Letters To Emily
Title: Letters To Emily
Fandom: Skins/AU
Pairing: Naomi/Emily
Rating: T/Some M
Word Count: 3,558
Part: 17/18
Emily’s POV:
I grip Naomi’s shirt tight in my hands, probably stretching it out but I could give a fuck right now because Jesus I’ve missed her so much. Missed this, kissing her. She should never have left me I think and bite down on her lip hard, tug at it, make her whimper and good. I kiss her fiercely, letting her feel all my anger and the way she just hurt me so bad but Naomi slowly framing my face with her hands, slows the kisses down, pulling away a bit and stroking my cheeks with her long fingers and its just too much. I wrap my arms around her back and hold her close to me, angling my neck up so I can kiss her properly and Naomi sighs into my lips something that sounds like yes. Her fingers move around to slide through my hair, twining her fingers in it and pulling me closer if that’s even possible.
When we finally have to catch our breath, we lean our foreheads against each other and she’s breathing out just as I’m breathing in and I whisper, “It can’t be this easy, Naomi.”
She pulls away slightly and says, “I know, Ems. God, I know, okay? I just, I can’t even imagine not being with you. I am so sorry.”
I feel tears well up in my eyes because if only she’d felt this way a month ago then we wouldn’t be here now. I don’t remind her how much she’s hurt me because I think she knows, “Naomi, its not like I don’t still feel something for you, I think you know I do but…I don’t see how this is going to work, okay?”
Her mouth turns down, “Emily please don’t say that.”
She looks so gutted that I reach out and take her hand, “I’m not being mean, okay? I just, God there’s been so much between us already.”
Naomi squeezes my hand slightly, “That’s why I’m sure this can work. I mean, after everything we’ve been through and I can still feel this much and so can you. That means something, don’t you think?”
She’s right, I know. I mean, if I can still want her so much even after everything she’s put me through… But I shake my head, “Is there a point really? I mean you’ll just be leaving again at the end of the summer.” My voice breaks on the word “leaving” and it comes out sounding entirely too bitter.
Naomi winces but then she reaches for my other hand, “That’s something I wanted to tell you actually. I talked to my mom and she and my grandfather have agreed that I can stay here.”
I pull away a bit, “Naomi, don’t say stuff like that if you don’t mean it.”
Naomi smiles, “I do mean it though. I’ve already enrolled in your college and everything.”
“But…what about London? I mean your life there?”
She shakes her head, “Is no kind of life without you. I’m staying with my grandfather which works out because he still needs someone there to keep an eye on him and I need a place to stay in Bristol.”
“You’ve actually thought about this then?”
“Emily, I’ve thought of nothing else over the past month. Christ, do you know how hard it was not being with you?”
I feel my eyes well up again with tears and I’m just so tired of feeling bad and crying and hoping, “Yeah, actually I do.”
Naomi starts to apologize again, “I’m sor…”
But I interrupt her by placing my finger on her lips, “Stop, alright? I know you’re sorry. I just don’t know what that means for us.”
She kisses my finger lightly and then with a smile says, “Us?”
I sigh, “Naomi I’m not going to say again how bad you hurt me because I think you know but there was never a point where I didn’t wish that you would just come back…I mean there was never a point where I didn’t want you. So if you want to know if there is hope then I’d say that yeah there is but it’s not going to be easy. I might need some time.”
“Time?”
“Yeah, like we need to take it slow…really slow, okay?”
Naomi nods slowly and smiles shyly at me, “Slow can be good, I can do slow. So where does that leave us now, though?”
I smile back at her a little and it feels like the first genuine smile I’ve had in a while, “I think now that means you ask me out on a date.”
Naomi’s POV:
Katie answers the phone with a short, “What?”
I feel a bit awkward now that I’m actually talking to her but I take a deep breath, “Hey, Katie.”
“What do you want, Naomi?”
“Well, I asked your sister out on a date.”
She surprises me by saying, “Yeah, I know she told me.”
“She told you?”
“Yeah, yesterday after you twats walked home all lovey dovey and I fussed at her for running off like that, she told me that you two were going to give it another go.”
