, but it’s been a while since I saw them. I just want to know if it’s them, honest.”
He looked carefully at Rose again, before his face broke out in a grin. “Oh, all right sweetheart.” The man turned back inside the van. “It’d be nice to have a young thing like you carry things for me.”
Rose wondered a little at that, but took the bags he handed down to her.
The man jumped down from the van, and pulled the metal door back down again. “Well, let’s be off then,” he suggested, taking a bag from her.
Rose followed him down the sidewalk and then up to the front door. Her heart was beating rapidly in her chest, but she still forced herself to hang back.
The man shifted the bag, and then lifted his hand to press the doorbell.
A chiming noise came from inside the house, but they didn’t hear any more noises. No matter how long the two of them waited, no one came to the door.
Finally the man clenched his hand and pounded on the wood of the door. “This is Frank, from Shop ‘n Save Groceries! Open up!”
They heard a creaking noise from inside, followed by the sound of footsteps coming nearer.
Then, as the door opened in front of them little by little, Rose felt the ground drop out from under her.
“Thanks for bringing them all the way over here,” John thanked Frank softly. He slipped his hand into the pocket of his faded worn jeans and pulled out a small wallet. “Here’s your money, you can just leave the bags here and I’ll take them in,” John told him, handing over a few pounds.
Frank grinned gratefully. “Thanks mate. I’m a bit off my schedule as it is.” He set the bag he was holding down right outside the door. “If you’d just sign here,” he said, pulling out a clipboard and handing it over to John. John took it and the pen then promptly signed the paper and handed it back. “Have a good day then,” Frank said and waved to John before hurrying away down the sidewalk.
John turned and bent down to pick up the bag. But then he seemed to realize there was someone still standing there, holding yet another bag. John straightened again, holding the bag in his arms.
“Hello?” John asked cautiously, eyes narrowed warily. “Who’s there?”
Rose hesitated for just a moment, and then lowered the bag so he could see her face.
“John,” she whispered softly, her voice breaking.
His eyes widened in surprise as he exclaimed quietly, “Rose!” But then the surprise vanished, and right in front of her his expression went blank. “Good to see you again,” John greeted, as if it’d been only a few days since they’d seen each other.
John then reached out like he was going to take the bag from her. But Rose held it away from him and shook her head. “No, you’re not going to get rid of me that easily,” she scolded him. “Let me in.”
For a second John’s eyes flashed, and then shuttered again. He looked at her for a long moment before stepping to the side of the doorway, leaving room for her.
Rose glanced at him as she walked over the threshold, still holding the bag. She’d never seen him like this before in the time they’d known each other. His eyes, usually so bright, were now dark and bottomless; his skin pale enough that the freckles she never really noticed stood out sharply; dark square glasses perched on his nose, and his brown locks long enough that they just barely touched his neck.
As she passed John, Rose had the urge to draw him into her arms and hug him. John looked lonelier than she’d ever seen him, and also tired, so tired.
In the moment when Rose nearly gave in to her urge, John turned and closed the door behind them. To her surprise, he even slammed the lock, although she wasn’t sure if that was to keep her in, or others out.
“Well, come in if you’re going to,” John told her blandly. Without waiting for an answer, he turned and walked not towards the kitchen like she expected, but to the left into what had once been the living room.
Rose cautiously followed him, but then stopped dead in the doorway.
The living room looked nothing like the last time she’d seen it. The room was completely bare except for a cot in front of the fireplace with a roaring fire, and a small fridge plugged into the wall.
“Do you live here?” Rose asked surprised, looking around the room. “On your own?”
From where he was kneeling in front of the fridge, putting the groceries away, John glanced briefly over his shoulder at her. “Yes,” he said shortly.
Rose flinched a little, and then walked the rest of the way into the room. She went over to John and paused, then set the bag down next to him.
Rose watched him as he filled the fridge, knowing she was boring a hole in his back. She had a million questions for him, ones that demanded to be asked now, but Rose couldn’t bring herself to ask any of them. He was so different, and that made Rose scared of the answers.
Finally Rose just asked, trying to sound as casual as she could, “How long have you been back?”
John shrugged as he folded the bags. “Not long. A few weeks maybe.”
Rose bit her lip. “And you didn’t think I might want to know you were suddenly back after almost two years?”
He rose to his feet, kicking the door of the fridge closed with his foot. When John turned towards her, bags in his hand, he stared at her for a long moment. She swore she saw something flicker in his eyes, as if he was warring with himself somehow. But then, it was gone again, just like before. “I suppose not.”
Rose bristled, and crossed her arms to stop herself from hurting him. Even after all they’d done together, it was like he’d forgotten her.
John tore his eyes away and walked over to the fireplace. He knelt down and began poking at it with a fireplace stick.
Silence reined between the two of them then, awkward silence that was new to their relationship.
Finally Rose couldn’t take the silence anymore, and the question slipped past her lips, “What happened to you, John?”
Although her voice had been soft, John seemed to have heard her as he stiffened suddenly. He stayed that way for a few moments, and then appeared to force himself to relax again.
Just when Rose was sure he wasn’t going to say anything, she heard him say softly, as if to himself, “Everything, everything happened.”
She could barely hear him over the crackling of the flames, but Rose heard enough. Forgetting her anger and caution, she took a step towards him. “What do you mean?” Rose asked sharply. “John, what do you mean ‘everything’?”
