So, i'm not sure anymore...
New semester just started and i have been content with life, well ascontent as i can get. After all, my mom basically ripped me apart when she said what she did on New Years to me... how could she?? She's my mother and the only person in my life that has ever shown me unconditional love.. but now, she wont even hug me the way she used to.. the way i've wanted her to for years. She was the one person i could tell everything, well almost everything to. And now, we can barely talk... i don't know if this is just another phase for us, but the closest thing i've had for love in my life was my relationship with my mom. And now, i have nothing... i mean, of course i have friends, but sometimes that's just not enough.. not enough when you want to be held and never let go. Squeezed so tight it hurts. I know it sounds weird, but we were close.. now we can't even stand to be around each other, so that makes life just a little bit more difficult.
Classes seem okay, i only have 4 classes but come up to 16 credits for the semester.. let's hope i can pull this one off because i've already made a come back and now i just have to rise above the doubts of my success. I don't know what else to say to those people other than, i will make it, i will be someone. I will do it on my own if i have to. Everything that tries to hold me back can only make me stronger because i'm still fucking here!!! \
But, to my dismay, the guy i haven't been able to get out of my mind since the day i met him, has someone else and i know her and she's a great person, so i definitely can't compete with that.. not that i have a chance in hell, but it's nice to hope, i guess... i don't know, i don't want a relationship because i know where to find one if i really want a guy, but i just dont. I want THAT guy, can't have him, that's okay... its just nice because i can talk to him about anything and he does the same. I mean, on campus when it comes to living here.. i feel like such a loner... i have friends here and there, but no real good, close relationships with anyone.. no one that lives around here that is. I don't know.. maybe that's a hint that i should go somewhere else... not because i have to find myself, but because i need to learn how to handle myself in new worlds outside of SE WI.. I need to get out of here that's for sure
Classes seem okay, i only have 4 classes but come up to 16 credits for the semester.. let's hope i can pull this one off because i've already made a come back and now i just have to rise above the doubts of my success. I don't know what else to say to those people other than, i will make it, i will be someone. I will do it on my own if i have to. Everything that tries to hold me back can only make me stronger because i'm still fucking here!!! \
But, to my dismay, the guy i haven't been able to get out of my mind since the day i met him, has someone else and i know her and she's a great person, so i definitely can't compete with that.. not that i have a chance in hell, but it's nice to hope, i guess... i don't know, i don't want a relationship because i know where to find one if i really want a guy, but i just dont. I want THAT guy, can't have him, that's okay... its just nice because i can talk to him about anything and he does the same. I mean, on campus when it comes to living here.. i feel like such a loner... i have friends here and there, but no real good, close relationships with anyone.. no one that lives around here that is. I don't know.. maybe that's a hint that i should go somewhere else... not because i have to find myself, but because i need to learn how to handle myself in new worlds outside of SE WI.. I need to get out of here that's for sure