I smile at that because Emily hadn’t necessarily said she was going to give us another shot but that we’d “see” how things went. I try to tamp down my happiness so I can get around to what I actually called Katie for, “Okay, so…the sad fact is I’ve never actually been on a date…like a real one.”
Katie lets out a short burst of laughter, “Fuck me, you’re well pathetic aren’t you?”
I roll my eyes, “Yes, Katie, I’m obviously pathetic. Now will you stop being such a twat and help me figure out what to do?”
Katie stops laughing abruptly, “I don’t think this should come from me, you know? Like, figure out something that would make Emily happy and then do that, don’t fucking like call me and ask what you should do for her. Jesus.”
“Yeah, I mean obviously but Christ…I guess I’m just really nervous.”
Katie takes some sort of pity on me because she says, “Yeah…well, Ems likes that park over near our house, okay? She always goes there to like sit and read whatever so…like do something with that.”
“Thanks, Katie.”
I can practically hear her roll her eyes, “Yeah, whatever, just don’t fuck it up, okay?” I wait for the again to come but it doesn’t and I realize Katie isn’t as big a bitch as I might’ve imagined her to be.
With that she hangs up and I look up in the mirror at what has to be the fifth outfit I’ve tried on. I narrow my eyes back at the mirror, “Shit.”
Katie picks up on like the first ring, “Damnit, Naomi, I’m like fucking watching T.V. okay? And if this is about your sodding little date I’ll…”
I interrupt her quickly, “No..I mean, yeah it is but…I need something to wear, all my clothes I have with me are shit.”
Katie snorts, “Babe, I hate to tell you….wait, scratch that. I live to tell you, all your clothes are shit.”
I look dejectedly into my closet; they’re not that bad are they? “So…”
“Christ, I’m never going to finish this programme because obviously we need to go shopping.”
“Shopping?”
“Fuck me, I don’t even know why I bother.”
--
Later-- much later because as it turns out, shopping with Katie is like an all day thing-Katie holds a top up to me and just grunts and puts it back on the rack. I protest, “What was wrong with that one?” Because honestly it would be great if she’d just pick something out.
She darts over to another rack, “Absolutely nothing if you like the hobo look. Which you obviously do, which is why I’m here to rescue you from fashion disaster.”
I glance down at my watch, “Not that I’m not grateful and everything but I’m supposed to pick Emily up in like an hour and a half and I think being on time is gonna mean more than what I’m wearing.”
Katie shoves another top at me and smiles, “Jesus, you really have never been on a date, have you? What you’re wearing is always important.” She steps back and glares at my legs for a second, “This would be much easier if you weren’t so fucking tall.”
I look down at myself, “I’m not that tall.”
She holds a skirt out and looks at it critically, “Yeah, right, it’s like trying to dress the fucking BFG. Except bitchier and with bigger ears.”
She grabs my wrist and pulls me towards the dressing rooms and I ask, “The what?”
With that she stops, “Uh, the Big Friendly Giant? The children’s book?” When she sees I have no bloody clue what she’s talking about she sighs, “Jesus, only one of the best books ever”
I shrug and then look down at what she’s got in her hands, “I’m so not wearing that.”
She grins at me, looking like a shark, “Oh trust me babe, you so are.”
Emily’s POV:
I walk in the house and immediately see Mum sitting on the sofa, watching the telly. I lean against the doorframe and she looks up at me with a sad smile, “Hullo, love. Didn’t expect you home, are you hungry? Do you want me to fix you something?”
I sigh and walk further into the room because it would be so much easier to be mad at her, to hate her for reacting the way she did but I just can’t. I walk over and sit down next to her on the sofa and with the remote, switch off the T.V.
Mum turns and looks at me, “Is everything alright?”
I look down at my hands instead of looking at her, “Well, J.J. broke up with me.”
Immediately she wraps an arm around me, “Oh, Emily. I’m sorry, dear. Are you ok?”
I force myself to look up at her, “Yeah, actually I’m ok with him breaking up with me because I was just lying to myself when I was with him.”