Like he used to do when he didn’t want to answer something, John continued fussing with the fire, pretending to ignore her.
Rose made an annoyed noise and marched towards him. “John, come on please!” She protested, placing a hand on his shoulder and used that to turn him to face her. “You can tell me.”
“It’s fine, Rose,” John told her in what Rose guessed was supposed to be reassuring. “Don’t worry about it.”
She glared at him. “I’ll worry if I want to John, and right now I do.” Rose let her hand fall to her side. “I haven’t seen you laugh or smile once since I saw you at the door. I missed you so much, and I’ve dreamed of seeing you again. But you’re so different.” She reached out and held her hand out to him. “I just want to see you smile,” Rose whispered brokenly.
John ignored her hand, rising to his feet instead. “People change,” he said with a shrug, rising to his feet.
Rose adamantly shook her head. “No, no they don’t.” She watched as he brushed off his jeans. “Not this much anyway, not in such a short time.” Part of Rose wondered if she was in denial about this, maybe just a little.
John faltered slightly at her words, his hands pausing for a moment. But then he just finished and brushed his hands together.
So he was giving her the silent treatment then, fine.
“I know you haven’t changed that much,” Rose whispered. “You’re still John.” Her gaze flickered away with a sigh, “Somewhere in there.”
“I think you should leave.”
Rose’s eyes snapped back to John to find him looking darkly at her. “What?”
“You should leave,” John repeated sharply, glaring.
Rose stared, taken aback by his coldness. In their time together she’d never heard anything like it from him, even when he was upset with her. “But, John-”
“Now,” John snapped. Before Rose could react, he’d taken hold of her shoulders and was firmly steering her back towards the door.
Rose called his name, trying to get him to stop or at least say something, but he didn’t pause or speak at all. Rose felt like the world was crumbling again. When she saw him at the door, Rose had hoped they could start their friendship where they’d left off those two years ago. But now she realized that ever since he’d first spoken to her, that hope had been doomed. No matter what she did, John was still pushing her away.
Right before he pushed her out of the now open door, Rose tried one last time to appeal to him.
“John, please. Let me help!” Rose pleaded. “Just talk to me!”
He gave her another long look, not giving away anything. For a second Rose thought he was going to give in, but then John appeared to come to a decision.
“No,” he said shortly. John then gave her just enough of a push out the door that he could close it on her and then lock it before Rose could react.
Rose stood shocked as the door slammed right in her face. A second later she heard the lock slam into place.
“John!” she shouted, knocking loudly on the door.
But no matter how long or how hard she knocked, John still didn’t respond and the door never opened again.
Finally, after a while, Rose gave up and turned away. She walked back down the sidewalk and back home, mind racing.
~~~~~~~~
Rose left John alone for a week then, as much as it hurt her to do so. So many times she wanted to storm over to his house, drag John out, and then shake some sense into him. But Rose always stopped herself just in time since she doubted forcing him would do much good.
A week later she’d had enough. Rose couldn’t wait anymore. She just hoped that the cold temper John seemed to have grown was settled again by now. No matter how much Rose cared about him, she couldn’t stand to see John looking at her that way again, or to hear John order her out of the house with such coldness in his voice. She was sure her heart would break if she had to go through all that again.
This time Rose was prepared. She’d drag him kicking and screaming out of his house if she had to. Something had happened to him in the time they’d been apart. But instead of dealing with it, John seemed to have just stopped feeling, or doing anything.
She cared more than enough about John to help him change that.
So early the next day, Rose went over to John’s house.
As Rose expected, John must have thought she’d given up since he opened the door to her after only a few knocks.
When John saw it was her, his eyes widened momentarily but then shuttered again.
“John, wait-!” Rose protested when he tried to shut the door on her. “Please!”
“Not now, Rose,” John scolded insistently. He then started to turn back inside, ignoring her.
“John!” Rose cried sharply. Then, just before the door closed again, she reached out and grabbed his wrist. “You’re not getting away that easily,” Rose warned, pulling him out of the house and towards her.
He came easily enough, stumbling a little before seeming to regain his balance. John looked bewildered at suddenly being outside, but then shrugged off her hand and straightened.
“Did you have to do that?” John complained, lifting his head just enough to glare at her through his fringe.
Rose met his glare full-on, even though she felt sadness well in her chest at the vulnerability in that look, and his appearance. If he’d looked horrible the last time she’d seen him, he wasn’t much better now. John looked completely unkempt, and there were dark circles under his eyes. “If it means this is the only way I can get you to listen to me, then yes,” Rose snapped at him. “I did.”
John’s response was to sigh angrily and sharply turn his head away.
Rose made a decision then, grabbing his wrist again. She pulled him off the stoop, and back along the sidewalk. “Now, we’re going to go get a bite to eat. You’re way too skinny.” Rose glanced back at John to see him following her. His expression made it look like he was alternating between being angry with her and something that looked suspiciously like pouting. “You make me want to take you home and mother you,” Rose added at his disbelieving look, “and if you won’t let me, then I’m sure my mum’d be glad to.”
She just barely heard John’s reply a few seconds later of, “No thanks,” sounding horrified.
Rose smiled. “Good. Let’s go then,” she said, and began leading him down the street.
A Memory of Youth (2/2)