I can't take it anymore!!!!
I have this really big void in the center of my chest. I really hate the idea of getting attached to someone and then them bailing out on me so I do one of two things:
1 - Bail out first, or
2 - Become attracted to unavailable men who will hurt me and re-educate me in the idea that you can't depend on someone else to make you feel special.
This usually happens every six months where I'll get one or the other, then I'll spend three months alone and this vicious sicale just keeps a cycling through. Well this time I got hit with a triple whammy face plant into depressive boo-hoo lonelyville population ME!!!
We'll name him, Mars. Mars is everything I never wanted in someone. Obnoxiously sweet, really entirely affectionate, cat loving, extra nerdy, feline's power of adorable with funny sounds when you bite his nipple kind of guy. I mean stamp this guy with a vanilla stamp.
He excites me with a look, a kiss gets me dizzy, a touch gives me goosebumps and a few rightly toned words smothers my worst tempers. This guy is like cat-nip to me.
He makes me feel feminine. He knows how to take the lead and to make me fall into step with out the big macho talk. Normally I like to back talk and give say something to get any kind of rise out of the person I'm with... him I just roll my hand across his arm and just a look from him and I just roll over satisfied!
We talked and we both agreed that we liked each other and that there was a very intense fulling relationship...
This was all good until... I started my rag. I have come to the realization that I really... really... really... really do go crazy when my hormones are out of wack.
We had made arrangements to meet up last night for Beltane. He said we would meet up after his class around nine-ish pm. I call him at ten pm, he then calls me back twenty minutes later telling me he was at a bowling alley celebrating his friends birthday and would meet me up at eleven-thirty-ish. Which would have been fine if I hadn't had to be at work at four am. So I was stood-up, neglected and feeling very sorry for myself.
I'm just venting. Sorry, I just didn't want to waste any one's phone minutes venting about something I know is just a occasional inconvenience. I'm just still fuming that I didn't get any on Beltane! I was so upset I went to bed crying in frustration because I'm doing that tartaric practice of... frustration...
gah!
1 - Bail out first, or
2 - Become attracted to unavailable men who will hurt me and re-educate me in the idea that you can't depend on someone else to make you feel special.
This usually happens every six months where I'll get one or the other, then I'll spend three months alone and this vicious sicale just keeps a cycling through. Well this time I got hit with a triple whammy face plant into depressive boo-hoo lonelyville population ME!!!
We'll name him, Mars. Mars is everything I never wanted in someone. Obnoxiously sweet, really entirely affectionate, cat loving, extra nerdy, feline's power of adorable with funny sounds when you bite his nipple kind of guy. I mean stamp this guy with a vanilla stamp.
He excites me with a look, a kiss gets me dizzy, a touch gives me goosebumps and a few rightly toned words smothers my worst tempers. This guy is like cat-nip to me.
He makes me feel feminine. He knows how to take the lead and to make me fall into step with out the big macho talk. Normally I like to back talk and give say something to get any kind of rise out of the person I'm with... him I just roll my hand across his arm and just a look from him and I just roll over satisfied!
We talked and we both agreed that we liked each other and that there was a very intense fulling relationship...
This was all good until... I started my rag. I have come to the realization that I really... really... really... really do go crazy when my hormones are out of wack.
We had made arrangements to meet up last night for Beltane. He said we would meet up after his class around nine-ish pm. I call him at ten pm, he then calls me back twenty minutes later telling me he was at a bowling alley celebrating his friends birthday and would meet me up at eleven-thirty-ish. Which would have been fine if I hadn't had to be at work at four am. So I was stood-up, neglected and feeling very sorry for myself.
I'm just venting. Sorry, I just didn't want to waste any one's phone minutes venting about something I know is just a occasional inconvenience. I'm just still fuming that I didn't get any on Beltane! I was so upset I went to bed crying in frustration because I'm doing that tartaric practice of... frustration...
gah!