I feel her arm stiffen around my back and she sighs out, “Emily…”
“No, Mum, I’m trying to just talk to you right now, okay? I wasn’t happy with him.”
She gives me a look like I don’t understand anything at all, “Ok, Emily but you’ll find someone else.”
“That’s the thing, Mum, I’ve already found someone else and I think you know that.”
That’s when she takes her arm from around my back and it feels like a rejection even though it shouldn’t.
“Emily, you’re young…confused, you don’t know what you’re doing.”
I feel angry words in the back of my throat and I have to swallow them, I know what I am. I know what I’m not. But I know this must be hard for her, it isn’t what she expected, hell, I didn’t even expect it but now I know it with a certainty that I would stake my life on, “Mom, I’m gay, alright? That thing with Naomi this summer, that wasn’t just a faze or an experiment okay? I’ve liked girls for a long time now but I’ve just been scared to tell you and Dad. Tell anyone really. And I’m sorry for the way you had to find out, springing it on you like that but I won’t be sorry for who I am, what I am.”
When I look over at her, Mum lets out a harsh sob and buries her face in her hands. I feel horrible, making my mum cry like this but I’m not going to back down, not this time.
“Mum, don’t you want me to be happy?”
Her voice is muffled coming from her tears and her hands but she says, “Of course I do, Emily but you don’t know how the world can be.” She raises her head and meets my eyes, “People are going to judge you and hate you. How am I supposed to protect you from that? And God Emily, what about children and a wedding…”
I interrupt her, “Mum, I can still have all that, okay?”
She bites down hard on her bottom lip and I smile a bit because never did I think my mum would remind me of Naomi. “I’m just scared for you, Emily.”
I reach out and take her hand in mine, “I’m not, Mum. Because I have you and I know that no matter what spats we have or how much you may want to pull your hair out because of me, you’ll always be there for me. That’s why the world and judge mental people don’t scare me so bad…because I’ll always have you.”
Mum makes a strangled noise back in her throat and looks at me with tear filled eyes, “I don’t know if I’ll be able to accept this, Emily. But I’m going to try, okay? Christ…I’m going to try.”
It’s not the Kodak moment that they show in films or on telly but for some reason this means more, that she has misgivings but because she loves me she’s going to try. I lean over and kiss her cheek and then wrap my arms around her shoulders and wait for her to wrap her arms around me as well.
Naomi’s POV:
I hesitate a second before reaching forward and ringing the doorbell. I hear the chimes echo inside the house and I reach up to make sure my hair is okay. Christ, I don’t think I’ve ever been this nervous in my entire life.
The door swings open suddenly, surprising me and I jerk back a bit, especially seeing as I’m confronted with Emily’s mum. And…well last time I saw her I was wearing just my knickers and she was throwing me-quite literally-- out of her house.
She purses her lips when she sees me but then smoothes out the frown a bit, “Naomi…”
I gulp, “Hi, Mrs. Fitch.”
To my utter surprise, she nudges the door open a bit more and jerks her head towards the inside of her house. It’s not completely lovely and like sunshine and rainbows but it’s a start. I edge past her, feeling her eyes on me.
“Listen, Naomi. I’m going to try and understand this…for Emily. I apologize for the way I reacted but with the circumstances…”
She trails off a bit embarrassedly and I decide to save her since she is being a bit nicer, “About that Mrs. Fitch, I also apologize, not only for that night because it was disrespectful to betray your trust by dodging the truth and sneaking around but also because of the way I left earlier this summer. You have to know…I, I really care for your daughter and I’m going to try and make it up.”
A ghost of a smile flits across her lips, “If I thought any different you wouldn’t be standing here, inside my house right now.”
I nod slowly, “Yeah I figured.”
She nods back at me and it feels as if we’ve reached a shaky understanding. She then turns and walks upstairs calling, “Emily…Naomi’s here.”
I see Emily come out of her room and when she passes her mum in the hallway she lays a hand on her shoulder and mouths, thanks to her. When she turns to descend the stairs I’m struck by just how gobsmackingly beautiful she is. I mean, she’s just wearing dark trousers and a button up plaid shirt that’s slightly falling open, revealing a white top underneath but Christ…I can practically feel my mouth drop open just seeing her.
