A Love of Understanding (G)
Title: A Love of Understanding
Author: dvshipper
Rating: G
Warnings/Spoiler: General late season 4
Summary: Dean has questions and Castiel is there to give him the answers.
A/N: Unbeta’d, cause it was just a quicky. The first Supernatural fic I’ve ever done and probably the last. This idea had just been nagging to be written. Merry Christmas, downfall35!!!
The motel room was eerily silent, the lights from the tiny Christmas tree reflecting on the walls and the mirror on the ceiling. There was snow on the ground outside, partially to blame for the quiet. Sam had braved the cold to go get dinner because beer just wasn’t going to cut it in the food department. So in the motionless room, sitting on the bed up against the headboard, it was easy for Dean to close his eyes and just get lost from the world.
Wandering past memories of various different events that had happened in the last couple weeks, Dean settled on contemplating something that had been bugging his curiousity. If humans felt emotions differently, what did Angels feel? Castiel said that he had doubts so they couldn’t just be mindless soldiers. What was it like to go through everything that a soldier of God does? Was there remorse, guilt, for ‘smiting’ entire towns? Love for the people they watched over and protected?
A slight rustle brought Dean out of his thoughts. “Is it so impossible for you to knock?” he asked the Angel now at his side, irritated. In his opinion, it’s just not polite to randomly show up next to someone without as much as a ‘hi’. Then again, Cas wasn’t known for his courteous nature.
“Would you open if I did?” Castiel countered the hunter’s question. The tone of his voice was different today, softer in a way. It was like the words he spoke held some separate meaning, a subtext that Dean had to decipher on the fly.
“Maybe,” Dean responded quietly, not wanting to give away the definite answer that was on the tip of his tongue. “What are you doing here anyway? Got some doom and gloom message to deliver?”
“Not today. But I know that you have some questions, ones that I’m permitted to answer,” Castiel told the man next to him, turning so that he could face him more directly. Dean looked away, clearly not wanting to have the impending conversation. “What is it that you want to ask, Dean?”
“Fine, I wanted to know what you guys feel for emotions, okay?” Dean asked quickly, the words slightly running together. Heat filled his face, embarrassment making him look at Castiel only reluctantly. It wasn’t every day that your internal musings were immediately offered an answer…..by a celestial being….in a trench coat.
“Well, from what I’ve gathered, human emotions are very intense, enhanced by chemical reactions in the physical body. Angels, having no physical bodies, feel things differently. We still love, still regret, still get the mental equivalent of an adrenaline rush, but it’s more detached.” Castiel tilted his head, trying to keep Dean’s eye contact. “Do you understand?”
“I think so…” Dean trailed off, letting Cas know that he was still very confused.
“Take falling in love for example. When a human is around someone they’re romantic with, their heart beats faster, their adrenaline goes up, chemicals fire off in the brain. You feel the physical effects of that love. For one of us, it’s just different. It’s all in the mind. The person’s personality intrigues you, their voice echoes like church bells within you, their smile etches itself into your memory.” Castiel closed his eyes as he told Dean all this, as if remembering something far away. After a long silence, he spoke again. “It’s very, very difficult to describe to someone who’s never experienced it.”
Dean finally held Castiel’s gaze for longer than just a glance. “No, I understand. It’s like your thoughts have been set on fire and all you can think about is them,” Dean told the Angel beside him, his eyes holding within them more than just familiarity. There was a passion there that Cas recognized; an intensity that he knew as uniquely Dean. “I understand.”