40
To my Brittany on your birthday
You should be 40
What a downward spiral the world is still in
But I've been spending more time on the sea
I see you in every bird
Soaring through the sky
I see you through the water
I am still asking why
Why you aren't here
Why it has to be this way
Would it have made a difference in the world
If you had actually stayed
I like to think it would have made the difference
I like to think somehow you could've saved us
I like to think you'd still shine magnificence
Climbing up through a light like in the magic school bus
I think about your family often
I wonder what they're doing
I wonder if they think about you like I do
If they'd be supportive or just be booing
Today I saw a rainbow
When I looked to the sky
I swear I felt you with me
But I might've just been high
I have a video of you laughing
I listen to it on repeat
I think about when you were Helga
And telling people to go eat a bagel on the street
Today would've been your birthday
What I would give just to see
More than the unspoken, unheard and unfettered
Accomplishments of if you had turned 40.