Emily’s eyes are smiling by the time she reaches me so I imagine I must look a bit like a silly idiot but I really don’t care because anything to put that look back into Emily’s eyes is worth it a thousand times over.
She moves in close to me and looks me up and down slowly and then lets out a low whistle. I feel my cheeks heat up.
“Your clothes…” She starts and then stops to look again.
So of course I start blathering like an idiot, “Well…Katie picked them out because I didn’t think my clothes were appropriate because when I packed for here I was in a bit of a rush and I haven’t gone to get the rest of my stuff yet and I just thought that I might want to look nice but if you don’t like it we can pop round to mine and I can change, I just…”
Emily pushes her hand against my mouth, effectively stopping me, “You look amazing,” she says simply, like it’s a fact and not so much just a compliment.
I tug down on my skirt which is kind of shorter than I’m used to and it’s black which I don’t usually wear and it matches with the top that Katie picked out and the heels and the tights…I was afraid I’d overdone it but Emily seems to like it.
As we walk out the door something in me clenches at the way Emily casually takes my hand and threads her fingers through mine as we walk away from her house. I give her hand a small squeeze and she looks up at me with a small smile on her face.
“So where are we going,” she asks.
I pull her towards Grandfather Walts car that is parked along the curb, “Sort of a surprise.”
She looks at the car and then back at me, holding back just a bit, “How far away are we going? Because I have to be home…you know, like sometime tonight.”
I roll my eyes and walk over to open her door for her, “Don’t worry, we’re not going far. I’m not planning on kidnapping you or anything.”
She slides past me and into the car, “I probably wouldn’t say no even if you were,” she says with a wink and I have to repeat take it slow, take it slow, take it slow, in my head so that I don’t lean down and snog the hell out of her.
--
I make Emily close her eyes when we reach the park because I don’t want her knowing where we’re going just yet, she obliges with a small smirk on her face. “Stay here,” I say as sternly as I can muster and then hop out of the car, pulling the basket and blanket out of the boot.
Once everything is set up and I walk back to her side of the car to help her get out, I can see that Emily is getting a bit impatient to know what her little surprise is so I reach out, grab her hand, and help her get out of the car.
I put my hands over her eyes and walk behind her. She leans into me, letting me guide her and it makes my heart clench because in some way, some how she still does trust me to keep her safe even though I’ve done exactly the opposite of that in the past.
I uncover her eyes with a flourish and say, “Tada!”
I watch Emily’s face as she looks down at the picnic I brought with us. I know, a picnic at nighttime seems a bit silly and I probably went overboard with the flowers and the wine and lighting a fucking candle but the way that Emily’s cheeks flush a bit and her eyes widen is enough to tell me I did the right thing.
“Naomi this is…” She falters off as if she’s at odds on how to describe this.
I take her hand and pull her so she’s sitting down with me on the blanket, “Look, I know we’re taking it slow so I mean, you can think of this as like a friendly date if you want. Nothing has to happen or anything, I mean…not that I would object but just spending time with you is really all I need actually.”
Emily swallows hard and I’m starting to think that maybe having a romantic picnic doesn’t exactly send out “this is a friendly little date” signals and that maybe we should’ve just gone to a film or something but suddenly Emily reaches forward and grabs the collar of my shirt. She jerks me forward so suddenly I knock over the bottle of wine (but it’s closed anyways) and her lips are on mine before I can even process it. Her hands hold onto my collar as if she needs to hold me close and I want to tell her, I’m not going anywhere but instead I scoot closer and wrap my arms around her back, holding her back just as tightly.
The kisses are short searing ones that burn my lips and make me go completely flushed within only a few minutes. Emily pulls apart for air or maybe because she’s feeling everything I am. I lean my forehead against hers, still swept away, “Christ…If that’s your version of taking it slow…”
She shakes her head against mine, “I know…I know. It’s just…” Then she shrugs like words can’t describe.
I bring my hand up to stroke the side of her face, “Don’t worry, Ems. I know exactly what you mean.”
