(no subject)
You will never know what's going through my head nor would you know the pain that i'm going through. Why are you so afraid of loving me? It's obvious that you have feelings for me because of those magical night we spent with each other, you were feeling me and I was feeling you. Remember the first time we kissed??? You said that you felt something... you felt my tension, you felt intensity, you felt something that I could not imagine one can feel through a simple kiss. What did you feel when I look deep into your eyes? what was going through your head as our lips touch, as your tongue enters my mouth, as I hold you in my arms... was it all just for fun? did it mean anything to you? I cannot fathom the idea of what went between us was meaningless to you... maybe I'm just a hopeless romantic, maybe i'm being naive, maybe I should have just taken it for what it was... But I just can't. I'm not that kind of person. But you would not answer me any of these question. However, you instead answer me the one question that I was dreading to hear. Maybe you're just that kind of person. With the answer you've given me, i can't help but think that way. I know you're alot more than what I'm forcing myself to think you are... but like I said, what else could I think... maybe I'm doing this to protect myself, which is an immature thing to do. What is the mature thing to do in this situation? am I suppose to just let it go? am I suppose to just forget about what happened, forget about the last 5 or 6 months of my life? I can't. I've changed b/c of you... not entirely because of you, but you've helped me change. I like who I've become... this new person is what's holding myself together... because I know the "old" me would be freaking out, going through deep depression, or something more extreme right about now.
I know alot about me concerned you. Just the age alone is a big issue with you. I'm 24, yes. ANd you are in a different level. Now there's one thing that I will agree with you. You're right. I am not ready to be in a relationship.I still have some more things that I need to "fix" about me and i know that. Maybe that's why things aren't so difficult to comprehend. I know my flaws and I've always said you deserve nothing less but perfection. Noone else but the people who knows you that well will ever understand that. Sometimes I hate understanding people... I just wish I could act on impulse... but I know I would not be me if I did that... and i know I would not be moving forward but rather backward if I did that. all in all, I know things happen for a reason... I might end up with you... i might find someone else... or Somewhere down the road I could be the other diamond you're looking for... but whatever it is, I know that I'll be able to handle the future.
I know alot about me concerned you. Just the age alone is a big issue with you. I'm 24, yes. ANd you are in a different level. Now there's one thing that I will agree with you. You're right. I am not ready to be in a relationship.I still have some more things that I need to "fix" about me and i know that. Maybe that's why things aren't so difficult to comprehend. I know my flaws and I've always said you deserve nothing less but perfection. Noone else but the people who knows you that well will ever understand that. Sometimes I hate understanding people... I just wish I could act on impulse... but I know I would not be me if I did that... and i know I would not be moving forward but rather backward if I did that. all in all, I know things happen for a reason... I might end up with you... i might find someone else... or Somewhere down the road I could be the other diamond you're looking for... but whatever it is, I know that I'll be able to handle the future.