OBLIGATORY GIRL IN THE FIREPLACE POST.
WHY YES, INTERNETS, YES I AM.
OBLIGATORY DISCLAIMER: I do not like Moffat and this episode ranks up among my least favourites. If you want to debate, I am happy to, but you might be better off commenting here (Moffat essay, written pre-s5) because parts of this are tongue-in-cheek. And if you hate the episode, please keep personal insults about Moff himself out of things. AND IF ANYONE CALLS REINETTE A "MARY-SUE", I WILL CUT YOU.
REASONS I DISLIKE:
PLOT
OK, so there's something about clockwork droids and that. Most of it doesn't make a lot of sense. Like why the droids are so goatfucking stupid? Or, more to the point, why all of the characters are equally dumb? IDEK.
The biggest "whu-?" for me is not why the droids went for Reinette. They were programmed by an idiot. EASY EXPLANATION. It's why the Doctor couldn't jump in the TARDIS at the end. Dude, you've been hopping in and out of events ALL FUCKING DAY. JUST DO IT PROPERLY THIS TIME.
CHARACTERISATION
FAIL. FAIL FAIL FAIL.
THE DOCTOR: a moronic douche. Particularly: why did he think pulling Reinette out of events would go well? IT'S LIKE WATERS OF MARS, WHEN HE THINKS SAVING ADELAIDE IS A GREAT PLAN. EXCEPT WOM KNOWS THAT HE'S FUCKING CRAZY. OK, I can buy that he planned to bring her back ten seconds later, but WHEN DOES THAT EVER WORK FOR HIM? And someone like Reinette? Knowing what she does is bad enough: if she read a single book in his library she could change everything. So could Rose and Mickey, I guess, but one sentence from them does not affect ALL OF FRANCE.
Also, the biggest DOUCHEBAG moment for me is the second time he goes around the fireplace to see Reinette. Not even because he snogged her. It's because he told Rose and Mickey to hang around and wait. OUT OF FUCKING CHARACTER, DOCTOR. Bear in mind that him and Rose are normally like "WEREWOLF? SIGN ME UP", he should be jumping for joy at the chance to show Rose things.
ROSE: So one episode before she was like "UM..." at the Doctor for douchebaggery (failing to mention others is douchey, mainly to the people whose memory he is ignoring) and this episode she's all "well I have no personality so do not really care either way" about Reinette. IDK, it would have been a nice moment for character continuity if we'd had Rose making a point to not fight but finding it hard?
Also, since when is she all "FUCK YEAH MICKEY HAVING A THIRD WHEEL AWKWARD EX AROUND IS AWESOME"?
She is gorg, though. And Rose Tyler + BFG (even if it is an ice gun) = HOT STUFF.
MICKEY: OK, he's not really out of character, I just don't want to leave him out because THE EPISODE PRETTY MUCH DID. Well he's there, but he's pretty unmemorable.
Before we get onto Reinette, I'd like to point out that the Rose-Mickey stuff could have been sorted out by reading the script for School Reunion. Or, if it's not available yet, because Rusty was too busy rewriting most of it/PARTYING IT UP BABY, ring up someone and ask for a quick summary.
REINETTE: If you don't know anything about history, take a few moments to read Madame de Pompadour's wiki page. If you do know history, take a moment to curse me out for using wiki as a source.
All done?
NOW IT'S TIME FOR A POP QUIZ: LIST THE FIFTY MOST EGREGIOUS MISTAKES IN THE WRITING OF REINETTE.
WOMAN WAS A BAMF.
I mean, yes, she was the king's mistress and we ~enlightened~ women can look down on her for that because it makes us feel good. But she basically made the most of a shit job. If she lived in these times, she would be president or something (YEAH, SARKOZY, TAKE THAT). She would not be writing emo LJ posts about her childhood imaginary friend.
The Doctor/Reinette relationship kinda creeps me out too. I can see the Doctor's connection with various one-off characters, like Jabe, Lynda, Mrs Moore, etc... And sometimes I get butthurt over it GETTING IN THE WAY OF MY SHIP OMG. But that's the only reason. The Doctor and Reinette... well, he meets her when she's like, seven. NOT CREEPY AT ALL. Then she jumps into his mind and proclaims him to be ~lonely~ (despite this being, like, the happiest Ten ever is, lol Reinette meeting post-WoM Ten would be great). And... that's their romantic connection? IDEK.
WRITING WOMEN
GUYS GUYS DID YOU KNOW IT'S TOTALLY COOL FOR MEN TO HAVE AFFAIRS BECAUSE ~BOYS WILL BE BOYS~.
Reducing Reinette to "BUT THE DOCTOR..." is just dumb. Making the whole story an echo of the idea that men in multiple relationships is great is douchey. Fashioning the story so Rose is nagging/shrewish (and "sound[s] just like [her] mother") so of course the Doctor cheats puts the cherry on top of the failsundae.
I'm sure there's more, but I have spent enough time on this episode.
SHIPPER BUTTHURT
WHAT OF IT?
Anyone who says this is an invalid reason to dislike something is invalid btw.
HOW ABOUT SOME FIC RECS?
If You Want My Future by thunderemerald (Rose/Ten-ish, PG)
Just a fluffy one-shot taking on Rose and the Doctor post-GitF. There are a gazillion other post-GitF fics, but this one has the Doctor and Rose singing the Spice Girls.
The girl on the horse by orange_crushed (Ten/Rose, PG)
What totally should have happened at the end of the episode (assuming the TARDIS couldn't be used for MYSTERY REASON XYZ).
Le Ruban by the_tenzo (Rose/Reinette, Adult)
What totally should have happened in an AU where Reinette did travel with them.