Fandom: Skins/AU
Pairing: Naomi/Emily
Rating: T/Some M
Word Count: 3,558
Part: 17/18
Emily’s POV:
I grip Naomi’s shirt tight in my hands, probably stretching it out but I could give a fuck right now because Jesus I’ve missed her so much. Missed this, kissing her. She should never have left me I think and bite down on her lip hard, tug at it, make her whimper and good. I kiss her fiercely, letting her feel all my anger and the way she just hurt me so bad but Naomi slowly framing my face with her hands, slows the kisses down, pulling away a bit and stroking my cheeks with her long fingers and its just too much. I wrap my arms around her back and hold her close to me, angling my neck up so I can kiss her properly and Naomi sighs into my lips something that sounds like yes. Her fingers move around to slide through my hair, twining her fingers in it and pulling me closer if that’s even possible.
When we finally have to catch our breath, we lean our foreheads against each other and she’s breathing out just as I’m breathing in and I whisper, “It can’t be this easy, Naomi.”
She pulls away slightly and says, “I know, Ems. God, I know, okay? I just, I can’t even imagine not being with you. I am so sorry.”
I feel tears well up in my eyes because if only she’d felt this way a month ago then we wouldn’t be here now. I don’t remind her how much she’s hurt me because I think she knows, “Naomi, its not like I don’t still feel something for you, I think you know I do but…I don’t see how this is going to work, okay?”
Her mouth turns down, “Emily please don’t say that.”
She looks so gutted that I reach out and take her hand, “I’m not being mean, okay? I just, God there’s been so much between us already.”
Naomi squeezes my hand slightly, “That’s why I’m sure this can work. I mean, after everything we’ve been through and I can still feel this much and so can you. That means something, don’t you think?”
She’s right, I know. I mean, if I can still want her so much even after everything she’s put me through… But I shake my head, “Is there a point really? I mean you’ll just be leaving again at the end of the summer.” My voice breaks on the word “leaving” and it comes out sounding entirely too bitter.
Naomi winces but then she reaches for my other hand, “That’s something I wanted to tell you actually. I talked to my mom and she and my grandfather have agreed that I can stay here.”
I pull away a bit, “Naomi, don’t say stuff like that if you don’t mean it.”
Naomi smiles, “I do mean it though. I’ve already enrolled in your college and everything.”
“But…what about London? I mean your life there?”
She shakes her head, “Is no kind of life without you. I’m staying with my grandfather which works out because he still needs someone there to keep an eye on him and I need a place to stay in Bristol.”
“You’ve actually thought about this then?”
“Emily, I’ve thought of nothing else over the past month. Christ, do you know how hard it was not being with you?”
I feel my eyes well up again with tears and I’m just so tired of feeling bad and crying and hoping, “Yeah, actually I do.”
Naomi starts to apologize again, “I’m sor…”
But I interrupt her by placing my finger on her lips, “Stop, alright? I know you’re sorry. I just don’t know what that means for us.”
She kisses my finger lightly and then with a smile says, “Us?”
I sigh, “Naomi I’m not going to say again how bad you hurt me because I think you know but there was never a point where I didn’t wish that you would just come back…I mean there was never a point where I didn’t want you. So if you want to know if there is hope then I’d say that yeah there is but it’s not going to be easy. I might need some time.”
“Time?”
“Yeah, like we need to take it slow…really slow, okay?”
Naomi nods slowly and smiles shyly at me, “Slow can be good, I can do slow. So where does that leave us now, though?”
I smile back at her a little and it feels like the first genuine smile I’ve had in a while, “I think now that means you ask me out on a date.”
Naomi’s POV:
Katie answers the phone with a short, “What?”
I feel a bit awkward now that I’m actually talking to her but I take a deep breath, “Hey, Katie.”
“What do you want, Naomi?”
“Well, I asked your sister out on a date.”
She surprises me by saying, “Yeah, I know she told me.”
“She told you?”
“Yeah, yesterday after you twats walked home all lovey dovey and I fussed at her for running off like that, she told me that you two were going to give it another go.”
