okay back again....
So, as the usual college student, i use my time alone to think about my life and everything i have done with it. You know, the usual "who am i?", "am i doing what is best for me?", "why am i here?" kind of questions. I haven't really been able to come up with much because at night i have a tendency to just stare out my window for hours just looking at the stars and the horizon... (i'm very infatuated with landscape and the like, mind you) Along with all those questions, i also come around to the whole guy situation. Well some of you who don't know me personally may not know my past.. which i guess is a good thing, butthose that do, know that guys have a tendency to mess with my head, or that i let them. Well recently i started to doubt myself meaning trying to find everything wrong with me and try to fix it. I mean obviously my weight was one issue but it never truly bothered me until i got to collegeand i didn't have as much access to healthy food as normal because all i had was a microwave and a cafeteria that serves food that by definition sucks. But now that i tihink about it, i never really saw myself as fat until someone recently called herself the goodyearblimp and she knows who she is.. lol. But up until i heard that i started thinking more of how i appear to people and i want to apologize to everyone who has ever had to experience my not so awake form. Well, i've had to go through numerous fights with my mother about clothes and when she tells me that something doesn't look right, i start to get all self-conscious and those are the days that i end up staying home becuase i don'twant anyone to see me. I start to wonder what people think about how i got the friends i did, looking the way i do. Because all my boys are VERY good looking and they are the best friends a girl could have because they became the world to me and vice versa. But i realized i never really let my size get in the way of my attitude... that is of course, until someone brings it up for me, which in a girl's world is the worst insult someone could tell you because females worry more about what they look like to others, and i hate it when i get like that because then i get all emotional and defensive. I tend to become mommy in some instances because i worry more for them and whatthey do or how they act in public so as not to make fools of themselves, which they do very well, lol, especially our little benji who has a tendency to talk nonstop about sex or adding it into conversation... that noy will NEVER grow up, but you gotta give the kid effort for trying.
I guess after everything is said and done, the whole reason i'm thinking about this now is that i'm actually trying to change myself and my ways because i want more from life.
I always wonder how the other half lives and how htings would be different. This time, by "the other half" i mean the girls who are naturally beautiful, not those bleached blonde messes that have a record of tanning themselves crispy. Would college have been different if i was one of those beautiful people? would i have completely different friends? would i be a whore? <-- lol, had to add that one becuase some of the girls here are just raunchy to the tenth power! but honestly, I can't be all that bad because i've gotten guys in the past... some of know what happened with a few of those guys... no comment
but yeah... i forgot what my reason for typing this was because it is now 11:26 am and i have a two hour interval that i haven't touched this becuase i keep getting calls from computer-iliterate people, here's one now
well that's fun. only took a minute this time.... honestly, some people.. i don't get how they were admitted to college, you'd think by now someone would know how to use a computer, especially since is the main communicator these days.
I'm sorry, thanks to my job i was turned into a computer geek, but that's okay because my experience will help in the future becuase even though this is a very cushion-y job, i still gained knowledge from it and i can move around in the computer and learn more.
But i think i can stop there for now.... for my readers out there, if you have some thoughts about me you can leave them, but if they aren't good, i WILL delete them but i will take them into thought.
I guess after everything is said and done, the whole reason i'm thinking about this now is that i'm actually trying to change myself and my ways because i want more from life.
I always wonder how the other half lives and how htings would be different. This time, by "the other half" i mean the girls who are naturally beautiful, not those bleached blonde messes that have a record of tanning themselves crispy. Would college have been different if i was one of those beautiful people? would i have completely different friends? would i be a whore? <-- lol, had to add that one becuase some of the girls here are just raunchy to the tenth power! but honestly, I can't be all that bad because i've gotten guys in the past... some of know what happened with a few of those guys... no comment
but yeah... i forgot what my reason for typing this was because it is now 11:26 am and i have a two hour interval that i haven't touched this becuase i keep getting calls from computer-iliterate people, here's one now
well that's fun. only took a minute this time.... honestly, some people.. i don't get how they were admitted to college, you'd think by now someone would know how to use a computer, especially since is the main communicator these days.
I'm sorry, thanks to my job i was turned into a computer geek, but that's okay because my experience will help in the future becuase even though this is a very cushion-y job, i still gained knowledge from it and i can move around in the computer and learn more.
But i think i can stop there for now.... for my readers out there, if you have some thoughts about me you can leave them, but if they aren't good, i WILL delete them but i will take them into thought.