(no subject)
i am amazed by the world. by it's smallness; by its hugeness. by the hugeness of even the smallest thing.
i'm amazed at what i get to do, and that i'm surving and even getting someplace in what i do. i'm happy that those friends whom i still talk to are doing well, and those whom i chose not to talk to but hear about are happy. it certainly selfishly relievs my guilt at choosing not to talk to them. as for the choice, i've certainly realized that i'm far more skilled in burning bridges than destroying them. which in the absence of other builder will leave me stranded on my own island. it's something to build, even if my works tend to be rickety and unstable. you can always reinforce and rebuild so long as the otherperson isn't holding the torch. but who do i want to reconnect to? those bridges were burnt, or generally abandoned because i tried in my meager way to keep the ties and ultimately found it not worth it. gone is hopeless love, gone is lingering nothingness, and gone is the meaningless arguments and strife that come from having nothing else to say to one another. i guess i really haven't burned too many bridges, and while i miss their loss, i think things are better this way. i need to learn the materials and code of sound construction, because everything i do happens without plan or intent. well, more specifically, the only times things turn out well is when i have no intent, but that only goes so far...