I smile at that because Emily hadn’t necessarily said she was going to give us another shot but that we’d “see” how things went. I try to tamp down my happiness so I can get around to what I actually called Katie for, “Okay, so…the sad fact is I’ve never actually been on a date…like a real one.”
Katie lets out a short burst of laughter, “Fuck me, you’re well pathetic aren’t you?”
I roll my eyes, “Yes, Katie, I’m obviously pathetic. Now will you stop being such a twat and help me figure out what to do?”
Katie stops laughing abruptly, “I don’t think this should come from me, you know? Like, figure out something that would make Emily happy and then do that, don’t fucking like call me and ask what you should do for her. Jesus.”
“Yeah, I mean obviously but Christ…I guess I’m just really nervous.”
Katie takes some sort of pity on me because she says, “Yeah…well, Ems likes that park over near our house, okay? She always goes there to like sit and read whatever so…like do something with that.”
“Thanks, Katie.”
I can practically hear her roll her eyes, “Yeah, whatever, just don’t fuck it up, okay?” I wait for the again to come but it doesn’t and I realize Katie isn’t as big a bitch as I might’ve imagined her to be.
With that she hangs up and I look up in the mirror at what has to be the fifth outfit I’ve tried on. I narrow my eyes back at the mirror, “Shit.”
Katie picks up on like the first ring, “Damnit, Naomi, I’m like fucking watching T.V. okay? And if this is about your sodding little date I’ll…”
I interrupt her quickly, “No..I mean, yeah it is but…I need something to wear, all my clothes I have with me are shit.”
Katie snorts, “Babe, I hate to tell you….wait, scratch that. I live to tell you, all your clothes are shit.”
I look dejectedly into my closet; they’re not that bad are they? “So…”
“Christ, I’m never going to finish this programme because obviously we need to go shopping.”
“Shopping?”
“Fuck me, I don’t even know why I bother.”
--
Later-- much later because as it turns out, shopping with Katie is like an all day thing-Katie holds a top up to me and just grunts and puts it back on the rack. I protest, “What was wrong with that one?” Because honestly it would be great if she’d just pick something out.
She darts over to another rack, “Absolutely nothing if you like the hobo look. Which you obviously do, which is why I’m here to rescue you from fashion disaster.”
I glance down at my watch, “Not that I’m not grateful and everything but I’m supposed to pick Emily up in like an hour and a half and I think being on time is gonna mean more than what I’m wearing.”
Katie shoves another top at me and smiles, “Jesus, you really have never been on a date, have you? What you’re wearing is always important.” She steps back and glares at my legs for a second, “This would be much easier if you weren’t so fucking tall.”
I look down at myself, “I’m not that tall.”
She holds a skirt out and looks at it critically, “Yeah, right, it’s like trying to dress the fucking BFG. Except bitchier and with bigger ears.”
She grabs my wrist and pulls me towards the dressing rooms and I ask, “The what?”
With that she stops, “Uh, the Big Friendly Giant? The children’s book?” When she sees I have no bloody clue what she’s talking about she sighs, “Jesus, only one of the best books ever”
I shrug and then look down at what she’s got in her hands, “I’m so not wearing that.”
She grins at me, looking like a shark, “Oh trust me babe, you so are.”
Emily’s POV:
I walk in the house and immediately see Mum sitting on the sofa, watching the telly. I lean against the doorframe and she looks up at me with a sad smile, “Hullo, love. Didn’t expect you home, are you hungry? Do you want me to fix you something?”
I sigh and walk further into the room because it would be so much easier to be mad at her, to hate her for reacting the way she did but I just can’t. I walk over and sit down next to her on the sofa and with the remote, switch off the T.V.
Mum turns and looks at me, “Is everything alright?”
I look down at my hands instead of looking at her, “Well, J.J. broke up with me.”
Immediately she wraps an arm around me, “Oh, Emily. I’m sorry, dear. Are you ok?”
I force myself to look up at her, “Yeah, actually I’m ok with him breaking up with me because I was just lying to myself when I was with him.”
