My coming changes
So.. it's been a while for me again and it's 12:45am right now. I should be sleeping or doing homework or preparing for my interview tomorrow, but i'm not, i'm on here. Once again, i let my mind get the best of me. When i want someone and they know it, things get weird. I think i do something to drive people away, guys especially. In specific, guys that i would like to date. I don't know what i do, but whatever it is, I need to figure it out soon. Because sad part is, he's the perfect guy and i don't mean for just anyone, but perfect for me. I'm not sad at all, it just sucks because i let another person slip right through my hands. I thought for a while there "well at least he's a friend".. but now i don't even get a response from him. I think i just need to back off and not look for anything until after i move. That's right! I said i'm moving.. right after graduation from UWM, i'm going out to San Fran for grad school and hopefully find a place to call home. I've had enough Wisconsin Winters for my life, so only a few more years and i will get to enjoy the life of a beach bunny.. not only that, my career would prosper more out there anyways. I think i just need to go away and for the people who would actually miss me could come out and visit me or come with me if its that big of a problem.. but i doubt that'll happen... everyone else has too many roots out here... me? not so much. I got some good friends and a family.. that's all someone could need, but i still feel the need to go away and start a new life. I mean, what kind of fool am i to go to college only 20-25 minutes away from my home town. I should have just gone away to school. I must be afraid of something.. maybe i fear that my friends wouldn't visit me because they pretty much fail at that even though i live so close. I'm not afraid to go away because i've done it before with maybe a few tears.. but i cried more coming back than leaving. I mean, yeah, i have some great friends that i don't know what i would do without but knowing some of them... it's probably not reciprocal. I honestly don't know what i do, but whatever it is or was can't be good. Things need to change and i know i've said this before, but i'm finally learning to take action. If i want to be worth someone's time, i gotta look more presentable. So that means, no more acne, no more excess weight, no more anything bad about me. I love who i am, but i hate how i look... i feel worse when i am reminded of how i look. I can't expect to land a decent guy looking this way, so something needs to be done about it! If I don't want to look this way, then I have to do this for myself, no one else. I'm already doing better for college and I already have the best friends anyone could ask for, I already have a great family that will and have done anything for me, I just need to appear better because everyone else deserves that. This is what i get for sitting in my dorm room at 1am and thinking. Whatever effect it will have on me, just wish me luck, because changing my look after 15 years of looking this way, will be a long process, but it must be done. Well i thought i should write somehting because it has been a very long time, but that's what you guys get :-p