I feel her arm stiffen around my back and she sighs out, “Emily…”
“No, Mum, I’m trying to just talk to you right now, okay? I wasn’t happy with him.”
She gives me a look like I don’t understand anything at all, “Ok, Emily but you’ll find someone else.”
“That’s the thing, Mum, I’ve already found someone else and I think you know that.”
That’s when she takes her arm from around my back and it feels like a rejection even though it shouldn’t.
“Emily, you’re young…confused, you don’t know what you’re doing.”
I feel angry words in the back of my throat and I have to swallow them, I know what I am. I know what I’m not. But I know this must be hard for her, it isn’t what she expected, hell, I didn’t even expect it but now I know it with a certainty that I would stake my life on, “Mom, I’m gay, alright? That thing with Naomi this summer, that wasn’t just a faze or an experiment okay? I’ve liked girls for a long time now but I’ve just been scared to tell you and Dad. Tell anyone really. And I’m sorry for the way you had to find out, springing it on you like that but I won’t be sorry for who I am, what I am.”
When I look over at her, Mum lets out a harsh sob and buries her face in her hands. I feel horrible, making my mum cry like this but I’m not going to back down, not this time.
“Mum, don’t you want me to be happy?”
Her voice is muffled coming from her tears and her hands but she says, “Of course I do, Emily but you don’t know how the world can be.” She raises her head and meets my eyes, “People are going to judge you and hate you. How am I supposed to protect you from that? And God Emily, what about children and a wedding…”
I interrupt her, “Mum, I can still have all that, okay?”
She bites down hard on her bottom lip and I smile a bit because never did I think my mum would remind me of Naomi. “I’m just scared for you, Emily.”
I reach out and take her hand in mine, “I’m not, Mum. Because I have you and I know that no matter what spats we have or how much you may want to pull your hair out because of me, you’ll always be there for me. That’s why the world and judge mental people don’t scare me so bad…because I’ll always have you.”
Mum makes a strangled noise back in her throat and looks at me with tear filled eyes, “I don’t know if I’ll be able to accept this, Emily. But I’m going to try, okay? Christ…I’m going to try.”
It’s not the Kodak moment that they show in films or on telly but for some reason this means more, that she has misgivings but because she loves me she’s going to try. I lean over and kiss her cheek and then wrap my arms around her shoulders and wait for her to wrap her arms around me as well.
Naomi’s POV:
I hesitate a second before reaching forward and ringing the doorbell. I hear the chimes echo inside the house and I reach up to make sure my hair is okay. Christ, I don’t think I’ve ever been this nervous in my entire life.
The door swings open suddenly, surprising me and I jerk back a bit, especially seeing as I’m confronted with Emily’s mum. And…well last time I saw her I was wearing just my knickers and she was throwing me-quite literally-- out of her house.
She purses her lips when she sees me but then smoothes out the frown a bit, “Naomi…”
I gulp, “Hi, Mrs. Fitch.”
To my utter surprise, she nudges the door open a bit more and jerks her head towards the inside of her house. It’s not completely lovely and like sunshine and rainbows but it’s a start. I edge past her, feeling her eyes on me.
“Listen, Naomi. I’m going to try and understand this…for Emily. I apologize for the way I reacted but with the circumstances…”
She trails off a bit embarrassedly and I decide to save her since she is being a bit nicer, “About that Mrs. Fitch, I also apologize, not only for that night because it was disrespectful to betray your trust by dodging the truth and sneaking around but also because of the way I left earlier this summer. You have to know…I, I really care for your daughter and I’m going to try and make it up.”
A ghost of a smile flits across her lips, “If I thought any different you wouldn’t be standing here, inside my house right now.”
I nod slowly, “Yeah I figured.”
She nods back at me and it feels as if we’ve reached a shaky understanding. She then turns and walks upstairs calling, “Emily…Naomi’s here.”
I see Emily come out of her room and when she passes her mum in the hallway she lays a hand on her shoulder and mouths, thanks to her. When she turns to descend the stairs I’m struck by just how gobsmackingly beautiful she is. I mean, she’s just wearing dark trousers and a button up plaid shirt that’s slightly falling open, revealing a white top underneath but Christ…I can practically feel my mouth drop open just seeing her.
Emily’s eyes are smiling by the time she reaches me so I imagine I must look a bit like a silly idiot but I really don’t care because anything to put that look back into Emily’s eyes is worth it a thousand times over.
She moves in close to me and looks me up and down slowly and then lets out a low whistle. I feel my cheeks heat up.
“Your clothes…” She starts and then stops to look again.
So of course I start blathering like an idiot, “Well…Katie picked them out because I didn’t think my clothes were appropriate because when I packed for here I was in a bit of a rush and I haven’t gone to get the rest of my stuff yet and I just thought that I might want to look nice but if you don’t like it we can pop round to mine and I can change, I just…”
Emily pushes her hand against my mouth, effectively stopping me, “You look amazing,” she says simply, like it’s a fact and not so much just a compliment.
I tug down on my skirt which is kind of shorter than I’m used to and it’s black which I don’t usually wear and it matches with the top that Katie picked out and the heels and the tights…I was afraid I’d overdone it but Emily seems to like it.
As we walk out the door something in me clenches at the way Emily casually takes my hand and threads her fingers through mine as we walk away from her house. I give her hand a small squeeze and she looks up at me with a small smile on her face.
“So where are we going,” she asks.
I pull her towards Grandfather Walts car that is parked along the curb, “Sort of a surprise.”
She looks at the car and then back at me, holding back just a bit, “How far away are we going? Because I have to be home…you know, like sometime tonight.”
I roll my eyes and walk over to open her door for her, “Don’t worry, we’re not going far. I’m not planning on kidnapping you or anything.”
She slides past me and into the car, “I probably wouldn’t say no even if you were,” she says with a wink and I have to repeat take it slow, take it slow, take it slow, in my head so that I don’t lean down and snog the hell out of her.
--
I make Emily close her eyes when we reach the park because I don’t want her knowing where we’re going just yet, she obliges with a small smirk on her face. “Stay here,” I say as sternly as I can muster and then hop out of the car, pulling the basket and blanket out of the boot.
Once everything is set up and I walk back to her side of the car to help her get out, I can see that Emily is getting a bit impatient to know what her little surprise is so I reach out, grab her hand, and help her get out of the car.
I put my hands over her eyes and walk behind her. She leans into me, letting me guide her and it makes my heart clench because in some way, some how she still does trust me to keep her safe even though I’ve done exactly the opposite of that in the past.
I uncover her eyes with a flourish and say, “Tada!”
I watch Emily’s face as she looks down at the picnic I brought with us. I know, a picnic at nighttime seems a bit silly and I probably went overboard with the flowers and the wine and lighting a fucking candle but the way that Emily’s cheeks flush a bit and her eyes widen is enough to tell me I did the right thing.
“Naomi this is…” She falters off as if she’s at odds on how to describe this.
I take her hand and pull her so she’s sitting down with me on the blanket, “Look, I know we’re taking it slow so I mean, you can think of this as like a friendly date if you want. Nothing has to happen or anything, I mean…not that I would object but just spending time with you is really all I need actually.”
Emily swallows hard and I’m starting to think that maybe having a romantic picnic doesn’t exactly send out “this is a friendly little date” signals and that maybe we should’ve just gone to a film or something but suddenly Emily reaches forward and grabs the collar of my shirt. She jerks me forward so suddenly I knock over the bottle of wine (but it’s closed anyways) and her lips are on mine before I can even process it. Her hands hold onto my collar as if she needs to hold me close and I want to tell her, I’m not going anywhere but instead I scoot closer and wrap my arms around her back, holding her back just as tightly.
The kisses are short searing ones that burn my lips and make me go completely flushed within only a few minutes. Emily pulls apart for air or maybe because she’s feeling everything I am. I lean my forehead against hers, still swept away, “Christ…If that’s your version of taking it slow…”
She shakes her head against mine, “I know…I know. It’s just…” Then she shrugs like words can’t describe.
I bring my hand up to stroke the side of her face, “Don’t worry, Ems. I know exactly what you mean.”